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THE Electronic Fun Zone dedicated to fertilizing Mother Earth
in the finest possible tradition. Serving Mother since the 1950s.
Issue 010, Vol II #01
April 1989
copyright (c) 1989
caren park
chief bottle washer, owner, publisher, editor, other stuff
all rights reserved, and all that legal rigamarole
============================================================================
A very few words:::
Sorry that I've been away from writing for so long (last issue was
september 88), but spending a lot of time away from home can sometimes do
that to a person... As it is, I was out bowling for a living... They liked
me so much they asked I never return... :)
Be that as it may, The Humus Report is still alive and in no
apparent danger of going down permanently unless I die or the world turns
humourless for months on end... While General Bush and his trusty sidekick,
"Pancho" Quayle deal marked cards to the world at large, I'll be out there
reporting on it all, the bizarre, the unusual, the words straight from the
horse's (pick an end, any end)... Who knows? Some of it might even be
true... :)
We can thank Tom McBride for his link to UseNet, Xerox and Motorola,
Little Miss Muffet, aome Virgin women, Yakov Smirnoff, a few presidents, a
cast of tens, and a special thanx to VP Quayle for making it exceptionally
easy to find good fertilizings...
So, without further adieu, on with the show...
============================================================================
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here..."
============================================================================
Fun with documentation
Just remove a few words, and suddenly a sample from this hardware
manual is a lot more fun to read:
"There are two ways to ___ _____, rear entry and bottom entry. Rear
entry is the preferred method, because bottom entry does not permit reverse
_____ ____s, which may be required for certain operations. Bottom feed
should be used for heavy forms."
"If you've had experience with other ______s, you will be pleasantly
surprised at the stability of the ______ ______ feature, and you'll be
delighted with the consistent positioning of the ____ on your ___"
-----
Mixed Language Programming
We have strayed from our punched-card heritage, which gives us all
the solutions we need. Mixing languages is trivial if we simply go back to
our roots, and use columns 78-80 of each card to specify which language to
compile code in.
//EXEC DD * JCL
10 i < do 4TH
{ C
while (--i < (int) *++a[ --j + xyz->++q]) C
PERFORM ADD_ONE_TO_INPUT_RECORD COB
@ 04, 40 say "enter two numbers" DB3
DO 10 J = I, 2, 100 FOR
exception when INPUT_ERROR => ADA
PRINT "input" BAS
end ADA
10 CONTINUE FOR
} C
-----
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality
comes from morons?
- Question from audience during a recent Dr Science appearance -
============================================================================
Looking at my watch, I noticed that it was "Sick Joke Time!" If any
of you have contributions you can make to "Sick Joke Time," please send them
along... See the end of the newsletter for more details...
-----
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his
mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed
extra hard tonight, he'd be able to see when he woke up the next morning.
The next morning she came into Herbie's room to make sure he'd
prayed hard the night before. "Well then, open your eyes and you'll know
that your prayers have been answered."
Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, "Mother! Mother! I
still can't see!"
"I know, dear," said his mother. "April Fool!"
-----
There was a high school football player who was the best ever. The
problem was that he was also the most stupid ever. All the colleges wanted
him but knew that he couldn't pass the entrance exams. One coach made a
deal with his administration: if the kid could pass one exam, he could play
football for four years and not even have to attend classes.
The coach made a special test for the stupid kid and called him in
to take the test. He emphasized the importantance of passing the test.
Coach: If you want to play football you must pass this test. It
only has three questions and isn't hard. First question:
How many days of the week begin with the letter T?
Kid: Two. Today and Tomorrow.
Coach, rolling his eyes: OK, you got the number right. Second
question: How many seconds in a year?
Kid: Twelve. The second of January, the second of February, etc.
Coach: OK, I guess I can accept that. Last question, it is really
easy: How many D's in Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Kid, after much thought: 128.
Coach: 128? How did you get that?
Kid, humming to the tune of "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer": D D D
D D D D D D D D D D D ....
-----
Two nuns went to the zoo one day. They walked around and saw a lot
of different animals, but ended up spending most of their day watching the
giant male gorilla. Suddenly, without warning, the gorilla reached through
the bars and dragged one of the nuns into the cage and began brutally raping
her repeatedly. By the time the zoo personnel were able to tranquilize the
beast, it had savaged the poor nun for nearly an hour.
