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???? ?????? ? Pizza Underground Digest Volume 3 Issue 01 Epic 17 ? ?????? ????
???? ?????? ? Serving the modem folks for a very really long time. ? ?????? ????
???? ? ???? ? This issue composed mainly by: Baphomet the *.* ? ? ???? ????
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"...to catch my breath, before I start off again..."
-Rush[1]
? Back? Again?
Damn it. Just when you thought it was safe to read K_RaD TFiLES look
who is back! Those two real swell guys and thier companions. PuD is
back and stronger than ever! All PuDs are now distrubted in two, yes
that is 1+1, formats. Two? The first is the standard .TXT file, just
done for the hell of it, and the second is an archive. Well what the
hell is in the archive? Well a hypertext version of the issue, the
usual text version and maybe some other utilities, files or just
whatever in the hell we feel like adding.
? Mail!
Of course I recieve a few pieces of mail a day, but most of it, ok
all of it is non-PuD related. But hey some of my general mail,
surely must apply to the overall atmosphere of PUD. And what do you
know here is a message from a really bright, insightfull, WWiVnet
particpant.
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Tandyman #240 @4057 [TEST] ?
Wed Apr 14 13:30:03 1993 ?
?
REGARDING: REALITY=COMPUTER VIRI? ?
POSTED BY: Baphomet The Limbo King #14 @2506 ?
?
you're such an asshole. ?
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Now of course I have to tell you what the orignal message was about.
My message simply that this damn LaMeR couldn't tell the difference
between computers and reality, muchless real computers. Hence the
name TandyMan. "YES! Tandy's are IBM Compatible."[2]
LATE BREAKING ADDITION! Added really recently to this issue.
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Dear Sirs:
It has recently been brought to my attention that in a recent edition
of your publication, you used mail sent by me without my prior consent.
To whit, the offending material is as follows:
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??? ???
?? PUD: Snow Fun Edited By: Baphomet the Limbo King Mar. 13, 1993 ??
??? ???
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? Mail
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Hymie #86 @2506
Sun Feb 28 16:15:02 1993
RE: Multi-Mail
A Petition to Petition to The Members of the Boards of Directors of
Every Major TV Network, Film, Music and Record Company.
For those of you who didn't, look at the back page of the Comics in
? [CUT FOR BREVITY] ?
Try to refrain from using letter bombs. It's a Federal offense. Happy
extremist bashing to all!!!
<with goofy grin>
---Hymie
=)
I included this merely because of the last phrase. I had no idea letter
bombs were illegal. I guess I will have to buy that plain ticket sooner
than I though. Ooops.
There was some more mail, but I lost it. To fucking bad. Wah.
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I have consulted with my attorney on the matter and it appears that
the unpermitted inclusion of my mail in your recent publication violates a
breech of trust, specifically, in federal code 1978 478.23, section c,
pararaph 173 clearly states: "No publication deriving their name from an
Italian cuisie may willingly and knowingly include in said publication any
corespondance from any readers of aforementioned publication without their
express written consent."
Because you did not have my express written consent to include this
letter in your publication, you are in clear violation of said federal code.
My lawyers have advised me that I would be more likely to win a class action
suit. In light of this, I have found a person who wishes to join me in a
class action suit. The Jamaican Bobsledder, commonly known as Satan's Mutt,
has agreed to join me, citing mental and physical duress. Apparently, your
publication published both his address and phone number without his consent,
thus violating said code and the 1979 Federal Privacy Information Act. Also,
he claims to have suffered mental duress because of several claims of fact
that you made. If your organization had published:
"IN MY OPINION, Satan's Mutt is a LaMeR from hell who doesn't know
his ass from his girlfriends mouth; a LaMeR who is the epitomy of
lameness; a LaMeR who thinks that VBBS is the smoothest thing this
side of LamdaMOO; a LaMeR who, IN MY OPINION would love for you
to call him at
(205)880-9566
and, who IN MY OPINION would *love* to have thirty anchovie pizzas
delivered to his address, which, IN MY OPINION is:
Steve Brady
2503 Glen Echo Circle
Huntsville, AL 35803-1539
And, also, IN MY OPINION, his biggest "comeback" to anything I have
ever posted about him is: 'You suck big donkey dicks.' "
that would have been perfectly acceptable under current federal and state
laws, but, as it is, you did not, and therefore, it is not.
We have contacted your legal department, and we are more than willing
to settle out of court. However, the offer of sexual favors from Talking
Girl is NOT acceptable. We have learned from some guy named Paul that she
CAN NOT put her legs behind her head, she is merely taking lessons
(although she apparently comes close.) We regret that the offer of sexual
favors is unacceptable. However, Satan's Mutt is more than willing to
settle with four (4) hours of use of one of one of NO COURiER's llami.
