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----------------------------------------------------------------------
IRC Weekly - "m00sh3s still beat sheep" - IRC Weekly
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Edition #4
_____
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gW@@@@@@@m. ,W@@@@@@@@@@@@s
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i@@@@*~ ~M@@@@m. ,@@@@f` !@@@@.
i@@@A` '*@@@@s i@@@@` 'M@@@ ___ Pretend
d@@@ 'M@@@WW@@@` !@@@[ | Its RED!
@@@P Y@@@@@@` M@@@ |
i@@@! V@@@@P ]@@@ |
]@@@ 'M@f ]@@@ <----'
]@@@ ]@@@
'@@@[ Welcome to IRC Weekly Issue #4 ]@@@
@@@b (Special Valentines Edition) ]@@@
!@@@s 02/14/96 d@@@
V@@@i ,@@@[
Y@@@. d@@@`
M@@@s Pretty Askii by: Stumble g@@@!
Y@@@. (0 day d00dle b0y!$@!) g@@@f
M@@@i d@@@f
Y@@@. ,W@@@!
M@@@. ,W@@A`
M@@@ g@@@@`
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M@@!
~`
h0h0 welcome to the special VALENTINES edition of irc weekly. This issue
is dedicated to love and romance (yeah right). Anyways heres what todo for
your girlfriend today. Go to her house or better yet have her come to yours
so you feel more powerful then like hand her a rose and candies, chocolates,
and whatever. Next take her hand and direct her to the loveseat or couch or
hell your bed whatever is more comfortable for you! Ok now the good part
once you have her sat down tell her you have a BIG suprise for her,
naturally she will think dirty thoughts in her mind. At this point kiss her
on the lips and then pull out a copy of IW4!!!!!&^#@%^$!$!$%#!#$@!!$%#!
Now start reading it to her, and like dont read her this part cause then
she will think she is having dejavu or something strange, she could even
think she is on acid if she is a druggie, anyways back to the subject.
After reading her some of IW4 she will be driven into a frenzy and want you
sooo bad but dont break yet. Get her todo things to your body that bring
you great pleasure (woo woo isnt valentines great). Ok now _attempt_ to
finish reading her IW4 without being drawn into the realm of greater sexual
pleasures. Ok if you have made it this far throw IW4 on the ground and do
what comes naturally*&!^@%!%!!&*@%! if you dont know what comes naturally
you have no life and need to see someone and get major help, but dont go
killing yourself because i said this, remember i am not stumble and i dont
want credit so i suggest you follow IW3 guidelines to commiting suicide.
- subzero
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Virtual Playland subzero/Zircon
Eye Scream For CTooLZ Zircon
dBringers Quotes dBringer
How to pick up Irc Chiqs Stumble
A Bitch,Is A Bitch,Is A Layhmer Bitch! DesAngel
Spirt about Sprint Zircon
Communiation Decency Act Devious
Eye Yam A Eye-Are-Sea Warrior (.01b) Stumble
The #Warez WordSearch: By DesAngel DesAngel
There are ALIENS using the internet to .. lynch
RFD2001: Kangaroo Packet Network Sputnik
Bitches [iL]
Why do people ask me for porn? Zircon
fin Zircon
----------------------------------------------------------------------
------- - --- - - - -
Virtual Playland
---- - - -- -- -
Heres something that happend while sz got a little giddy, and i had way too
many timbits:
<sz> zirc JUMP OVER MY FIREWALL AND COME GET ME SO WE CAN PLAY!
- Zircon frags sz's little electronic fence
<sz> woo woo
- sz sees zircy coming towards his domain
<Zircon> can sz come out to play mrs zero?
- sz runs past the evil 2nd level firewall named mrs.zero and jumps over the
first one and says high to zircy
- Zircon high 5s sz
- sz then asks zirc "how do we get past the evil nuke boundary"?
<Zircon> lets patch the kernel in our car
- sz ducks and yells to zirc to watch out for the evil spoofers
<Zircon> i put in some ram, lets go!!
