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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
2 ************************* INSTALLED: 9 JAN 86 **********************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
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16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19
20 wdyf .JD1146578890-
21 =-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+
22 Well almost at the top but close enough for the first time
23 The U of P student
24 =-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+=-+
25 George Kellerman sat at the Essex House bar, alternatively watching the television that was
26 suspended from the ceiling, and muttering angrily to his companion. An empty glass was on the bar
27 in front of him.
28 George had been in charge of film editing for WNBC for fifteen years, and for a long time, he
29 had been left alone to do his job without super- vision. He knew station policy, and could be
30 depended on to submit... "GEORGE! His introspect
31 was broken by the subtle reminder that it was time for last call. "Yeah, Hal, make it a double..."
32
33 The bartender ambled off to make the drink.
34 "Y'know whats behind this? Not just the Mayors office, these guys were feds..."
35 "Yeh yeh, you said that already." The man beside him continued. "We're not supposed to talk about
36 it remember?" "I was there too. I work there too, dammit." "I don't like it either, remember?" "Enough, already."
37
38 The camera panned right, and a distinguished looking three piece suit approached the interviewer.
39 "What do you think about the recent editorial in the Daily Ditto?"
40 "Why, yes, I happened to read that. This guy Pervis must have suffered a breakdown or something."
41 I heard that he lost his wife and child in some sort of accident..."
42 "Then you don't believe..." "Of course not"
43 A tall lean man in a blue raincoat strode purposefully up to the camera.
44 On his lapels were gold eagles. "Excuse me, sir, have you read todays 'Daily Ditto'?"
45 The officer glowered at the camera. "Indeed I have, and notwithstanding the blatant yellow journalism
46 that tabloid is known for, this Pervis character is obviously on something."
47 He continued. "As a Colonel in the United States Air Force, I can assure the public that there is no
48 truth to this outrageous story. This Mr. Pervis was
49 by the way, dishonorably discharged from the service for having used mood altering drugs while on duty..."
50
51 On and on it went. Stooges, saying what they were told to say. But, George thought to himself, it would probavly work.
52 The two men walked down 43rd Avenue in silence, looking for a taxi. George Kellerman stopped suddenly.
53 "Tell 'em I won't be in for a while, my friend. I'm taking some vacation time. I have something to do."
54 And Kellerman was gone.
?55 But not forgotten, because not since the days long ago, when the world was threatened by another slimy fur-ball of a
56 person, Leroy McKane, was one word on the lips of more people.
57
58 The scene, suburbia, anytown USA, a normal family of four at the dinner table, the table of total communication.......
59
60 "I just don't understand it Henry. First that rag in New York, and now, it's all over the country."
61 "I know what you mean Fillicity. It seems to me that if secret agents do really exist, then they would be more
62 carefull than this Pervis man makes them out to be. I mean, it is hard for me to believe these alleged super-powerful men would
63 let some two-bit reporter spy on them. I mean how on earth did he know about the meeting? How did he get pictures from a ship?
64 How did he know the man was a general? Can his eyes be that good? It is almost as if...... as if....."
65 "Yes Henry? Almost as if what?"
66 "As if, he cheated!"
67 "Cheated daddy? Like some of the kids in my third grade class?"
68 "Yes pumpkin. Cheated. Like when your classmates look over someone elses shoulder for the answers, or they peek at the teacher's
69 answer sheet, or they erase their mistakes as the corrections are read off. Cheating has become the American way, but that
70 doesn't mean you have to cheat, honey."
71 "I think I understand what you mean daddy. Just 'cause the other kids do it, I don't have to?"
72 "Right darling. What your Father said is true, but there are still people of principle out in the world. People who don't cheat.
73 There are people who work for what they deserve, instead of looting someone elses work. These people are the people who
74 make our country great, while the Pervis's of the world continue to loot and cheat and do all the rest of the bad things
75 we see around us."
76 "I understand. Just like there are some kids in my class who never cheat, and still do good school work. They do good on their
77 own, without cheating. I want to be like that."
78 "Pumpkin, your mother and I are very proud of you. We both think we have a very special little girl. A girl who won't cheat
79 to get ahead. Your mother and I love you very much."
80 "I love you too mommy and daddy. And I promise never to cheat."
