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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask...
2 ************************* INSTALLED: 28 APR 85 *********************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privately owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privately owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19
20 The time of madness is upon us, as the hot dry winds blow off the desert sands.
21
22 ====
23 __________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::
24 Guardian--> You are awaited on PCS/CBBS.
25
26 Herr Oeberschlumph--> C'est (indeed) la vie. The fight is not a fight, it is
27 more of a struggle to maintain communication. The best of me has not yet been
28 gotten, nor will it. If communication breaks down and takes good relations with
29 it, I will not be defeated. Dissapointed, perhaps, yet undefeated.
30
31 Entropy--> I will try to get in touch with you voice today some time, for a good
32 reason. Until then.
33
34 ::::::::::__________::::::::::_________ The Jiz /// ::::::::::__________
35
36
37 I am on! Centroidal connectors engage with a creak. Semi-distolic
38 pressurizers hum with a soft beat as they interact with tri-axial mobility
39 joints. The database gets a 52K core dump from the auxiliary databus,
40 causing the autostart ROMs to begin their boot procedure. Memory diagnosis
41 is run, and upon completion, authorization for bi-lateral limb checkout
42 is given. Quick checks to all power centers reveal the entire mobility
43 network is fully functional and ready for sequencing from central
44 processing. In the lateral sections, auto-gyros are spun to torque and re-
45 stabilization process is begun.
46
47 Pressurization is complete, and the the pre-authorized limb
48 checkout commences. Right check: 0, 45, 90, 180 complete. Left check:
49 ditto. Main stabs check: Right OK Left OK. Bi-lats checkout complete.
50 Begin sensory startup. Visual sensors open. Adjust that iris! Nominal.
51 Auditory sensors begin startup. Volume check, watch the gain. Check
52 for overload. Nominal. Olfactory check: Blast pressure valve niner-five,
53 clear that passageway. Incoming pressure normal. Exhaust backpressure
54 negative. Standby reservoirs drained and fully functional. Vocal circuits
55 check: Stand by with surge for vocal test. Ready...go! Auditory report,
56 vocal prep AOK. Small problem with lubricant; minimal amounts present.
57 Order resupply to vocal section. Report from fuel storage: Levels low,
58 suggest reorder and supply ASAP. Running on reserves now, operating speed
59 90 percent normal until resupply.
60
61 Confirmation to fuel storage. Manifest checked, course plotted.
62 All sections prepare for full movement operation. Lateral section:
63 swing operation...Now! Vertical...Now. Execute vertebrate position.
64 All sections...Go!
65
66 Waver! Steady gyros, bi-lats: into main stabilize position.
67 All levels secure before horizontal movement. Check. Waver nominal.
68 All sections report green go.
69
70 "Good morning honey."
71
72 ______________________________________testing the waters____________________
73
74 HELLO
75 SORRY
76 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
77 PaPa! yes, interesting to say the least. Next time lets not abort console
78 during a disk packing. It seems that when it rains, it pours, and yet another
79 twit has surfaced. It seems that somebody managed to leave mail to Le Nerd,
80 under the name of Jim bell, saying that he wanted his semi-disk back!
81 Needless to say, Nerd central was a bit suprised! Twit/new also left mail on
82 most of the 1200 baud systems around saying that he was shutting down cbbs/
83 aloha. also not true. It seems as if my work is never done, sigh, but I live
84 for the moments of glory at the unmasking of some particularly vile twit.
85 and yes, I did have fun with that child molester!
86 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/mig/? ?.
