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Jonas E'Zine -- Volume 2, Number 1 -- Released April 2, 1996
Jonas is produced semi-regularly by Edicius (Tom Sullivan). Jonas
and the material therein are property of Edicius and Jonas Print Matter
Incorporated. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice
remains in place, and there is no fee charged for its retrevial.
Deep in my heart, I do believe / We're not gonna make it
No, no, we're not gonna to make it / Cuz' we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time / And we don't have the patience
And we don't know how to rhyme
Presidents of the USA - "We're Not Going To Make It"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 1 April 2, 1996
Contents:
(1) - Edicius' Editorial
(2) - "Contentment" - by Cerkit
(3) - What Do You Think of Jonas?
(4) - Don Imus and the Political Barrier - by Edicius
(5) - "Salt Shaker Psycosis" - by Cerkit
(6) - "Barney and Friends" - by Edicius
(7) - Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on EVERYTHING!
(8) - Closing Notes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) Edicius' Editorial
If you were to pick one particular year out of anyone's life, and examine
it, you would notice many changes in that person. These changes in their
personality effect everything and everyone around them. Everyone changes,
but many won't realize it.
Over the last year, I have changed alot. I have had many new experiences,
as everyone has had, and I've learned alot about life and myself. I've
learned things I can do, things I can't do. Many won't realize that they
have changed, or refuse to admit it. I am one of the fortunate, or
unfortunate, however you see it, to have my last year pretty thoroughly
documentated.
In a way, I have kept a diary of the last 366 days. The diary's name is
Jonas. As I look through the beginning stages of the 'zine, where I was
still new to the 'zine thing, and writing in general, I see a very scared
person. I admit it, during the first phase I was scared, as anyone would
be. I didn't know how I would do, where this would take me, or what
people would think of me.
Then, I see a place where I liked what I was doing, and felt comfortable
with it, and my writing changes. Originally, the sole intent of this
'zine was to be "the lamest thing ever created in 5 hours." (5 hours, for
your information, is the time it took me to think up the concept of Jonas,
write all the articles, and release issue one.) I wasn't happy with how
that was going, however. I was getting rave reviews, I had a large
audience, but it was for being dumb. I was writing in a stupid and sloppy
manner, and it sold.
I knew, however, in all of the realative success that I was achieving with
that style, that I could accomplish much more. I made a few subtle
changes here and there, being more selective about the articles I took,
changing the format, and other small things. Then one day, after issue
11, I totally changed the format, from programmed to ascii text. I also
changed the theme of it, from wacky and insane, to a more serious style.
I changed alot in that time. I grew surer in myself. I started to
straighten out the things in my life that were going a wry. I saw the
rough outline of my future, and I knew what I wanted to do. What I have
done with Jonas is what I've wanted to do for along time.
I've been thinking alot lately. I spend hours upon hours on the computer.
Hours and days pass by without my noticing at times. If it weren't for
my health, I might never sleep. I feel "dorky" because a good majority of
my friends that I hang out with are people I've met over the computer. I
feel like I'm doing this for nothing.
Then, I think again. I realize that right now in my life, everything is
stable. I wish that things were going alittle better, but I can't
complain about one thing. School is going fine, I've brought my grades up
to a point where they are comendable. I have a group of my close friends
that I talk to almost every day, and hang out with quite often. My family
is great. I have my health. What do I have to complain about? The
computer thing? Meeting people over the computer is just like meeting
them over any other medium.
You do what you feel most comfortable doing. If you are most comfortable
with a keyboard under your hands, so be it. If you are comfortable
walking around Midtown Manhattan with a tarzan outfit on, so be it.
My point for the whole long winded editorial will be summed up here:
The last year, I have gone through many changes, as everyone has. Jonas
has been there with me, and has changed alongside of me. I am very happy
with how everything is going right now.