81 <><><><><><><>[][][][][][][]<><><><><><><>[][][][][][][]<><><><><><><>[][][][][][][]<><><><><><><>[][][][][][][]<><><><><><><>
82 ______________________________________________________________________________
83 The CPU Break
84
85 It was the same process day after day. If you got to work at 8:30 or
86 9, the response time on the mainframe was acceptably fast. Around 10:30, as
87 the rest of the company was logged on, the system would slow down bit by
88 bit. By 11 it was barely usable.
89 Once we resigned ourselves to the necessary adaptations (important
90 work had to be done at night or on the weekends), we devised a rating
91 system for the system's response time. The office space was a large room
92 with 'modular' walls and furniture organized as cubicles. When the system
93 slowed down, heads would pop up as $40-to $60-per-hour programmers discussed
94 football, home towns, fashions, motorcycles, and computer fantasies while
95 they waited for the system to 'come back.' The theory was that you could
96 gauge the system's speed by counting the number of heads you could see
97 talking over the cubicle walls - taking a CPU break.
98 _____________________________ A WORD FROM THE WISE - PART XVIV _______________
99
100 *******************************************************************************
101 Ted Takes a Trip
102 part 1
103
104 The plane load of passengers rose into the sky, and as the
105 stewardess gave sage advice to the red-eyes around him, Ted Young
106 settled back in his contoured seat, ignored the stew and her talk
107 of decompression and water landings, and contemplated his life.
108
109 What on earth was a country hick from Enterprise Oregon
?110 doing on a stretch 727 winging its way to the city known as the
111 queen of the Pacific? Remember Ted; this is a big business trip,
112 all expenses paid, for the annual sales meeting held each year in
113 San Fran., as he liked to incorrectly call it, for all the top
114 district sales office personnel. Ted was going this year because
115 he was the top man in Northeastern Oregon. He was damn near the
116 only man too. In fact the branch office he worked at could more
117 aptly be called a branch desk, since his office consisted of a
118 desk located in an unused room in Macky's General Store, a
119 telephone circa 1945, and on the wall an old girlie calendar with
120 Miss Cattle Prod 1976, the year Ted started with the company,
121 fresh out of two years working in a mill that he started at right
122 out of high school.
123
124 What would he do when he got to the airport? The
125 instructions were pretty clear Ted; find an air porter van that
126 will take you downtown. It's about thirty miles, so it's too
127 expensive for a cab. That's ok since Ted had never ridden in a
128 cab before. But Ted had also missed a chance to ride in an air
129 porter in Enterprise too. Since there was no airport, there was
130 no air to port about. He did get a chance to ride the Grey Hound
131 Bus again. He had to go to Boise Idaho to catch his plane to San
132 Fran. The hundred and so mile trip to Boise took about the same
133 amount of time as the 800 mile trip to San Fran took, counting
134 all the stops the bus must make, in big cities like Imnaha, and
135 Ontario.
136
137 Ted passed through time quickly, and just as the plane had
138 risen into the sky with its precious cargo, it now landed at San
139 Francisco International Airport. Ted followed the English version
140 of the multi-lingual instructions, and retrieved his luggage from
141 the huge round monster at the center of the airport. The luggage
142 machine reminded Ted of a gigantic merry-go-round, except instead
143 of horses to ride there were suitcases to fight over.
144
145 Ted then made it out of the airport, found the air porter
146 station, paid his seven bucks, received a receipt, and got a ride
147 along highway 101 towards the city on the bay (at least that's
148 what the tacky ads plastered all over the inside of the porter
149 called San Fran.). It was still pretty early in the morning, and
150 he had several hours before the meetings started. What would Ted
151 do once he got to the city? Instruct the driver of the air porter
152 to take him to the Pickwick Hotel on Mission and 6th. Was that a
153 laugh Ted heard? Why was the driver smiling? Something about the
154 Pickwick? The brochures said it was a fine hotel, located in the
155 heart of the city, only a few blocks from Moscone Center, where
156 the sales meeting was to be held. Ted was glad it would only be a
157 few blocks away since then he wouldn't have to take a cab and he
158 could save money even though it wasn't his own money he was
159 saving since this was an all-reasonable-expenses paid trip.
160
161 [to be continued]
162 Jane Smith
163 *****************************************************************************
164 I hope the shorter length fits in more with the style here. I guess last
?165 time my story was too long, so I broke it down into sections this time.
166 Thanks, J. Smith
167 *****************************************************************************
168
169 The following announcement is brought to you as a public service by
170 the Albanian Literary Guild; Zog the All-Powerful, chairthing.
