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+= poor old ugly pompous electronic yams #12 =+
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Poupey #12: JUST WRITE it.
Why? Why? Why the hell? -Nybar
Yeah.. thats right.. Why the hell?!@#$ What the HELL happened to
my sock!! I can't find it!! Where the hell is my sock. If I found my
sock.. it would be just ducky. Ducky.. yeah.. ducky. Let me tell you
youngins a lil story `bout ducks. It starts in da `nam. Thems was brave
boys. Misled boys. They came in for the glory.. but in the end.. it was
for one thing. Group masturbation. And the only ones who knew.. other then
the soldiers.. were the ducks. The ducks knew all. And in this knowledge..
they had power. Power to stop the useless war. And here is a log type
thing of what they DID instead of stopping the war:
(real names will not be used... for the ducks safety)
Mr.Duck "Quack"
-------------F-----I-----N-----------
ham - jubjub
O, ham, how succulent art thou,
Made from the pig, neighbor of the cow,
I love you ham, and your glaze,
Your tender meat sends me into a daze,
I cook you in my oven, bathed in heat,
Your charred flesh I would love to eat,
This poem, I now must end,
I am off to eat you, my friend.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
by Mogel
"smash smash smash," says hulk.
he didn't fight with the cat. no, not ONCE. not TWICE.
"i've got a butt! & it smells like a butt!" he elated in a
gratuitous jubilation upon dancing towards the corner diner with only a
small serving of liverworst & a box of cap'n crunch.
he sat down & he said "gimme the dumplings," & fondled his bald
head. hulk didn't hear the trains flopping in the wind until her ate a
poop & didn't like it even a little bit not like a very small about - even
less. like, less than the intricately small microscopic intermitten
moments where an entire sentiant thought enters #zines - even less. it's
less than the generousity of the republicans. even less.
this amount of bigness is so unbig that it doesn't SHUT UP SHIT
UPS HUPS THUISTSUTSPTUSTHUSTHSUTSPTSTUSTUSPTt
& then some. "smash," be blubbered & gargled some patatoE soup.
the waitress said "check please!" & proceeded to stab the hulk,
but he wasn't dead. he was a freak.
hulk sucks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is a little dream I had.. - by Nybar
Me and Waylan Smithers (of the simpsons) were trying to solve a murder
mystery. The person who had been murdered was King Richard (The
Lionhearted). It seemed to Smithers that the most logical one to
interview first was the queen. So we did. (The queen looked like
how she did when she shown on kids in the hall.)
Smithers "Do you have any information concerning the king of england,
Richard The Lionhearted's.. murder?"
Queenie "Are you implying I, could have killed him?"
Me "No.. we ARE looking for possible suspects though."
Queenie "Possibly the kings bastard son. If he killed the king before
his legit son could mature, he would have a chance to rule
all of england."
Smithers "We appreciate your help"
-----
So we decided to interview the former kings bastard son. (The bastard
son looks like homer simpson from the simpsons.. but he is dressed like
a prince.)
-------
Me "Homer?"
Homer "AHH!!"
Me "Do you have anything to do with the murder of your father?"
Homer "I would never kill my daddy!"
Me "I belive your innocent!!"
Homer "Woohoo!"
Smithers "Oh come on man! You have guilt painted all over you! You have
the perfect motive!! Everything fits! You killed your father
to keep the rightful king of england out of the throne!!!"
Homer "D'ohh!
Me "Homer.. do you know anyone that might have wanted your father
`out of the way'?"
Homer "Out of the way?"
Me "Dead!!"
Homer "The legit son was one NASTY LIL' kid!! I tried ta stop him! But
no!! He was crazzzzzzz-eeee!! CRAZY ZANY KOOKEE!"
Smithers "Lets RIDEEEE!"
-------
Now.. the legit son looked much like milhouse from simpsons. Also of
import was he was in a car.. next to a wall.
--------------
Me "Did you.. murder your father?"
Milhouse "Me?! I was way to afraid of my father to MURDER him!!!"
Smithers "I had heard you were fearless.."
Milhouse "Well there was one thing I really feared...."
Me "What was that?"
Milhouse "The car olympics!"
<smithers and I turn around>
Me "The car olympics?"
VROOM!
<me and smithers turn around>
<I spy a big hole in the wall.. the shape and size of milhouses car>
Me "Oh well.."
-----
Having exhausted many likely suspects.. we decided to gather all probable
or improbable potential suspects. In a sort of.. Agatha Kristy/murder she
wrote.. on acid way. Yeah.Yeah.Everything from a crocodile to a.. green
eye type thing was there. We were on a sandy terrain with two walls
opposite eachother there.. (the suspects were lined up against the walls)
Just as me and smithers were going to question the suspects....
------
Smithers "I think I know who the culprit is!!"