That editorial made very little sense? Well, what else have you come to
expect of Jonas? :)
I would like to take a second out and thank the following people. Over
the last 366 days, many people have done many things for Jonas. They may
have written an article, or drawn a piece of artwork for it, but above
all, all of these people were there for Jonas and supported. They may
have supported it from Jonas' meager beginnings, or have only read one or
two issues, but show a current support of the 'zine.. To these people, I
extend my greatest thanks:
Ace Lightning, Akira, Asphixia, Basehead, Belial, Black Francis,
Briangeek, Cerebral Neurosis, Cerkit, Christopher Robin, Cidica, Crank,
Creed, Crimson Tide, Daniel from e-weezer, Dark Phiber, Defective Mind,
Diehard, Eerie, Epidemic, Errant Angel, Fake Scorpion, Flood, Frost Byte,
Grey Hawk, Grimjack, Hooch, Ilsundal, Inner Chaos, James Hetfield, Jen
from Mod Rock, Jestapher, Kurdt, Lord Valgamon, Lucifer, The Masked
Marauder, Meep, Mercuri, Metal Chick, Mindcrime, Misfit, Mistawho, Mister
E., Mogel, Mojo, Morpheus, Murmur, Napalm, Nebula, Pale, Pip the Angry
Youth, Radigan, RaD MaN, Rattle, Chris Rake, sCandal, Shadow Tao, Shakti,
Spiff, Subconscious, SuperDave, Terminal Velocity, The Blunted One, The
Master, Time Killer, Traq, Trip, ts, Tut, Twisted Terrorist, Jon Vena,
vYrus, Whoops, Wizard of Id.. .
.. and thanks to the following 'zines who show that people use the
computer to write about more then just erotic dreams.. These are a few of
the current 'zines that I read regularly and enjoy, to varing extents:
Chemical Chocolate, Cooler Then You, Cult of the Dead Cow, Doomed To
Obscurity, Dreaming in Digital, e-weezer, Flashbyte, Fucked Up College
Kids, I Want To Be a Rock and Roll Star, Grill, Klunk, The Last Word,
Moderate Rock e'Zine, Phone Losers of America, Pork, Radioactive Aardvark
Dung, Relish, Slinky, Teenage Young Minds Expand, Underground eXperts
United, y0lk.. .
Thank you for taking the time out to read Jonas. If this is the first
time you've read Jonas, or the 16th, we thank you just the same.
"Jonas is more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle."
-----
Update on past stories:
In Jonas 15, in the article entitled "Against the Communications Decency
Act", I reporetd on a local story involving a woman who had her picture
posted to several alt.binaries newsgroups. The picture also had her
address, and asked men to write her. The latest news available on this
story is that her ex-boyfriend is still being investigated in connection
with this act. The interesting sidenote, however, is that her
ex-boyfriend that is being investigated turns out to be Bruce
Springsteen's brother-in-law.
Mr. Springsteen declined to comment to Jonas about this case.
About my Valentine's Day rant that appeared in the last issue of Jonas:
several readers offered their suggestions as to what I should do, mainly
they told me I should ask the girl I wanted out. I did, she said yes, and
two days before our date, she changed her mind.
Love sucks.
Oh, and I have a special news annoucement. LISTEN UP CHAPS;
This is the last issue of Jonas. I'm not killing Jonas, but I am
continuing it under a different name, after some major changes. Namely,
we're merging with Slinky e'Zine. Sometime during May, the new e'Zine,
currently titled "Legacy", will be released. We will provide you with all
of the things you loved about Jonas and Slinky wrapped up into one big
issue, taken to the next level. We are the future of e'Zines.
Dang, I never got to print up the Jonas t-shirts.
If you wish to learn more about this, email me.. (MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS AT
THE BOTTOM OF THIS FILE, OK?)
Have a good day,
Edicius.
"We have found a common cause, and it's your money."
-- Johnny Rotten, of the Sex Pistols on why they decided
to reunite for a 20th-anniversary tour.
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(2) "Contentment" - Cerkit
contentment, qualifies,
in my life as a surprise.
happiness, reigns
in my life as the thing that bring me pains.
smiles, become
in my life, the things i consider dumb.
frowns, become
in my life, what make me numb.
depression, reigns
in my life, without retrains.
discontent, qualifies,
in my life, made of lies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(3) What do you think of Jonas?
I spent a few days, and emailed a cross-section of the Jonas subscription
list. I emailed people that I know have been reading it since day one,
and I emailed people who have been reading it for the last day. I wanted
a good representation of my readers. Here are the replies that I got to
the question I posed: What do you think of Jonas?
These are all of the replies that I got. I did not leave any one out
because I didn't like it. I wanted the truth, no (apperent) fluff.