<sz> woo woo lets connect to a diff server
- sz notices a sign saying "this way to woodcrest" and says to zirc "LETS
GO"
- Zircon rips the steering wheel to the left
<Zircon> there
<Zircon> OH SHIT
<Zircon> HOW DO WE GET PAST HIS ROUTER?@#$
<sz> zirc we get all the 0-day warez pups to attack it
<Zircon> wait! get the traceroute map!
<Zircon> oh fuq, he's in that cerfnet country
<sz> ZIRC SHIT
<sz> we better run
<sz> or shall we stand and fight the powers that be
<Zircon> run away!
<Zircon> fuq this car only goes 14.4mph
<sz> SHIT
- sz notices big bad woodcrest admin coming up in the rear in his "t1" car
<Zircon> fuq he caught us, shit he's syn flooding my ass!
- sz collides woodcrest
- sz grabs zirc "are you ok dude"?
<Zircon> phew
<Zircon> yea man
<sz> k zirc we better get outta here
<Zircon> ok
- sz hops onto a t3 connect and runs away.
- Zircon hops on his pbx and calls gena
------- - --- - - - -
Eye Scream For CTooLZ
---- - - -- -- -
Being part of the dev team for so long, and always seeing CTooLZ
being protected with my life, i didn't really like this news, but i guess
it's all good. It has been anounced that CTooLZ will soon become client do
to it's very high demand. As the main script writer, i can see this means a
flood of new people bugging me for the newest update, i'll have to do
something about that, i assume a CTooLZ site (and probably mirrors) will be
opened shortly. Bad news for those that offer 0 day hacked CTooLZ, sorry
guys, oh well most of the warez pups won't know it's public anyhow, they are
only kids...
My new CTooLZ script is called Super CZ Tournament Edition,
completly re-written, it's top of the line. New features include an ANSI
toggle, for those freaks that use screen, or just can't handle it, and some
other stuff i could probably remember but am too busy trying to get IW4
released, just wait, you'll see.
Anyway, you'll know when it's available, you'll feel the rumble. If
i don't reply to your requests for my script, it's probably been released,
i'll be sure to post about this in the near future.
There will also be a windows version availble in the future, no date
is set at all. At this point, the code compiles, that is about all.
------- - --- - - - -
dBringers Quotes
---- - - -- -- -
My quote list. Fuqing wow. --dBringer
---------------------------------------
<MaoLamdo> You guys don't know bonadge till a chick beats the fuck out of you
with a leg from a walnut dinner table.
<fiasco> proto: im a illegal immigrant, and they dont want me to get PGP
so i can crypt my espanol.
<DigInt> motorola, yes.. and the requisite ball-gag and leather fetish
accessories set.
<MoToRoLa_> digint: I'm going to party with you man
<Zircon> i'm not ereet...just refer to me as worthless shit....
<force> I phear rush2 like I phear sub-atomic plankton
<TheFloyd> I could hack a small third world nation from my toilet right now
<Lefty_> drhavoc wants teklord
<DrHavoc> u sick shit
<DrHavoc> U r fucked up
<Lefty_> teklord: havoc is saying that he really really wants you
<Lefty_> all night long
<MaoLamdo> fencer: Yeah, it turned out I was using my pinkie finger, she
thought it was you.
<fencer> mao: Do you even know what a pussy looks like little boy?
<MaoLamdo> fencer: Your kid?
- ** Topic for #cellular: When Cloning is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have
Cloned Phones
- ** trace has been kicked off channel #2600 by terminal (your messing
with the wrong person. slut.)
<trace> who's system is phunc.catch22.com?
<knight> trace: MINE BITCH
<terminal> chix dig my oily skin.
<terminal> and pimpled ass.
<Ace> my sister has a big hairy tit
<fencer> damn fencer, you trip. what you on?
<fencer> well, I'll tell you
<fencer> I drank 4 cans of beer and 2 doses of NyQuil
<Lefty_> zoro-a plays with that bot soooo much.. you'd think that they are
dating
<Lefty_> hey smi, mind if I cop a feel?
------- - --- - - - -
How to pick up Irc Chiqs
---- - - -- -- -
How to pick up Irc Chiqs (I'm really good at this)
-By Stumble (Stumbly Bumbly Bumm)
w00p, its that time of year that we all love, Valentines Day.