87 HELP
88 ===============================================================================
89 THE MISSING KEY (PART 1)
90 TROUBLE WAS BREWING DOWN IN THE SLEAZY PART OF THE TOWN OF ARROWWART, THE
91 ONLY CITY ON THE SOUTHWEST COAST OF THE ISLE OF CLOUDS. AARON HAD HEARD
92 THAT THE COLONY OF GIZERFFS (A TRULY DISGUSTING LOT) HAD STOLEN THE ORB
93 OF TIME AND THE MAP TO EGOR' S PITFALL. TWOOD BE A SORRY DAY (AND NIGHT)
94 IF THE GIZERFFS GOT INTO THE SACRED HALL OF EGOR. THE GATE OF PURPLE HAZE
95 WOULD UNFOLD AND CASTE ETERNAL DARKNESS AND CHAOS ONTO THE LOVELY LAND OF
96 THE ISLE OF CLOUDS.
97
98 THE ORDERS FROM THE COUNCIL OF CAPTAINS WENT OUT TO THE FOUR
99 ADVENTURES: ARRON OF HILLCROP, ZORGON THE VILE, THE WIZ & SKIP THE
100 WANDERER. EACH HAS SEEN THE WARS AND EACH COULD CARE LESS, BUT THEY ALL
101
102 (TO BE CONTINUEDD)
103 ===============================================================================
104 THE MISSING KEY (PART 2)
105
106 KNEW IF THEY DID NOT HELP RETRIEVE THE ORB AND THE MAP, THEY WOULD NOT
107 THEMSELVES ESCAPE THE FORTHCOMING DOOM.
108 THUS THE FOUR WERE IN ARROWWART, EACH AT THE MONENT EXPERIENCING
109 THE SO-CALLED LAST WISH BEFORE DEATH (THEY KNEW THE ODDS OF RETURNING
110 WERE APX 1 OUT OF ETERNITY). ZORGON WAS VISITING THE HOUSE OF THE
111 PLATINUM POOTANG, ARRON PRESENTLY DRINKING GRIFFIN'S BLOOD AT THE GREEN
112 GRIFFON, THE WIZ ALSO WAS DRINKING BUT NOT AT THE INN. HE INSTEAD DRANK
113 WITH SKIP AT THE COUNCILS LODGE. (THE COUNCIL HAS THE BEST ROCKWATER
114 GLOWWORM SQUEEZINGS THIS SIDE OF TOCUMS GRAIL). EACH OF THE CAPTAINS
115 DONATED 100 GOLD DISKS FOR THE PLEASURES OF THE ADVENTURES. MEANWHILE...
116 GROUT, HEADMAN OF THE PACK, WAS CONTIMPLATING THE ARRIVAL OF THE FOUR IN
117 THE CITY. HE HAD HEARD THAT THE COUNCIL HAD FUNDED THE RETURN OF THE
118 ASSBITE QUARTET (SO FONDLY CALLED BY HIMSELF) BUT HOPED THAT THEY WOULD
119 SHOW. NOW A NEW PLAN HAD TO FORM...DAM'N! THOUGHT AARON WHILE HE WALKED
120 THE AVENUE OF WHORES. HE KNEW GETTING ZORGON OUT OF THAT HELLHOUSE WOULD
121 BE LIKE TRYING TO TAKE A BONE FROM A BONER, HOPELESS. (NOT TO MENTION
122 THAT YOU COULD LOSE MORE THAN YOUR FINGER-ARM-SHOULDER-ETC).
123 THE SHINING PORTAL OF LOVE WAS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIM NOW AS
124 HE WALKED TO THE END OF THE AVENUE. HA! THE MADAM HAD CAUGHT WIND OF
125 HIM AS THEY BOTH HAD ILL TIDINGS TO REMEMBER FROM THEIR LAST MEETING.
126 POOR ZORGON WAS SITTING IN THE GUTTER WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS HEADS,
127 PROBABLY PRAYING THAT THE OLD WOMAN WILL GET HERS FROM BEHIND NEXT TIME.
128 "COM ON, YOU IDIOT!" CRIED AARON, "WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO SIT ON ARSES