171
172 ******************************
173 * *
174 * The Blue Parrot *
175 * 300 bps *
176 * 24 hrs/day *
177 * 253-xxxx *
178 * *
179 * A writer's alternative *
180 * *
181 ******************************
182
183 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
184
185 ______________________________JD 2446440.6022______________________________
186 |:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|A. M. Goer=>
187
Jane: This looks like an interesting story. I am especially interested since
188 you mention Enterprise. Whenever I mention Eastern Oregon around here, someone
189 usually says something like 'Oh, yes. I've been to Bend.'. Though I can't
190 imagine going to Boise through Imnaha (I did it once - Yech). I think
191 Greyhound goes through La Grande which would make it about 230 miles. Not
192 that it hurts the story -- I've seen much worse. Waitin' for more...
193 <=A. M. Goer|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|:-)(-:|
194 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
195 ANYONE OUT THERE ROOSTER ROCK REGULARS???
196 IF SO "HI" FROM A ROOSTER ROCK REGULAR!!!
197 BYE!!!!!!!
198 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
199 Fascinating. My well-trained eye informs me that almost everything on this
200 disk, through the entry by J. Smith, was done by the same author. And I
201 don't mean authoress.
202 Cistop Mikey - were you aware that there is still 140 lines left of the other
203 disk? Once you remove the garbage there, anyway.
204 #$#$#$#$#$#$#^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ a well trained seeing-eye concerned user ^^^^#$
205
206 ]]]] To: UNDERGROUND operatives [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
207 bjgtn xrgv[ yc]^^ _gvcx vcjik jiodw s[xvg @nuvd knwok xedyn p@mxx n^zkx
208 @cf[o \nwxz wtcz\ vfyaq ve[ac tlsfn rzp\j kas\c lmude _nnue _kvxd fxrhy
209 @lf_o zpatk ptp_c _qry[ h@tde ycsfk qzr\i hn^@m kdtoj vff\h sgf{k aewwr
210 xhs]v \pekh kt[xb ]psus _fsfk \o_hn ^\x@b qd\uj kn^ll \ni@f xok]d aeywr
211 xhxwq qeohm ursin rruzq w@tdx \pvik rz]\@ krxzd jf_ar rglvj plesb nkviy
212 ^c]xw yki^^ v]px\ xyqsq ysvsa x@loi qgx\g icwrn lkrif qllve _fvxd fzwrx
213 aagun ylg\b oxapk prpyw jhtb@ sbrli xy\sj fcu]h cm^cl yad[n r@e[l ffp]r
214 _lyz^ piixd ravwm ntmpm ]s[sm ueroi [z[po @av[@ kfpgd qchtn ulnvo sa_py
215 _@yuu ^knqh tx_xg xcq\\ yr[lo uhxmh r[p@h }iswb daphd xho^o w]cqk sc_x_
216 vhcw^ \lghc ur[qg ^s]fq vaslh yj[fs \gq]m uiswd dapgk _lnv@ ybj^x ndpss
217 [ks_k qljuh y]ptg ^\[qt wfnnf pm^@f ^tvuo @q]zg qmvol qzd\@ bm@qk un_xi
218 q]tp^ nkh[^ ]a[wm oursi \ijfd xm\mo [ppsn elqsj jkwkn rml]j xge[l fxrhy
?219 @lf_o zlgqm zwruh ]^^]t vip@c smrci qxr]c ok]uj mfpim sgfbc xjekc j@_x]
220 x]\pz [jo[n pvx^m sur^u witjb z@^ke qqz[@ gjq[m kdsim rga@@ ymt]d ckspt
221 vg^v^ rihrc wwxqm xtpp\ latbn pat@u zatyq bl^]l bn^ml yaise zaeqc ek^]k
222 rg_u] rih[@ su^rb t[ysr \lsda tosef tsxwj ci__i oaxdf sbgss w@foh ioxqw
223 _kyy^ qjo[l ygzwh _^]uq ]k[la ulvhc ^tqtn ip]zg im^al qmc[@ shc[k hc__^
224 uou_p _lo^n r[vxj qvxqt ynuad qgqhd ^\]sb mm\zo dcpmd _atyo rhe[i novpt
225 roywx oeh[f tq_^j n]h_v hctae wj[h@ ^tkqp cr_eg uhehl qhpx@ gcv\z ddp]r
226 xl\\s yidua uruq@ ^pyyz _i\ax \j\sf x[xck onxur mh_dp vgafb w\mkk fg
227 [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ NEXUS [[
228 BWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW(#)/..\(#)BWBackwatcherBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBWBW
229 Well trained concerned user: You are as full of it as a great many Christmas
230 turkeys.
