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WARNING: The following post contains critical spoiler information concerning
this week's TNG offering, "Cost of Living". Those not wishing to experience
the cost of spoilers should remain clear at this time.
We have a new candidate for the bottom five list. It was that bad
Oh, my Lord.
- WHAT* were they thinking?
I'm almost speechless at just how bad this was. It had one or two amusing
moments to it, but very, very few. Yeesh.
Anyway, let me get through the synopsis and then see what little I can
comment on this. Maestro:
The Enterprise destroys an asteroid about to crash into an inhabited planet,
and then moves on to continue its mission--but as it leaves, dustlike debris
from the asteroid seems to settle on the ship. Deanna counsels Worf and
Alexander, suggesting they settle their dispute over rules by drawing up a
contract that both sides would then adhere to. She reassures Alexander that
one day he'll come to respect his father--and just then receives word that
her mother is on board.
Lwaxana, it turns out, is getting married while on board, although to a man
of some stature that she's not yet met. She quickly takes a shine to
Alexander and rails against the contract they've been discussing, calling it
a sign of distrust. As the asteroid dust continues to move throughout the
ship unnoticed, Alexander confides to Lwaxana that he hates Worf. She
consoles him, and takes him to a fantasy world on the holodeck where his
every pleasure can be attended to. Both enjoy themselves a great deal--at
least, until a very annoyed Worf and Deanna search them out.
Deanna argues with Lwaxana about the mixed messages she's sending Alexander
and the trouble she's causing, then turns to the upcoming wedding. Lwaxana
dismisses her concerns as nonsense, and then finds the replicator isn't
working properly. Hundreds of them have suddenly malfunctioned, and when
Geordi and Data check out a related problem in an access corridor, they find
some form of gelatinous matter they can't identify. Alexander and Lwaxana
discuss marriage, and Lwaxana confesses that she is compromising in order not
to be alone and afraid.
As the investigation continues, the ship's stabilizers temporarily go offline
as well, and the same residue is found when they're checked out. Minister
Campio, the groom-to-be, is beamed aboard and found to be rather officious
and stuffy. After further study of the commonalities between the two
systems, Geordi and Data hypothesize that there's a parasite of sorts
consuming the nitrium in the Enterprise--and nitrium is also found in the
dilithium chamber and other essential areas.
After Lwaxana offends virtually everyone she's seen so far (particularly
Campio and his Protocol Minister) by whisking Alexander away to another
holodeck visit, Alexander inadvertently prompts Lwaxana into wondering if she
isn't rushing into this too fast. Picard attempts to return the Enterprise
to the Pelloris Field (where the asteroid originated) in an attempt to lead
the parasites to another food source, but the parasites spread so fast that
nearly all essential systems go down. All members of the crew but Data fall
unconscious due to low levels of life support, but Data manages to drive the
parasites away in the nick of time, and all is restored. Lwaxana shocks
Campio at the wedding ceremony by appearing naked, and he flees in shock and
terror. She, Deanna, Alexander and Worf realize that they've taught each
other lessons as they relax once more on the holodeck.
There we are. Sound trite? It was. Now, on to slightly more substantive
comments.
There were precisely two lines that got a wholly positive reaction out of me
in all this. The first was Troi's "on the other hand..." after hearing her
mother was coming on board. The second was Picard's "Permission for an
onboard wedding is granted, Number One. Nothing would please me more than to
give away Mrs. Troi." [preferably to a pool full of piranha, no doubt]. The
latter was this show's version of the "I'll inform the crew" line of "Qpid",
really. This is not a promising parallel.
I honestly don't know exactly what I can say about this. I'm outright
shocked that this made it to the screen. Let's see...
Okay. I defended Alexander a fair amount when he appeared in his first
significant role, "New Ground". I still believe that. But with "Ethics", he
began to look like a complete one-note character--and this clinched it.
Alexander may be a very realistic child in some ways--in fact, given the
initial counseling scene with Troi and remembering a few elements of my own
upbringing, I know he is--but knowing that every five minutes in a show
featuring him you'll have an "I hate my father" or an "All he cares about is
rules/honor" or an abominably bad display of laughing or crying (the latter
in "Ethics", the former here) makes for an *extremely* unpleasant watching
environment. It's a pity, because there really *are* issues involving both
parenting on the Enterprise and Worf's fatherhood in general that could stand
to be addressed, and could be very interesting. But this is old, and should
be left to die. Please, no more.
On the other hand, I've never defended Lwaxana, and I'm not about to start
with this kind of example. In the past, she has been amazingly annoying and
almost downright grotesque, and almost a halfway decent character in her last
appearance, "Half a Life". Here, she went back to what was apparently the
original plan for the character: a 24th-century Auntie Mame.