Editing was only done for spelling and clarity sakes.
-----
jonas e'zine has gone through so many changes since it's original
inception, it blows my mind. originally started as a lame e'zine for the
PURPOSE of being a lame e'zine, it was immediatly brought to me by my
friend spiff, & i noticed it's difference from all other products in the
stupid-ass "ansi 'zine" genre. over time, edicius has shown to be a
better writer more with every issue of jonas, & i mean that sincerly.
today's version of what was jonas has a wonderful & a very professional
look as compared to most text-based e'zines. the writing is serious, has
a lot to think about, & basically has a lot of meat to it. totally a flip
of what it used to be. i think today's jonas lacks a bit of the wit that
i miss from the old jonas, however, what it has gained towers above what
it's lost. perhaps this is a reflection of the changes that have happened
in edicius himself, & it's just related to the 'zine. that's where i'd
put my money.
-- Mogel [Doomed To Obscurity Editor]
-----
i think jonas is particularly different in its style & approach. not
better, just different. it's rather in my view a 'zine filled with your
own belief's, and is rather opinionated. however, since i do have
curiosities about how people view certain things in the world, i find
jonas to be a good read. though, its definetly not a 'zine i read for
entertainment. i read jonas to get the facts, and views of one tom
sullivan. period.
-- Cerkit [Slinky Editor]
------
i've been reading jonas ever since issue one (as far as actual time, i
started reading jonas when you were on #5). anyway, jonas is like a
home-grown zine. when i read dto, it lacks the basic element of, "hey, im
here, i have nothing to do, blah."
this isn't necessarily bad, mind you, but sometimes i miss it. jonas has
that element, which makes it "direct" and "human" or whatever. plus you
admitted to masturbating, which makes jonas an institution in itself.
you've got GUTS man.
-- Fake Scorpion [Doomed To Obscurity Writer]
------
Jonas, very simply put, **is** the meat.
-- Jon Vena [WHTG-FM Promotions Director]
------
I have read jonas since the begining .. I have seen it go coded, to text
format. I liked it when it was wacky as hell (ie: issues like 1-10) maybe
even more .. but the new format Jonas has taken on (ie: serious, less
wackyness) is better for the zine.. more people will read and respect it..
(many people already do ) I like a 'zine thats wacky, but doesn't exceed
the wackyness point of extreme..
-- Lucifer [Ganja Writer]
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(4) Don Imus and the Political Barrier - Edicius
At the annual White House Radio and TV Correspondent's Dinner, they invite
a speaker to poke fun at the current political stories. Nothing has ever
happened much like it did at this year's dinner, with guest speaker,
syndicated Shock Jock, Don Imus. Imus is also known as being a very good
political interviewer, with guests such as Bob Dole, Bill Bradley, and Dan
Rather appearing on his show.
The correspondent's association, who invite the speaker to the dinner,
expects the speaker to poke mild fun at the president and policital
parties. Generally, they want him to lighten the mood. Imus, however,
took this as the opportunity past the line of decency. He was quoted as
saying, "When the First Lady laughed at my opening, I thought I was home
free."
Telling jokes concerning Clinton's alleged extramarital affairs, Senator
Bob Kerrey's artifical leg, and Newt Gingrich's gay half-sister, brought
more stone faces then applause as the night wore on.
When you are invited to speak for an event of this caliber, you generally
restrain yourself out of respect. You can say that Imus showed that he
was not afraid of anything by saying this in front of the President and
First Lady. However, when they are the hosts of the event, you show them
some courtesy and respect.
Imus' did not feel he did anything wrong by saying, "Did they expect me to
say one thing on the radio and then go to Washington and be a weasel?"
This is true, to an extent. You can say that the correspondent's pool
should have expected this from him, but they also could have expected him
to be somewhat more respectable. The shock jock genre is nothing new, but
no person has discussed the First Lady's menstraul cycle at a formal
Washington dinner.
Bob Dole, one who has been so open about his disregard for Hollywood's
culture problems, is a regular on Imus' show. This is a show in which the
material presented is normally the same type of material that he is
against.
Hypocritical?
Maybe. Imus is considered a popularity booster in Washington. Many
believe that an appearence on his show will raise your standing, make you
known, and possibly get you elected. This would explain why some aren't
angry at Imus for his remarks.
