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[ Mind Warp - Volume #0, Issue #3, File #003 ]
[ "School Phun #1" by Raven ]
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Lame School 'Phun'
[Raven/EoS]
Another list of stupid things to do at school, there must be at least
a hundred different text files that cover the topic. A special thanx to
PlasticMan for the idea of #2, Hershey Kisses for #7, and to Big Bernie for
the ideas for #1 and #9...
1. If you witness a fight, <preferably one with a large crowd around it> run
into the crowd and yell at the top of your lungs "GUN!". it's great to
see the people run.. usually even the people in the fight will take off.
2. If you happen to come across someone who's recently been dropping acid
<if your school's anything like the ones I've been to, which it probably
is, you can find these people in the bathrooms all the time> tell him
something pleasant like "Aw, d00d, there're ants crawling all over you!!"
or "Ahhhhhhhh!!! the room is filling up with snakes!!!" or anything
that will scare the hell out of someone who can't reason and will believe
everything that you happen to tell them.
3. Go to your local supermarket, and buy a pad-lock and some ground beef <or
any other meat you want, fish works nicely, too>. Now, goto school on a
friday or the day be for a holiday, and find an unused locker, throw the
meat in it, and put the padlock on it. By next Monday <or whenever you
return to school> there'll be a quite unpleasant smell, that will be sure
to disrupt the school, and hopefully get you out of class (if it doesn't,
then your friends will hate you).
4. Simple, but effective: Pull a fire alarm. But please, use enough sense
to wear a glove or use a stick, or something, so #1 you don't leave
finger prints, and #2 all fire alarms nowadays have a dye that comes out
of the alarm when you pull it, thus marking the person who did pull it.
5. For those really religious, christian teachers <every school has 'em>:
When it comes time to hand in your homework, hand in a sheet of paper
that is nothing but pentagrams, "satan loves you" written backwords,
lot's of 666's, and some broken crosses and anything satanic you can
think of.
6. If you have a teacher who is constantly late, when you're in the class
room, and the teacher isn't, go press the intercom pager button, thingy,
and wait for the secratary to respond, then, when she does, have a girl
in your class scream "SECURITY!!!" and you can get a security guard sent
to your class, if you time it right, then you can get the teacher and
the security guard to come into the room at the same time. Do this daily
then do it on and off, like do it 2 days, then don't do it, do another
day, then don't do it, make an irregular pattern, then, after a while of
this, when they actually stop responding to these calls, just go and
kill your teacher one day, it won't matter how loud she screams for
security! hahahaha!
7. Near the beginning of a new semester, when you get into a new class, and
the teacher is assigning new books to each student, there are usually
a lot of extra books lying on her desk, when she isn't looking, steal as
many as you can fit into your bag. Then take the books to a local used
book store. They'll buy em back for $10-$20 a piece.
8. Become great friends with all the school faculty, especially security
guards and janitors. #1: Janitors are just plain cool, #2: if you become
friends with the security guards, and you get into a fight with someone,
they can help you in one of two ways: if you're kickin the kid's ass,
they'll take their time getting over to the fight, and let you kick his
ass a little longer, or, if you're getting your ass kicked, they'll run
over, and maybe pound on him a little for you.
9. If your school is currently offering free condoms, go get a couple,
and unroll them. Then get a big ass loogie in your mouth, and spit it
into the condom. Find a busy hallway, or even better, a crowded lunch
table, and fling the condom in. It'll take about 2 seconds for someone
to realize what it is, but when they do, you can believe the area will
be empty in another 2 seconds. Loogies and cum are very hard to tell
apart from each other when you're glancing at it for a second.
10. If you know someone who has openly declared themselves as a 'homophobe',
stalk them, and when they go into the bathroom, get a bunch of your
friends together, and go into the bathroom behind him. Go to the urinal
next to his, while a friend goes to the one on the other side, and have
the rest of your friends kind of create a semi-circle around the dude.
then while he's peeing, both you and your friend, will both blatanly
start staring at his penis, with a wide grin on your face, while the
others all stare at him with the same big grin, when he turns around to
run, he'll be greeted by a bunch of other smiling faces. hahahaha that'll
scare the shit outta the little ignorant mofo.
11. Turn your school's air conditioning into the world's biggest bong. Buy
as much pot as you can afford, I mean a LOT of pot, and go to the boiler
room of your school. Most schools have centralized A/C, so look for one
of the major A/C ventilation ducts. Find something that can hold the
burning pot, but will let still the smoke out of it and let it burn
properly (it should be big, cuz you shoulda gotten enough pot. If you're
a poor mofo, then go steal some, or kill a dealer or something.) Now,
set the container with the pot in it, in the air duct, now, light it up,
and when the fire alarms go off, and everyone leaves the building, just
have all your friends stay in the bathroom or something, and get real
close to the A/C...
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