129 TONIGHT. WE HAVE 5 MINUTES TO GET TO THE LODGE " "ALRIGHT, WHERE THE #$%"
130 IS THE WIZ & SKIPPER?". "THIER PROBABLY WAITING FOR US THERE RIGHT NOW!
131 WILL YOU GET UP AND LETS GET GOING!" CRIED ARRON.
132 AFTER A SHORT WHILE THE FOUR WERE AGAIN UNITED AT THE LODGE WHERE
133 THE PASHA GAVE INSTRUCTIONS FOR ASSULTING THE LAIR OF THE DREADED
134 GIZERFFS. ONLY 1 WEEK REMAINED BEFORE THE GIZERFFS COULD USE THE ORB
135 TO ENTER THE HALL OF OZONE WHICH EMPTIED INTO THE GATE OF PURPLE HAZE.
136 THE GROUP LISTENED THE DRONING OF THE PASHA, EACH BARLY AWARE OF THE
137 WARNINGS HE SPOKE. ALL WERE FULLY KNOWLEDGABLE IN THE TRAPS THAT LAY
138 AHEAD. THE JOURNEY WOULD START BEFORE THE MORN TO ENABLE SECRECY OF
139 THEIR DEPARTURE.
140 THE MORNING HAHELD NO SURPRISES FOR THE ADVENTURING QUARTET AS THE
141 FOUR EAGLES FLEW TOWARD THE MOUNTAIN OF COSMOS. (THESE ARE HUGE BIRDS
142
143 WITH A WINGSPAN OF 40+ FEET). IT WOULD TAKE THE BETTER PART OF THREE
144 DAYS TO ARRIVE AT THE MOUNTAIN THOUGHT AARON WHILE WATCHING ZORGON
145 RELIEVE HIS BADLY ABUSED PAUNCH. "THE VILE ONE WAS THE PERFECT NAME
146 FOR ZORGON" THOUGHT SKIP, AS HE TRIED IN VAIN TO DEFLECTED THE HEAVINGS
147 OF THE VILE ONE. SUDDENLY AN ARROW SCREAMED BY THE WIZ'S HEAD, "AWAKE!
148 THE HAWKMEN ARE OPON US!!" CRIED THE WIZ WHO WAS READYING A TANGLEWEB
149 SPELL. SKIP BROUGHT HIS TRUSTY PHOTON RIFLE TO HIS SHOULDER AND PROCEEDED
150 TO DISINTIGRATE THE FIRST ATTACK WAVE WHILE ZORGON AND AARON READIED
151 MATCHING MAGIN C CROSSBOWS. THE SKIRMISH LASTED ONLY MINUTES AS THE BADLY
152 ARMED HAWKMEN FOUND THAT 50 TO 4 ARE NOT GOOD ODDS FOR FIGHTING THESE
153 FOUR WARRIORS. THE REST OF THE TRIP WENT UNINTERRUPED TILL THEY LANDED
154 AT THE BASE OF THE MOUNTAIN OF COSMOS.
155
156 (TO BE CONTINUED)
157 ==========================================THE SWEDE========================
158
159 -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=-
160 THOR and all: Are you tired of BWMS
161 being busy all the time? Are you tired
162 of TANIS being busy all the time? Well
163 the solution is at hand.
164 The Alternate World
165 It has 1000+ b-board lines available,
166 along with a large message base.
167 The number is 777-xxxx. Give it a
168 try, who knows, you might even like it.
169 -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=- -=[*]=-
170 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
171
172 one might assume... since satyrist is not entering anymore... that we are now
173 free to make mistakes... so let the gmames or lives... whichever pleases you
174 the most... begin...
175
176 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
177
178 tilean leaped off the bus... minding the drop... and landed rather well...
179 and was soon skipping his way down the empty streets...
180
181 the moon was smothered in some black clouds... the light filtered through...
182 the white light was carried on the crisp air of early damn...
183
184 slowly... and noticing the white spout his breath caused... tilean pulled
185 further up the drain pipe... and soon... he mounted the roof...
186
187 from there it was a few shorts skips... one ladder and a flight of stairs...
188 and he closed his door... another night he had come home undetected...
189
190 tilean sat at the terminal... and slowly started to turn everything on... and
191 that includes a small stereo... to which tilean tuned a favored station...
192
193 and after a few minutes of keys clicking... and a few thousand calls... the
194 eyes of tilean peered over to the side of the terminal...