While the nun who had been raped recovered in a hospital, nearly a
week went by until her friend went to visit her, for she felt extremely
guilty that her friend had been so savagely brutalized and she had escaped
unscathed.
Finally, she stood by her beside, holding her hand. From the bed,
her friend looked at her bravely.
She said, "Sister, are you in much pain?"
The other nun nodded. "He hasn't called or written..."
-----
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whatever.
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
And said, "What da fuck ya got in the bowl, bitch?"
============================================================================
It's hard to believe that there are computer people in this world
who are actually mortally afraid to touch a computer for fear that something
dire might happen. As a computer consultant myself, I cannot for the life
of me figure out why someone might think such a thing...
Of course, it's always most fun when it happens to those that SHOULD
know better... And therein lies our next piece...
-----
From: bee@arthur.cs.purdue.edu
Subject: Viruses and System Security (a story)
Date: 20 Dec 88 00:30:03 GMT
The following story was posted in news.sysadmin recently. The more
things change, the more they stay the same...
Back in the mid-1970s, several of the system support staff at
Motorola (I believe it was) discovered a relatively simple way to crack
system security on the Xerox CP-V timesharing system (or it may have been
CP-V's predecessor UTS). Through a simple programming strategy, it was
possible for a user program to trick the system into running a portion of
the program in "master mode" (supervisor state), in which memory protection
does not apply. The program could then poke a large value into its
"privilege level" byte (normally write-protected) and could then proceed to
bypass all levels of security within the file-management system, patch the
system monitor, and do numerous other interesting things. In short, the
barn door was wide open.
Motorola quite properly reported this problem to XEROX via an
official "level 1 SIDR" (a bug report with a perceived urgency of "needs to
be fixed yesterday"). Because the text of each SIDR was entered into a
database that could be viewed by quite a number of people, Motorola followed
the approved procedure: they simply reported the problem as "Security
SIDR", and attached all of the necessary documentation, ways-to-reproduce,
etc, separately.
Xerox apparently sat on the problem; They either didn't acknowledge
the severity of the problem, or didn't assign the necessary operating-
system-staff resources to develop and distribute an official patch.
Time passed (months, as I recall). The Motorola guys pestered their
Xerox field-support rep to no avail. Finally they decided to take Direct
Action, to demonstrate to Xerox management just how easily the system could
be cracked, and just how thoroughly the system security systems could be
subverted.
They dug around through the operating-system listings, and devised a
thoroughly devilish set of patches. These patches were then incorporated
into a pair of programs called Robin Hood and Friar Tuck. Robin Hood and
Friar Tuck were designed to run as "ghost jobs" (daemons, in Unix
terminology); they would use the existing loophole to subvert system
security, install the necessary patches, and then keep an eye on one
another's statuses in order to keep the system operator (in effect, the
superuser) from aborting them.
So, one day, the system operator on the main CP-V software-
development system in El Segundo was surprised by a number of unusual
phenomena. These included the following (as I recall; it's been a while
since I heard the story):
- Tape drives would rewind and dismount their tapes in the middle of
a job
- Disk drives would seek back and forth so rapidly that they'd
attempt to walk across the floor
- The card-punch output device would occasionally start up of itself
and punch a "lace card" (every hole punched). These would
usually jam in the punch
- The console would print snide and insulting messages from Robin
Hood to Friar Tuck, or vice versa
- The Xerox card reader had two output stackers; it could be
instructed to stack into A, stack into B, or stack into A
unless a card was unreadable, in which case the bad card was
placed into stacker B. One of the patches installed by the
ghosts added some code to the card-reader driver. After
reading a card, it would flip over to the opposite stacker.
As a result, card decks would divide themselves in half when
they were read, leaving the operator to recollate them
manually
I believe that there were some other effects produced, as well.
Naturally, the operator called in the operating-system developers. They found the bandit ghost jobs running, and X'ed them... and were once again surprised. When Robin Hood was X'ed, the following sequence of events took place:
!X id1
id1: Friar Tuck... I am under attack! Pray save me! (Robin Hood)
id1: Off (aborted)
id2: Fear not, friend Robin! I shall rout the Sheriff of
Nottingham's men!
id3: Thank you, my good fellow! (Robin)
Each ghost-job would detect the fact that the other had been killed,
and would start a new copy of the recently-slain program within a few
milliseconds. The only way to kill both ghosts was to kill them
simultaneously (very difficult) or to deliberately crash the system.
