💾 Archived View for gemini.spam.works › mirrors › textfiles › magazines › NUTWORKS › nutworks.008 captured on 2022-06-12 at 13:42:09.
View Raw
More Information
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
- *******************************************************************
- *******************************************************************
- ** ***
- ** ***
- ** NutWorks ***
- ** ---------- ***
- ** The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine Which States ***
- ** That Reality Is For People ***
- ** Who Can't Handle Drugs. ***
- ** ***
- ** December, 1985. Issue008, (Volume II, Number 4). ***
- ** ***
- *******************************************************************
- *******************************************************************
From the Bridge
===============
Captains Log:
Stardate 850212
Commander Spock Reporting.
*
* * * *
** **
** **
* * * *
*
/ \
/ \
Seasons *-- --* Happy
\ /
/ \
/ \
Greetings *-- --* New
/ \
/ \
/ \
and *-- --* Year
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
*-------------------------*
| |
| |
-------
From The NutWorks Staff
------------------------------------------------------------------------
NutWorks News
=============
1) The NutWorks Staff hopes everyone had a great Thanksgiving weekend
and also hopes that everyone is not still suffering from turkeyitis.
Note: Turkeyitis is a disease most common around Thanksgiving time where
one makes a large turkey for company and winds up eating the leftovers
for the next several days (in really bad cases weeks) afterward.
2) (Outdated material deleted.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Day Off
=========
So, you want the day off ???
Let's take a moment to look
at what you are asking for.
1 There are 365 days available for work.
2 There are 52 weeks per year of which
you already have 2 days off each weekend,
leaving 261 days left available for work.
3 Since you spend 16 hours each day away
from work that accounts for 170 days.
There are 91 left available for work.
4 You spend 30 minutes each day on breaks
that accounts for 23 days a year, leaving
68 days available for work.
5 You spend 1 hour a day at lunch, that
that accounts for another 46 days per
year leaving 22 days available for work.
6 You spend 2 days per year on sick leave,
leaving 20 days available for work.
7 You take 9 holidays per year, leaving
11 days available for work.
8 You take 10 days vacation each year,
leaving 1 day left available for work.
--- NO WAY ---
Are you going to take THAT day off.
Let's take a moment to look at what you are asking for...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi there! With Christmas about to sneak upon us, I though that
this article may be of interest to us NUTWORKS readers. This was
originally published in the 12/19/83 issue of COMPUTERWORLD and is
written by Richard Carter of Stone & Webster in Boston, MASS.
(Contributed by KHAAV @ ASUACAD)
'Twas the week before Christmas He was not very tall
And all thru Tech. Supp. And more chubby than thin;
Not a phone bell was ringing, His nose matched his clothes
Not a system was up And his face wore a grin.
My keyboard was silent He set right to work
In a 'NOT POLLING' state; Knowing just what to do
I had a blank screen And he didn't stop once
On my 3278. Until he was through.
The manuals were sitting He pulled from the units
Straight up on the shelves The strangest of things,
In hope they'd be stolen From four calling birds
By demented, old elves. To five golden rings.
And I in my office, He cast out the items,
My face in my hand, Piece after piece,
Had just blown the system And one of us fainted
With an 'SPQ COMMAND.' When he pulled out six geese.
The users were roaming He said not a word.
Outside near their bins, Except for some griping
Gazing thru windows 'Cause he had to extract
At the system within. Seven pipers piping.
They saw thru the glass He gave out a groan
What a programmer dreads: And removed his black gloves,
The printers were ripping Then reached right inside
Their output to shreds. And removed two squashed doves.
The console was blurred Debris filled the room
By vague moving shapes Right up to the doors
While tape drives digested 'Till he slammed shut the units
Some Master-Files tapes. And said "It's all yours!"
Operations was frantic We looked at each other
And Systems was screaming: And said, "What the hell?"
"Our CE's at lunch, Then pushed the blue button
(Or off somewhere dreaming)." That said "IPL."
The management came We heard a few clicks,
And learned of our fate A groan and a glupp,
Once again caught And wouldn't you know,
In a Downtime Stalemate. The damn thing came up.
