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"What the fuck happened to the Internet?"
A rant, by Tokachu
June 12, 2004
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Introduction
2. Text Files
a) High School Angst
b) Script kiddie-isms
3. Web Pages
4. Instant Messaging
5. Piracy
6. Conclusion
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1. Introduction
In all honesty, I thought the Internet would be better -- MUCH better
-- than it has become nowadays. Oh, I can see you saying to yourself, high
speed broadband, file sharing, etc., etc., it's great. I'm sorry. I
must've mistaken the Internet for a strip mall.
You don't believe me when I say that the Internet was better? Well,
don't. Yes, the TECHNOLOGY has gotten better, faster, stronger, and so
forth, but the people on it, and their intentions, cannot be described in
words more complicated than a second-grade bully's vocabulary. "Retarded"
is the word that comes to my mind (since "stupid" simply doesn't cut it).
But you don't have to take my word. Just look at what I have to say...
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2. Text Files
Recycling is good for the environment, but it doesn't cut it in the
barely-surviving text-phile scene of the 21st century. Unfortunately most
of the text files I see uploaded, apart from carbon copies downloaded from
Textfiles.com, can be categorized under the following:
a) High School Angst
For the most part, life in high school in 2004 is no different
than life in high school in 1984 (so I'll file all the "HS SUX"
files under "Carbon Copies" above). The only big difference that I
can see is that nowadays high schools have very up-to-date computers
and high-speed Internet access instead of modemless Apple ][e's
(funny story: my junior high school finally ditched their Apple
][e's in 2000, a year after I left). Of course with all this great
new technology that the average person can use, there are limits and
restrictions. Just like any other high school institution.
I know of practically EVERY kind of restriction, protection, and
monitoring tool that high schools use. How? Because I've seen the
evolution. Originally, everything depended on the client computer
loading the file-protection software (and the BIOS was password-
protected, so only the hard drive could be booted from). So of
course there are lots of text files documenting on how to "disable
the file protection" (CTRL-ALT-DEL if it's not disabled, or some
process killer if it is). Instructions on disabling or resetting any
BIOS protection usually involve opening the computer and removing
the battery -- only practical if you're dealing in stolen school
property.
Today's protections depend on some sort of disk-imaging program
that resets the contents of the hard drive, no matter what kind of
changes you thought you made. A warm reboot takes care of that, and
the computer will probably have some sort of service on it that
allows it to be rebooted remotely from the high school system
administrator's office. Along with that service, there is probably a
"remote view" program that lets the administrator see exactly what
you see on the screen (similar to RealVNC). Couple that with a very
attentive administrator looking at a network traffic analyzer, and
you'll see that your text files will only get you in deep shit, and
nowhere else. Take my advice and just wait 'til you get home.
b) Script Kiddie-isms
All I can say is "wow" when I see one of these loads of human
feces converted to text format. For the most part, the header
consists of some gaudy program-generated ASCII art, and the footer
the "greetz". I always suspected the rappers at Cash Money Records
had about as much (well, as little) intelligence as script kiddies,
but I never suspected they were one in the same!
You can tell if a text file falls under this category by looking
at the title. If it contains any of these words:
* AIM/AOL
* Buffer Overflow
* Cracking (must be accompanied with "passwords")
* DoS (not to be confused with DOS)
* "Free Cellular Phone Calls Without Cloning"
* Hacking (must be accompanied with "Windows")
* Hotmail/Yahoo! (usually includes "hacking" or "cracking")
* Trojan
* Proxy
* Virus
* Windows
...it's probably a script kiddie talking. Just close the text file,
and pretend you never saw it. Your brain cells will thank you.
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3. Web Pages
Yeah, I know. Faster Internet nowadays. But that doesn't give you or
anyone else on this planet an excuse to fill their site up with 800 KB of
Flash animations, Java menus, and the obligatory "right-click protect"
JavaScript snippet. Oh, and shove in the HTML code that only renders at
all in Internet Explorer 6 (and has some self-centered "IE pwns j00"
message for anyone not sending money to Redmond). Yep, that's the World
Wide Web of THE FUTURE!! ("NOT!!" -- Wayne Garth)
Hey, I've got an idea: SLIM DOWN YOUR WEB SITES! Learn to consider
other people than yourself when designing it. Don't try to duplicate
interfaces from the movie "Hackers". Don't insert Java applets on the
front page. Don't put in Flash animations on the first page, either. A 100
Mbps connection downloading a 1 MB page is no faster than a 28.8k modem
downloading a 40K web site.
And speaking of web browsers, since when did it become common practice
for businesses to write computer viruses? Oh, you know who you are. The
people who force me to be barraged with "messages" from people on my buddy
list telling me to "DOWNLOAD THIS COMPUTER PROGRAM IT IS GOOD!!". What,
you think people aren't willing to track you down? This goes for all the
assholes who jam up MY business with people calling me, asking to "clean
their computer" of your programs (programs that a skilled pirate and crack
team would have difficulty removing).
4. Instant Messaging
Do you remember a time where people would close their IM software when
they didn't want to be contacted? I do.
Do you remember a time where people's profiles and message text were
vanilla black-on-white text? I do.
Do you remember a time where people would put the word "away" in their
away message? I do.
So, let's bring these great memories back, okay?
5. Piracy
Like marijuana, piracy on the Internet is the cool thing that all the
kids are doing. And like marijuana, there are lots of people who Bogart
stuff, and few who provide back to the community. I blame the parents.
People on the Internet have been expecting something for nothing for a
very long time. Free Web space flowed like water not too long ago, and
thanks to horrific abuses (mostly from the warez community), it died. Now
setting up a web site with a free provider is like playing Russian
Roulette with your HTML. Nowadays you've got to PAY for good web hosting
(it isn't that expensive: at most $100 a year for domain and ample space
and transfers), but people still expect to get everything they want for
free.
So, what better way to get free stuff than with file sharing? After
all, why go through the trouble of searching through FTP networks, meeting
quotas (where you had to GIVE in order to RECEIVE), and gaining a
reputation on IRC channels? Fuck that! Gimme gimme gimme! Is it no wonder
that video pirates are finding more and more annoying ways to watermark
their releases? (Watermarking is still very annoying. I avoid it, and so
should you.) Unfortunately it's gotten SO out of hand that corporations
have actually decided to become very active in the investigations. And,
no, buying that copy of KaZaA doesn't give you any legal backing. Sharman
Networks and the thugs that run it are nowhere past the lameness level of
script kiddies.
It's estimated that 75% of traffic on the Internet is the transfer of
pirated materials, with another 10% being port scans, DoS attacks, and the
like. With only 15% of the bandwidth left, there isn't too much room for
INTELLIGENCE.
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6. Conclusion
There's no conclusion here. Just don't become the assholes that I've
described. Because if you do, you'll find yourself to be very unpopular in
both the digital and the real world.