Finally, the system programmers did the latter, only to find that
the bandits appeared once again when the system rebooted! It turned out
that these two programs had patched the boot-time image (the /vmunix file,
in Unix terms) and had added themselves to the list of programs that were to
be started at boot time.
The Robin Hood and Friar Tuck ghosts were finally eradicated when
the system staff rebooted the system from a clean boot-tape and reinstalled
the monitor. Not long thereafter, Xerox released a patch for this problem.
I believe that Xerox filed a complaint with Motorola's management
about the merry-prankster actions of the two employees in question. To the
best of my knowledge, no serious disciplinary action was taken against
either of these guys.
Several years later, both of the perpetrators were hired by
Honeywell, which had purchased the rights to CP-V after Xerox pulled out of
the mainframe business. Both of them made serious and substantial
contributions to the Honeywell CP-6 operating system development effort.
Robin Hood (Dan Holle) did much of the development of the PL-6 system-
programming language compiler; Friar Tuck (John Gabler) was one of the
chief communications-software gurus for several years. They're both alive
and well, and living in LA (Dan) and Orange County (John). Both are among
the more brilliant people I've had the pleasure of working with.
- Dave Platt (Coherent Thought Inc, 3350 West Bayshore #205 Palo
Alto CA 94303 -
-----
Laughing at you is like drop-kicking a wounded hummingbird
============================================================================
I know how hard it can be to lose weight... I've been doing it for
years, and every once in a while it stays off for weeks on end... One could
wish for the next author's luck and then to Weight Watchers for a year or
ten to lose it all again, but that, prayhaps, is out of the question...
If wishes were horses... :)
-----
FOODPORN: Pornography for dieters
Dear Editors,
I read your fine magazine eagerly each month, and one of my favorite
features is the letters you receive from your readers. I always enjoy
hearing about their exploits, but until now I never thought anything like
that could ever happen to me. However all that changed last Friday night,
when I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life, and felt I
just had to write and share it with everyone.
It was about 10:30 PM and I was sitting in my dorm room going over
some boring math homework that I really didn't feel like doing. Normally
there is plenty to do on Friday nights at my college, but it was the first
day of spring break and the campus was practically deserted. Since I
couldn't afford to go to Florida with my buddies, I was forced to spend the
vacation on campus by myself. I was fully expecting a rather dull week of
nothing but studying and watching TV.
Anyway, I was concentrating on my math book when suddenly I heard a
loud bang and a screech coming from outside. I rushed to the window to see
what had happened. On the street below I saw a white minivan with the words
"Carlo's Italian Restaurant" on the side. The van pulled slowly to the side
of the road, obviously suffering from a tire blowout. Relieved at an excuse
to break up the monotony of my studying, I decided to go outside and see if
I could be of any help.
As I approached the van I could see the driver, an overweight,
brown-haired woman who introduced herself as Gail. We both examined the
flat tire and I asked Gail where she was heading. She said she was supposed
to deliver an order of Italian food to a party, some rich eccentrics who
lived in the upper part of town, she said. But the party had been cancelled
at the last minute and she was returning with their order. She said she
didn't think there was a spare tire in the van but I suggested that we take
a look anyway.
We went around to the back of the van and Gail opened the rear
doors. A warm rush of steam came from inside, carrying the rich scent of
fresh tomato sauce and Italian bread. In the cargo area were trays and
trays of lasagna, meatballs, and pork smothered in sauce. A stack of pizza
boxes lay to one side, and I could see what looked like a case of beer
towards the back. Never in my wildest fantasies had I seen anything like
the banquet that lay before me now. After living on lousy school cafeteria
food for the past two months, it all seemed something like a dream come
true.
Gail looked around and said she couldn't find the spare tire. She
sighed, giving me a strangely seductive look. "Well," she said, "I guess I
won't be able to get back to the restaurant for a while. It would sure be a
shame to let all this food go to waste." At that, I knew something
incredible was about to happen. Gail manuevered her pudgy frame into the
back of the truck. I couldn't believe my eyes as she began unwrapping the
mountain of food before us. "Here," she said, handing me a huge tray of
lasagna. The dish was warm and heavy and full of rich Italian smells. When
I looked back I noticed that Gail had started without me and was already
busy with a large, greasy pepperoni pizza.