195
196 some papers were shuffling amongst themselves... and all alone... it was a
197 weird thing to watch... and then... tilean thought he saw...
198
199 by jove... he thought he saw a furry little paw... and a furry head shaking
200 off some sleep... teddy bears always did sleep soundly...
201
202 ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
203
204
205 ==============================================================================
206 VERY NICE! I NEED TO READ YOUR COLUMN MORE OFTEN...IT IS REFRESHING TO KNOW
207 THAT SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE VAST SILENCE THAT THERE IS A MIND STILL OPEN TO
208 THE BREEZES AND SOUNDS OF IMAGINATION. TIL THE NEXT THOUGHT FLOWS...
209 ===============================================THE SWEDE==================
210 ALSO KNOWN IN TANSIS AS BIGFOOT
211 ========================================================================
212
213 ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
214 "UNDER Financed: Part 3"
215 Arjusk smiled slightly as he watched Elizabeth chew David out once more
216 for calling her 'Liz'. She detested the name, and threatened to get violent
217 the next time he said it. Peterson backed off.
218 They'd only been in San Fransisco a few hours. The orders had been quite
219 clear: Act like tourists until dark, then go to work. They'd tried hard to
220 act the tourist part. At the moment, they were inside the Ripley Museum,
221 gaping at the displays in mock-fascination. Arjusk wasn't sure if David's
222 fascination was mock or not, but he didn't care.
223 "Hey, Tony, dig this mermaid skeleton!" David called. "Ain't it a riot?"
224 Elizabeth threw up her hands in disgust. Despite UNDERGROUND's careful
225 training, Peterson was still the rude boor he always was. UNDERGROUND's
226 therapists had given up on him long ago.
227 "Whazza matter, Liz, did I embarrass you?" David said.
228 With a motion faster than the eye could follow it, Elizabeth demonstrated
229 to Peterson why she was "Operative Ryan"- her punch was so swift as to be
230 almost undetectable to anyone but the recipient.
231 A loud "oopf" emanated from David, who'd obviously had the wind knocked
232 out of him. "Why'd ya do that for?" he asked.
233 "It's Elizabeth, or Ryan, or Ms. Ryan to you, buddy. NOT Liz."
234 "Stop, you two," Arjusk broke in. "Let's move on. I'd like to eat before
235 we continue."
236 Peterson was glad to do anything that would further distract Elizabeth.
237 "Okay, Tony. Hey, why're you so nervous about, anyway? There's practically
238 no one else here."
239 Arjusk paused, then spoke. "I'm not quite sure. I've just got a bad
240 feeling about this job, that's all. Emanations, if you will. Bad vibes. A
241 feeling of impending doom..."
242 "Enough, Tony. I get the idea, and I wouldn't waste my breath trying to
243 get David to understand. It'd take another week. Let's go."
244 They left, Elizabeth and Arjusk just slightly ahead of Peterson, who had
245 the distinct impression that he'd been insulted, but wasn't sure.
246 [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ UNDERGROUND [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
247 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/]
248 WHY, MISS RYAN. DID I NOTE A DEFINATELY GOOD STORY? PERHAPS ANOTHER IMPOSTER.
249 BUT AT LEAST THE IMPOSTER WRITES VERY WELL!!
250
251 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
252 cistop: Would you perchance know anything about the "logical equipment corp."
253 "TINA" system? It uses some sort of psychotic expert system programming
254 language. And I have to translate 2000 lines of that crud to FORTRAN. I
255 tried getting ahold of the gentleman who wrote the source but he seems to have
256 left the company. Logical themselfs wants major bucks for the "human language
257 interface manual" [retch!]. Any hints? ideas? random thoughts?
258 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/MiG/OGL/?.
259 *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*Dreamtoucher*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
260 Here we go again (I hope!)
261 missing key, testing, tilean, underground: Story telling lives, bravo, bravo!
