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Child Rearing And Danger by David Briars
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The trial of two environmentalists sued by the McDonald's corporation
in order to silence them has highlighted McDonalds' truly sinister
advertising strategy to control the minds of young children. Last
summer I saw one of these after-school commercials. It made me shiver
at the time, and it made reading about their 2-8 year old targeting
strategy fit right into place. I look over to my own TV with a feeling
of horror but also sadness. Just throwing away the television or
blowing it up etc.etc. is not a satisfactory answer. The TV is an
important tool as well as a dangerous weapon like a gun. We need a way
to raise our children to be able to coexist with TV rationally and
safely, without being seduced by it. Like any dangerous thing, the
proper time to introduce it to a child is when that child is mature
enough to be able to handle it.
Child Rearing And TV
Raising a child is a process of teaching self control and good sense
in a wide variety of dangerous situations. Early childhood is when we
most need the wisdom of generations to raise our children, Yet
television is bleeding our culture of its child rearing heritage.
I recently saw a 6 month old baby placed directly in front of a 48
inch TV to keep him quiet. I went up to the baby and tried to get his
attention by gently squeezing his feet and smiling and talking to him.
The baby remained absolutely transfixed on the gigantic face of Winona
Judd singing a song about some Peyton Place melodrama. What will that
child know about child rearing except how to carry his own living
child, glassy eyed to the foot of the robot giver-of-stimulation.
Television has been slowly taking over the child rearing process for
at least 2 generations.
Child Rearing And Hysteria
Hysteria, or irrational panic, takes many forms. Most of us have
looked down over a steep cliff or tall building and felt ourselves
being pulled over the edge. I would like to propose that this feeling
is an archetypal, elemental example of hysteria. It springs from a
Pavlovian experience of being screamed at for going near precipices.
The scream assumes that the child has no instinct of self
preservation, no mind, no self. Only DANGER in relation to PRECIPICE.
Now this is a genuinely frightening part of child rearing. I don't
have all the answers, but I cannot forget the sight of a 3 year old
son of a rural Vermont saw mill owner being allowed to wander around
in the sawmill. Anyone who has seen the inside of a dark backwoods
sawmill with its giant deadly blade at floor level, sliding log
carrying table, deafening noise and greasy wet floor would be
astonished that even an adult would be allowed to wander there. But
this same child is now graduating from high-school. Somehow this child
was taught without panic to conduct himself rationally in a life
threatening environment. I'm not sure how, but it can be done.
Danger is everywhere in our lives. Very few children born today will
go through life without confronting many dangerous situations, not
only sawmills, but guns, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and television. We
need calmness and care in teaching our children about these dangers--
not just by screaming !NO! but by sharing the real human difficulties
of dealing with each. Too soon, each child will be meeting brand new
unthought-of dangers that they could not have been made !BAD! by
Pavlovian conditioning. They must meet them with reason grounded in
self confidence.
Not long ago I came upon a flag-draped magazine designed by an
association of gun manufacturers to fight the anti-gun lobby in the
USA. It had a consistent, simple-minded, depressing theme: "Crime is
caused by not-enough-punishment and not-enough-guns". However, I was
not prepared for the last article: a very surprising and wonderful
essay called "A Parent's Guide To Children and Firearms". It has a
great deal to teach us about teaching children how to deal with
dangerous things. Substitute the terror of your choice for "firearms"
whether it is TV, drugs, tobacco, alcohol. The essay will still ring
true.
-David Briars
(dbriars@world.std.com)
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A Parent's Guide To Children and Firearms by John Aquilno
If you recently purchased your first firearm, or already own a firearm
and have children in your home, you must realize that teaching your
child to be safe around guns begins with you, the parent. It is your
decision to have guns in your home. You also decide when and to what
extent to teach your child about guns and gun safety.
The trust your child has in you, and your advice will determine to a
great degree your success in raising your child to be safe with guns.
That trust is built through your ability to provide the things every
child needs: love, attention, discipline, values, respect, and ways to
deal with problems and emotions.
A Parent's Challenge
You help teach your child to make correct decisions. The guidelines
you set up will help your child lay out a path between right and
wrong.
Discipline is extremely important for your children to learn how to
control his or her behavior. It helps develop your child's trust in
you and your advice.
