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ARE YOU A PSYCOPATH? By David Moore. A QUESTIONNAIRE TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE A PSYCOPATH. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TICK AS APPROPRIATE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Which of the following do you take into the bath with you? A) A rubber duck [ ] B) A harpoon [ ] C) Leeches [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ........................................... 2. What do you keep in the boot of your car? A) A spare tire [ ] B) A stash of heroin [ ] C) A dead body [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ....................................... 3. Which of the following would you like to own most? A) A Ferrari [ ] B) A disused warehouse [ ] C) A motel in the middle of nowhere [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ........................ 4. What do you write in? A) Ink [ ] B) Newspaper cuttings [ ] C) Blood [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ...................................... 5. What is in your freezer? A) Peas [ ] B) Rare "Merchandise" [ ] C) Your wife [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ...................................... 6. Where can you normally be found? A) In front of the TV [ ] B) Jail [ ] C) An abatoir [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ...................................... 7. Who are your best friends? A) Your mates at work [ ] B) Your "Assosiates" [ ] C) The elves, the elves I tell you! [ ] D) Other [ ] Please State: ........................ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Count how many A's, B's, C's and D's you got... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you got mostly... A's: You are a completely bog-standard, down-to-earth, boring-us-out-of-our-skulls person. Yay. Probable career path: Bank Manager B's: You are a Crime Lord in the making. Better get back to the pocket money extortion racket. Probable career path: Mafia Boss C's: You are a certifiable, out-of-your-skull, totally-crazy, insaniac Psycopath. Probable career path: American Postal Worker D's: You are an irritating, Just-can't-be-like-anybody-else, have-to-be-difficult BASTARD. Probable career path: Traffic Warden