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1 If you are in need of help, you need but ask....
2 ********************* REMOVED: 13 FEB 84 *******************
3 Welcome to BWMS (BackWater Message System) Mike Day System operator
4 ************************************************************
5 GENERAL DISCLAIMER: BWMS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY INFORMATION
6 PLACED ON THIS SYSTEM.
7 BWMS was created as an electronic bill board. BWMS is a privatly owned
8 and operated system which is currently open for use by the general public.
9 No restrictions are placed on the use of the system. As the system is
10 privatly owned, I retain the right to remove any and all messages which
11 I may find offensive. Because of the limited size of the system, it will be
12 periodically purged of messages. (only 629 lines of data can be saved)
13 To leave a message, type 'ENTER' and use ctrl/C or break to get out of the
14 ENTER mode. The message is automatically stored. If after entering the
15 message you find you made a mistake, use the replace command to replace
16 the line. To exit from the system, type 'OFF' then hang up.
17 Type 'HELP' to see other commands that are available on the system.
18 ************************************************************
19
20 Sighing with relief at being let off the hook for the next round, the
21 eccentric poet (a redundancy if there ever was one) turned to his companion.
22 "Far be it from me to interfere in such a loving moment of reunion, but I
23 believe that I might be able to lend some assistance. I was present on the
24 first evening of up-time weapons fire, and noticed a bald fellow in an odd-
25 looking yellow robe leaving the Inn as I approached. Seeing as I approached
26 from Innisfall, he obviously left to there. Let's begin by asking our fellow
27 patrons if they have seen such a one since. If not, chances are that he
28 could still be found there." With that, the poet lurched to his feet and
29 staggered over to the Innkeeper, returning in a moment with news and ale.
30 "He has not been seen since by the Innkeeper. Since I have a personal reason
31 for wishing the man ill, I would like to ask that I be allowed to add my
32 arms to your efforts and to help bring that peace-disturbing pig's bladder
33 to his just reward."
34 As he spoke these words, he drew from the lining of his cloak what looked
35 like a six-inch piece of broomstick and an assortment of very small circular
36 saw blades...
37 && The Mad Actor &&
38 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
39 Evan:The SCA was founded in Berkeley, about 1965. We are a non-profit,
40 educational group, dedicated to the study & preservation of medieval culture.
41 Or to put it another way... We're trying to re-create the Middle Ages.
42 Only we're doing it the way it SHOULD have been! (No Black Death, etc).
43 We have classes in all sorts of things (what kind of things depends
44 on where you are). Most groups have weekly fighting practice, many have classes
45 in medieval dances (both court dances & peasant dances). You can also find
46 people who are interested in calligraphy, cooking, costuming, etc. Oh yes, lest
47 I forget, there are Bards. (I am not a bard in the SCA, for some reason my
48 singing seems to provoke the MOST unseemingly behavior. Throwing things,
49 reaching for knives, etc). Most of the songs I have left here are SCA songs.
50 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BARD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
51 :*************************************************************:
52
53 My Dearest Mohammed Wassir:
54
55 The final task is done. The last Andropov clone is dead. Call
56 off your goons. I have won.
57
58 Let there be no cause for bitterness.
59
60 Let us be friends.
61
62 I offer my friends the treasures of the world...but I demand
63 their obedience as their price.
64
65 Should you think to deceive me remember Natasha, my sister,
66 and the horrible price she paid for her disloyalty.
67
68 ================
69
70 Lt. Salazar:
71
72 Why aren't you sticking up for my interestest?
73
74 What do you think Myrddin Emrys gave you the $800,000 for?
75
76 I paid for protection and all I'm getting is romance.
77
78 With the last Andropov clone dead things are getting really
79 hot around here. Things are going to be getting a whole lot
80 hotter for you too, my dear inspector, if you don't
81 earning some of those big bucks I keep dishing out.
82
83 I need protection. Don't disappoint me. Remember Natasha.
84
85
86 McKane
87
88 :************************************************************:
89 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
90
91
92 Paul Bunyan versus the Conveyor Belt
93 by: William Hazlett Upson
94
95 One of Paul Bunyan's most brilliant successes came about, not
96 because of brilliant thinking, but because of Paul's caution and
97 carefulness. This was the famous affair of the conveyor belt.