231 Lennerd: Why is it that a number of unused lines seem to frequently follow
232 your border? We all know you can't succesfully upload to BWMS, in spite of
233 your self proclaimed expertise in computer communications. Why don't you give
234 it up? All this "code", it went out with button-up shoes. There are no secret
235 messages. ("I will be at the meeting Saturday") Ho Hum. Sheesh...
236 Delta Five: If you are a "secret agent" then I am a Giraffe. Pervis: lotta
237 Bull. C'mon, guys, get your act together.
238 BWBWBWBWBWBWBW(#)/..\(#)BWBWBackwatcherBWBWBWBWBWBW
239
240 hey, I can't understand that message...what's it say, what's it say?!
241 and a happy new year to YOU.
242 **************************************************************
243 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
244 /=/=/=/=/=/=/=//pardon me while I'm lowered to the level of the attacker//=/
245 Is that Backwatcher you say? Or more like BackStabber?
246 I'd like to enlighten you on a few points; it may behoove you to take notes.
247 ___Leonard___ has been here for quite some time. The wasted space left would
248 be something left by some other neophyte user. Leonard is very much aware
249 of how valuable disk space is here, as are many others. Are you?
250 May Delta V call you Girafe, or Gerry for short?
251 /=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/
252 Sorry if my having typed this has been a bit much. For some reason I don't
253 think either Leonard or Delta V would mind. (Would you, guys?)
254 See you at the next Portland Science Fiction Society meeting.... Piner.
255 /=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/
256
257 ...................................................................
258 Bard: Comet Halley is now located west of the constellation Pegasus
259 at a bearing of 230-240 degrees, elevation of 25-35 degrees
260 (depending on your latitude). Where skies are clear and light
261 pollution low, the comet is visible to the naked eye but is
262 much easier to see with binoculars or telescopes. ((c)NWS)
263 Wouldn't happen to have an appropriate compostion wouldst thou?
264 ........................apprentice's magician......................
265 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
266 up 2
267 magician: i tried calling 230-240 . but there's no c. halley there.
268 qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
269 TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
270
271 "Parity, I can't believe these documents! This doesn't sound like the
272 Delta V operative we last worked with during the McKane/Dial-a-Prayer
273 episode."
?274 Parity leaned back in his seat. The jet they rode in was three-quarters
275 its way to their destination in Anchorage Alaska. "A lot has happened to
276 D-V since we say him two years ago. According to these intelligence reports,
277 his personal life has suffered the most. Remember your psych classes in
278 retroactive violence. He is lashing back in the only way he knows how. McKane
279 is the focus of these attacks, but others are bound to get hurt in the
280 process."
281 "McKane, McKane, I am SICK of McKane. There is no way one man could have
282 accomplished as much evil as he has purportedly accomplished. Besides, word
283 is he's dead. Killed right after his attempt at taking over the stock
284 exchange and the SEC."
285 "Dead?" Parity chuckled. "You know better than that. Dead is only a state
286 of mind, and I know McKane does not allow himself such thoughts. He is hiding
287 somewhere, regrouping, as always. Perhaps he is training an underling, to
288 unleash on the world. He might want to 'retire', if evil incarnate can do such
289 a thing."
290 "Evil Incarnate? A little heavy don't you thing Parity?"
291 "Not at all, Fellows. Look at it this way. Leroy McKane built himself an
292 incredible reputation. He had his hands in more projects than can be possibly
293 counted. Now he is supposedly gone, but the projects live on, in the planning
294 of other evil, but lesser men. They are the disciples of McKane. They are
295 following his lead. And believe me, he is a very good teacher. Every time we
296 fight a new evil, we fight McKane."
297 "Now you see why I am sick of him! McKane is our SPECTRE, our KAOS, our
298 nemesis forever."
299 "I knew you understood Fellows. Oh, what's this I hear about you seeing
300 the department shrink?"
301 "How? Oh Hell, I guess you can't hind anything from a bunch of spies. I,
302 well, I needed to talk to him, about some dreams I had."
