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[ Mind Warp - Volume #0, Issue #7, File #007 ]
[ "Cruelty to Animals" by Raven ]
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20 Ways to Be Cruel to Animals
[Raven/EoS]
This is a list I've compiled of several ways to torture, maim, kill,
and/or generally be cruel to small, helpless woodland creatures, and some
domesticated ones too.
1) The classic "pyrotechnics in a creature's mouth" works great on reptiles
and amphibians such as frogs, snakes, lizrds, etc...
2) For larger animals, insert tampons into an its butt, and, hopefully, it
will die (slowly and painfully) of constipation.
3) Follow step 2, and then give the poor creature a ton of fiber and const-
ipation medication. haha.
4) A combination of numbers 1 & 2, insert fireworks into an animal's butt
(I'm sure we've all heard the "M-80 up a cat's butt" story).
5) After Step 4, "clean the animal's wounds" with a bucket of alcohol.
6) Anotherr classic: Mix up chunks of alka-seltzer tablets with popcorn or
bread, feed it to the birds, and watch 'em explode.
7) Hog-tie a cat, and drop it off a 10 story building, I bet it won't land
on its feet. <eg>
8) Variation on 2 & 4: give the animal (say a gerbil) to Richard Gere, and
he'll jam it up HIS butt.
9) Find a yip-yip dog (those little dogs, that bark too much, a chihuahua
for example), and shut it up by super glueing it's lips together (epoxy
could also work, but it takes longer to dry than super glue, and the
fumes will probably kill it before it's suffered enough pain).
10) Get a car battery, some jumper-cables, and a metal pan. Fill the pan up
with some water, then connect the jumper cables to the battery and the
pan and wait for a dog to come for a sip of water.
11) On Halloween, douse a dog or cat in gasoline, and set it aflame. Not
only will you get a good laugh, but you'll also get to scare some kids as
they see a firey hell hound running through the steets, yelping.
12) FROG BASEBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
13) Find a dog/cat with one of those lamp-shade collars that prevents it from
touching it's head and face, and pour a jar of ants on its head.
14) Pummel an animal to death with a plastic wiffle bat.
15) During the winter, shave an animal, and tie it to a tree outside.
16) If you or a friend has a pet bird, whose wings aren't clipped, fashion a
noose or a slipnot out of some thin, nylon fishing wire, put it around
the bird's neck, let out a lot of slack, and then let the bird fly off.
After it's gotten to about 20 yards, give the fishing wire a strong tug.
17) As slow as possible, gently crush an animal's head in the door jam of its
owner's house.
18) Tie a dog to the back of your car, and drive off down a dirt rode.
(the movie 'Vacation')
19) Find a dog, hit it in the head with a baseball bat, tie it up, and when
it regains consciousness, take a pair of plyers, and pull it's teeth out
one by one. Now let it go in the woods.
20) Catch a fish (or go to a friend's house who has an aquarium) and pull the
fish out of the water, and leave. (or stick around to watch it flap
and jump about, until it dies)
That's it for this issue. I liked it. I think I'll write another
one on inflicting pain upon animals.
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