In a word: bleah. The result of this transformation was to have a very
sizable fraction of the show aimed at a level that would insult most
eight-year-olds. I've never objected to programs aimed at kids, and have
enjoyed them *if* there's also a hook to keep adults entertained and
interested, e.g. Warner Bros. cartoons or nearly anything by the late Jim
Henson [sigh]. This had *nothing* to keep me watching the holodeck
sequences; in fact, it occasionally took an effort of will to *continue*
watching. Lisa has a five-year-old cousin and a three-year-old cousin who
watch TNG fairly regularly, and I expect they'll adore the holodeck scenes.
They're welcome to them; I'd be happy never to see them again as long as
I live.
None of the actors seemed to be particularly enthusiastic about the show. I
got the impression no one's heart was in this; whether it was because they
were all dead tired or because they'd read the script is something about
which I can only speculate. But it led to probably one of the single most
unsuspenseful suspense scenes I've ever seen: Geordi's "I'm working on
it" while the ship's shaking itself to bits is delivered with all the energy
of a squashed mollusc. (And BTW, most of the Deanna/Lwaxana scenes featured
what could quite possibly be the single *worst* performance I've seen from
Marina Sirtis, _including_ the "intense pain" sequences from "Encounter at
Farpoint". Overacted and overdone--yech.)
The plot, loosely speaking, bounced between absolute predictability and sheer
nonsense. We all knew Worf and Alexander would reconcile, as would Deanna
and Lwaxana, who we also knew wouldn't get married; there's the
predictability. On the other hand, the deflector-dish technique used to
destroy the asteroid goes against everything we've ever been told about how
the dish operates, and the departure of the parasites in the end somehow
magically brought about a fully-operative ship in the wink of an eye. (Yes,
I know they paid lip service to it by "temporary repairs have been
completed", but there was no sign of a single problem as soon as the
parasites left, and if everything was reduced to goo [or as we termed it
halfway through the show, "pixie dust droppings" :-) ], there's not much in
the way of repairs you can DO immediately.)
As I alluded to earlier, the counseling scene at the beginning was actually
reasonable; it looked like the show had some slight potential.
Unfortunately, the closing bit of it (the "you'll come to respect your
parents" bit) went on far too long. As a throwaway, it dragged on about five
lines more than it should have; and as a real point, it was so clipped and
artificial that it set off the moralizing alarm.
The other scene of some interest was Lwaxana's conversation with Alexander
about being old and lonely. If they'd actually *worked* with that throughout
the show and used that as their focus, the show might have had a chance--but
as it is, it just looks out of place. (I got the distinct feeling, however,
that Majel was not thinking of Lwaxana's situation during that speech, but
rather her own recent bereavement. That gave me a bit of sympathy: whatever
my opinions of Lwaxana Troi or of Majel's acting ability, her feelings for
Gene ran very deep.)
I'm running out of things to say, because I'm really just stunned. One final
point, though:
The LA basin experienced a 6.0-magnitude earthquake a few minutes before
10:00 tonight--in other words, just before the closing minutes of the show.
While it gave us a scare at the time (it was our first quake, and hopefully
our last--brrrrrrrr...), it seemed very appropriate in retrospect: as though
the earth *itself* recoiled in horror at just how unpleasant this show was.
You can't argue with that kind of a sign. :-)
In sum, this is easily the worst thing since "Qpid", and *may* give "Qpid" a
run for its money for second-worst TNG ever. If it weren't for its being on
the same tape with "The First Duty", I'd have been sorely, sorely tempted to
take a magnet to the thing by now. If you read this review before you've
seen the show, consider yourself warned off.
So, the numbers:
Plot: 1. Pointless and boring.
Plot Handling: 1. Uninteresting or jarring direction (the return of the
jarring full-face closeups!), and nothing remotely interesting
keeping the plot going.
Characterization: 0. I saw no characters at all.
TOTAL: 1, seeing as I'm such a generous soul. Yech.
NEXT WEEK:
Everyone's ideal woman is the prize of a treaty, and Picard is tempted to
take her for himself rather than stop a war.
Tim Lynch (Cornell's first Astronomy B.A.; one of many Caltech grad students)
BITNET: tlynch@citjuliet
INTERNET: tlynch@juliet.caltech.edu
UUCP: ...!ucbvax!tlynch%juliet.caltech.edu@hamlet.caltech.edu
"We're just supposed to sit here?"
--Worf, in closing
"Our thoughts exactly!"
--us, just afterwards
--
Copyright 1992, Timothy W. Lynch. All rights reserved, but feel free to ask...