98
99 Paul and his mechanic, Ford Fordsen, had started to work a
100 uranium mine in Colorado. The ore was brought out on an endless
101 belt which ran half a mile going into the mine and another half
102 mile coming out--giving it a total length of one mile. It was
103 four feet wide. It ran on a series of rollers and was driven by
104 a pulley mounted on the transmission of Paul's big blue truck,
105 "Babe." The manufacturers of the belt had made it all in one
106 piece, without any splice or lacing, and had put a half-twist in
107 the return part so that the wear would be the same on both sides.
108
109 After several months' operation the mine gallery had become twice
110 as long, but the amount of material coming out was less. Paul
111 decided he needed a belt twice as long and half as wide. He told
112 Ford Fordsen to take his chain saw and cut the belt in two
113 lengthwise.
114 "That will give us two belts," said Ford Fordsen. "We'll have to
115 cut them in two crosswise and splice them together. That means
116 I'll have to go to town bad buy materials for two splices."
117 "NO," said Paul. "This belt has a half-twist--which makes it
118 what is known in geometry as a Mobius strip."
119 "What difference does that make?" asked Ford Fordsen.
120 "A Mobius strip," said Paul Bunyan, "has only one side, and one
121 edge, and if we cut it in two lengthwise, it will still be in
122 one piece. We'll have one belt twice as long and half as wide."
123 "How can you cut something in two and have it still in one
124 piece?" asked Ford Fordsen.
125
126 Paul was modest. He was never opinionated. "Let's try this thing
127 out," he said.
128 They went into Paul's office. Paul took a strip of gummed paper
129 about two inches wide and a yard long. He laid it on his desk
130 with the gummed side up. He lifted the two ends and brought them
131 together in front of him with the gummed sides down. Then he
132 turned one of the ends over, licked it, slid it under the other
133 end, and stuck the two gummed sides together. He had made
134 himself and endless paper belt with a half-twist in it just
135 like the big belt on the conveyor.
136 "This," said Paul, "is a Mobius strip. It will perform just
137 the way I said--I hope."
138 Paul took a pair of scissors, dug the point in the center of
139 the paper, and cut the paper strip in two lengthwise. And when
140 he had finished, sure enough, he had one strip twice as long,
141 half as wide, and with a double twist in it.
142
143 Ford Fordsen was convinced. He went out and started cutting the
144 big belt in two. And, at this point, a man called Loud Mouth
145 Johnson arrived to see how Paul's enterprise was coming along
146 and to offer any destructive criticism that might occur to him.
147 Loud Mouth Johnson, being Public Blow Hard Number one, found
148 plenty to find fault with.
149 "If you cut that belt in two lengthwise, you will end up with
150 two belts, each the same length as the original belt, but only
151 half as wide."
152 "No," said Ford Fordsen, "this is a very special belt known as
153 a Mobius strip. If I cut it in two lengthwise, I will end up
154 with one belt twice as long and half as wide."
155 "Want to bet?" said Loud Mouth Johnson
156 "Sure," said Ford Fordsen.
157
158 They bet a thousand dollars. And, of course, Ford Fordsen won.
159 Loud Mouth Johnson was so astounded that he slunk off and stayed
160 away for six months. When he finally cane back he found Paul
161 Bunyan just starting to cut the belt in two lengthwise for the
162 second time.
163 "What's the idea?" asked Loud Mouth Johnson
164 Paul Bunyan said, "The tunnel has progressed much farther and
165 the material coming out is not as bulky as it was. So I am
166 lengthening the belt again and making it narrower."
167 "Where is Ford Fordsen?"
168 Paul Bunyan said, "I have sent him into town to get some
169 materials to splice the belt. When I get through cutting it in
170 two lengthwise I will have two belts the same length but only
171 half the width of this one. So I will have to do some splicing."
172
173 Loud Mouth Johnson could hardly believe his ears. Here was a
174 chance to get his thousand dollars back and show up Paul Bunyan
175 as a boob besides. "Listen," said Loud Mouth Johnson, "when you
176 get through you will have only one belt twice as long and half
177 as wide."
178 "Want to bet?"
179 "Sure."