I regret that the matter has had to proceed this far. I am certain
that relationships between your organization, myself, and Satan's Mutt will
improve greatly in the future. The subpoena was unfortunate, I must admit,
and I apologize for having your swass computer system impounded as evidence.
You will find attached a list of claims and amounts we are suing for.
With Sincere Goofy Grin,
Hymie
=)
/attachment
/enclosure
<---------------------------attachment--------------------------------------->
Punitive Damages: $13.26
Compensatory Damages: (1) Enough money for me and dig to get to and
complete the pleasure domes in Total Carnage,
which, incidentally is so swass it is beyond
mere mortal comprehension,
(2) Satan's Mutt free use of one (1) of
NO COURiER's llami for four (4) hours,
(3) Your word that you shall never, ever again
publish Satan's Mutt real name, number, or
address, which, incidentally, happens to be:
Steve Brady
2503 Glen Echo Circle
Huntsville, AL 35803-1539
(205)-880-9566
and lastly,
(4) Services rendered, cause I've always wanted
to hear Wapner say to the plaintiff, who just
happens to be a hooker, "I award you money
for services rendered."
With Sincere Goofy Grin,
Hymie
=)
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? Hypertext? Why?
Why? Do we want to push hypertext on you great pudidians so hard?! One
simple reason Hypertext is better. MUCH, much better. Imagine having
all info on the inside jokes, extra fun and just more enjoyment! No
no not by reading something else but instead by reading a hypertext
version of PUD. Well what the hell do I need to enjoy this incredible
enhancement of the already perfect PuD? You need a hypertext reader.
Like HYPE. It can be found on most large PD boards under the name
HYPE*.ZIP or ARJ or HAP or LHA or Ha or ZOO or... Just get one. It
will open a whole new world in k_rAd TfIlEs t0 yA d00d! Simply look
for pud_3_*.arj for the hypertext version of this issue. It is worth
it.
? Rusty And EDDie's.
[Subtitled: A day in the life of FrEd tHe HiTmaN]
[Transcribed to almost readable form by Baphomet]
As we all know Rusty and EDDie's got busted for having commercial h0t
waRez on thier b0ard but FeW pe0ple know the truE stOry behInd whAt
rEally Happened. S0 to clarify I fReD wiLl tEll You The ReAl Tale...
It aLl StartEd WheN I wAs Refused elite AccEss on ThieR b0ard. I kept
My c00l for As long As I CouLd but TheRe wAs only So MucH I couLd tAke.
BeLow Are SomE actuaL traNscripTs of MessaGes I seNT therE.
To : Rusty
Subject : AcCess?!
dU0d? H0w comE I stilL dOn't haVe AccEss to The EliTe StufF? WhAt sHould
I d0 to Get AccEss? dU0D?!
To : Rusty
Subject : DU0D?!
Ok Lo0k LaMeR I uploAded K_rAd FileZ LikE youz SaId! I thiNk Ms. PaCman
and that PcLEmmINGs weRe PreTTy NeW!! SO How Come NNoe Elite AcCEss?!?
H0w Do I get To thE pictUres Of LittLe GirlS?
To : Rusty
Subject : MaD.
DU0D yOU aRe aboUt to PiSs Me OfF. I HavE uPloadEd somE reAlly Good Shit
bUt I stIll Can'T Get No FuckIng GIFS or No DaMn WaRez. Du0d yOU don'T
waNt to PisS Me off!
To : Rusty
Subject : LasT StRaw.
du0d You Have POushEd me WaY to Far!! How DarE yOu Call Me MoTheR a FaT
sLoverLignly WhoRe, wAit till I get a DFucKin DicTionare YoU DiCk. GiVe
me AccEss Or Else du0D. I AiN't Playin No FuCkin MorE...
To : Rusty
Subject : FUCK Y0U!!@#$
ThAT Was It Du0D YoU PissED Me ofF! YoUr GoNNa FucKin PaY NoW!
DamN LaMeR...
And as yoU KnoW the ReSt is HisTory. I g0T thE fAgs BustEd thEy wErE
sOme SaD-Ass LaMeR's In ThE FirSt DaMn PlaCe.
? Selfishness.
This was a post on Project-X, a damn fine place, that sparked a small
series of messages. That has now degraded into a discussion of optimism
versus pessimism. If free-thought, open-minds and a pretty good user
base makes you all kind of happy then call of Project-X. Email me or
NO COURiER there.
Why you should be selfish sometimes.
WHAT?!?! Yes everyone should be selfish sometime. Why?