<then zorak from space ghost coast to coast arose from the ground>
Zorak "Yes!! I, ZORAK, did it!! And I'd do it again!! MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
And then I woke up
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"the enigma surrounding 'nybar'"
waxed & booby trapped by - mercuri
the room. a small psychiatrists office, it looks like a nice, well
furbished den. on a couch is a fat, balding man. he is wearing blue sweat
pants and hard rock cafe t-shirt. it looked as if he had wiped potato-chip
grease on his t-shirt before he came.
the man interviewing this fat, balding man in sweatpants was a psychiatrist.
the psychiatrist peered over nybar's -- the fat balding man -- portfolio.
shrink: "hey nybar?"
nybar: "yeeaah what?"
shrink: "chicken butt."
nybar: "yeeaah what?"
shrink: "chicken butt."
nybar: "can we please get moving with this doc, i'm paying for this time."
shrink: "i suppose." nybar: "okay, good."
shrink: "tell me what your childhood was like..."
nybar: "i can some it up in one word: poupey."
shrink: "what do you mean? your childhood was bad?"
nybar: "let me explain myself, doc... but first, do you have any irish
cream coffee?"
the answer was yes, and nybar downed the first cup of irish cream. it burnt
his throat because it was so hot, and he let the doctor now about it.
shrink: "continue."
nybar: "well, doc. my childhood was going well for the first ten or so
years, then something odd happened."
shrink: "what was that?"
nybar: "i began having strange dreams, about handle's little sister. but
in these dreams i was napoleon, and she was my mistress."
shrink: "ooh, continue."
nybar: "well, you see. nybar comes from the latin word "nybarius," which
means to conquer."
shrink: "no it doesn't."
nybar: "what?"
shrink: "that's not latin. that's russian."
nybar: "what?! no wonder the kremlin wouldn't leave me alone..."
shrink: "the kremlin? in moscow?"
nybar: "NO. THE KREMLIN IN IDAHO. I'M PAYING YOU MONEY FOR THIS?"
shrink: "yep."
nybar: "that was a rhetorical question."
shrink: "my bad."
nybar: "AS I WAS SAYING... one day i was walkind down the street and i
started sing DOO-WAH-DIDDIE-DOO-DOO TALK ABOUT THE GIRL FROM SALT
LAKE CITY - YEAH!"
shrink: "what? we were talking about the kremlin!"
nybar: "and then this bird went on pooped on my brother's HEAD!!! would you
write for poupey?"
shrink: "isn't that pronounced POO-PAY?"
nybar: "and then we started eating a pizza and a squirrel approached me and
he said he says he said... DO YOU WANT MY FUR!!! and i said
yeah &
he said, WELL HA HA YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BECAUSE IT'S _MY_ FUR!!
shrink: "..."
nybar: "so i chased the little rascal, and when i found him i skinned him
alive and ate all his acorns. i was looking to see if he stored
his acorns in tupperware like the squirrel in the commercial did.
that must be a smart squirrel, ya know?"
shrink: "excuse me?"
nybar: "SMART AS IN I.Q. -- SMART AS IN STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES!!"
shrink: "i see what you're saying.. you're saying that if someone wrote for
poupey.... you'd be surprised?"
nybar: "BINGO!!! and BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O... B-I-N-G-O and BINGO was his
NAME-O."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
poetry(?) - lumpy
Lumpy "Once I was happy,"
Lumpy "But now I am sad,"
Lumpy "because all of my days.."
Lumpy "are spent being bad."
Nybar "Very nice"
Lumpy "I Tried to smoke crack,"
Lumpy "but I weren't man enough.."
Nybar "And died"
Lumpy "And played with my stuff."
Lumpy "Now I have no friends at all,"
Lumpy "so I pulled out a playboy,"
Lumpy "and scratched my ball"
Lumpy (the other one to)
Nybar "Yeah.. uhh.. thats very nice. Is this a submission to poupey?"
Lumpy "Yes it is.. and I am making it up as I go along, to"
FIN
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Poupey Spinoff -The poupey-quasi kinda miniseris thing that never happened
-(nybar) ---------------------------------------------------
Superduck "Quack"
Chickenbabe "You saiiddd it daddy.. take me homeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
<superduck mounts chickenbabe>
Chickenbabe "COCK, A DOODLE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!@$"
Superduck "QUACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!"
<the next day>
Duckgirl "What were you doing last night daddy? You N mommy woke
me up.."
Superduck "Ohhh.. nothingg.."
Duckgirl "Were you BEATING her?! She was screaming!"
Superduck "Ahh.. not quite"
Duckgirl "I'm callin the police!"
Superduck "WE WERE HAVING SEX, OK!?! CAN'T A RETIRED SUPERHERO
AND HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE HAVE SEX?!?!"
Duckgirl "Ohh.. yellin' at the kids huh? Yeah.. your acting alot
like a super hero now!"
Superduck "Hey.. I'm RETIRED! Get me? No more of that mickey
mouse shit."
Duckgirl "Bite my head off.."
Superduck "Sorry."
... (superducks subconcious all knowing physce of a narrator)
Yes.. that right.. RETIRED superhero... you tell yourself.
Retired! No more trudging 500,000 miles through the trackless
desert (mm dessert) just to find some stupid lost puppy and
return it to the ungrateful bitch of an old woman vegetable
who was gonna die in a week anyway. You have a life now.. a
family. You have a dull life as an accountent. Time to put
the crappy days where everyone was out to get you, your
mother.. and your lil dog, to! These were the good days.
To bad they can't last.
---------------------To------Be----*DUMDUMDUMMMM!*----CONTINUED!------------