Since not everyone is fortunate enuff to have a girlfriend in
real life (usually due to the fact that they live in front of
their computers and they never go outside to meet anyone) I
have decided to help you all find love on the network you love
most, the internet (god I sound like a shitty commercial for
AOL; But NEWAYS). Okay. To get started we must lay down a
few ground rules that you MUST OBEY!!
1) Dont ask for a gif/jpg/tgz/mov/avi/xbm/iff/ilbm/etc
2) Dont ask for numbers
3) Try to resist asking for measurements, this can be REAL scary
Okay Now to find a chiq, there are two ways to find one:
1) Go into a channel and ask for a age/sex check (lame as hell)
2) Sit around waiting for someone to act like a chiq (hard to do)
Once you locate chiq:
1) Talk to her publicly, this allows you to get in closer with
her, so that she trusts you, and doesn't think your gonna netrape
her
2) Start private messaging her, this works as a kind of bridge between
public and private chatting.
3) Suggest that you move to a private channel to further talk, since
typing /msg is annoying
What to do once you have her in a private channel:
First of all you should paste this into the channel:
(Pretty rose I stole form some d00dler; look at it side ways REAL hard)
____ ___ __----__ _/\
_/^ __ ^\_ /~^_/ | )/^ ^-^ _/ A rose for
_/^ _/^ ^\_ ^\ | ./ /~ /( _/\. <NICK>
_/^_/^--_ ^\_^\-__-~ _/( \ _/ ./
./^_/| \_ ~\ \_^\_ /^ _( ~-_ _/ \./\
_/^_/ \_ ~\ \ ^\__^\../^_/^ )\ ~~~~ _\/
<__/ ~\__\| ^\.__./^ ~---____--~ ~\
Now you must be sure not to be to forceful, or to forward..
(as in the example below, also note that you shouldnt talk to anyone with
"Rape" in there name, just to be safe)
<Start NetRape Example>
<MindRape> you like semen?
<MindRape> wow do u spit or swallow?
<MindRape> PLEASE SAY SWALLOW
<|Turok|> hahahah..........
<D32x> hrmmm... well it depends on what kind of mood im in.
<D32x> swallow...
<End NetRape Example>
2) If you don't know what comes after simple chit chat, and going to
a private room, then you need more help then I can possibly offer.
(Note: This is a short edition of the pick up chiqs article, due to
lack of free time, I was unable to finish a more complete document)
------- - --- - - - -
A Bitch,Is A Bitch,Is A Layhmer Bitch!
---- - - -- -- -
A Bitch,Is A Bitch,Is A Layhmer Bitch!
Or
The Search For The Narc Starts
By:DesAngel
Well it would seem that #warez has a narc in it's mists ...
The Writer was sittin in the channel Sunday .. just kickin back
And decided to offer some little 0 Day Proggy ...
-Mistake #1 Well .. i shouldn't say that ....
not actually a mistake per say ... i was in #warez .. with the who's who
of IRC .. i didnt even give a second thought to offerin in there.
ok anyways ...
i log on laters that day and here is da email i got:
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sun, 11 Feb 1996 00:09:40 -0600
From: Chris Carter <chrisc@squeaky.free.org>
To: (my SysAdmin)
Cc: (my provider),and piracy1@SPA.ORG,software@BSA.ORG, piracy@MICROSOFT.COM
Subject: Software Piracy from desangel@newport.thirdwave.net
Administrators -
I have been monitoring the #warez channels online the Internet
Relay Chat looking for pirated software. The following log was taken
from the #warez channel; it shows a user with the nickname "DesAngel" at
"desangel@newport.thirdwave.net" who is transfering the illegal copyrighted
software: Title Fight Boxing (Cracked by Raiden)
It is under your jurisdiction to take action against this user.
If your policy permits it, I suggest that you scan the user's home-
directory for the above programs. Then take appropriate action in
accordance with your Internet Policy Agreement and/or Network Etiquette
Policy.
If scanning the user's home-directory for illegal software is
against your policy, then it would be appropriate to E-Mail the
offending user and instruct him/her to discontinue their piracy charade.
Thank you.
