Awatarts.1152 net.jokes utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!watmath!watarts!eric Fri Feb 26 14:24:20 1982 humour Here's something I found pinned up beside Murphy's Law: Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, veins, and caterpillars. A thermometer is an instrument for raising temperature. To remove air from a flask, fill the flask with water, tip the water out and put the cork in quick. A litre is a nest of young animals. The cuckoo does not lay its own eggs. Typhoid fever may be prevented by fascination. Algeria was the wife of Euclid. An axiom is a thing that is so visible that is not necessary to see it. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending. By self-pollination a farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more that it can hold. The hydra gets food into its mouth by descending upon its prey and pushing it into its mouth with its testicles. A person should take a bath once in summer time and not quite so often in winter time. For fainting, rub the person's chest or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand. For fractures, to see if it is broken wiggle it gently back and forth. For dog bite, put the dog away for several days, if it has not recovered then kill it. For nose bleed, put the nose lower than the body. To remove dust from the the eye, pull the eye over the nose. For head cold, use an agoniser to spray nose until it drops off. For snake bite, bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. For asphyxiation apply artifical respiration until the patient is dead. It is well known that a deceased body warps the mind. The cerebrum is a cavity in the head. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. ----------------------------------------------------------------- gopher://quux.org/ conversion by John Goerzen of http://communication.ucsd.edu/A-News/ This Usenet Oldnews Archive article may be copied and distributed freely, provided: 1. There is no money collected for the text(s) of the articles. 2. The following notice remains appended to each copy: The Usenet Oldnews Archive: Compilation Copyright (C) 1981, 1996 Bruce Jones, Henry Spencer, David Wiseman.