262 *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=* *=*=*=*=*
263 The Cathode Plate: the real sixth and hopefully concluding eppisode!
264 He found that thair was great depth of redundancy and that by a few minor
265 reconfigurations, nearly of the mechine's origeonal functions could be restored
266 In rerairing the mobile he disabled all of it's lethal functions. The mechine
267 must have been awair of this but made no obnection. Not without trepidation
268 Thenan tried the autochief, and was delighted to find the resaults of nearly
269 gormet quality. With funcionality restored as fully as practical, he spent
270 hexichrons and hexichrons ploughing through the mechine's archievs. With a
271 small portion of it, carefully isolated and off line from the rest, he attemp-
272 ted to reestablish contact with it's former net. He found that most of it's
273 brother nodes either could not or would not respond. Those that did were as
274 irrational and incohierent as itself had been. He found in it's archieves te
275 the locations of these other nodes as well as a complete artificial world,
276 appearently abondoneded for melinia. He had a printout made of these loca-
277 tions w;hich he folded and tucked inside his shirt into a concealed pocket.
278 This, he knew, would be the begining of a lifelong adventure. It occured to
279 him that with what he had learned he could no longer be held against his will
280 yet he remained and continued to converse with it at length. He slept. On
281 awaikening the conversation resumed ware it had left off.
282 In due time, many of the colonests were restored and started poping up
283 on the plates ware they had dissappeared. Others, for one reason or another,
284 could not. Defense systems person Cila was one of these.
285 Thenan promesed then that he would return from time to time when he could
286 and indeed was latter able to keep that promise many times. No one else has
287 ever found a way to gain access to that sealed chamber. As a parting gift the
288 mechine made a complete copy of Thenan's awairness and stored it in it's files.
289 Now whenever Thenan 'dies', someware a featus is immpressed with that pattern
290 and his spirit migrates to it.
291 This is not compleate immortality for eventualy the immage or the mechine
292 itself will go the way of all things. Until it does however, his awairness
293 may live one life after another for thousands, perhaps millions, of years.
294 ...and... Though Cila could not be restored, unbeknownst even to Thenan, the
295 mechine took and stored a simmiliar precies of her!
296 Seeing the Lucabethu pioneers being returned, the remaining crew of the
297 Jeluni knew something was up. Contact was reestabilished with the sector
298 capitol and the ship prepaired to lift. Even so, Thenan's 'rematerialization'
299 sitting lotus-like, directly in the center of Jeluni's bridge, came as some-
300 thing of a supprize to one and all.
301 Many hexichrons of debriefing passed before everyone on board was sat-
302 isfied. By then, Lucabethu's sun was just another star swimming in the depths
303 of the void.
304 - end -
305 *=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
306
307
308 ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppgot those monday mornin lurkin blues!ppppppppppp
309 WK
310 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/]
311 Things to do
312 Where's my shoe
313 There's places to go
314 And poems I owe
315
316 Today I move
317 I've got to prove
318 I can live with my folks
319 And smile at their jokes
320 [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] [/] THE TIN MAN [/] [/]
321 ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
322 Above: Miss Ryan has yet to read that entry. Thank you for the compliment.
323 [[[[[[[[[[[ John K. O'Hara, a.k.a. UNDERGROUND [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
324 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZippydalurker...
325 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH !! WAHT
326 ANOTHER SETRIES OF MUTUAL FLATTERING ?????????
327 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
328 waht, somebody whith no concept of lower-case????????????? You have something
329 against a little praise? perhaps because you never get any?
330 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?/MiG/OGL/?.
331 MIG: THAT'S ALL I COULD HONESTLY AFFORD; AND HOW DID YOU KNOW I'M NOT A MEMBER
332 OF YOUR MUTUAL "LICK MY BOOT" CLUB.
333 AND PRAISE UNDESERVED NOMATTER LITTLE AS CAN BE IS SATIRE IN DISGUISE.
334
335
336 I WISH I WUZ A TWITTLE EGG
337 AS WOTTEN AS CAN BE
338 AND WHEN SOMARD I DISLIKE
339 WOULD PASS UNDER MY TWEE
340 I 'LL DROP MY WOTTEN SELF
341 ON HE
342 .... TWIT TWITTY . . ..