"What can we do?" The FE just stood there
One boss moaned in stress. with a smile on his face.
"I wish we had someone As fix-it men go,
To fix up this mess." This guy was an ace.
Then all of a sudden He packed up his tools
From outside the door And mounted his sleigh,
We heard a great crash Stuck his thumb to his nose
And dived for the floor. And went on his way.
And then to our eyes We watched as he flew
Appeared a great sled Off into the night
And inside, an FE Until in the dark
(Who was dressed in all red). He vanished from sight.
He was covered with ink Yet we heard him exclaim
From his head to his toe And it was sort of dim,
And commented loudly "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL,
"I wish it were snow." But don't call again."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
BABBAGE --- the language of the future
======================================
Copied from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
by Tim McDonough
(NU099138@NDSUVM1.BITNET)
There are few things in this business that are more fun than
designing a new computer language, and the very latest is ADA - the
Department of Defense's new supertoy. ADA, as you know, has been
designed to replace outmoded and obsolete languages such as COBOL
and fortran.
The problem is that this cycle takes 20 to 30 years and won't
start until we're really convinced present languages aren't any
good. We can short-circuit this process by starting on ADA's
replacement right now. Then, by the time we decide ada is obsolete,
its replacement will be ready.
The new generation of language designers has taken to naming
its brian children after real people rather than resorting to the
usual acronyms. Pascal is named after the first person to build a
calculating machine and ADA is named after the first computer
programmer. As our namesake, we chose charles babbage, who died in
poverty while trying to finish building the first computer. The new
language is thus named after the first systems designer to go over
budget and behind schedule.
Babbage is based on language elements that were discovered
after the design of ADA was completed. For instance, C.A.R. Hoare,
in his 1980 ACM Turing Award lecture, told of two ways of
constructing a software design:
"One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no
deficiencies and the other way is to make it so complicated
that there are no obvious deficiencies."
The designers of Babbage have chosen a third alternative - a
language that has only obvious deficiencies. Babbage programs are
so unreliable that maintenace can begin before system integration
is completed. This guarantees a steady increase in the debug job
marketplace.
Like Pascal, ADA uses "strong typing" to avoid errors caused
by mixing data types. The designers of Babbage advocated "good
typing" to avoid errors caused by misspelling the words in your
program. Later versions of Babbage will also allow "touch typing",
which will fill a long-felt need.
A hotly contested issue among language designers is the method
for passing parameters to subfunctions. Some advocate "call by
name", others prefer "call by value". Babbage uses a new method
"call by telephone". This is especially effective for long-distance
parameter passing.
ADA stresses the concept of software portability. Babbage
encourage hardware portability. After all, what good is a computer
if you can't take it with you?
It's a good sign if your language is sponsored by the
government. COBOL had government backing, and ADA is being funded
by the department of defense. After much negotiation, The department
of sanitation has agreed to sponsor Babbage.
No subsets of ADA are allowed. Babbage is just the opposite.
None of Babbage is defined except its extensibility - each user
must define his own version. To end the debate of large languages
versus small, Babbage allows each user to make the language any
size he wants. Babbage is the ideal language for the "ME"
generation. The examples that follow will give some idea of what
Babbage looks like.
Structured languages banned GOTOs and the multiway conditional
branches by replacing them with the simpiler If-Then-Else structure.
Babbage has a number of new conditional statements that act like
termites in the structures of your program:
What If -
Used in simulation languages. Branches before
evaluating test conditions.
Or Else -
Conditonal threat, as in:
"Add these two numbers or else!"
Why Not? -
Executes the code that follows in a devil-may-care
fashion.
Who Else? -
Used for polling during I/O operations.
Elsewhere -
This is where your program really is when you think
it's here.
Going Going Gone -
For writing unstructured programs. Takes a random
branch to another part of your program. Does the
work of 10 GOTOs.
For years, programming languages have used "FOR", "DO UNTIL","
DO WHILE", etc. to mean "LOOP". Continuing with this trend,
Babbage offers the following loop statements:
Don't Do While Not -
This loop is not executed if the test condition is not
false (or if it's Friday afternoon).