180
181 So they bet a thousand dollars and, of course, Loud Mouth
182 Johnson lost again. It wasn't so much that Paul Bunyan was
183 brilliant. It was just that he was methodical. He had tried it
184 out with that strip of gummed paper, and he knew that the
185 second time you slice a Mobius strip you get two pieces--
186 linked together like an old-fasxioned watch chain.
187
188 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
189
190 ######################################
191 HEY! More crap from figment of the imagination
192 [DUTIFULLY FLUSHED.]
193 *HA HA HA*
194 ########c#############################
195 ++++++++++-------------------+++++++++++
196 Hey Figment!!!
197
198 Do you know how many Michael Jacksons
199 fit in ONE Volkswagon????
200 ?
201 ?
202 FIVE!! Two in the front
203 Two in the back
204 and ONE in the
205 ASHTRAY!!
206 *ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*ha*
207 Doc Spock
208 ########################################
209 88888888888888888
210 masg
211 ?
212 list
213 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hi everyone!
214 This is me again. Yes, I just couldn't stay dead. Sometimes it's a bummer, but I usually can't leave.
215 There are very few things that could stir me and this is one of them. Yes, it's
216 that figment of imagination and any other mindless idiot causing busy signals
217 and messing up this place. I plan on assassinating him as soon as I can talk
218 Philippe into giving up his get out of heaven free card. Well, I have to be going
219 I hear Andropov has been hanging out here. Maybe we can chat.
220 The Ninja
221 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
222 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
223
224 CYM, PAM, Hrothgar, Aaron, d, Anon, Batpoop, etc.:
225
226 Amazing! I disappear for a few months and find none of the old
227 (pardon the expression) user's. Are you still out there? My rather ab-
228 rupt departure from BWMS resulted from the sale of my equipment in pre-
229 paration for my forthcoming move to Tokyo. I am at present using a friends
230 system. Poetry is fine but I miss the long-winded religious and political
231 discussions of the past. I must admit, however, using BWMS as a medium
232 for my own poetic inclinations, under the alias of "Apollo". I'll bet
233 you never suspected! As my opportunities to access the system will be
234 somewhat irregular, henceforth, two-way discussions of the previosly
235 mentioned nature would be difficult. Once more, however, I would like
236 to sieze this, perhaps my last, opportunity to attack Christianity as
237 it has attacked American society (and others) What is the driving force
238 of this religion that prompts the defacation of public and private property?
239 And why do the law enforcement authorities not respond to those who clutter
240 our public streets with "JESUS SAVES FROM HELL", "TRUST JESUS", etc. as
241 they would (and do) to one who writes "SATAN SAVES FROM CHRISTIANITY" or
242 "TRUST THE RAJNEESH"? Clearly, regardless of the official stand to the
243 contrary, there is little or no separaton of state and religion in practice;
244 lest these destructive persons regardless of their cause, would face
245 criminal penalties. I maintain, as before, that these archaic, outdated
246 religions are literally demoralizing and though their indulgence should
247 remain the discretion of the indulgee, they constitute, as they always have,
248 a grave threat to this society when protected and encouraged by the
249 government thereof. In conclusion, I would like to request of those of the
250 Christian persuasion, if you should ever happen to find yourself in Japan,
251 please do not attempt to pollute the moral environment with your prehistoric
252 philosophies and dogmas. 9% of Japanese are already Christian. I find
253 this more than sufficiently threatening.
254 I regret that I was unable to read any responses to my last message. If
255 you would like to respond to this or any of my previous messages, and you
256 don't mind a slight disruption in continuity, could you please do so in
257 about a week. Hopefully I will again hve access to the system around
258 that time.
259 Mikey: Sorry I forgot you in the opening salutation. (This also applies
260 to anyone else from "The Olden Days" [1983--that is] whom I forgot.]
261 Ninja: Anata wa Nihonjin desu ka. Soo dewa nakereba, naze "Ninja" ni
262 shita ka.
263
264 Dirty Ol' Man
265
266 ~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM~DOM
267 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
268
269 ESTATE SALE
270
271 Lathe, Drill press, Hydraulic press
272 Miscellaneous shop tools & equipment
273 Furniture & Appliances
274 Electronics parts
275 ***** EVERYTHING CHEAP *****
276
277 Saturday February 10, 10am--6pm
278
279
280
281 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
282
283 I am refreshed to find that someone else here in Stump Town shares a similaropin
284 DELETE
285 -----------------------------------------------
286 THE GENIUS OF KARL KROYER
287
288 In 1964, the freighter Al Kuwait, all twenty-seven hundred tons of her, capsized and sank to the bottom of Kuwait Harbor.