Loving, yet consistent application of rules and consequences makes it
likely that when you set the limits for your child's behavior around
guns, or anything, your child will know that "no" means "no", that you
mean exactly what you say.
Teaching your child to use words to express his or her feelings of
happiness or frustration or jealousy or anger can go a long way in
reducing the likelihood he or she will instead respond with physical
harm to others. A child who has been respected, encouraged, and
praised by parents learns confidence and is secure. That child is less
likely to see a gun as an artificial means of acquiring power or self
importance.
Growing up is every child's challenge. Through the example and limits
you set, your child will develop a sense of self-esteem, and his or
her love for you will grow.
When to Teach
Timing is extremely important to successful teaching. When your child
starts to ask questions or act out "gun play", the time is ripe. Use
your child's curiosity as an indicator. Seize the teachable moment. Be
prepared to discuss, demonstrate, and answer questions. Keep the
lesson simple. Emphasize the most important points and repeat, repeat,
repeat. Your child's attention may wander. Don't be discouraged. Be
Patient.
Teach Facts, Not Fear
Versed in the facts of gun safety, your child is more likely to make
sound decisions around guns. Be open and honest about guns. If you've
raised a child to be confident and secure, that child will be more
resistant to peer pressure to "show off" in an unsafe manner and will
most likely avoid wrong behavior and be safe around guns, whether you
are present or not.
Fantasy Vs. Reality
An active imagination can be a very healthy trait, but the ability to
distinguish between reality and fantasy is very important. Action
thrillers on television or in the movies are fantasy. They are
entertainment. it is very important that your child knows this
seemingly simple fact. Actors on television use play guns. They
pretend to be wounded and die. After the show, they get up and appear
on other films or on other TV stations. Don't assume your child knows
the difference between a toy gun and a real gun. Guns are used on
television are toys. Guns such as BB guns and firearms--pistols,
rifles, and shotguns are not toys. They are real guns. They must never
be confused with toy guns.
If you allow your child to play with toy guns, use them to demonstrate
safe and proper behavior with all guns.
Gun Safety (Drug Safety, Alcohol Safety, TV Safety, Tobacco Safety)
Parent, gun safety begins with you. Use common sense with your guns.
Keep your guns and ammunition inaccessible to your child. Don't leave
them lying around where a toddler can stumble on them. Think from your
child's point of view. What drawers are within reach? Can they be
opened by a little one pulling himself or herself up? If so, those
places are *not* inaccessible.
A point about ammunition should be noted: A cartridge or shotshell is
not something that should be played with by a child. Keep your
ammunition as safe as you would your gun.
If you do not have a child or if your child has moved from home, these
precautions still apply. A child may come to visit.
How best to secure your guns in your home and keep them from a child
is a question only you can answer. You know your home. You set the
"do's" and "don'ts" of your child's behavior.
Set those guidelines. Insist that they be honored at all times, when
you are home and when you are away from home.
The attitude toward guns and gun safety you instill in yourself and
your children is key. Don't make it a one-way street. Follow the same
rules you set for your child. Enlist your child as a scout for gun
safety to be on the alert whenever the rules are broken.
Three Rules of Safe Gun Handling
1. Once the decision is made, impress on your child to *always keep a
gun pointed in a safe direction*. Whether you are shooting or simply
handling your gun, never point the muzzle at yourself or others.
Common sense will dictate which is safest depending on your location
and various other conditions. Generally it is safest to point the gun
upward or at the ground.
2. Insist that your child *keep his or her finger off the trigger*.
There is a natural tendency to place your finger on a trigger when
holding a gun. Avoid it. That's what the trigger guard is made for--to
enable you to hold the gun comfortably with your finger off the
trigger.
3. Keep the action open and the gun unloaded until ready to use.
Whenever you pick up any gun, immediately open the action and check
(visually if possible) to see that the chamber is unloaded. If the gun
has a magazine, make sure it's empty. If you do not know how to open
the gun's action, leave it alone or get help from someone who does.
Remember, any time you handle a gun your child may be watching and
learning from your behavior.
Your Child Wants To Shoot
You may wish to extend your child's knowledge of gun safety to safe
handling and use. If so, and if your child expresses an interest in
learning to shoot, you, better than anyone, can determine when and if
your child is ready. There is no magic age. A child's attitude and
physical and emotional development are better indicators.