303 "How about me? Can I help you out? After all, sometimes just talking
304 about it helps."
305 "No thanks Parity, but I do appreciate the offer. Maybe later, OK?"
306 "Sure Fellows, I am only a whistle away."
307 "Thanks. Hey, is Anchorage cold this time of year?"
308 "Anchorage is cold any time of year."
309 "I was afraid you would say that."
310
311 TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FELLOWS TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
312
313 Albanian etc: Thanks for the number. I have it on good word that your board
314 is sure to become a nice alternative hangout for writers. I hope to visit it
315 soon.
316 TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FELLOWS TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
317
318 DOES ANYONE KNOW THE STATUS OF THE FOLLOWING
319 SYSTEMS? METALLAND 253-xxxx COCO CUP 246-xxxx CARY GRANT
320 282-xxxx ALTERNATE WORLD 777-xxxx CELESTIAL 233 xxxx
321 COP SHOP 777 xxxx MESSENGER 639-xxxx THANK YOU!
322 *******************************************
323 My word, in my many many months of Backwatching I can't hardly recall two disks
324 with more junk on them than these two. What happened Silverman? Did your modem
325 auto-dial on you and go beserk? Was it
326 the aliens maybe? And that stupid code above... what a waste of space. And that
327 cheating story, so what? Your writing was nearly incoherent, I think I'd rather
328 have someone who is clowning around intelligently (Perv is calling your bluff Delta) than shoddy
?329 writing like yours condemning it.
330 Jane Smith's piece may be the only semi-intelligent thing on here, and even that is somewhat tainted
331 by the faulty upload.
332 Oh, well, I guess genius comes in waves. And if so, we're in a pretty deep trough right about now...
333
334 ****************************************************************************************************
335 P.S. I guess ol' Destroyer got scared away. Not even a closing comment? I searing attack on our
336 pinions? We didn't hate you Mr. D.... just constructively criticizing (I think).********************
337
338 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
339 The darkness envelopes all, and it's so comforting, so restful. But
340 darkness such as this is only an absence of light; the world still exists
341 in a tangible way. The fish around me continue to swim through the eternal
342 cold, the few scraggly plants that can grow in this environment struggle
343 for survival. But I have no need for the struggle; survival long ago
344 ceased t6 have meaning to me or the others who rest here. No, survival is
345 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
346 these gentle surroundings. Or so it had been for many years. Until now.
347 A sound distubs; a sound such as I had forgotten, a churning, driving,
348 pulsing, forceful sound. Water moving as it never moves of its own
349 volition, or at least at these depths. A hum, a vibration felt to the
350 marrow of my ancient bones draws my attention and interferes with my sleep.
351 It reminds me of other times, of life and love, of passions and lusts, of
352 flirtations casual and less so; of sensations and feelings that are the
353 core of living experience, the feeling of clothes, the subtle pleasure of a
354 dance with a young man, the eye contact and the delight of unspoken
355 promises. The taste of the food, the taste of the wine, the taste of the
356 handsome young man upon my lips as we dally in sinful sweetness. The
357 memories of life flow through me in wave after wave of pleasure and sorrow,
358 all at the bidding of the casual reminder of civilization humming above.
359 A light! I cannot see the light, one must have eyes to see, but in
360 that strange way I've come to accept I can tell there is a light. It
361 shines in a long shaft to where my mortal remains lay, and passes on. So
362 they've come, finally they've come! During those last moments of terror
363 and death I had prayed they would come to pluck me from the sea. I had
364 imagined strong hands grasping my arms, raising me at the last moment from
365 the brine. But of course it never happened, death has its own timetable
366 and comes when it will. And for so long now I'd adjusted and accepted what
367 had to be. But now they've finally come. I wish they hadn't.
368 After what seems only a short time in the march of eternity they again
369 leave. Why did they have to come? Why did they have to disturb me? It
370 was so peaceful alone, the memories of life carefully stored away until
371 needed. It will take much time to forget, but time is something I have in
372 abundance since death. I hope they don't return.