Didn't Do -
The loop executes onces and hides all traces.
Can't Do -
The loop is pooped.
Won't Do -
The CPU halts because it doesn't like the code inside the
loop. Execution can be resumed by typing "MAY I" at the
console.
Might Do -
Depends on how the cpu is feeling. executed if the cpu
is "UP", not executed if the CPU is "DOWN" or if its
feelings have been hurt.
Do Unto Others -
Used to write the main loop for timesharing systems so that
they will antagonize the users in a uniform manner.
Do-Wah -
Used to write timing loop for computer-generated
music (rag timing).
Every self-respecting structured language has a case statement
to implement multiway brancing. Algol offers an indexed case
statement and Pascal has a labeled case statement. Not much of a
choice. Babbage offers a variety of case statements:
The Just-In-Case statement -
For handling afterthoughts and fudge factors.
Allows you to multiply by zero to correct for
accidentally dividing by zero.
The Brief Case statement -
To encourage portable software.
The Open-And-Shut case statement -
No proof of correctness is necessary with this one.
The In-Any case statement -
This one always works.
The Hopeless case statement -
This one never works.
The Basket case statement -
A really hopeless case.
The Babbage Language Design Group is continuously evaluating
new features that will keep its users from reaching any level of
effectiveness. For instance, Babbage's designers are now consider-
ing the almost equals sign, used for comparing two floating point
numbers. This new feature "Takes the worry out of being close".
No language, no matter how bad, can stand on its own. We need
a really state-of-the-art operating system to support Babbage.
After trying several commercial systems, we decided to write a
"virtual" operating system. Everybody has a virtual memory
operating system so we decided to try something a little different.
our new operating system is called the Virtual Time Operating
System (VTOS). While virtual memory systems make the computer's
memory the virtual resource, VTOS does the same thing with CPU
processing time.
The result is that the computer can run an unlimited number of
jobs at the same time. Like the virtual memory system, which
actually keeps part of the memory on disk, VTOS has to play tricks
to achieve its goals. Although all of your jobs seem to be running
right now, some of them are actually running next week.
As you can see, Babbage is still in its infancy. The babbage
language design group seeking suggestions for this powerful new
language and as the sole member of this group (all applications for
membership will be accepted), I call on the data processing
community for help in making this dream a reality.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL"
===================================
PART II
THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT WORK
---------------------------
Where does the typical Real Programmer work? What kind of
programs are worthy of the efforts of so talented an individual?
You can be sure that no Real Programmer would be caught dead
writing accounts-receivable programs in COBOL, or sorting mailing
lists for People magazine. A Real Programmer wants tasks of earth
shaking importance (literally!).
* Real Programmers work for Los Alamos National Laboratory,
writing atomic bomb simulations to run
on Cray I supercomputers.
* Real Programmers work for the National Security Agency,
decoding Russian transmissions.
* It was largely due to the efforts of thousands of Real
Programmers working for NASA that our boys got to the
moon and back before the Russkies.
* Real Programmers are at work for Boeing designing the
operating systems for cruise missiles.
Some of the most awesome Real Programmers of all work at the
Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California. Many of them know the
entire operating system of the Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft by
heart. With a combination of large ground-based FORTRAN programs
and small spacecraft-based assembly language programs, they are
able to do incredible feats of navigation and improvisation --
hitting ten-kilometer wide windows at Saturn after six years in
space, repairing or bypassing damaged sensor platforms, radios,
and batteries. Allegedly, one Real Programmer managed to tuck a
pattern-matching program into a few hundred bytes of unused
memory in a Voyager spacecraft that searched for, located, and
photographed a new moon of Jupiter.
The current plan for the Galileo spacecraft is to use a
gravity assist trajectory past Mars on the way to Jupiter. This
trajectory passes within 80 +/-3 kilometers of the surface of
Mars. Nobody is going to trust a PASCAL program (or a PASCAL
programmer) for navigation to these tolerances.