289 That nation's government might have left her there had she not been carrying a cargo of six thousand sheep!
290 Fear was that the rotting carcasses would poison the harbor. So the shipping company would be required to clean up its mess.
291 But no one knew how.
292 Neither the Kuwaiti government nor the shipping company had any idea of how to recover those thousands of dead sheep from the
293 bottom of the harbor.
294 Then someone remembered Karl Kroyer.
295 A Danish inventor. A genius, some said. His inventions had earned him a million dollars many times over---his bicycle-wheel
296 rim linings and his various kitchen appliances and his nonskid highway surfacing and all the other profitable patentables on
297 which his international reputation rested.
298 So the Kuwaiti ship owners called Karl Kroyer.
299 No way to conduct the cleanup operations underwater, Karl decided. The freighter would first have to be raised to the
300 surface.
301 The ship owners agreed.
302 But they had tried all the conventional methods of ship raising, and all had failed.
303 Karl said he would think about it. The Kuwaitis would hear from him soon.
304 They did.
305 Karl dispatched a small vessel to Kuwait Harbor, armed with a long injector hose and 30 BILLION pea-sized polystyrene
306 pellets. If hollow, air-sealed, superbuoyant plastic balls could be injected into the sunken ship's hull, the ship itself
307 would become buoyant and float to the surface.
308 Karl Kroyer's divers descended into Kuwait Harbor, and they carried out his instructions. The plan worked. The freighter
309 was raised to an even keel. Mission accomplished.
310 Karl's fee was a handsome although not unreasonable $186,000.
311 And word got around.
312 Off the coast of Greenland, a similar situation with a sunken steamer. They shipowners called Karl Kroyer. The vessel was
313 raised successfully.
314 Again, off Scotland, same situation. Kroyer was commissioned and came to the rescue.
315 Finally, Van Den Tak of Holland, Europe's biggest ship-salvage company, joined forces with inventor Kroyer. And today
316 polystyrene pellets are used routinely to raise sunken ships which could not have been recovered two decades ago.
317 Karl Kroyer might really have cashed in had he been able to patent his process. Yet he could not obtain a patent for a
318 concept that was already in existance.
319 For Karl had borrowed the hollow plastic pellet idea. He had read about it in a magazine. He had read about a sunken yacht
320 which had been raised to the surface by being stuffed with Pin-Pong balls!
321 Genius inventor-engineer Karl Kroyer remembered reading about that operation in a 1949 publication.
322 A comic book.
323 The genius behind the genius of Karl Kroyer was Walt Disney's Donald Duck.
324 Now you know THE REST OF THE STORY.
325
326
327 (From DESTINY, by Paul Aurandt)
328 -------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz ----------------
329 P.V.:
330 In the last message Mr. Aurandt was inaccurate in one respect: the inventor was not actually Donald Duck, but the genius
331 behind the Duck. One of the greatest comic-book artists to ever hold pen.
332 No, it wasn't Disney, but a man named Carl Barks. (All TRUE comics fans stand silent in awe.)
333 Now YOU know THE REST OF THE STORY.
334 (So I didn't have a trick ending. Sue me.)
335 && The Mad Actor &&
336 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Hello!
337 Being Chinese and sort of passed around Japan, I never had a chance to learnthe lingo. Sorry.
338 Boy life sure can be tough. I still can't talk Philippe into giving up his
339 card. He'll never use it.
