💾 Archived View for kvothe.one › gemlog › 2020-08-06.gmi captured on 2020-10-31 at 01:07:00. Gemini links have been rewritten to link to archived content
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Today, I had a GREAT day! Reloaded the spoons, had a boss day at work and got a ton of stuff done, played a few video games last night, and just got my chill on, y'know? My friend, J., checked in on me today by text and that was super cool. Had a good heart-to-heart with C. today, too.
Today, I do declare, "peace out!" Blocked my ex's number after talking with J. and C. about it. I don't need an emotional vampire in my life. I catch feels, they ghost until they need a little more of that emotional energy. That's not any sort of relationship and... I. am. fucking. BETTER. than. that.
I've heard it said that the only kind of closure that you get is the kind you give yourself. Expecting someone else to close their own chapter, apologize, or whatever-- that's sheer folly. I can't hang my hat on hope, unicorn farts, and daydreams. The only thing that's real is *this* moment, and our actions *right now*. The past, too, as long as we don't get trapped there.
Wisdom is a long string of things we've done, both wrong and right, and what we've learned from them. Mistakes are lessons in disguise.
So, what have I learned from this drive-by text from my ex? I've gotta trust and respect my own boundaries. I *knew* what the right thing to do was *before* I texted them back a few days ago. I need to trust my intuition a little more and respect myself. "When you're wearing rose-tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags" and all of that.
I don't know any of y'all personally, but some of you have sent emails, Fediverse messages, and liked a few toots. THANK YOU. I mean that, and I mean it deeply. I really needed that support. You didn't have to, but you did. Thanks. <3
C. is amazing, and I'm thankful and glad she's my life partner. C. still has feelings for said ex, but I think she's better about maintaining emotional distance when necessary. I told her I was thinking of blocking, and she totally understood. We're probably gonna do some couples therapy to talk through how we both feel about this. *waves generally*
I'm looking forward to it! We've gotten a lot better at communicating over the last few years, and I always appreciate having a professional to gently guide us towards being more open and honest with ourselves and each other. You know, calling us on our shit. :^)
I'm both excited and terrified to try doing the OKCupid / online dating thing. On one hand, I'm pretty scared of falling into more drama. On the other, there's always the chance I meet someone *really* cool that I get along with. I think I err on the side of hope in the balance, so who knows? Only the future will tell.
One thing is clear between C. and I. We both want to be open books and it's very important that we're true to ourselves and each other in all of this. We need to trust ourselves, especially regarding red flags, and respect ourselves enough to do the right thing.
Hopefully wisdom comes without too much folly. ;)
Until next time, be well!
kvothe.