I sat on the edge of the van and removed the tin foil from the
lasagna tray. I peeled the foil back slowly, carefully, revealing the hot
pleasures within. The sauce oozed like lava around the melty mozarella
cheese, and pools of oil were everywhere. I ran my finger along the edge of
the plate, and then gently through the heart of the food, delighting in the
warm, slippery feel of the pasta underneath. After a few minutes of working
my fingers in and out, I removed them and slowly licked off the sweet-
tasting sauce.
My sense of hunger heightened, I lifted the tray closer to my face.
My hands sank into the center of the lasagna, scooping out huge globs of
pasta, sauce, and cheese. I lifted the food to my mouth and stuffed it
sloppily into my waiting hole. I chewed and swallowed deeply, my eyes
closed in ecstacy. My entire digestive tract tingled as the food made its
way down my esophagus and into the pit of my stomach. Incensed, I grabbed
hungrily for the lasagna, stuffing my mouth till it was about to burst,
choking it down so fast that it almost hurt, and stuffing my face again. In
a matter of minutes I had lapped up the entire tray, licking it clean so as
to get every drop.
I stood up and caught my breath. After such a feast I was sure I
could eat no more, but the sight of several open pizza boxes soon had me
going again. Reaching out, I tore off about half of a huge 15-inch pizza
covered with pepperoni, mushrooms, and sausage. I folded the thick dough
and thrust the pizza mouthward, alternately chewing at the crust and then
sucking in the tender, cheesy filling. My mind in a blissful daze, I spent
the next several minutes in this position, until I had devoured every last
mouthful.
By this time Gail had discovered the beer, and she handed me a tall,
frosty bottle. I wrenched off the cap and lifted the beer to my mouth,
pouring it eagerly down my throat. As I drank in a frenzy, beer spilled out
the corners of my mouth and dripped onto my face, neck and clothing.
Oblivious to the world, I continued consuming the brew like a madman until
every drop was gone.
Finally, I could take no more. Grasping my stomach, I stumbled
towards the grass on the side of the road. I opened my mouth and burped
into the warm night, longer and louder than I had ever done before. The
substance of my belch seemed to hang in the air in front of me, thick with
the aroma of pizza and beer. I burped a second time, then lay on the soft
ground and fell into a deep, satisfying sleep.
When I awoke several hours later, Gail and the restaurant van were
gone. I never saw them again after that night, but the fond memories of our
encounter will stay with me forever. Perhaps someday I'll meet Gail again,
and if I do I'll be sure to write and tell you all about it. --Name and
address withheld by request
-----
The math department at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo has a shirt with
a cartoon character writing on a chalk board. The equation reads:
/-\ /-\
| x | n (ie, the integral to e to the x
\ (e) = -+- (u) is equal to the function of
| | u to the n)
\_/ |
If you look, you will see that it reads sex = fun
============================================================================
My, the things you can learn by reading The Humus Report... Boggles
the mind, don't it? :)... Why, did you know that:
-----
4% of American women do not own panties
- Fairchild Fact File: "The Customer Speaks About Her Wardrobe"
1978 -
-----
A cat's ability to land on its belly --- not its feet, as folklore
has it --- may explain why only three of 132 felines who fell from great
heights were dead on arrival at a veterinary hospital, and why more than
three-quarters recovered.
In a study of 22 cats that dropped more than seven stories, only one
died, according to the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical
Association.
The cat that took the longest plunge --- 32 stories --- walked away
with only chest and lung bruises and a chipped tooth.
Of the 132 cats whose cases were studied, three were killed and the
owners of 17 others elected to have them put to sleep, even though
veterinarians told them their pets could be saved. Of the remaining 112 who
were treated, 90 percent recovered
- New York AP -
-----
Adam Ant refuses EVER to do another concert in Orlando because
during the last one, he came out for an encore and a mob of screaming fans
forced themselves onto the stage. One of the bolder female fans grabbed him
in the crotch (souvenir-hunting, perhaps?), and he didn't appreciate it!
-----
In Northern Minnesota, there are two small towns about 20 miles
apart called Climax and Fertile. One winter there was a terrible auto
accident and the next day the headline read:
"Fertile Woman Dies In Climax"
as if that weren't enough...
