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-=-=-=-=-=-=-
DISCLAIMER: THIS MAGAZINE IS NOT REAL LIFE.
_ __ _______ _______
| | / / / __ \ | __ \ This is a
| | / / | / \__| | [ ] | different
| | / / | | | [ ] | message on
| |/ / | | | [__] | here than
| / | | __ | _____/ before
| \ | | | \ | __ \ just for
| |\ \ | | | | | [ ] | the hell
| | \ \ | | | | | [ ] | of it.
| | \ \ | \_/ | | [__] |
|_| \_\ \_______/ |_______/
K-RAD GNUZ & BULLSHIT
A N D
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____
| | / \ | / \ / \ / \ / \ . |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | # |
|____| | | | \____ \____ |____| |____| ##, |
| \ | | | \ \ | | | | # # |
| \ | | | | | | | | | | #P # |
| \ \____/ \_____ \____/ \____/ | | | | # 0[ |
# # #oo. |
# #' ##./' |
R O Y A L O R D E R O F T H E L E S S E R _# `## o." |
j# o.. |
S P O T T E D S O U T H A F R I C A N .## () o*... |
Narq! ##" o.. |
A A R D V A R K Narq! #^ j##,+.. |
\ _##? .####<`#*o* . |
Founder: UNiQUE(missing in action) ## _.###^ ##.'_ |
Mascot: Zwobeley _J#####' #" |
THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF USELESS AND POINTLESS INFORMATION
GR33TZ GO OUT 2:(some old, some older)
ParadoX................................Congratulations. You set up
the first meetme that DIDN'T
suck. Can't believe how much
stuff was talked about.
pug guy................................Welcome to KGB.
Heretic...._________________________________________ the stories on
/ \hat a complex
| Fuck the greetz list. You've seen |
CyberLink.| them all before anyway, and there's |ne else remembers
| no new greetz out anyway. So why |
Shenana fr| bother, huh? Okay, maybe a greetz |oh great, I'm
| go out to Silver Serpent just |ate BoW again.
| because you weren't in the past |
Baccahbar.| three issues. There's your fifteen |t cool voice
| minutes of fame. Now try to get |
UNiQUE....| me to accept a collect call. :) |oofus.
OPP.......\_________________________________________/ e* has
dungeon.zip. Too bad I
haven't found an IFF player
If you want to get some issues of PfA(which is probably a lot better
than this magazine), you can get them at etext.archive.umich.edu
/pub/Zines/PFA. Enjoy.
That reminds me. I have yet to do a member list. But I'm still
looking for people who would even admit to being in this so-called
'group'. Kudos for Solctice for daring to put KGB/ROLSSAA in
his user note. Not even I do that!
*************************************************************************
************************** --- New GNUS --- ***************************
*************************************************************************
- Seeing as that I'm somewhat lazy, and not too well-educated on every
artikahl I'd like to write on here, I'm going to introduce a new concept.
It is micro-articles. They'll be VERY small, not-too-interesting, but
not-too-dull. It'll be something to chew on and think about, and nothing
more. Enjoy. But don't worry, there will still be regular-sized articles
at no extra charge.
- This issue isn't gonna be very big, since, well, I don't feel like it.
People have been getting on my back asking me when the next KGB issue
will be out. Geez, you mean you actually LIKE this magazine? Well,
hmm.........
- Well, hmm. After looking at KGB 1, I have to say that issue REALLY
sucked. And if the guy who thought it up says its bad, it's pretty
much safe to take his word on it. I mean, like, that's worse than
rejected BoW or DFS material. But who cares. It's just electrons that
happen to have an ASCII combination of D-FENS on it where it creates
a connection in your brain to relate it to me. But, WHO CARES? At
least I get something to do other than watch #phreak get taken over
again and again and again on IRC between the times I work.
- Hopefully in the next issue I'll be doing some low-quality artikahls
about funny conferences of the past(such as the Cliff Stoll and the
Eric BoWer ones) for some fun. Those were k-rad.