373 -------------(Reprinted from the Omega Quardant bulletin board)-------------
374
375 +----------------------------------------------+
376 | |
377 | A CHILDREN'S STORY |
378 | by the SIDS Kid and the Paranoid Android |
379 | |
380 +----------------------------------------------+
381
382 Once upon a time in a land far, far away...there lived a king
383 with a daughter so beautiful, she radiated her beauty for miles
?384 around. Nobles and commonfolk alike would think about her during the
385 day and dream of her at night, such was her beauty. One would expect
386 a creature of such beauty to be kind and gentle but one would be
387 wrong. She was not kind or gentle, in fact, she was cold and
388 heartless and cruel and mean and spoiled and other nasty things. But
389 we will not concern ourselves with the princess, for she is but a
390 plankton in the vast ocean of this story. Instead, we will concern
391 ourselves with a knight, whose name was Stay, who wanted the princess
392 to be his bride.
393 This knight was not a stunning fellow nor was he a rich fellow,
394 in fact this guy was a real loser. But the fact remains that he is
395 the protagonist and we are forced to feel pity for the fool. Stay was
396 not a brave fellow either, but he somehow got the nerve to go up to
397 the princess and make his wishes known to her. After the princess
398 laughed for a good half hour, she spoke. "Very well, young knight,
399 you may have me for a bride after you bring me back the ring of
400 Quasamodo Bob, famed magician and bad guy."
401 Upon these words Stay promptly turned white as a cottonpuff and
402 started to shake violently. "But Quasamodo Bob is the most powerful
403 and least likeable person in all the land," whined Stay pityfully, "He
404 will surely make mincemeat out of me." The princess only replied with
405 a noncaring, "That's the whole idea silly."
406 Stay was pissed off at that kind of attitude and he vowed to
407 complete the task that was given, no matter how hard it was. He knew
408 that Quasamodo would never part with that ring and he must kill him to
409 get it. Yet, he made a vow and he must keep it, to uphold the little
410 pride that was still in his wretched little self.
411 The next morning, Stay packed up his horse and left northward for
412 Q.B.'s castle which was fifteen quahi away. (one quahi consists of ten
413 jarps). He did not know, or even suspect that Quasamodo Bob knew of
414 Stay's weak plot and planned to destroy him even before he went two
415 whecskis. After Stay travelled 1.9 whecskis, a pool of jam
416 materialized before him causing him to fall in up to his ankles. This
417 doesn't seem so bad until one realizes that he fell in headfirst.
418 "Woe is me," he thought to himself, "this must be of Quasamodo's
419 doing. He must be trying to destroy me before I go two whecskis." He
420 then bobbed up so he had his head above the thick syrupy goop and
421 quipped to his horse, "Boy, we're really in a jam." The horse groaned
422 loudly before dying of pun-shock and sinking underneath the sticky
423 mess. "Kumquats, there goes my transportation," Stay said mournfully,
424 "and I'll be as good as dead if I don't get any help." Just at that
425 moment, by sheer luck, and page came crashing through the underbrush
426 and stared at Stay.
427 "Boy you're really in a jam," said the page as he laughed
428 hysterically.
429 "That's not funny you little *&#$%@, you don't hear me saying
430 anything as stupid as that." Stay replied.
431 "Watch the language. Remember, this is a children's story" warned
432 the page while helping Stay out of the jam.
433 Stay, feeling a little sheepish about biting at the poor page and
434 using vulgar language, tried to make conversation. "What is your name
435 young page?" he asked as he trudged toward the north.
436 "My name is Turn, what is your name weak knight?" replied the
437 page.
438 "Some call me Larry and some call me John, but my name is Stay."
?439 "Stay the Knight...hmmm, that is an unusual name, what kind of a
440 mother would give her child a name like that?"
441 "The same kind of mother who would name her child Turn the Page."
442 The conversation came to a screeching halt and they proceeded up
443 the road to Quasamodo Bob's castle.
444 A few quahis up the road, they stumbled upon a little girl with a
445 dog, an idiot scarecrow, a tin woodsman in desperate need of a lube
446 job, and a gutless lion. "Aw crap," said the little girl, "I told you
447 guys we were supposed to take the left turn at Albuquerque. Now we're
448 in the wrong friggin' story!" The little band of adventurers promptly
449 went the opposite way singing a gay song about visiting some wizard.
450 "Strange people." said Turn to Stay as they trudged onward on the
451 long winding road.
452 "Yep." replied Stay quite tersely.
453 After a great many quahis, the two came to an old cottage in the
454 woods (hmm...where did the woods some from?). Since they were tired
455 from their trip, they decided to stay the night.
456 "Anyone home?" asked Stay the Knight as he knocked on the door.
457 "Nobody home." said Turn impatiently, "Let's go in."
