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??? ?????????????? and :??????::?:????????????????:: Issue #09
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"Drugs, Fine Wine, Revolution, and More Drugs"
by ?pic
Well, hello!
It appears that your MiLK is now coming through to your computers
through a different method now. It appears that the MiLKMen are wearing
different uniforms and bringing different shaped bottles to your house. This
change perplexes us, and we wonder, is this a GOOD change? Well, let us hope
so. (Besides, these 'new and improved bottles' appeal to you in your
subconscious mind because they remind you of the form of a female's body. Or,
if that's not your thing, they could also be perceived as a phallic symbol.)
And that's not ALL! Instead of just fresh creamy MiLK to whet your
text-file thirst, the MiLKMen will also be delivering some Tea along with
your MiLK. Tea (MUCH MUCH better than Advanced Tea Substitute, if you've ever
had that) is one of our finest beverages, and will take it's place in the
refrigerator of life right next to the liters of MiLK (NOT Gallons, damnit!
Use the metric system, it's the LAW!), the pitchers of Tang(tm), the chilled
bottles of pills, and of course, your leftover burgers. Breakfast, anyone?
And so, the readers of this new creation of MiLK and Tea that happen
to be reading this particular issue (you and me for example) may be
wondering, so - is epic going to actually write anything in this issue or
not? Well, I'm pondering that topic myself. I think it must be the only just
thing to do here. Hmm. Well, in Issue #06 of this magazine thing here,
Malakai griped and whined and complained about some of the horrors of late
night television programming. Well, if he had only turned the dial over the
sales team at the Home Shopping Club, he would have had a fun time. Not to
mention some SERIOUS savings.
Oh, the dear Home Shopping Club! Modern technology and civlization at
it's finest! It's almost as cool as room service. You can sit at home and
watch the beautiful products on display, and lose yourself in the charm of
the elegant voices of the hosts of the show. That's just terrific. Wow.
Sample the superb styling of the malachite jewelry! Hand crafted by
REAL American Indians. Or perhaps gold is your thing, may I suggest a studded
pendant! Not many other pendants come out at you and say WOW like this one
does. Is that not a chunk? That is INDEED a CHUNK. Terrific.
___________________
/ /
<DING!!> / FLEX-PAY(tm) / / ___// / / __//_/_/_/ __
/__________________/
HEY! It's everyone's friend, Flex-Pay! Flex-Pay makes it easy to buy
whatever you see on the Home Shopping Club, even if you don't have enough
money to afford it! Isn't the capitalist system great?
Not only is there some serious savings to be had (and man, I'm
talking SERIOUS savings, incredible values), there's DRAMA. If you happen to
be watching Television's Gift to Life (The Home Shopping Club of course)
during the late hours of the night, chances are a drunk old lady will call up
to chat with the host of the program. On a good night, this might happen
more than just a few times. Isn't that terrific?
Well, that was a short synopsis of my opinions on the Home Shopping
Club. After reading that you may be left with a questions. You may ask, why?
You may ask if I spend long evenings watching and studying the way the Home
Shopping Club is run, or if my entire speech was meant to be bitterly
sarcastic and I actually loathe any form of home shopping, especially on the
airwaves? You may ask how many questions I may ask? (You may not be told this
information.) You may ask yourself, "Where does this highway go to?". You may
ask yourself "Where is my beautiful house?", and you may ask yourself "Where
is my beautiful wife?". You may ask youself, "Who IS Number One?" You may ask
yourself if you have done a good job recycling, and you may ask yourself
questions on the subject of Greek Mythology. You may wonder how many licks it
takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop, or how many pills of Prozac
it takes to cause mental damage. You may ask, "How many roads must a man walk
down?", or "When is the next GWAR concert?" After all, inquiring minds want
to know. This is the information age, and we want information. Release it.
[
?? the end.
"Questions are a burden to others and answers a prison to oneself."
This text file was supported by the following --
That crazy purple haired girl (moo.), the spoogitives, 111mzd,
loverock, the followers of the WeaSoL, and the followers of b0b.
-- Thanks.
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? MiLK & TeA Sights: ?
? ?
? The Obloid Sphere 41:708/1 [708]965-3098 [Illinoizze] ?
? The Land of Rape and Honey 41:609/1 [609]698-1358 [New Jarsee] ?
? ?
? Note: These are the only two MiLK & TeA sights to date. There are like ?
? 10,000 other boards supposedly ready to be milk and tea sights, but until ?
? I get the news that say they are ready to distribute, They'll remain ?
? unlisted. -Jamesy ?
? ?
? An udder note: The addresses listed above are for [LaMENeT], The offical ?
? net of M&T. You can reach the editors of M&T through the boards listed ?
? above with LaMENeT Addresses. Whoomp, there it is. ?
? ?
? .nfo: File: #009 Author: ?Pic ?
? Size: 7185 Bytes Title: "Drugs, Fine Wine..." ?
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