There was an auto accident a few years ago in Climax, involving the
death of a woman a town named Virgin. The next day, the papers all read:
"Virgin Woman Dies In Climax"
-----
Governor Rose Mofford has mailed 5,000 holiday cards depicting
herself as a saucy Goddess of Liberty, the winged statue atop the Capitol
dome.
The card features a smiling caricature of the 65-year-old beehive-
coiffed Democrat poking a bare leg from a white Roman toga slit up the side.
"Rose liked it. I showed a little knee," said Goodrich, the San Diego
artist who has been designing Mrs Mofford's cards for 10 years and said did
the latest one as a favor to her. "She's a sexy lady. What the hell?"
He said the idea for Winged Victory was the governor's.
The message inside the card reads: "Seasons greetings, and my
heartfelt thanks for your help and trust in this my first year as governor
of the great state of Arizona."
The cards were sent to "everyone on her massive Rolodex," as well as
to the state's newspapers and nation's governors, said spokesman Vada
Manager. Mrs Mofford paid for the cards, which required 35 cents postage,
Manager said. Assuming a historical disguise is nothing new for Mrs
Mofford, said Goodrich.
"I've depicted her as Uncle Sam. I've depicted her as Santa Claus.
I've depicted her as the Statue of Liberty," Goodrich said Tuesday. "I did
her as Mae West one time, which is perfect."
Added Republican Representative Jim Hartegen, "I think they're kind
of unique in a way --- they're Rose"
- 14 December 1988 Phoenix AP -
-----
TV evangelists Jimmy Swaggart and Tammy Faye Bakker have been named
as the 1988 co-Whiners of the Year by the founder of National Whining Day.
"They were the most visible and most vocal whiners over this last
year," said Kevin Zaborney of Monroe, Michigan, founder of the December 26
"holiday."
"I did a lot of questioning of different people and got letters from
people nominating who fit the role of the biggest whiner," he said.
"Everybody agreed. I've gotten no complaints."
Zaborney, 24, started National Whining Day in 1986. "I worked for a
drugstore," Zaborney said. "Nobody wanted to work the day after Christmas.
I found why. When people exchange their gifts, they whine"
- Seattle Times, 28 December 1988 -
-----
INSTANT KARMA (Bloomfield, Connecticut): Michelle Gordon got a
nasty lesson in computers during her training as a police dispatcher. At
her instructor's suggestion, she punched up her own name in to the computer
to see how it identifies "wants and warrants" outstanding against
individuals. Gordon found she was wanted for passing a bad check. Gordon,
who says she was unaware of the charges, turned herself into police and was
relieved of duty. Police said she will probably get her job back once the
matter is setted. Records indicate she bounced a check for $90.97 at a
clothing store in July
- From Puget Sound Computer User February 1989 -
============================================================================
Reagan... Ah, what historians will say about his presidency... If
you wish, you can get a quick look at some of what they will be writing
about in the not-too-distant future... Stick around and enjoy... :)
-----
In 1980, my Republican younger brother and I were discussing the
upcoming election. He asked me who I was going to vote for, and I said
Jimmy Carter, since he had done so much for human rights.
My brother said, "Jimmy Carter! Why, if you vote for him in eight
years we'll have massive deficits! The economy will be in a shambles!
We'll be humiliated by Iran! And the world will laugh at us and our
incompetent President!"
Well, I voted for Carter anyway, and you know what? My brother was
right!
-----
Reagan Statue Committee
National Gallery
Washington, DC
Dear Friend:
We have the distinquished honor of being on the committee to raise
five million dollars for the placing of a statue of Ronald Reagan in the
Hall of Fame in Washington, DC. We were in a quandary as to where to place
the statue. It was not wise to place it beside the statue of George
Washington, who never told a lie, nor beside the statue of Richard Nixon,
who never told the truth, since Reagan can never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside the statue of Columbus, the
greatest Republican of them all. He left not knowing where he was going and
upon arriving did not know where he was; he returned not knowing where he
had been and he did it all on borrowed money.
