💾 Archived View for zaibatsu.circumlunar.space › ~krixano › phlog › 020119_Alone.txt captured on 2020-09-24 at 01:56:27.
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-----------------------------------------------------------| Alone -----------------------------------------------------------| This is a section of the first entry to my new journal. I am not going to post it word-for-word, but I've decided to make a post on here that talks about the same topic and emotions. Previously I've said that I'm a shy person. I'm not the one that starts a conversation with someone. I don't like being in public, especially with a lot of people. I get very anxious talking to anyone I don't know (or don't know for very long). One of the things I have particular trouble with is talking to the person at the cash register. I get very anxious talking to teachers also. I don't like asking questions, I don't like being the center of attention, even from my family. My 21st birthday was largely spent alone in my room. I'm less anxious on the Internet, because I don't have to see the body language of the person in response to what I've said. They aren't looking at my physically. However, I still get anxious when talking online. But I can mask this with the way I write things. Which brings me to the main topic. I go whole days either without speaking one word to someone, or just saying "hello" in passing. Sometimes I talk about some things to acquaintances, but not very often. Then, once I get home from school, I go pretty much directly to my bedroom where I wrap myself in gopher, a book, a show/movie, or online conversation. This is one reason why I like watching videos so much, they make me feel less alone. Sometimes, I want to talk to people online, but I have mixed feelings about doing so, because I think that it's awkward or too personal or they don't care or perhaps don't want to hear. Lately I've been feeling like I just want to talk with people on the Zaibatsu, but I don't know what to say or if they want to talk to me, so I don't say anything (or I don't say much). Even if I don't have anything to say, I still have this urge to just say something, anything. But my shyness, my axiety, my doubts keep me from doing so.