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>> "A Super Cool Way to Kill Yourself" <<
by -> Sighrik
(The Sandley Family Special -- Part 3!)
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Okay... so there you are, wallowing in your puddle of angst -- and
you're tired of it. I've got good news for you though -- there's finally a
way out.
I was talking to a biology-minded friend the other night, and, during
the course of the conversation, it was revealed to me that there are blood
vessels (arteries & veins!@!) in the tongue.
What does this have to do with you? Here's what you can do: Go kill
yourself.
You'll need:
(a) your tongue.
(b) a drinking fountain.
(c) a sharp knife.
That's it. Ready?
Go to the drinking fountain. Pretend that you're getting a drink of
water, that way no one will realize that you're going to kill yourself.
Now, and this is the important part, cut your tongue off with the sharp
knife.
ANOTHER VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Make sure you keep the bloody stump
continuously immersed under water -- if you don't, it will start to clot,
and you won't die.
Remember, don't be obvious. If someone guesses you're trying to kill
yourself, they might try to stop you. That isn't what we want.
And, just in case you can't pull it off, don't let it get you down.
Something good did come out of it: we can't listen to your damn fool
angst-ridden complaining anymore, you stupid fucking tongueless dipshit.
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* (c) HoE publications. HoE #185 -- written by Sighrik -- 1/13/98 *