Sincerely,
Reagan Statue Committee
PS: It is said that President Reagan is considering having the
Republicans change their party emblem from an elephant to a condom because
it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and
gives a false sense of security while one is being screwed
-----
How can we condone putting the Olympics in Moscow?... I support the
idea of taking the Olympics someplace else
- Ronald Reagan, 14 February 1980, Lansing (Michigan) Journal -
* * * * *
We should boycott the Moscow Olympics. I think our allies should,
too
- Ronald Reagan, 06 April 1980, New York Times -
* * * * *
I just cannot within myself now find it right that the President of
the United States should now be able to say to Americans who have violated
no laws or anything, that they cannot go and cannot leave this country
- Ronald Reagan, 09 April 1980, New York Times -
(The boycott was always voluntary --- the United States Olympic
Committee voted to support Carter's appeal and urged its athletes not to
attend the Summer Games in Moscow)
* * * * *
I support the boycott today, I supported it yesterday. And I
supported it when the President first called for it
- Ronald Reagan, 11 April 1980, New York Times -
-----
The National Budget
Our goal, which is a goal we think we can achieve during fiscal year
1972, is to operate with a balanced budget
- President Nixon, July 1970 -
- 1972 federal budget deficit : $ 23.4 billion -
* * * * *
We feel that you can hold the line and restrain federal spending,
give a tax reduction and still have a balanced budget by 1978
- President Ford, September 1976 -
- 1978 federal budget deficit : $ 59.0 billion -
* * * * *
I intend to keep my commitment of a balanced budget at the end of
four years
- President Carter, December 1976 -
- 1980 federal budget deficit : $ 73.8 billion -
* * * * *
I have submitted an economic plan that I have worked out in concert
with a number of fine economists, all of whom believe that it can provide
for a balanced budget by 1983, if not earlier
- Presidential candidate Reagan, October 1980 -
- 1983 federal budget deficit : $ 207.8 billion -
* * * * *
This Administration is committed to a balanced budget, and we will
fight to the last blow to achieve it by 1984
- President Reagan, September 1981 -
- 1984 federal budget deficit : $ 185.3 billion -
Total National Debt, July 1987 : $ 2.3 trillion
-----
I'm still confused by Iran/Contra. President Reagan keeps saying he
knows nothing about it, and doctors keep cutting pieces off his nose
- Jakov Smirnoff -
============================================================================
And, last but not least, a few words of wisdom. It's true that
mankind does not live by bread alone, and we've pretty much proved that
axiom with these unusual masterpieces. To quote someone much smarter than
myself (hi, kalen!): "I am non-denominational --- I accept all forms of
currency. So, open your hearts and empty your pockets!"
A wonderful sentiment, don't you think?
If you should find it in your hearts to like what we are doing here,
and would like to help us stay in business AND solvent, please send your
non-tax-deductible donations in whatever amount pleases you to:
caren park
2557 Fourteenth Avenue West
Suite 501
Seattle, Washington 98119
(01 January 1992)
We will acknowledge, in print, those with the warmest thoughts for
our survival...
If those among you would kindly send in junk that you have no other
use for, stuff that you read and find humorous, filth that no one else will
take, stories absurd or preposterous, news that isn't fit to line
litterboxes anywhere, if you would send those gems to us here at The Humus
Report, we'd appreciate it. Our address will be given to you near the end
of our report. We will cull from the post office box all death threats and
denunciations, and print what we can of whatever is left. The rest is up to
you...
We would appreciate it if: (1) the sending of copyrighted material
for publication was sent ONLY if you also send along a legal release for us
to use that material; (2) if you should see non-attributed copyrighted
material in our stuff, please let us know ASAP so we can take appropriate
actions; (3) if you like what we do here, please donate whatever you feel
appropriate, so that we can continue to bring you this stuff month after
month...
I also have a program contained within CKP-MSG.ZIP from which
virtually everything you will see here can be found, and then some. For a
nominal cost per year, I will provide the latest copy of the ibm/compat
program AND the latest updates of the datafile to you... address inquiries
about this program and/or the datafile to the address near the end of our
report...
We leave you now with a few thoughts...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The IRS has a new toll-free help number:
1-800-AUDIT-ME
-----
If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Mexican name?
-----
Ask someone with a deer head hanging on the wall why they have it,
and they might say because it's such a beautiful animal. I think my mother
is attractive, but i have PHOTOS of her
-----
Let he who thinks himself indespensible dip his finger into a pool
of water and notice the hole it leaves when he removes it
...until next month...