458 As it often happens in fairy tales, the door was unlocked as an
459 invitation to any weary traveller set on trespassing.
460 "Hey, there's some food on the table!" announced Turn as he dug a
461 spoon into a bowl of porridge. As the spoon melted, he exclaimed,
462 "Mother of Pearl! This porridge is too hot!" He moved on to another
463 bowl. "Hooly smokes! This porridge is too cold!" He sampled the
464 contents of the last bowl and announced, "This one's just right!"
465 "Good," said Stay, "then I'll have it."
466 "But I got it first!" protested Turn.
467 "But I got the sword." rebutted Stay as he chowed down. "Survival
468 of the fittest, stupid."
469 "I'll go look for some place to sleep." grumbled Turn as he
470 entered the bedroom.
471 "Dammit! This bed is too hard!" cried Turn. "Ohhh nooo! This
472 bed is too soft!" cried Turn as he sank to his ankles in the next bed
473 (he was, of course, headfirst). Then, he tried the last bed. "This
474 one's just right." (Why does this sound familiar?)
475 "Then it's mine." announced Stay as he entered the bedroom.
476 "Aw, all right." conceded Turn as he snuggled up in the soft bed
477 with the voluptuous blonde he had managed to conceal in it.
478 Just as they were falling asleep, the door flew open. And a
479 huge, hairy beast loomed in the doorway.....it was a wizened old man
480 in a large bearskin coat (had you fooled, didn't I?).
481 "Who are you?" he asked suspiciously, "and what are you doing in
482 bed with my wife?"
483 "I ah, er, um, well, ah, it's like ahh, um..." replied Turn.
484 "Let me explain." said Stay, "It's like ah, er, um, well, I..."
485 As the two struggled to explain themselves, the old man pulled
486 out a shotgun and shot them through the lungs.
487 So ends the saga of Stay the Knight and Turn the Page who started
488 out on a quest to win a princess's hand and instead got tangled up in
489 a web of maritial infidelity and got blasted in the process.
490
491 +---------+
492 | THE END |
493 +---------+
?494
495 a grand story in the finest tradition of confused high school writers.
496
497 NOT BED! UH I MEAN NOT BAD. THE COCO CUP IS UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, BUT
498 IT IS SELDOM WORKING WHEN IT IS UP. THE COP SHOP IS UP, BUT SEEMS TO BE A LOSED
499 SYSTEM, YOU NEED TO LEAVE AN APPLICATION WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE ANSWERED.
500 ALT. WORLD (AKA K.I.S.)WAS ON LINE A WEEK AGO, AND LIKELY STILL IS. METAL LAND
501 AKA ASYLUM IS ON LINE AS OF A WEEK AGO, AND MESSENGER IS APPARENTLY DOWN FOR
502 GOOD. I THINK.
503 ___________________________________________________________________________
504 Messenger is not down for good. Max is having a slight dispute with GTE...
505 ______________________Leonard_JD 2446441.6453____________________________
506 HOO AXED YOO LENNERD
507 eye wood, eye wood!
508 1
509 HELP
510
511 ?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?
512 "Wake up, Silas," Said She.
513 "Girl, leave me sleeping," Said He.
514 "Your eyes will shut forever,"
515 "I could use a long nap," He grinned.
516 "You'll never see me, not ever," His eyes opened wide,
517 beheld She, and the grin spread cracks across his face.
518 Without moving more than his eyelids, he switched positions.
519 Now he was only resting and not sleeping. His head tilted back,
520 arms playing with his sunglasses, his knees bent.
521 He put his sunglasses on.
522 "Are you sleeping again?" She asked.
523 "Guess, my delight," He grabbed her shoulders with his bent
524 fingers. She squirmed while he pulled her towards him.
525 She licked her lips. And thought of how he smeled. She
526 smiled.
527 "What are you?" He asked.
528 "Kiss me first," She demanded.
529 He kissed her. She liked it.
530 "I am an orgy," She said.
531 "What?" His interest piqued.
532 "An orgy of your youth, your desires,"
533 "My dream?" He asked.
534 "No. Ever driven a car Silas?"
535 "MGB, it's mine," He said.
536 "How did it feel?" She dallied.
537 "Like," He realized, took her once more, longer this time,
538 "Like I do when I kiss you," His eyes accused her.
539 "You are dreaming, I am a dream,"
540 "Bitch! Let me sleep!"