- PaX iMPeRiaLiS is still missing in action. He won't be making it to
DefCon since he's saving for a trip to someplace in Europe for a demo
competition. KGB wishes you the best of luck, and dammit, you better
mention us in your next demo. Now go kick Future Crew's ass.
- I'm trying to get OTHER people's articles in this thing since I'm sick
of writing most of this stuff. I feel egotistical and self-centered
so the mailbox is open for submissions. Go for it. This is your chance
to be k-rad. Do it.
- Anybody watching Max Headroom on Bravo? Neet show. Very Cyberpunk, but
without that lame Billy Idol flavor(boy that sounded stupid, but you get
the point). In fact, you won't even HEAR the word cyberpunk in it,
probably since it was made back in 1986. If it's any show that shows
obnoxious and over polished computer imagry(by Video Image, same company
that did POVs for the Terminator movies, and the Predator's point of
view), this is the one. Some look commodore 64 ish, but some are really
neet.
- Take note, most of this issue might be composed of random thoughts and
small editorials, but hey, they're easier to read. No complex diagrams
or phone number lists or anything. Isn't that a relief?
- Hey, I just thought of something. Take a hacked account, and put
some sort of update of anything you'd like, and if anyone wants it,
they'd just finger you up. Wait a minute, that's already been done
by those legit services. But hey, who says YOU can't do it? Go for it.
Of course its been done before in the other way, by flooding your
ass off on IRC if you finger a plan that's made with a specially written
phile. How creative.
- My VMB changed. It's box 115. 1-800-752-0515 call after about 5pm CST.
- Baccahbar might have the most elite ware out there yet. Too bad he
hasn't uploaded it to his server yet to give to me. Mohahhh.
- ****************************************************************************
- ************************* 1. Bedtime Story *******************************
- ****************************************************************************
- Okay, I just thought of something cool. Remember The Stand that was
on a while ago on ABC? That was a great miniseries.
Now imagine, if you will, Dale Drew is working at Tymnet, and
some d00d at the lab releases a HUGE killer Internet virus/worm/whatever.
Dale runs for his life while they are trying to shut down the whole system,
but he unfortunately contracted the virus/worm, and telnets to somewhere
else(I forgot the state). Suddenly everyone's account gets its philes
garbled with mucus, and then they die within 17 minutes, except for a
chosen few.
Okay, I'm like Stuart, being totally immune, but all these other people
lose their accounts on internet. I have these dreams of M0th3r Ab1Ga1l
(You thought I was gonna say the visionary, didn't you? Nope.). UNiQUE
is a big time singer after he does a big time hit with 'Dig Yo Narq' since
we told him to sing somewhere else instead of on our conferences, and so
he did. It soared to #1. SO he moved to New York for some reason. He's
unfortunately immune too. Then there's that not-so-bright guy(SZ) in some
state(I forgot) who meets up with a deaf dood, who got beat up after some
codes dispute. That deaf guy is Solctice, since he's real bright. THey have
to communicate thru CTCP messages, but that's okay.
N-A-R-Q, that spells Freenet Zone!
Then I telnet to Nebraska, since it was in my 0 day dreams, and meet
up with a few more doods. On the way, we meet this d00d named Silver
Serpent, doing some painting, since all the Oncor operators are dead. His
pet Lesser Spotted South African Aardvark survives, so we take him along.
We meet this k-rad M0th3R Ab1ga1l in person so we have PicniCon '94. We
leave an ASCII message saying that we're going to the Colorado Freenet
Zone, so get back in your Camero or pickup truck, and go there.
Baccahbar's already there so we go to his place. Then we find a few other
people, and they eventually turn out to be everyone involved in
KGB/ROLSSAA. So we like have our own little community. Still with me on the
story? Good.
But, like, on the west coast there are some other d00dz who survive.