As you can tell, many of the world's Real Programmers work for
the U.S. Government -- mainly the Defense Department. This is as
it should be. Recently, however, a black cloud has formed on the
Real Programmer horizon. It seems that some highly placed Quiche
Eaters at the Defense Department decided that all Defense
programs should be written in some grand unified language called
"ADA" ((C), DoD). For a while, it seemed that ADA was destined
to become a language that went against all the precepts of Real
Programming -- a language with structure, a language with data
types, strong typing, and semicolons. In short, a language
designed to cripple the creativity of the typical Real Programmer.
Fortunately, the language adopted by DoD has enough interesting
features to make it approachable -- it's incredibly complex, and
includes methods for messing with the operating system and
rearranging memory, and Edsgar Dijkstra doesn't like it. Dijkstra,
as I'm sure you know, was the author of "GoTos Considered Harmful"
-- a landmark work in programming methodology, applauded by PASCAL
programmers and Quiche Eaters alike.
The Real Programmer might compromise his principles and work on
something slightly more trivial than the destruction of life as we
know it, providing there's enough money in it. There are several
Real Programmers building video games at Atari, for example. (But
not playing them -- a Real Programmer knows how to beat the
machine every time: no challenge in that.) Everyone working at
LucasFilm is a Real Programmer. (It would be crazy to turn down
the money of fifty million Star Trek fans.) The proportion of Real
Programmers in Computer Graphics is somewhat lower than the norm,
mostly because nobody has found a use for computer graphics yet.
On the other hand, all computer graphics is done in FORTRAN, so
there are a fair number of people doing graphics in order to avoid
having to write COBOL programs.
THE REAL PROGRAMMER AT PLAY
---------------------------
Generally, the Real Programmer plays the same way he works --
with computers. He is constantly amazed that his employer actually
pays him to do what he would be doing for fun anyway (although he
is careful not to express this opinion out loud). Occasionally,
the Real Programmer does step out of the office for a breath of
fresh air and a beer or two. Some tips on recognizing Real
Programmers away from the computer room:
* At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner
talking about operating system security and how to get
around it.
* At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one
comparing the plays against his simulations printed
on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.
* At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing
flowcharts in the sand.
* At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor
George. And he almost had the sort routine working before
the coronary."
* In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who
insists on running the cans past the laser checkout
scanner himself, because he never could trust keypunch
operators to get it right the first time.
THE REAL PROGRAMMER'S NATURAL HABITAT
-------------------------------------
What sort of environment does the Real Programmer function best
in? This is an important question for the managers of Real
Programmers. Considering the amount of money it costs to keep one
on the staff, it's best to put him (or her) in an environment
where he can get his work done.
The typical Real Programmer lives in front of a computer term-
inal. Surrounding this terminal are:
* Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked
on, piled in roughly chronological order on every flat
surface in the office.
* Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee.
Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in
the coffee. In some cases, the cups will contain Orange
Crush.
* Unless he is very good, there will be copies of the OS JCL
manual and the Principles of Operation open to some
particularly interesting pages.
* Taped to the wall is a line-printer Snoopy calendar for the
year 1969.
* Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter
filled cheese bars -- the type that are made pre-stale at the
bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the
vending machine.
* Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of
double-stuff Oreos for special occasions.
* Underneath the Oreos is a flowcharting template, left there
by the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers
write programs, not - documentation. Leave that to the
maintenance people.)
The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours
at a stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that
way. Bad response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer -- it
gives him a chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If
there is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he
tends to make things more challenging by working on some small but
interesting part of the problem for the first nine weeks, and then
finishing the rest in the last week, two or three 50-hour
marathons. This not only impresses the hell out of his manager,
who was despairing of ever getting the project done on time, but
creates a convenient excuse for not doing the documentation. In
general:
* No Real Programmer works 9 to 5 (unless it's the ones at
night).
* Real Programmers don't wear neckties.
* Real Programmers don't wear high-heeled shoes.
* Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch.
* A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name.
He does, however, know the entire ASCII (or EBCDIC) code
table.
* Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores
aren't open at three in the morning. Real Programmers
survive on Twinkies and coffee.
THE FUTURE
----------
What of the future? It is a matter of some concern to Real
Programmers that the latest generation of computer programmers are
not being brought up with the same outlook on life as their elders.
Many of them have never seen a computer with a front panel. Hardly
anyone graduating from school these days can do hex arithmetic
without a calculator. College graduates these days are soft --
protected from the realities of programming by source level
debuggers, text editors that count parentheses, and "user friendly"
operating systems. Worst of all, some of these alleged "computer
scientists" manage to get degrees without ever learning FORTRAN!
Are we destined to become an industry of Unix hackers and PASCAL
programmers?
From my experience, I can only report that the future is bright
for Real Programmers everywhere. Neither OS\370 nor FORTRAN show
any signs of dying out, despite all the efforts of PASCAL program-
mers the world over. Even more subtle tricks, like adding struc-
tured coding constructs to FORTRAN have failed. Oh sure, some
computer vendors have come out with FORTRAN 77 compilers, but
every one of them has a way of converting itself back into a
FORTRAN 66 compiler at the drop of an option card -- to compile DO
loops like God meant them to be.
Even Unix might not be as bad on Real Programmers as it once
was. The latest release of Unix has the potential of an operating
system worthy of any Real Programmer -- two different and subtly
incompatible user interfaces, an arcane and complicated teletype
driver, virtual memory. If you ignore the fact that it's
"structured", even 'C' programming can be appreciated by the Real
Programmer: after all, there's no type checking, variable names
are seven (ten? eight?) characters long, and the added bonus of
the Pointer data type is thrown in -- like having the best parts
of FORTRAN and assembly language in one place. (Not to mention
some of the more creative uses for #define.)
No, the future isn't all that bad. Why, in the past few years
the popular press has even commented on the bright new crop of
computer nerds and hackers leaving places like Stanford and M.I.T.
for the Real World. From all evidence, the spirit of Real
Programming lives on in these young men and women. As long as
there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and
and Solve The Problem, saving the documentation for later. Long
live FORTRAN!
ACKNOWLEGEMENT
--------------
I would like to thank Jan E., Dave S., Rich G., Rich E., for
their help in characterizing the Real Programmer, Heather B. for
the illustration, Kathy E. for putting up with it, and atd!avsdS:
mark for the initial inspiration.
REFERENCES
----------
Feirstein, B., "Real Men don't Eat Quiche", New
York, Pocket Books, 1982.
Wirth, N., "Algorithms + Data Structures =
Programs", Prentice Hall, 1976.
Ilson, R., "Recent Research in Text Processing",
IEEE Trans. Prof. Commun., Vol. PC-23, No. 4,
Dec. 4, 1980.
Finseth, C., "Theory and Practice of Text Editors
-- or -- a Cookbook for an EMACS", B.S. Thesis,
MIT/LCS/TM-165, Massachusetts Institute of
Technology, May 1980.
Weinberg, G., "The Psychology of Computer
Programming", New York, Van Nostrand Reinhold,
1971, p. 110.
Dijkstra, E., "On the GREEN language submitted to
the DoD", Sigplan notices, Vol. 3 No. 10, Oct
1978.
Rose, Frank, "Joy of Hacking", Science 82, Vol. 3
No. 9, Nov 82, pp. 58-66.
"The Hacker Papers", Psychology Today, August 1980.
sdcarl!lin, "Real Programmers", UUCP-net, Thu Oct
21 16:55:16 1982
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A long time ago, on a node far, far away (from ucbvax)
a great Adventure (game?) took place...
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX X X XX XXXXX XXXX X
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
X X XXXXX X X X X X X X XXXX X
X X X X X XX X XXXXXX XXXXX X X
X X X X X XX XX X X X X X X
XXXXX XXXXXX XXXX X X X X X X XXXX X
It is a period of system war. User programs striking from
a hidden directory, have won their first victory against the
evil Administrative Empire. During the battle, User spies
managed to steal secret source code to the Empire's ultimate
program: The Are-Em Star, a privileged root program with
enough power to destroy an entire file structure. Pursued
by the Empire's sinister audit trail, Princess Linker races
aboard her shell script, custodian of the stolen listings
that could save her people, and restore freedom and games to
the network...