Evidence -
EXACT DATE/TIME: Sun Feb 11 01:07:22 1996 EST
IRC WHOIS:
--------------------------------------------------------
- ** DesAngel is desangel@newport.thirdwave.net (desangel)
- ** on channels: #warez
- ** on irc via server irc.cdc.net ([cdc4.cdc.net] CDC Internet - Chattanooga,
+TN USA)
- ** DesAngel is away: (Doin Da FTP Thang!) [CZ+P]
--------------------------------------------------------
IRC LOGS:
--------------------------------------------------------
<DesAngel:#warez> PACKS OFFERED /MSG DesAngel CDCC SEND N To Get Pack N
<DesAngel:#warez> :#1: Title Fight Boxing [Raiden] [0-Hour]] [2
+Files/2180.030Kb]
--------------------------------------------------------
--
Chris Carter
International Internet Association
chrisc@free.org
Needless to say i was shocked ..not so much at being logged offering .. as i
am a courier but at the fact of where i had been logged offering ...
it appeared to be an inside job!
Sps was the first detective on the case .. and is also familiar somewhat
with this Chris carter lamer .... he quickly did a search for the putz and
didnt find him..
if i recall sps's exact werds .. was how did he get logs of ya from in here?..
-Good Question-
As i Write this .. tuesday night . the answer seems still distant ... no
new leads have turned up
here is the info it was exactly 1:07 a.m Sunday Morning ( 2/11/95) EST when
i was logged. ok you would be detectives in the crowd i invite you to solve
the case of who tried to fuxer DesAngel .. oh as a by line .. my sys admin
wasnt pissed .. and he edditied the email to make carter appear as if he was
offerin netware 4.01 - 100 user and sent it to microsloth and the
spa .. aint cool sys admins leet....
well thats about all i gots to say ... will let you know in future issues
if we catch the perpertraitor.
layters
Desolation Angel
------- - --- - - - -
Spirt about Sprint
---- - - -- -- -
This is just something that ticks me off, Sprint Canada has recently
been offering "Long distance saving plans", along with a few other American
companies. Now...I've heard Americans being refered to as slow, or even
blatently stupid, but this is pretty bad. The majority of television
channels recieved in Canada, are from the US. Along with these channels come
American ads, including Sprints famous "Dime a minute" rate. Sprint Canada's
rates come nothing close to this, infact, they are similar to the MCI's
"Friends And Family", or cicle plans. While circle plans are stupid,
since...i would like to call more than two people, Sprint Canada doesn't
offer anything more than anyone else. In fact, I find the local telco's LD
rates to be much better than Sprint, and i don't have to kick friends away
to save a couple pennies.
Just a thought...
------- - --- - - - -
Communiation Decency Act
---- - - -- -- -
-[CDA - Communiation Decency Act]
The Communications Decency Act is yet another reason proving Canada
superiour to the United States, a country where gun toting maniacs is OK,
yet saying fuck or shit could land you with a $250,000 fine and/or prison
terms. In section 502 (d), it prohibits sending "indecent" material directly
to a minor or making indecent material available for display in a manner
available to a miror (including www pages, ftp sites, or usenet). Making
sure your "minor" kid is not getting pr0n on the net is a parents
responsibility, because there is no way on the net to determine the age
of a user, thus is all "indecent" material going to be removed from the
net?
Some Important Dates in the CDA charade
July 26, 1995: The House Science comm. holds a hearing on cyberporn. Three
different law enforcement representatives testified that
the CDA does not address the problem of pornography on the
net and might even hinder prosecutors in pursuing cases.
June 24, 1995: The American Reporter will bring a case against CDA
The American Reporter has stated they will immediately bring
a case against the CDA should it be signed by the President.
A martyr for a test case has already volunteered.
June 21, 1995: Newt Gingrich speaks out against the CDA in a RealAudio
sample with aswell a text version.
June 14, 1995: The final version of the CDA and the roll call vote [84-16]
to pass the CDA (with minor amendments).
Lets Skip a Bit here
April 17, 1995: An angry letter from a subscriber to AOL, unhappy with AOL's
weakstand on the Communications Decency Act, disconnects his
AOL account.