340 The Ninja
341 *************************************************************************
342 ONE THING ABOUT THE STORY OF PAUL B. ABOVE, THAT WASN'T TOLD WAS HOW HE
343 GOT THE IDEA TO CUT THE BELT INTO TO BEGIN WITH. IT SEEMS THAT THE
344 MANUFACTURE HAD GOTTEN THE SPECS WRONG AND BUILT THE BELT TWICE AS WIDE
345 AND WITH TWO TWISTS IN IT INSTEAD OF ONE. SO WHEN PAUL WENT TO PICK IT
346 UP HE SAW THIS AND SAID "OH NO, NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER
347 TWO WEEKS FOR YOU TO MAKE IT RIGHT!" THE MANUFACTURE SAID NO, IT IS NO
348 PROBLEM, HE WOULD JUST CUT IT DOWN THE MIDDLE. "BUT", SAID PAUL, "IT
349 WILL STILL HAVE TWO TWISTS IN EACH BELT WHEN YOU ARE DONE!" NOT SO
350 SAID THE MANUFACTURE, AND WITH THAT TOOK THE BELT TO A CUTTING
351 MACHINE AND SLICED THE BELT DOWN THE MIDDLE. ENDING WITH TWO SINGLE
352 TWIST BELTS INTERLOCKED. CUTING ONE OF THE BELTS TO DISENTANGLE IT
353 AND SPLICING IT BACK TOGETHER, HE GAVE IT TO PAUL AS A SPARE.
354 ************************* CISTOP MIKEY ******************************
355 -----------------
356 Which reminds me, I think I'll go to the local bar and have a 'belt.'
357 ---------------------------------------------------- P. V. Jeltz --------
358 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
359 Dear Leroy;
360 Sorry guy, you've stepped on too many people's toes recently. Those
361 aren't my goons after you. Watch for the man in the ice cream suit, and
362 head the other way. Others are on your trail also.
363 Salazar will be of little help. He and Serena took the cash and have
364 gone to L.A. to open up a private detective agency. He said something
365 about wanting to be like Mike Hammer and gardinias. I'm really not sure
366 what he was talking about, but I'm sure we will hear from him soon. He
367 figured discretion was the better part of valor... Too many are on your
368 trail. He's still miffed about Natasha.
369 As for me, I ended up with Herman the sex-crazed platypus... Since
370 I had a couple of reservations for Venice; you can reach us these for
371 the next couple of weeks. Let me know when the funeral is, we'll try
372 to attend.
373 MAQUID SALUTE
374 MOHAMMED WASSIR
375 <Your Albanian in Venice>
376 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
377
378 ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
379 People of the inn..
380 did anyone go to the inncounter that c.v. planed,nobody seems to know what happened and I see no messages from c.v. anyware.
381 so whats going down? was there a murder/rape/etc..? somebody tell me what happened o.k.?
382 The Man in Gray
383 ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
384
385
386 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ 0! < 1 }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
387
388 CISTOP MIKEY > My goodness the inkeeper his self!!! What does a
389 lowly humble purveyor of number do to warrant such
390 attention. Well I tried to twist around like you
391 said and I belted myself in the head with my foot.
392 becoming d
393 i
394 zzzz
395 y...
396
397 Say, I enjoyed the story of the Beaver... perhaps he/she
398 felt entitled to whatever grows since this is their State.
399 There are a couple of Beavers around my place but that's
400 hardly surprising among the loons, grebes, koots, ducks
401 and other characters. They're amazed to find a computer
402 here!!!! (Ah well a little anthropomorphizing as it were.)
403
404 One great hero of Mathematics was heard to say:
405
406 Give me a few people of magnitude and
407 We shall factor the universe!!
408
409 Many Thanks for the drinks & the grins,
410 you keep a fine Inn here my friend!!
411
412 {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ The Mesolithic Mathematician }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
413
414 ##########################################################################
415
416 L I M E R I C K O F T H E W E E K
417 [THIS COMPUTER IS NOT PROGRAMMED TO RESPOND IN THAT AREA...DULY CENSORED!]
418 ##########################################################################
419 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
420 MAN IN GREY: I'M WAITING FOR A TOPIC, DON'T FORGET ME! AND STARVING FOR
421 A LITTLE MENTAL EXERCISE HERE.
422 LEONARD: SURELY YOU COULD COME UP WITH SOMETHING.
423 MIKEY: HELP.
424 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
425 P.S. DOM.......DON'T GO........PLEASE...........YOU'RE THE WHOLE REASON
426 I WAS COMPELLED TO GET A COMPUTER!.............SEE YOU IN A WEEK.
427 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
428 **************************************************************
429 STANGE WHAT REASONS THAT ENTICE PEOPLE TO GET COMPUTERS!
430 AH WELL, ALL THINGS END UP THE SAME IN THE END.
431 **************************************************************
432 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
433 SIGH S I G H SIGH
434 SIGHSIGHSIGHSIGHSIGH
435 [][][][][][][][][] 2014 02/11/84 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
436
437 Deborah - I think that I may be leaning more towards your way of thinking
438 regarding the religious discussions. Interesting, if naught else.