343 UP 10
344 PRINT
345
346
347 |\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\
348 Finaly after a couple of days lurking in this land of poly-chromatic
349 ceramics I am out, it seems like a miracle, but no, all around me are trees,
350 shrubs, and all sorts of other green things. There are litle streams
351 trickling down my nose and chin, but it all feels so good after the asceptic
352 land I have just left. I realize that even though I have no real remembrance
353 of what has been happening to me in the recent past, one of the things that
354 has not happened is sleep, so I set off to find a semi-dry spot in which to
355 rest my weary body and think over all the events of the last few months that
356 have brought me to responding to this new name.
357 The Advocate
358 |\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\||\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|
359
360 -so
361 with all the bitching and moaning that went on about him, I now sort of
362 miss the satyrist, not for his use/abuse of other peoples borders and
363 names, but for the different aproach he took to so many things, it was
364 refreshing in many ways. Even his making fun of people, would have
365 been tolerable if he had done so ONLY under his own name and without
366 crude references.
367 Those of you who were not at the Nerd-O-Fest missed out on some good
368 times, oh well, your loss.
369 It apears that the caos that invaded the CBBSs, Le Nerd, and the Bit Bucket
370 has all been resolved for the best, now it is all up to MiG/OGL to figure
371 and properly castigate the culprit.
372 Mikey: when do we get to change text again?
373 All: source to a 'C' program to fix the output of BW is for d/load on Le Nerd
374 -so
375 th
376
377 "The Punk at the square"
378 written by the big CR
379 part one
380
381 cris the punk got up one day out o
382 of his bed and rubbed his bloodshot
383 the punk at the square cont.
384 eyes. his first thought was to go to the bathroom, but he decided to go out the
385 window.He then looked around for something to eat.on the counter in his dirty
386 apart ment he found a piece of wonder bread. he ate it up and then decided to
387 go to the square. hhe started walking to pionerr square and saw an old lady.
388 he said to the lady,"look! your shoe is untied!"
389 the old lady bent down to see andcris kicked her in the butt.
390 Just then, cris's punk friend, sniff walked by. Cris said hi.
391 sniff said"hey cris, you go to the black flag concert?"
392 cris replied"no, i was too busy spiking my hair and making out with this girl"
393
394
395
396
397
398 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? THINGS TO DO WHEN THE SYSTEM GOES
399 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? THINGS TO DO WHEN THE YSTEM GOES
400 aaargh! maybe later.
401 OK, it's later. Let's see...
402 ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
403 THINGS TO DO WHEN THE SYSTEM GOES DOWN
404 If your system has a 98% uptime rate and you are diligent, very
405 hardworking and responsible, then this article is not for you. If, however,
406 your system hiccups, coughs, has frequent schizophrenic fits and enjoys
407 restful afternoon naps, I offer awsistance to fill in the empty, boring hours
408 that you might have spent documenting, reading technical journals and otherwise
409 improving your data processing skills:
410 * Complain about your salary.
411 * Complain about your manager and how you can do his job better than he can.
412 * Update your resume.
413 * Use the lovely squares, circles and other symbols on your template to achieve
414 a masterpiece of high-tech art.
415 * Call Dial-a,Joke.
416 * Take the stress test given in any fitness magazine and discover that you
417 checked "yes" to every question, and your cumulative score indicates an
418 imminent breakdown.
419 * Call Dial-a-Prayer.
420 * Phone your technical support group and discover (again) the line is still
421 busy.
422 * Do isometric exercises and hope no one sees your twitch.
423 * Water the plant on your desk that looks as though it has had a long,
424 lingering illness.
425 * Get yoqr eighth cup of coffee.
426 * Clean out your desk, and remove all old, rotting chocolate chip cookies
427 that are sitting next to your Addidas running shoes.
428 * Throw out all 224 compiled versions of the same program that you were keeping
429 "just in case."