But instead, they go to Las Vegas(probably not for DefCon) and they have a
leader. His name is U4EA, cuz he's a lot like Flagg. Trust me, I've seen
him on IRC n stuph. L3gion meets up with him after blowing up the Iowa
state IRC server, b3ing just like Trashcan Man. RatScabies was in IRC op
jail when everyone was dying, so U4EA(Flagg) hacked some ops on #jail and
got him released, since all the IRCops were dead. So they both make their
way to Las Vegas. Power is restored there so they can play all those neat
casino games, Commander Keen, and all those other warez. U4EA, being their
phearless leader, plans to blow up the Colorado Freenet Zone with an ICMP
BOMB so him and his evil WaReZ d00dZ can take over all the Internet in the
name of BoW. He's up to no good.
Pax iMPeRiaLiS somehow makes his way to the Colorado Freenet Zone, s0
we have the whole gang together there. We send SZ and CyntaxEra as spiez
down to Las Vegas to see what U4EA and the boys are up to. Somehow we've
got to stop U4EA from bombing the hell out of us so his BoW doodz won't
take over all of Internet. M0tH3r Ab1Ga1l says that four doodz must walk
without codes or phood to Las Vegas to stop U4EA and his BoW gang. So me
(D-FENS), SSerpent and his Lesser Spotted South African Aardvark , UNiQUE,
and Baccahbar(he was some d00d who picked up SZ and Solctice while trucking
along) make our way to Vegas. We hit a big 'CONNECTION REFUSED' along
the way, so we try going thru it. I bust my leg, so the Lesser Spotted
South African Aardvark and I stay behind.
Meanwhile, back in Vegas, L3gion (Trashcan Man) has some flashbacks from
when he was younger and he deleted some college student's term paper
(yeah I know it was a pension check in the story). All the d00dz called
him a lamer and all these other insults. In a fit of rage, he goes on
a rampage and reformats the hard drive at the Air Force base that had the
k-rad program to drop the ICMP bomb, and telnets to some big hard drive
that has ALL the k-rad BOMBS, viruses, trojans, and worms that the Phedz
have stored. As soon as Baccahbar, UNiQUE, and SSerpent reach the login:
prompt of Las Vegas, they're taken to #jail. Ratscabies has to shoot
(kick/ban) SSerpent at the order of U4EA[FlaGG]. So only UNiQUE and
Baccahbar are only left.
So, like U4EA[FlaGG] has this huge ass BoWCon on the streets of
Vegas, and like everyone has awps except for Baccahbar and UNiQUE.
Just as U4EA[FlaGG] is about to kick them for being lame, and being
enemies of BoW, L3gion joins #vegas. He brings the atomic ICMP bomb
with him. Everyone around him is all scared, and he proudly shows it
to U4EA[FlaGG], cuz he was kissing his ass. Then, somehow M0tH3r Ab1Ga1l
somehow appears in a netsplit and somehow gets ops. Just as U4EA[FlaGG]
turns into a CroW and tries to leave #vegas, M0th3r Ab1Ga1l sets off the
AtOmIc ICMP B0mB in L3gion's account. Everyone in #vegas diez, incl00ding
Baccahbar and UNiQUE. BUt they were standing, so that was okay.
Then D-FENS gets to watch this k-rad stuff from a distance, gets rescued
by PaX iMPeRiaLiS who was following them to make sure everything went ok
and goes back to the Colorado Freenet Zone. Every d00d lives happily
ever after. Oh yeah, I also become an admin.
THE END.
- **************************************************************************
- ******************** 2. Baccahbar's first article **********************
- **************************************************************************
|=============================================================|
| Deep Thoughts |
|== Editorial =================================== Baccahbar ==|
Yes, They caught up to me. D-FENS finally found me in #phreak,
making a fool of myself, as usual, and reminded me of KGB and it's
need for articles.. So I threw together a few interesting items.
The next three sections are in *no* way informational, but if
you get something out of it... Good... I claim no responsibility
for quoting movies, other comics, etc. Take with food.
Any references to B0W or U4EA are purely coincidental,
I don't even know them... BUT if I did, i would be joking..