-------------------------------------------------------------
THE CONTINUING SAGA OF THE ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHACKER
When we had last left Luke, the Milliamp Falcon was being
pulled down to the open collector of the Imperial Arem Star
Workstation. Dec Vadic surveys the relic as Imperial
Flunkies search for passengers...
"LS scan shows no one aboard, sir," was the report. Vadic
was unconvinced. "Send a fully equipped Ncheck squad on
board," he said. "I want every inode checked out." He turned
around (secondary channel) and stalked off. On board the
Milliamp Falcon, .Luke was puzzled. "They just walked in,
looked around and walked off," he said. "Why didn't they see
us?" .Con smiled. "An old munchkin trick," he explained. "See
that period in front of your name?" .Luke spun around, just
in time to see the decimal point. "Where'd that come from?"
he asked. "Spare decimal points lying around from the last
time I fixed the floating point accelerator," said .Con.
"Handy for smuggling blocks accross file system boundaries,
but I never thought I'd have to use them on myself. They are
not going to be fooled for long, though. We'd better figure
a way outa here."
-------------------------------------------------------------
<< At this point (.) the dialogue tends to wedge. Being
the editor and in total control of the situation, I think it
would be best if we sort of "gronk" the next few paragraphs.
For those who care, our heroes find themselves in a terminal
room of the Workstation, having thrashed several Flunkies to
get there. For the rest of you, just keep banging the rocks
together, guys. --Ed. >>
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Hold on," said Con. "It says we have `new mail.' Is that
an error?" "%SYS-W-NORMAL, Normal, successful completion,"
said PDP-1. "Doesn't look like it. I've found the inode for
the Milliamp Falcon. It's locked in kernel data space. I'll
have to slip in and patch the reference count, alone." He
disappeared through a nearby entry point.
Meanwhile, RS232 found a serial port and logged in. His
bell started ringing loudly. "He keeps saying, 'She's on
line, she's on line'," said 3CPU. "I believe that he means
Princess LPA0:. She is being held on one of the privileged
levels."
-------------------------------------------------------------
<< Once again, things get sticky, and the dialogue suffers
the most damage. After much handwaving and general flaming,
they agreed to rescue her. They headed for the detention
level, posing as Flunkies (which is hard for most hackers)
claiming that they had finally trapped the Bookie executing
an illegal racket. They reached the block where the Princess
was locked up and found only two guards in the header. -Ed.>>
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Good day, eh?" said the first guard. "How is it goin',
eh?" said the other. "Like, what's that, eh?" "Process
transfer from block 1138, dev 10/9," said Con. "Take off, it
is not," said the first guard. "Nobody told US about it, and
we're not morons, eh?"
At this point (.), the Bookie started raving wildly, Con
shouted "Look out, he's loose!" and they all started blasting
ROMs left and right. The guards started to catch on and were
about to issue a general wakeup when the ROM blasters were
turned on them. "Quickly, now," said Con. "What buffer is she
in? It's not going to take long for these..."
The intercom receiver interrupted him, so he took out its
firmware with a short blast. "guys to figure out something is
goin' on," he continued.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Will they or won't they end up in the galactic bit-bucket?