.. either that, or they are just afraid of him. Imus is a very
intimidating man. He has been known to go off on people who disagree with
his views. When a Washington Post critic wrote a negative review of his
show, he was called a "homo" and a "Jew" for weeks on air.
The bottom line in this -- no matter what happens, Imus has his style.
Whether or not people should have expected this beforehand can be debated.
We do know one thing, this is the way Imus is, and this is the way he will
continue to be. No amount of talk or negative press will change him. It
hasn't done it yet, and won't do it in the future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(5) "Salt Shaker Psychosis" - Cerkit
The constant drama played on. A darkness all around. Loud bangings. A
varitable utopia of opposing angry chants. A gaped grace & grassland
causing flaring. Deathly ill among the peasants, a sort of chill arose
them. A chill called pain. It shivered up and down their spines, and
destoryed every part of their souls. A nearly dominant figure stood tall,
within this and by those means kept monarchy over the shadowy inner
workings. Contemplating a template of output within what was considered
compliance to the very questioning of his existence. An "oh-so-good"
pleasure filled evening, filling what would be his next nights dream.
A lacey spirit undressing for his soul to implicate in his path of
conquests. A rather serious joke. Coincidently overriding his mind's
protection, and removing all that was his memories of frowns and
depression so much so he was happy forever. This spirit filled his own. a
worthless and useless existence no less from what was once, a life, a point
& happiness. A pounding so thunderous the heavens sprawled apart like
unvirgin legs, to cast a shadow over the sleepings & restings of closed
eyes.
The man awoke and turned the faucet off & went back to bed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(6) Mischief on the Barney Set - by; Edicius
Barney & Kids (in unison): .. you love me, and we're a happy fam-i-ly.
Barney (thinking out loud): My my, Wendy, you look
umh-scrumindly-dumscious in your denim skirt
today!
Wendy: Uh, aren't we supposed to play make believe
police officer now?
Barney: I think we'll play make believe doctor now!
Director (offstage): Oh shit, he's going for the kid again.
Barney lunges toward Wendy, missing only slightly.
Barney: Why are you running away from me Wendy? Are
you intimidated by my jurrasic size?
Wendy (screaming): Help! Help! Mommie! Daddie!
Other Kid #1: Wendy, towards the treehouse! Go to
neverland, he'll never get you in there!
Stagehand (offstage): Mr. Director, I have the tranquilizer gun.
Just tell me when to shoot.
Director (moving onstage): Shoot when you have a clear shot. Don't
worry about the kids, we're not paying them
much. Just shoot the jurrassic asshole in
the groin.
Wendy: Get off me! He's slobbering! Help!
Barney takes off his mask, revealing a grotesque and hairy man of about
thirty-five.
Director: Get off of her Barney! We'll send you back
to prison. You remember the shower incedent,
don't you? Do you want that to happen again?
Barney: Just one kiss, that's all. Owch!
He is hit by the director, who lands a clean blow to the muppet-filled
temple. The stage hand readies himself with the gun just offstage.
Director: Shoot, you fuckin' intern! Shoot!
The stage hand shoots, and a dart whizzes through the air.
Wendy: Ouuh.. Barney.. Ouuh..
Barney: OUCH. MOTHERFUCKER. THAT FUC- (Ploop)
Barney drops to the floor, passed out.
Director: Thank god this wasn't a live broadcast!
Producer: Actually, the people from the National
Endowment of the Arts are here. I think we
just lost our funding.
Director: Doh! What else can go wrong?
Stage hand: I think Wendy is tramautized; or she just
experienced her first orgasm.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
(7) Reviews: Edicius' Opinions on everything!
CONCERT:
Spacehog / God Lives Underwater / Mr. Mirainga
February 25, 1996 - Birch Hill Nite Club, Old Bridge, NJ
I haven't been to that many concerts in my life, but I have been to some
pretty good ones. However, the show that I saw here was undoubtly one of
the best that I have ever been to. For seven bucks, Spacehog, imported
from England via the East Village of NYC, God Lives Underwater, and Mr.
Mirainga with a near sellout crowd.