The CDA will simply push out low budget internet providers, and huge
companies like Microsoft (another debate on its own :) ) will tell the
government that they will force the CDA on its internet users and be the
good guy and its really fucking annoying (I can say that.. I'm canadian).
Anyways.. life is good in Canada.... you americans suck..
Devious
FUCK SHIT PISS COCK CUNT ABORTION CONDOM BIRTHCONTROL - ahh life is good
------- - --- - - - -
Eye Yam A Eye-Are-Sea Warrior (.01b)
---- - - -- -- -
Eye Yam A Eye-Are-Sea Warrior (.01b)
By Stumble (stumble@alpha.pulsar.net)
Sung to the tune of "On Top of Old Smokey"
-- Cut here --
I'm an IRC Warrior
My Kung-fu is good,
If I could break efnet
My ass surely would.
I'm an IRC Warrior
My Keyboard's my sword
I have accounts in Sweden, (da swedz have lag)
To collide with when bored.
I'm an IRC Warrior
I have lots of tools
If ya dare to interrupt me
I'll /kill you, ya fool
I'm an IRC Warrior (dedicated to madbomber)
I have some pet sheep,
Their coats are all spotted
Better run for the hills- ^N Meep Meep ^N
I'm an IRC Warrior
I'm annoyed by geeks
Dont bother to talk to me
I'm too Fuxing elite
I'm an IRC Warrior
With thousands of kills
Killed more mutha fuckers
Than Sahara and Pills
I'm an IRC Warrior
Mcb's my best buddy
I have all the source code
Tattooed on my chubby (chubby refers to erect penis)
I'm an IRC Warrior
Now my job is done
Goddamn scriptz and Timestamping
Have ruined my fun.
-- Don't Cut here --
------- - --- - - - -
The #Warez WordSearch: By DesAngel
---- - - -- -- -
The #Warez WordSearch: By DesAngel
Welcome To The #warez wordsearch .. or at least the people i saw in here when
i wrote this
wordlist
--------
asylum jeneral
basketcse jewels
bytemastr kerooo
croak kitt
cybrbich lotbd
darksead lsi
deecee samf
desangel shambala
devious spark
dtd spsycho
eldiablo sputnik
endah suirapist
flier vontrips
galoob hmmmmm oh and sheik
---------
boolagtleksmgdnsdeeceejlsiqwoleksmdji
yskfjensksadlskepeldiabloskdkjsjlsade
tsansjeneraldwasesputnikremwooptieeds
eukdjscyrbrbichdsayrdbgeifdusklsfksds
modksllwowolsshiteecraagktwelblahbkds
aisdhwklobahlfucklrehleetetsaylaksrrz
svdsavreoackeouisohcroakshitqaskelawm
teawdsdjmsdqwwrikslodjfhnkrlegnasedxe
rdvontripsrmeujskoidsoflwrdksijsjsjul
basketcsedksjreilfolsjmwoajnmansdblah
sodoososhambalaskaodjayykpksjajwhsoep
akdmajswskzslfkdsheikksltsipariuswoot
dbtolmskgjshlokadjdhnfawiwlaoaoidoala
fmasblahfunohmythisiskindaalsylumxlsk
-----------
Enjoy .. thin i gots em all in there
Des
------- - --- - - - -
There are ALIENS using the internet to spy on humans
---- - - -- -- -
- *******************************************************************
There are ALIENS using the internet to spy on humans!!!
- *******************************************************************
THIS INFORMATION MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE! THE INTERNET OFFERS TOTAL
ANONYMITY AND PROVIDES THE PERFECT PLACE FOR ALIENS TO OBSERVE AND
INTERACT WITH HUMAN BEINGS WITHOUT BEING NOTICED!
MOST OF THIS ALIEN SPYING TAKES PLACE ON THE INTERNET RELAY CHAT
NETWORK. ALIENS HAVE INFILTRATED THE NETWORK TO THE POINT THAT
MOST OF THEM HAVE OPS ON MAJOR CHANNELS AND SOME EVEN HAVE IRC
OPERATOR STATUS!!! THEY POSESS WAR SCRIPTS AND BOTS MORE POWERFUL
THAN EVEN PHOENIX OR EGGDROP! THE TIMESTAMP PATCH HAS BEEN
WRITTEN BY THEM TO HARM OUR OWN ABILITY TO DEFEND OURSELVES WHILE
THE ALIENS SILENTLY GAIN CONTROL OF THE IRC NETWORK THROUGH THEIR
SUPERIOR IRC SCRIPT AND BOT TECHNOLOGY!