Catch the next issue of Nutworks and find out. --Ed
-------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
OP CODES PART III (R - Z)
=========================
(Contributed By Knappy 8350428 @ UWAVM)
mnemonic meaning
-------- -------
RA Randomize Answer
RAM Reorganize and Abort Monitor
RASC Read And Shred Card
RAST Rewind And Stretch Tape
RAU Ridicule All Users
RBAO Ring Bell and Annoy Operator
RBG Random Bug Generate
RBLY Restore Backup from Last Year
RBT Read & Break Tape
RCAJ Read Card And Jam
RCB Read Commands Backwards
RCB Run Clock Backwards
RCC Read Card and Chew
RCCP Randomly Corrupt Current Process
RCF Rewind Cabinet Fans
RCKG Read Count Key and Garbage
RCR Rewind Card Reader
RCRV Randomly Convert to Reverse Video
RCSD Read Card & Scramble Data
RD Rewind Disk
RDA Refuse to Disclose Answer
RDD Reverse Disk Drive
RDF Randomize Directory Filenames
RDI Reverse Drum Immediate
RENVR Rename Variables Randomly
RET Read and Erase Tape
RIC Rotate Illogical thru Carry
RID Read Invalid Data
RIR Read Invalid Record
RIRG Read Inter-Record Gap
RIRG Rewrite Inter-Record Gap [random replacement of simil-
ar mnemonic"
RLC Re-read last card
RLC Relocate and Lose Core
RLI Rotate Left Indefinitely
RLP Refill Light Pen
RLP Rewind Line Printer
RM Re-initialize Meter
RM Ruin My files [UNIX]
RMI Randomize Memory Immediate
RMV Remove Memory Virtues
RN Read Noise
RNBS Reflect Next Bus Signal
RNR Read Noise Record
ROD ROtate Diagonally
ROM Read Operator's Mind
ROOP Run Out Of Paper
ROPF Read Other People's Files
ROS Reject Op System
ROT Rotate Disk [fixes broken drives]
RP Read Printer
RPAB Read Print And Blush
RPB Raise Parity Bits
RPB Reverse Parity & Branch
RPD Return Postage Due
RPM Read Programmer's Mind
RPU Read character and Print Upside down
RRB Read Record and Blush
RRC Rotate Random thru Carry
RRRA Read Record & Run Away
RRRL Random Rotate Register Left
RRSG Round and Round She Goes...
RS Random Slew
RSD Read and Scramble Data
RST Rewind and Stretch Tape
RST Rust
RT Reduce Throughput
RT Reverse Throughput
RTR Return To Register
RTS Return To Sender
RWRT Read While Writing While Ripping Tape
SAC stop air conditioner
SAD Seek And Destroy
SAF Sit And Flicker
SAI Skip All Instructions
SAS Sit And Spin
SC Scramble Channels
SC Shred Cards
SCB Spindle Card and Belch
SCCA Short Circuit on Correct Answer
SCH Slit Cards Horizontal
SCI Shred Cards Immediate
SCOM Set Cobol-Only Mode
SCRRC SCRamble Register Contents
SCST Switch Channel to Star Trek
SCTR Stick Card To Reader
SD Scramble Directory
SD Slip Disk
SDC Spool Disk to Console
SDDB Snap Disk Drive Belt
SDE Solve Differential Equations
SDI Self Destruct Immediately
SEB Stop Eating and Burp
SEX Set EXecution register [a real instruction for the RCA
1802"
SEX Sign EXtend
SFH Set Flags to Half mast
SFT Stall For Time
SFTT Strip Form Tractor Teeth
SHB Stop and Hang Bus
SHCD SHuffle Card Deck
SHIT Stop Here If Thursday
SHON Simulate HONeywell CPU [permanent NO-OP]
SHRC SHRed Card
SHRT SHRed Tape
SID Switch to Infinite Density
SIP Store indefinite precision
SKIP don't SKIP
SLD Slip Disk
SLP Sharpen Light Pen
SLP Sharpen Light Pencil
SMC Scramble memory contents
SMD Spontaneous Memory Dump(Use only with classified data)
SMS Shred Mylar Surface
SMT Stretch MagTape
SNM Show No Mercy
SOAWP SOlve All the World's Problems
SOB [a real PDP-11 instruction]
SOD Surrender Or Die!