Why you ask? Because living your life only for other people is
not living. Being nice is one thing, but when your whole life
is merely helping others when you really need to help yourself
is just completely alien to me. Doing for yourself makes
you a better person to the one that matters the most,
yourself. If you can't like or love yourself then how can you
expect any one else to? Trust yourself. Have faith in
yourself, be yourself. Notice the word YOUR. As in you.
Yourself. Y O U. Be selfish somtime it will really help you.
BaPhOmEt
"WaNNa-Be-VbBs-SIGH-Sop"
? Where you are.
Is where you are at. Intresting concept really, isn't it. What is even
more interesting is that some of you are still reading this trash. Crap
like this section should not be read so stop now before it is too late.
No really stop now. Stop now. Now gomer. See Jane. Off the stars and the
sky is the blue of the earth amd the grecain forumla number moon light
divine, why the fuck are you still reading, tis better to hog the tree
than to err is mundain but unlike domestication you should quit reading
if the sky wasn't pale then it would be underlined with authority, damn
you are really sad for reading this, lolli-pops haze cross the blaze.
? To kill a LaMeR.
[A Short-Story by G-Bunny.]
Of course the day was nice. All days are nice in stories. The sun shone,
the clouds were far and few between and the warmth of the earth warmed
my entire body. Quickly preening myself I saw across the field a chance
at a little breakfast before I started the day. Hopping over, in a rather
jovial mood I might add, I saw the strangest looking creature. Not paying
it any attention I went about my business and began to eat, then it got
me. Out of no where this cheap-looking fabric net flew through time and
space and landed about me. I was trapped. I didn't panic. This ugly two
legged beast approached me, scooped me up and threw me in a bag. I almost
knew I was in trouble. Finishing the bite of food in my mouth, I decided
this was surely what gravy meant when he refered to lamers.
Plop. My big-ass hit the bars of the cage the beast dropped me in. Nice
cage rather large, I could only touch all four-sides if I really tried.
Smile. That's what the ugly-thing did as it look at me. Damn would I love
to eat it's nose. It laughed. Poked me with a stick. Laughed. Smiled. I
decided I would have to kill it.
It fed me. Cared for me, I played along. It thought I valued it and it's
miserable existance. I laughed inside. It thought I loved it, boy was it
ever wrong. It smiled, I thumped my ass. It petted me, I plotted. Dark
and desolate were the nights that I thought of chewing it's ears, it's
nose and oh those delicate eyes...oh that would be so sweet. I planned
and I planned.
It let me out. It let me frollic. Tonight it died. I played, it enjoyed
it. It tried to put me back in the cage, I protested, made cute eyes,
damn was this ugly beast ignorant. It let me stay out. I laughed if, if
only it could have heard my hideous laughter. It died tonight. Tonight.
Life, Death all were in my control, the poor two legged beast.
Snort. The creature made odd sounds as it lay there appearing to be a
sleep. I hopped up by it. It didn't move. I barely thumped it, nothing.
Now was my revenge. I targeted the neck, that juicy morsel of life, oh
how sweet it looked. I sighted, jumped bit, and it screamed. Screams of
ultimate terror and agony. It threw me, hard. I absorbed the impact.
Sweet juice flowed from it's neck. It frollicked around, dancing the
dance of death. Screaming, hitting walls. Laughter. It heard me. It
turned saw me and my laughter, suddenly figuring it out, too late. It
collapsed onto the floor, with a strange look in it's eye, one of sorrow
and remorse.
I ate well that night.
? Third Party Offerings.
If you can type. Well almost type, then send something into PUD. We
will include it. Simply. I want an expanded format for this third
edition of the digest that mankind loves to hate. Look for the new
stuff coming soon from a really "goofy" person.
? MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL SEND MAIL
PuD senior editors can always be reached at:
Baphomet the Limbo King 14@2506 WWIVNET
NO COURiER 25@2506 WWIVNET
Or call Project-X and EMAIL us there at (205)-883-0894
Contributing users may be more difficult to find:
fReD tHe HiTmAn Currently on the lam from AT&T, something about
32k worth of 900 numbers...
The BrAvE LiTtLe ToAsteR Last seen in the warehouse near a local toaster
outlet.
G-BUNNY A little hell-hole of a cage.
Biscuit and Gravy Well you know how chickens are...
Anyone we forgot to mention, too fucking bad. Cry somewhere else you fag.
? Sources for qoutes in this issue.
[1]: Rush - Time Stand Still.
[2]: No Courier at Radio Shack buying a 33 Number tone dialer.
[3]: From GRaPE-JaM By:
Baphomet the Limbo King and this guy named Stephen.
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?????????Ending?Qoute???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
????????...Mack dadDY-B00m I eaT my GRaPE JaM wIth A sp00n... [3]?????????
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