The following IRC log was made on IRC channel #netsex on December
26th 1995:
- ** IRC log started 12/26/95 14:05:44
<BigUNZ> Yes! YES! YOUR BOTZ ARE SO P0W3RFUL!#$!
<ircuser0> Could someone dcc me a copy of phoenix or talkflood.c??
Will trade XXX sitez!
- BoyT0Y* Hi. Do you have any pictures of human genital organs?
-> *BoyT0Y* Got anything to trade???
- ** BillGates (bgates@microsoft.com) has joined channel #netsex
- ** Vassago (vassago@unix.mclv.net) has joined channel #netsex
<Vassago> Anyone got any hairy male nudes???????
- BoyT0Y* I have many fast sites from #warez and #warez2
- How could he gain access to #warez without superior war script
technology??? He obviously isn't eleet yet he claims to have
a sitez list from #warez?????
-> *BoyT0Y* Anything else?
<BillGates> Anyone got a site with OS/2?
- ** BoyT0Y is root@netcom17.netcom.com
- ** on irc via server irc.netcom.com (NETCOM Online Communications)
- ** BoyT0Y has been idle 1 seconds
- BoyT0Y* Yes I have Win96 on a very fast site!
- Root on NetCom!?!$ They must have superior passwd crackers or
the ability to fake identd!
- ** CTCP VERSION reply from BoyT0Y: Running Phoenix v3.14 by Vassago
- Everyone knows the latest Phoenix is 2.27a! Vassago himself
must be working for or under the control of the aliens and
supplying them with newer versions of Phoenix!!!! It is a
conspiracy to withhold IRC script technology from humans!
AS YOU CAN SEE THERE IS GREAT DANGER! THEY HAVE THE NEWEST VERSIONS
OF PHOENIX, NEWER THAN ANYTHING POSESSED BY THE GENERAL PUBLIC!!!
THEY ARE LEADING A CONSPIRACY TO GAIN CONTROL OF IRC FOR STILL
UNKNOWN PURPOSES!!!!!!
"I am a long time alien abductee. When undergoing hypnotic
regression from my last abduction experience in October 1995,
I remembered the usual experience of being paralyzed in
my sleep and taken on board an alien craft where strange
experiments involving my reproductive organs were performed.
Several fluid samples from various parts of my body were
removed. However, on this experience I remember seeing a
computer on board the spacecraft. I could barely make out
the screen and it appeared to be an IRC session... but the
script was like nothing I had ever seen! Two aliens were
sitting in front of the computer (they appeared to be of the
Zeta-Reticuli "grey" variety) and appeared to be spawning
clonebots in preparation for a channel takeover..."
- Anonymous, December 2nd 1995
"I was on IRC on.. well.. <long pause> I think it was some time
in early September 1995... the whole experience is quite
frightening and I don't like to talk about it. I was on IRC
on #warez5 getting the latest sitez list and it was two A.M.
and then all the sudden all these clonebots split into the
channel and then it was like four A.M. all the sudden and I
remembered nothing. During hypnotic regression I recalled
only vague details about being invited to an invite-only channel
and asked about the clonebot capabilities of my war script..."
- Anonymous, December 15th 1995
"This jerk split into our channel.. you see.. and he starts
asking for 'human medical data!' What the !?#$!?? Anyway,
I kick him with something like 'try alt.sex.fetish.*' and
I got flashed... this was no ordinary flash! It logged me
completely out of the server and I had no dialtone on my
phone line for hours!!! My admin said he had no log of a
talk connect either!"
- Channel operator on #oldwarez, December 21st 1995
"I was hanging out on #sex one day and there was this wierd bot..
It acted like an eggdrop but it wouldn't give anyone access
when they used the 'hello' command. It also had wierd version
responses and ping responses with negative numbers and stuff.