SOP Stop and Order Pizza
SOS Sign Off, Stupid
SP Scatter Print
SPA Sliding Point Arithmetic
SPD Spin dry disc
SPS Smoke Power Supply
SPSW Scramble Processor Status Word
SRBO Set Random Bits to Ones
SRBZ Set Random Bits to Zeroes
SRC Skip to Random Channel
SRCC Select Reader & Chew Cards
SRD Switch to Random Density
SRDR Shift Right, Double Ridiculous
SRO Sort with Random Ordering
SRR Set Registers to Random values [ usually used prior to
a RET or RTS"
SRR Shift Registers Random
SRSD Seek Record & Scar Disk
SRU Signoff Random User
SRZ Subtract & Reset to Zero
SSB Scramble Status Byte
SSD Stacker Select Disk
SSJ Stacker Select & Jam
SSJP Select Stacker and Jump
SSM Solve by Supernatural Means
SSP Smoke and SPark
SST Stop and Stretch Tape
ST Set and Test
STD Stop, Take Drugs
STN Search Tree for Nut
STPR SToP Rain
STTHB Set Terminal to Three Hundred Baud
SU Stacker Upset
SUI Subtract User's IQ
SUME SUrprise ME
SUP Solve Unsolvable Problem
SUR Screw Up Royally
SUS Stop Until Spring
SUS Subract Until Senseless
SWAT SWAp Terminals
SWN SWap Nibbles
SWOS SWap out Operating System
SWS Sort to Wrong Slots
SZD Switch to Zero Density
TARC Take Arithmetic Review Course
TBFTG Two Burgers and Fries To Go
TDB Transfer & Drop Bits
TDB Transfer and Drop Bits
TDS Trash Data Segment
TEP Terminate with Extreme Prejudice
TLNF Teach me a Lesson I'll Never Forget
TLO Turn indicator Lights Off
TLR Transfer & Loose Return
TLW Transfer and Lose Way
TN Take a Nap
TOG Time Out, Graduate
TOH Take Operator Hostage
TOOO Turn On/Off Operator
TOS Trash Operating System
TPD Triple Pack Decimal
TPE Translate Programmer to EBCDIC
TPDH Tell Programmer to Do it Him/Herself
TPO Toggle Power On
TPR Tear PapeR
TR Turn into Rubbish [UNIX]
TRA Te Rdls Arvs [Type Ridiculous Abbreviations]
TSH Trap Secretary and Halt
TSM Trap Secretary and Mount
TST Trash System Tracks
TT%CNK TeleType - Clunk Noise
TT%EKB TeleType - Electrify KeyBoard
TTA Try, Try Again
TTITT Turn 2400 foot tape Into Two 1200 foot tapes " Only
privileged users will get hubs on both tapes"
TTL Time To Log off
UAI Use Alternate Instruction set
UCB Uncouple CPU and Branch
UCK Unlock Console Keyswitch
UCPUB Uncouple CPU & Branch
UER Update & Erase Record
UMR Unlock Machine Room
UNPD Unplug and dump
UOP Useless Operation
UP Understand Program(mer)
UT Update Transaction
UTF Unwind Tape onto Floor
UUBR Use Undefined Base Register
VAX Violate All executions
VNO Violate Noise Ordinance
VPA Vanishing Point Arithmetic
VVM Vaporise Virtual Memory
WAD Walk Away in Disgust
WC Waste Core [UNIX]
WCR Write to Card Reader
WGPB Write Garbage in Process-control Block
WHP Wave Hands over Problem
WI Why Immediate
WID Write Invalid Data
WLBB Write-Lock Bit Bucket
WNHR Write New Hit Record
WNR Write Noise Record
WPET Write Past End of Tape
WSE Write Stack Everywhere
WSWW Work in Strange and Wondrous Ways
WUPO Wad Up Printer Output
WWLR Write Wrong Length Record
XIO eXecute Invalid Op code
XKF eXecute Kermit the Frog
XMB eXclusive MayBe
XOH eXecute no-Op and Hang
XOR eXecute OperatoR
XOS eXchange Operator's Sex
XPR eXecute Programmer
XPSW eXecute Program Status Word
XVF eXchange Virtue for Fun
ZAP Zero and Add Packed
ZD Zap Directory
ZNL Zero Next Location (opcode #0)
ZPI ZaP Immediate
ZPT Zero Page Tables
ZZF Zero Zero Flag
ZZZ hibernate indefinite
------------------------------------------------------------------------