430 * Improve your New York Times crossword skills after stealing a dictionary
431 from the department secretary.
432 * Examine the local DP salary survey, and discover what you already know:
433 You're underpaid.
434 * Examine Computerworl` position announcements.
435 * Draw a face on the CRT using X's and Y's.
436 * Find out all the neat toys you can make with paper clips.
437 * Reflect on the fact that major drug dealers never have to go through this,
438 and that each owns a Mercedes Benz. Consider a major career change.
439 * Investigate the cost of opening a fruit-and-vegetable stand on a good corner
440 near your office.
441 * Do weight-lifting exercises using 5-lb quality assurance manuals.
442 * Revile the specs of the systems analyst.
443 * Make paper airplanes out of the standards manual.
444 * Denigrate the programming practices of your predecessor.
445 * Have a good laugh by reading management's idea of a five-year DP plan.
446 * Construct a Frisbae out of a disk drive.
447 * Rejoice in the fact that with the system down, you have the perfect excuse
448 for not meeting the deadlina you weren't going to meet anyway.
449 * Break into the snack machine after it eats up your last quarter.
450 * Crumple the systems analysts' flowcharts into little balls, and then see
451 how many you can toss over your left shoulder into the wastebasket.
452 * Crucify a systems programmer on a tape drive.
453 * Condescend to sit with an end user and discover that the eight programs
454 you've spent months working on do not in any way, shape, manner or form
455 produce meaningful results.
456 * Leave the office, and take a brisk walk in the fall sunshine. Upon your
457 return, discover that the system came up as soon as you left, but is now
458 down again.
459 * Speculate freely on office pomances and designate the recipients of the
460 Mary Cunningham/William Agee Award.
461 * Dive into the pyramid swamping your "in" box, and uncover all of last year's
462 technical updates.
463 * Browse through the standards manual, and discover that not one program you've
464 written conforms with those standards.
465 * Detach some of the pretty, colored wires from inside your terminal, and see
466 if you can put them back together again.
467 * Reach out and touch someone long distance, using any extension in the
468 dapartment (other than your own).
469 * Cast The Wizard of Oz using members of yoqr department. It should be easy
470 to find those without brains, without hearts and who nees courage simply
471 by examining the list of executive officers.
472 * Cast Snow White using members of your department. There is usually a
473 plethora of talent available for the rola of Dopey, so compile a list of
474 understudies.
475 * Compose a Fantasy Island script on career pathing in your firm, bearing in
476 mind that there are some miracles that even Mr. Rourke cannot perform.
477 * Put the Fortran Coloring Book to good use, employing all the blue, red and
478 yellow highlighter pens you stole from the supply cabinet and forgot to take
479 home.
480 * Cveate an attractivetoy for your cat, dog or gerbil by stapling backup floppy
481 disks together.
482 * Examine the date on your IBM manuals, and find out that they are six years
483 old.
484 * Uncover the hidden treasures in the pile beneath your desk. Discard anything
485 that bites you.
486 * Remove all catsup, salt, pepper and sugar that is over two years old from
487 your work space.
488 * Remove any small, black wiggling dots from the jar of Coffee Mate.
489 * Consult your daily horoscope in the newspaper, and discover that new
490 opportunities await. Then call your hocal headhunter.
491 * Take your three-piece corduroy suit to the cleaners for its yearly pressing.
492 * Designate the weakest, wimpiest member of your department "Punk Hunk of the
493 Month," and invite the individual to put a safety pin through his nose.
494 * Do the exercises in Tom Jackson's The Perfect Resume, listing all the
495 accomplishments you could have had if the system were up.
496 * Write articles for Computerworld on "Over 50 Things to Do When the System
497 Is Down."
498 <plagarized from a Xerox passed around my office, which I imagine was plagarized from an issue of Computerworld. Origi
499 ?????????????????????????????????? QUIZMASTER ?????????????????????????????????
500 ?? Not my best upload. Last line should have said "Original author
501 - Christine Joseph". Cursed Enter Only. ??