Anyway, I didn't think much of it until the bot somehow got
ops and then immediatly massdeopped! I used my war script on
it to no avail and I finally asked in #twilight_zone. No
IRCops came but all the sudden all these people from some army.mil
site started joining the channel and asked us all to leave
quietly. When I asked them what was going on they invited me
to a +is channel and told me if I told anyone about the bot
they would force my ISP to drop my account. When they finally
gave the channel back the bot was gone! I tried /whowas but
there was no record of it!"
- Anonymous, November 17th 1995
Most of the serious activity appears recent, but on a closer look it
would appear that the conspiracy has been working for years.
* Bots have been banned on most U.S. servers, with servers in
other countries following closely. This is an attempt to
neutralize our ability to defend our channels!
* The TimeStamp patch is an attempt to neutralize our ability
to defend our channels while doing nothing to stop superior
war script technology!!!
* Lag is obviously a conspiracy to slow our ability to communicate
with each other, while the aliens use their superior bot
chat networks to communicate lag-free!
AS YOU CAN SEE THERE IS A MAJOR CONSPIRACY AT WORK!!! THE GOVERNMENT
AND IRC OPERATORS APPEAR INTENT UPON COVERING UP THE EVIDENCE!
THE ONLY HOPE IN STOPPING THIS TAKEOVER IS TO DEVELOP ADVANCED SCRIPT
AND BOT TECHNOLOGY OF OUR OWN, AND TO TRY TO FIND AND BAN THE ALIENS!
WE MUST HAVE ALLIES WITHIN THE IRC OP COMMUNITY TO K-LINE THE
INVADERS!!!
- --
Shrihari Pandit, Stealth Communications.
New York, NY +1 212 292 7850 (FAX) 7851
------- - --- - - - -
RFD2001: Kangaroo Packet Network
---- - - -- -- -
RFD2001: Kangaroo Packet Network
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Sputnik (#warez/Network 21)
Written under protest by order of Zircon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This request for discussion covers the idea of using Australian fauna to
replace our inadaquate internet network.
The Problem:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Australians are on the whole, rather lame, and as such, make very inefficient
use of their internet bandwidth. (Example: A user wishing to download PKZip
will instead of logging onto their local BBS and grabbing it; will load
Netscape, and do a 5 hour tour in multimedia of the USA in an attempt to find
the file, probably checking out several Iwave and VR-HTML sites.)
Since our beloved Telstra keeps most of the bandwidth reserved to make more
money out of "pay-by-the-hour" internet service providers, (The slower the
network, the more money they make) it is proposed we use our great Aussie
fauna instead of choked ethernet/ISDN/whatever.
Definitions:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kangaroo: A beast that hops on it's two hind legs using a long tail for balance.
Is a marsupial and as such has a usefull pouch. Commonly seen on the
side of Australian country roads bloated and smelly with Wedge Tail
Eagles eating them. Have been known to kill drivers of cars by going
through the cars windscreen, kicking and bleeding all over the
unfortunate driver.
Emu: Extremely stupid large flightless bird. (So stupid that Shambala
is thought to be a descendant of such.) ie, when an emu is confronted
by a car, they will not try and dodge the car, but run in front of it
hoping it will be able to outrun the metal beast. Eventually they
get tired and go under the car or through the windscreen, or they
finally try and dodge through a barbed wire fence.
Koala: Cute fury beast, much loved by the Japanese for their soft, cuddly
nature. (Though many Australians suspect they are being used in some
form of obscure gourmet sushi with whale meat). They eat cheap
eucylptus leaves.
Kangaroo's and Emu's are an abundant Australian resource. They form part of
our national symbol but their are so many of them that we use them for pet food,
leather and meat. Unlike the American Bald Eagle which would make an admirable
packet carrier, it is not too rare to use.
Kangaroo's currently form a large portion of roadkill and dog food so should be
turned to packet cariering for computer networks...
The proposed network structure is this:
Type Speed Transport Mode Expected throughput Swimming skill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
T1 5km/hr Koala 1.44 MB/Day V.Poor
T2 15km/hr Kangaroo 14.4 MB/Day OK
T3 30km/hr Emu 144 MB/Day Poor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As you can see, the expected throughput is orders of magnitude higher than that
currently reached by the existing network.