439
440 Man In Gray - I went, along with my spouse. There were at least siz murders,
441 of poor defenseless oysters. Two crabs were broken and beaten,
442 and a number of beverage bottles were reduced to empty shells
443 reflecting their former selves. Nice place though.
444
445 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][] DJJ [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
446
447 ######################################
448 Hey! It's me again, figment of the imagination!
449
450 Dear ninja, You really scare me!
451 I doubt you are a ninja, I take Kempo at
452 a Karate studio and happen to know that
453 there are no true ninja in the USA.
454 Ajnd should you happen to be from somewhere else
455 than explain to me where you, A SUPPOSED NINJA, found the time
456 to take up computing!
457 So drop the name or I will personally look you up and
458 show you what the bottom of my foot
459 looks like close up.
460
461
462 And to whom ever is writing over my messages,
463 Keep it up. Now you have given me a
464 reason to call up this
465 system more. I have to keep re-writing my messages to make sure
466 that everyone see's them! Sooooooo,
467 FACE ON YOU!!!!!
468 *ha ha ha ha ha ha ha*
469
470
471
472
473 This man was jumping up and down on
474 a man-hole cover shouting "29! 29!", when along
475 came this pole. The pole asked, "why are you doing that?"
476 Too which the man replied, "It's great exercise, try it!"
477 So the pole got on the cover and
478 started doing the same thing. When the man pulled the cover away. The pole fel
479 into the sewer. The man promptly put the cover
480 back on and started jumping up and down
481 yelling, "30! 30!"
482
483
484
485 *ha ha ha ha*
486
487 I will sign on again to see if this message
488 has been defaced.
489
490
491 Figment of the imagination saying:
492 If it ain't yours leave it alone, and If you aren't really, than don't claim to
493 be such!
494 ######################################
495 --------------------------------------------------
496 THE DEADLY HONEYMOON
497
498 It was the day after the wedding, and the happy couple had not yet emerged from the bridal chamber.
499 The wedding celebration had gone long into the night, so the bride and groom were not really expected to be stirring until
500 afternoon.
501 I'm not sure what it was that aroused the suspicion of friends. I do not know why, but after a while they grew concerned,
502 went to the door of the bridal chamber, and began shouting the groom's name.
503 No answer.
504 They shouted again. Again, silence.
505 So the groom's comrades broke down the door. And once inside, they beheld a gruesome sight.
506 The lovely young bride was kneeling at the bedside, weeping bitterly.
507 The groom lay on the bed.
508 Dead.
509 The groom had died on his own wedding night. Murder?
510 Let's consider the evidence.
511 The bride, an exceptionally pretty German girl, was not the groom's first wife. According to her, she had awakened to
512 discover the husband was dead.
513 He had had a great deal to drink the night before.
514 That was all she knew.
515 Indeed, there were no marks on the groom's body, no apparent wounds that might have lead to his death.
516 Obviously, the greiving bride was telling the truth. Anyway, she had no motive to kill her husband.
517 But if she did not kill him, what did?
518 And then someone remembered---the nosebleeds.
519 The groom had suffered from chronic epistaxis, repeated hemmorhaging of the nasal capillaries.
520 A brief examination told THE REST OF THE STORY.
521 The groom had fallen into a drunken stupor and then a deep sleep.
522 He was flat on his back when his nose began to bleed.
523 Within minutes he had suffocated, drowned in his own blood.
524 Case closed.
525 History offers other versions of the incident you have just relived, even invents conceivable motives for the bride to have
526 stabbed her groom in the night. Those other versions, however, are based on rumors which arose later.
527 It would be of no interest today, more than fifteen hundred years after the fact, except for the groom's impact on his own
528 era.