Mr. Mirainga, more or less, sucked. I didn't like what I heard of them
before hand. The lead singer has a really annoying voice, but aside from
that, he seemed very irritating on stage. Music wise, the band was pretty
good. Good basslines and drum beats. For some of their songs they used a
weird contraption that consisted of two bongo drums, a cymbal, tamborine,
and a cowbell. That made for a very interesting sound when added to the
normal guitar/bass/drums you hear.
Lyric wise, they were tried too hard to be wacky. If they didn't try so
hard to be funny, and concentrated alittle more on the lyrics, maybe they
would have been alittle better.. As the bassist said, "This next song is
pretty heavy.. It's about my grandma.. If you ever saw her, you'd know how
heavy it is."
God Lives Underwater just plain out rocked. This Philadelphian band with
their whole techno-ey/punk style, they played a very entertaining show.
With great songs like "No More Love" and "Drag Me Down", they are a band
with a style all of their own.
The "headliner" of the show, Spacehog, "imported from England via the East
Village" played a show just short of amazing. Playing their hits "In the
Meantime" and "Spacehog", they were a crowd favorite. Attracting a
diverse crowd which ranged from the early teens to fourties, they had
everyone moving the entire time through.
Spacehog constantly kept the crowd excited with little "conversations"
with the crowd. Spacehog pleased them by playing an extended version of
"In The Meantime" while members of Mr. Mirainga and God Lives Underwater
looked on from the side. They also have a great stage presence. Coming
out to begin their set with feather trimmed coats, and coming out for
their encore without the jackets, but with beers in their hands. They
showed that they were there for the crowd, and the crowd wasn't there for
them.
CD:
Presidents of the United States of America - "Peaches" single
Columbia/Pop Llama Records
5 tracks / 12:37
Overall: * * * * (out of 5)
This single features "Peaches", the radio friendly, bass driven song. But
Chris Ballew's vocals and "two-string basitar", Dave Dederer's
"three-string guitbass", and Jason Finn's "no string" drums, all come
together to form four other great songs. Three of which were previously
b-sides to other singles and 7"'s. "Confusion" appeared on the Home
Alive: the Art of Self Defense CD.
Track by track review:
Song: Peaches - A song that has a perfect blend of fast and slow parts
with strong a strong rythym lead by great drumwork by Jason Finn.
Song: Candy Cigarette - The bassline at the beginning of this song set the
mood for this song, right in the middle of slow and fast. It's one of
those songs that you can listen to, without getting a headache or getting
bored.
Song: Carolyn's Bootie - A fast "poppy" tune with very humuorus lyrics.
One of my personal favorites by the Presidents.
Song: Confusion - This is one of the few songs in which they actually use
a guitar. The screeching guitar makes this the fastest, and possibly
best, song on the CD.
Song: Wake Up - A slower song in which Chris and Dave's vocals are more
noticable then the instruments most of the times.
TELEVISION:
Squirt TV
MTV, Friday @ Midnight, Sunday @ 11:30pm
This is a talk show hosted by Jake and filmed in his room. Originally run
as a public access show on New York City's Cablevision, this was picked up
by MTV and has been airing for 5 weeks now.
Recent guests on the show have included Clerks/Mallrats Director Kevin
Smith, Jenny McCarthy, Adam Sandler, and Liz Phair, to name a few. Great
interviews combined with great music, wrapped up in a half hour.
Did I mention that Jake is 16 or 17 years old, too? How's that for every
teenagers' dream: having your own show on MTV while hanging out with
famous celebrities.
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(8) Closing Notes - Edicius
I thank you profusely for reading this issue. I'm happy that I got it out
on time..
If you are upset by my decision regarding the merger of Jonas and Slinky
e'Zines, just wait. I believe that you will really like what you get with
Legacy. May is just around the corner, so, you won't have to wait that
long.
I've been very bored with the computer thing lately. Email me. Let's
talk, send me your websites (I love them!). We can be cyber-pen pals.
Email me, please! edi@cybercomm.net
Well, good day. Jonas' LEGACY shall return in May.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jonas e'Zine Issue Sixteen
Send all inquiries to edi@cybercomm.net
Visit the new and expanded Jonas website at:
http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html
Visit Belial @ Avalon, (908) 739/4274
Thanks to everyone who has supported Jonas over the last year.
"Jonas, it's more then a 'zine, its a lifestyle"
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