541 She sat up against the dune he was leaning on.
542 "Feel betrayed?" She asked him, though she knew already.
543 "We ought to talk, Silas," She declared.
544 "And my alarm ought to ring," He matched.
545 "Forget the girl, you stupid fool,"
546 "Elissa? I love her," He said.
547 ?You lust me," She stretched, her swimsuit shrunk just that
?548 needed bit.
549 "There's a difference, bitch,"
550 "Not for the young. Indulge yourself,"
551 "I love Elissa!"
552 "There is enough time to love once your face fades and your
553 eyes lose their shine," She mourned.
554 "They are fading already," He wallowed.
555 "So get a girl, and let her use you, that ought to restore
556 their luster,"
557 He knew the girls he might procure for that. He smiled and
558 felt the slightest twinge of guilt.
559 "Once I'm old?"
560 "Then there's time for love, sweet boy,"
561 "If she wont wait?"
562 "Housewives usually bloat anyway,"
563 "So we wont marry,"
564 He awoke with a start and a crick in his neck, and a new
565 thing to try his hand at.
566 ?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?&?
567 I suppose Pervis's sources (crystal ball, tarot cards maybe?) are going
568 to advise him to go to Anchorage and meet or take pictures with his
569 special photo equipment of Parity and Fellows.
570 ' . . . . . . . .. . ... . .... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
571 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
572 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (broken silence)
573 He/She - I must say that you have given a compelling entry. For some
574 reason I felt I must reply. With a slight smirk on my face, I
575 say I've enjoyed it. I think it would be pointless to ask if
576 there shall be more.....
577 Piper - No luck either. Maybe they were prank numbers. (chuckle)
578 L'homme- Would it be too much to ask for you to do a 'grep' on disks 41
579 through 59 for items resembling my boarder? (Either the cir-
580 cumflexes, the arrows (--->), or the names Sondargaard or
581 Guardian would do.) I'd be interested in knowing the number of
582 entries I've made. I'd like to finish my saga. The thought that
583 the boy and I have been in that field for all this time leaves a
584 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ --->[the] diturbed Guardian 3-011:04
585 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
586 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
587 AMERICAN PARENTS CAUGHT TEACHING YOUNG CHILD COMMUNIST VIEWS
588 By Franklin Pervis
589
590 Overseas, our great country is constantly battling the fierce threat of Comm-
591 unist agression. We are always on the alert for more of their conniving threats
592 to world peace.
593 But today, we view that threat from another angle. We see this same Communist
594 threat rearing its ugly head in the middle of our American way of life.
595 Case in point: my sources tell me that two young parents, names Henry and
596 Fillicity (we are not publishing their last names to protect the innocent),
597 have actually resorted to Communist indoctrination of their young daughter,
598 often around the dinner table.
599 Yes, while consuming the fruits of American labor, they extole the virtues of
600 a Marxist lifestyle and at the same time instill fear in the child, the fear
601 of Truth, of What is Right.
602
?
603 Yes, my friends, in the heart of Anytown, USA, our American values are being
604 undermined by Communist infiltrators, who spread the word to young children so
605 they will grow up and believe that America is evil and should be abolished.
606 Stand up for your rights! Support my articles!, for they may be the last true
607 bastion of freedom left in this country. Down with Delta V! Down with Communism!
608 Down with Henry and Fillicity! Americans unite in this just cause!
609 And as a faithful American, I will continue to keep you informed on the affairs
610 which concern us most. My spies are everywhere! We shal overcome together!!!!
611
612 Yours truly, Franklin J. Pervis. Your big brother in the
613 American family...
614 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@=
615
616 tee hee hee hee
617
618 llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll I Love You! llllllllllllllll
619
620 *+**+**+**+**+**+Gee, what ever happened to that proud boast of Net's
621 Remember? "Our entries never take up over 6 lines, including the boarde's?"
622 (Boy, I sure love enter only)*+**+**+**+**+**+
623 020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202020202
624 NET's code activity these past several months has been nearly nil. The messages
625 you are doubtless referring to are from the UNDERGROUND, a similar, but
626 under-financed, under-organized, under-dog group. Their messages may be
627 discerned by the lower-case letters. The NET-like code you have seen in upper-
628 case was by an imposter, as evidenced by the poor uploading (groups of less than
629 five characters each). Rest assured that NET agents are less than verbose.02020
TOTAL NUMBER OF LINES = 629