--= Section 1 > Test which even U4(skin)EA cannot pass
You've seen it b4. Sorry bacc, but thanks anyway.
--= Section 2 > Misc Inpho
That virus list you've seen on FIDOnet. We hate FIDOnet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--= Section 3 > Final Thoughts
(ahh! good! :)
Ah well... enough sharing of my personal favorite T-Files.. For those
academically imapired, there will be a translation on channel #St00PiD
at 6:30.
- A note on recent IRC activity...
WHAT?!?!! Can we get any more stupid? Apparently so, seeing the
latest l0sers online. As I was on a conference Saturday,
May 22, 1994, (thanks to a very drugged Zaph0d, who had done Codine and
beer) Dr. Freeze mentioned that he was recieving mail from someone
in #blaklife. He read through it and the basic idea is that this loser
thought that Dr.Freeze was going on the channel #blaklife and basically
'breaking the law' by 'throwing slanderous remarks around'. HA! the
(l)user then went to Dr's site and talked with him... He threatened to
get the sysadmin at Dr's site to expel him. This was impossible because
Dr wasn't even a student! Ah well stupidity... This whole 'superhighway'
media hype will eventually hurt us... Do you think that Lags now are bad?
Wait until the average person can log in..
Well I'll get to more articles later, once I feel more inspired.
Later all, Power to the People.
>> Baccahbar <<
=============================================================================
- ***************************************************************************
- *********************** 3. Conference stuff *******************************
- ***************************************************************************
Well it seems there's a rising trend among the conference scene. What?
Imitations of the visionary. Before, like around the god damn 617 bridge,
it was d00dz like SSerpent that wouldn't shut up wif their imitations of
Brother Mandalow from the Yorkshire Posse. It was reported that he said
"wheel of inpho" numerous times. But who cares? Only a few d00dz do that
now. Amyways, back to the main subject... Jeez. It looks like they aren't
directly ripping on the visionary on this case, and just using that
imitation of his voice for d00dspeak. Well it seems to have totally spread,
so if any phedz were to monitor the conference, they would think it was just
some dood who was talking with himself. Well, at least none of our voices
would be recorded. So if you're on trial, and you hear some goofy 3rd
generation voices, please hold in your laughter, talk in your NORMAL voice,
and say "now does that really sound like me? I mean, I don't sound at ALL
like that.". Don't say something like "Yeah I was on dat k-rad 0-day conf."
Yo, but just for the record, I, D-FENS have no qualms with the visionary
whatsoever.
Uh, there was like a conf or two on Friday, but I forgot the numbers.
What it was mainly composed of was a pro-U4EA conf, and an anti-U4EA
conf. At one point we all migrated to the anti-U4EA conf to see U4EA
duke it out with the d00dz who threatened to do stuff to him at DefCOn.
Heh. I fell asleep on that one...
Well, I thought a cool conference would kill some time and be a decent
break from constantly trying to join #phreak and have it be invite only.
Well, God was I wrong.
Conf Date: 5-28-94 (Saturday)
Number: 1-800-432-3509 pin 176141
Well, I got on at about 9:10 pm, and I got my ears blasted out by some
screaming guy. He would not fucking shut up. This conf also had music
playing(Metallica, etc), and, like any other AT&T conference, had mandatory
touch tones played on it. Fucking god damn.
That screamer guy was one of the most annoying things I've ever heard
on a conf. He's 10 times worse than toners, or poser music d00dz. What's
worse, he was giving out some dude's info in New York. He kept saying
his name was Dennis, and he just would not fucking shut up. Well, anyways,
it was taken down by an unnamed host. I won't tell his name since the
conference was so lame, to protect him, and well, he w0n't get busted. :)
But I called some other conf that was much better. This goes in the
worst Conference Hall of Phame. Good thing it was killed.
I think there was another one we migrated to, but I forgot the spex on
that one. What I do remember on that was I almost busted a gut laughing
at the 'nigga slave' who was refered to as #4, and sounded exactly like
one of the Cosby Kids. It wasn't mushmouth or Fat Albert himself. Maybe
it was Rudy. ANyways, it was purely hilarious.