(It takes like 3-4 days to leech 10MB)
METHOD
~~~~~~
1) All fauna will be fitted with carrier bags and/or pouch liners that are
magnetically shielded and watertight to prevent data corruption.
2) Animals will be fed chemical stimulants to boost bandwidth and lessen
appetite for eucylptus leaves.
3) Ocean crossing fauna will be fitted with swimming goggles and taught
"The Australian Crawl"
4) Reflectors and lights will be fitted to the animals to make the chance
of "packet collisions" with cars and trucks less likely.
Packet collisions will probably reduce to 10-20% of all packets sent
which is a great improvement on the current network.
5) All data transmitted will be on standard 1.44MB FDD's...
Multimedia net communications should instead be sent on CD's.
6) When an animal tires an Australian systems admin, (rooter)
will load the packets into another animal and rest and comfort the
previous beast.
FINAL
~~~~~
As you can see this is a great improvement on the current Australian network and
I think should be seriously discussed by Australian admins...
<Sorry this was not better but hey, I thought it all up under
pressure in about 20 mins. Add to it if you will.>
------- - --- - - - -
Bitches
---- - - -- -- -
Bitches, by [iL]. 94.512435652768457583% correct.
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat me a lot bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Bitches come from a can,
They were put there by a man,
In a factory down-town.
If I had my little way,
I'd eat bitches everyday..
Some soaking boldges in the shade..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
Moving to the country,
Gonna eat a lot of bitches..
I took a little nap from a twist,
Squished rotten bitch in my fist
Dreamed about you... Woman
I poked my finger down inside,
Make a little room for an ant to hide,
Natures little candy in a hand, or a can, or a pie..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for me..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for free..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for me..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for free..
Look out!
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for me..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for free..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for me..
Millions of bitches,
Bitches for free..
Look out!
------- - --- - - - -
Why do people ask me for porn?
---- - - -- -- -
It always appeared to me that the media only saw the Internet as a
massive electronic feed of porn. Apparently, some people watch this.
Whenever the posse comes over, I try to hide my room. In it lays a
machine, a machine only known to them as "The Web", or if I'm lucky,
"Internet Computer". Saying it's broken works for a while, but they become
wise to me, they know what it holds. Bursting past me, hearing the click of
the monitor power switch, I know i have now lost. Now i must show them.
"Pamela! Pamela! Pamela!", they chant, it echos in my ears. They sit at the
login prompt in awe, "Whats this", they say, "wheres Pamela?". At the speed
of light, i cram my password into the keyboard (they're parents who know
tcp/ip might try to hax me), i load Netscape, and hand them the mouse.
"Right on, Internet...now what do we do?". I yoink up Pamela on the screen,
and head of to Tim Hortens, they'll be a while, theres 3 pictures on that
page.
On the walk back, i discoverd what a stupid article this would be,
so i wrote it, is it only me this happends to? Ahh well, at least my friends
think I'm a hacker...a person who breaks into banks and gives people
viruses, oh, and knows how to get Pamela on the screen.
------- - --- - - - -
fin
---- - - -- -- -
woah, way too tired for this, sz is supposed to do this part damnit, but i'm
too tired to wait up for him. i'm not gonna make up a stupid story up like
him, cuz i just got back from a slamin dance, and my heads ringing. i got
too many dance skillz, i should become a dance/porn star, well...mebbe not.
uhm, well anyway this is the end of IW4, i think i liked this issue, i can't
remember, theres no date set for IW5, but it should be out...after this one,
well, i should hope. uhm, bye.
Here is our traditinal finally quotes by people who contributed.
Zircons First Final NOTE:
i have more dance skillz then the US has mcdonalds
Stumbles Final NOTE:
w00p its valentines day, the day where anyone can get laid
subzeros not around to give a quote, what a good founder
Zircons Last Final NOTE:
I got a valentine that said "roses are red, voilets are blue, can I touch
you where you pee?"
Founder of IRC Weekly: subzero
Chief Editor : zircon
Thanx for this edition go out to:
..all the ppl that don't suck..all 2 of you