502 ::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________::::::::::__________
503 Help! I'm trapped! An unwilling slave to the telecommunications world! S
504 Someone, anyone, help me!!!!!!
505 ::::::::::__________:::::::::: The Jiz /// __________::::::::::__________
506 ************************************************************************************************************************
507 hello,all.
508 Lange Zeit, nicht sehen. (if anyone else here speaks German, could you please help me with some of the grammar?)
509 anyway, I am glad to be back on line after a long absence from BW. A friend of mine does some writing(mostly for himsel
510 f), and I would like to get your reactions to it... ok?? or would you rather do it on a private board,like the Q! or
511 some other system like that?
512 hello, MIG. I hope everything is going well for you, and I hope you found the vile twit. If not, maybe we could go
513 out twit-hunting together one of these days. Have a good week and dont let them grind you down......
514 Shogota.
515 ************************************************************************************************************************
516 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
517 -+- A possibility at the sands and waves -+-
518 -+- -+-
519 -+- Tell me of the time when distance won't count -+-
520 -+- Tell me when we can be near -+-
521 -+- I'll tell you then of how my heart pounds -+-
522 -+- And of time we could meet without fear -+-
523 -+- -+-
524 -+- A time to relax, alone by the windows -+-
525 -+- Alone, you and I with the stars -+-
526 -+- A feeling that with time that we've let grow -+-
527 -+- A feeling that mends the pasts scars -+-
528 -+- -+-
529 -+- Yes, tell me of times when distance won't count... -+-
530 -+- -+-
531 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -JUGGLER- -+- -+-
532
533 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
534 Very nice! Juggler, I appreciate you and the others who present poetry.
535 pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
536 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
537 I appreciate your appreciation.
538 -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+- -+-
539 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//////////////////////////////////////
540 But I don't appreciate depreciation. Now take my car..... please. When I
541 first bought it it was worth $4000.00, but now it's not worth what I put into
542 it for repairs. My mechanic said, "Do you want me to try to repair that thing,
543 or did you bring it here so I could buy the parts." They say that you can tell
544 a lot about a person by their car. If that's right, my transmission is shot
545 and my exhaust smells of gas. I tell ya, the other night I fell asleep at the
546 wheel. My neighbor came over and released the parking brake. And the other
547 day I was driving along and a cop pulls me over. I says, "Whassamatter,
548 officer, was I driving too fast?" and he says, "No, but do you have a license
549 to operate a mobil sanitary landfill?" I was going to have it washed, but
550 when I got there they told me they wouldn't because the garbage truck only
551 comes on Thursday. The wanted to know where I placed in the demolition derby.
552 Somebody asked me why I didn't put a stereo in the car. I told 'em that you
553 shouldn't have a music system in your car that's better than the car. They
554 looked at the empty hole in the dashboard and said, "Well, your system is
555 matched perfectly." I tell ya.........
556 \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\The Fool//////////////////////////////////
557 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
558
559 I am afraid of beginnings and endings
560 There is something safe with inbetweens.
561
562 There is a terror in confusion,
563 of not being able to understand,
564 of hurting from lack of knowledge
565 or a careless slip of the tongue.
566
567 It is the fear of letting go and
568 the lonliness that will ensue.
569 I've been alone so long because
570 I'm afraid of begginings and endings.
571
572 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NEW POET}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
573
574 juggler:to repeat, nice entry. It helps when it comes from the heart, doesn't
575 it?
576
577
578 ^^^^^ Occasionaly I work my way here and find the work that awaits.
579 ^^^^^ Lately the chores have been light, for all the tasks had been
580 ^^^^^ completed before I arrive. Ah, but today has offered me the
581 ^^^^^ chance to use my idle hands... I have come here to help the
582 ^^^^^ one whose job this is, but I have heard of dastardly deeds that
583 ^^^^^ have taken away my company. I'll just have to do the cleaning
584 ^^^^^ alone with my momentary lapses in duty. I think I need a
585 ^^^^^ different bar rag, this one is a little too old and torn. >G
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