529 He had a great many enemies. So it was not unreasonable initially to suspect his young bride Ildico of murder.
530 Yet as far as we know, the groom's demise occurred just as you've learned: too much booze and a nosebleed.
531 Odd end for a man once called "the Scourge of God," whose name struck terror throughout the Western world.
532 Having survived a lifetime of brutal battles, he was at last done in by his own honeymoon.
533 The reputedly "indestructible" Attila the Hun partied himself to death!
534
535 by Paul Aurandt
536 ------------------------------------------------------------ P. V. Jeltz -------
537
538 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
539
540 Stepping through the wall, I find that the world about me is strange,
541 unfocused, as though I were viewing it through the lens of a poorly made
542 camera. And the colours seem so much duller than I remember, but perhaps
543 they are only dull by comparison to where I was. However it may be, while
544 I have enjoyed my stay, I wish greatly to return to the world I have known
545 and my friends there.
546
547 Why does everything look so....... unusual? I should know this
548 section of the forest well, for I have spent many days here, and some
549 nights as well. Though some of the shapes are familiar, they are stark and
550 unfriendly, and they cause a thrill of fear to penetrate to the core of my
551 being. Where is my home? Where is the road? Perhaps I should return to
552 where I have been. It was warm and safe, and the companionship was good,
553 though my feet hurt from so much dancing and my throat is tender from song.
554 Shrinking back beside the faerie hawthorn, I wrap my cloak even more
555 tightly against myself, in the hopes that it will help to still the
556 trembling that is only partly caused by the cold.
557
558 Almost overpowered by my fear of what I should find so familiar, I
559 prepare to once again begin the process that will take me away when I
560 sense...... what is it that I sense?...... the marker that I left behind
561 that I could focus upon! It gives me an anchor, a branch to grab as I
562 slide down the precipice of fear. I know where it is, and it allows me to
563 align my senses with the world, just a bit. I stop, gain back some of my
564 composure, and rise from the ground beneath the hawthorn. Though I may
565 have a hard time traveling, though the road before me is strange where it
566 should be familiar, the anchor of the Rowan steadies me and gives me a
567 compass from which I can find my way.
568
569
571 The journey still before me is long, but I have passed my greatest
572 test. The dangers that the forest may hold can only affect my physical
573 being, not my spirit or my will, and I now know that I have conquered the
574 greatest enemy of my return. My own fears.
575
576 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]PAM.[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
577
578
579 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
580 PAM: I DELIGHT AT YOUR RETURN! PLEASE DO NOT GO AWAY AGAIN WITHOUT SOME
581 EXPLAINATION. YOU GAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE A SCARE LAST TIME.
582 JONATHAN CAHNCE
583 &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
584
585 ***************************************************************
586 VALENTINES DAY IS APROACHING FAST, SO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
587 FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE?
588 ***************************************************************
589 AS LUKE SKYWALKER SAID, "I CARE!"
590
591 ?????????????????????????oh hell with it!
592 Pam,care to argue somthing??
593 Jonathan Chance,as Ham Salad said "relax kid,it's only a movie"
594 ????????????????????????its late people and my auto-repete failed so...
595 The Man in Gray
596 ????????????????????????
597 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
598 WELL I SEE THINGS ARE QUITE FULL ON THE NEW DISC, SO I HAD TO RETREAT
599 TO THE TAIL END OF THIS. AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE AIN'T A WHOLE LOT OF
600 ROOM HERE EITHER..........BY THE WAY DOM, I THINK THAT YOU WILL FIND
601 RELIGION IN GENERAL MORE POPULAR IN JAPAN, PERHAPS EVEN A LITTLE MORE
602 SUPERSTITIOUS THAN HERE. I DO NOT ADVOCATE THE ADULTERATED TYPE OF
603 CHRISTIANITY THAT HAS BECOME POPULAR DURING THE LAST 700 YEARS, BUT I
604 DO FEEL THE BIBLE IS A VALID BOOK. I'VE MADE THIS POINT BEFORE, BUT
605 FOR YOUR BENEFIT I'LL REPEAT IT. YOU CAN'T BLAME THE BOOK FOR WHAT
606 PEOPLE HAVE DONE WITH IT ANYMORE THAN YOU CAN BLAME THE KNIFE MAN-
607 UFACTURER WHEN IT FALLS INTO THE HANDS OF A MURDERER.
608 WISH YOU WERE NOT LEAVING, YOUR ESSAYS ARE THOUGHT PROVOKING.
609 ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?DEBORAH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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