Conf Date: 5-29-94 (Indy 500 Sunday)
Number: 1-800-432-3509 pin 497475
D00d, this one was a little bit better than the other one. This had the
least amount of toners on it. Okay, so I like got on it, and a few others
like Line Noise, Music Man and eventually U4EA got on. We called up a few
fast f00d places and tried to get free food. We said we went thru the drive
thru and got some fries, and they were cold. They asked for our address
so they could mail us to compensate. We pondered that fact and asked them
wouldn't that phree food be cold when it gets to our house, creating
a vicious circle. They were actually gonna mail us some coupons for some
phree stuff, provided we bring back the fries for proof. We called back
and said our whole meal, thru drive-thru of course, was cold and gross.
That didn't work out, so we stopped that. We did call Burger King though
to see if Brandon, a guy some phreakers managed to get fired over the
phone, was around. They said he wasn't in today. Heh. Looks like they
re hired him. Oh well.
There was some story on how some d00dz decoded the encryption
(I forgot the acronym) to some McDonalds' drive-thru radio system, and
had some phun. While a customer was at drive thru, the phreakers, posing
as drive-thru employees, said they were gonna kick this guy's ass.
Supposedly, this guy got out of his car(while it was still in the drive-
thru spot), and walked into McDonald's and was looking for the guy who
said that to him. Reminds me of that story of the guy at Arby's who used
his CB in his car parked nearby to swear at the employees and tell them
what he thought of the food there. Of course, he got arrested. If you got
a good police scanner, and the right inpho, you can supposedly listen in
on the drive thru. Maybe not. Who knows. I haven't bothered since the
nearest fast food place is a little too far away to pick it up. One person
pondered if you could get on the frequency where the drive thru people talk
to each other on, you could broadcast a Burger King radio station, playing
non-stop hits ONLY for Burger King drive-thru employees. Eleet. But it
got killed.
Conf Date: 5-30-94 (Monday)
Number: 1-800-432-3589 pin 176141
Well I got on dis conf at about 2:30 pm. For some reason, people were
getting booted off one by one for about 3 minutes. This one only lasted
3 hours for some reason. Eventually there was only me, readwrite, and
ladyada on it. But there was, belive it or not, some intelligent
discussion on it.
Conf Date: 5-31-94 (Tuesday)
Number: 1-800-457-XXX3 pin 3X9XXX AND 1-800-457-XXX4 pin 5X7XXX
( 2 meetmes going on at the same time are eleet! )
The 3X9 started out at 7PM CST with just me, ParadoX and line noise.
Music Phreak got on too, and three wayed to the the 5X7 one. Looks like
there were a lot more on that one, so it all worked out. For a brief
minute, there was nobody on the conference. Then Mage, SSerpent, and a
few others finally got back on. It was said the 5X7 conference was a tone
fest, but who cares? Eventually, we made about 1000 calls to On-Cor.
- ****************************************************************************
- ************************ Notes from Andy Rooney *************************
- ****************************************************************************
- Why is it every time a channel, like #phreak is taken
over, the next channel, like #phreak2, where all the
guys migrate to, somehow ends up being totally opless?
- What is it with those 0 day warez? Who cares when it was
released? Don't they care if the damn ware works or not,
or if it's available to the warez public?
- Why is making those elite k-rad 0-day warez available to the
public(minus the phedz of course) the last thing on their
minds? Don't be so selfish!
- Why is it every time I'm on a conference and somebody says
something annoying, or heavily disliked, the tones suddenly
come on?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
PaX iMPeRiaLiS(d00d!)
___________ ___ ___ _________
/ ________/ / \ / / / _____ |
/ / / | / / / / / /
/ /____ / / | / / / / / /
/ _____/ / /| |/ / / / / /
/ / / / | / / / / / /
/ /_______ / / | / / /____/ /
/__________/ /___/ |___/ /__________|