Aihuxn.115 net.jokes utcsrgv!utzoo!decvax!ucbvax!mhtsa!ihnss!ihuxn!djmolny Tue Jan 19 10:09:35 1982 81's puns The following puns were excerpted from the Chicago Tribune, 1/11/82. ------------------- Tony the Turtle and Sam the From were best friends. When Tony died, Sam opened a disco in his memory. Up in heaven, Tony was so pleased that he asked God if he could return to Earth for opening night. "Sure," said God, "and take your halo and harp with you. But be back by 2 am." Tony went and had a great time. He returned at the stroke of 2, and God said, "Well, Tony, I'm glad to see you haven't lost your sense of time. But did you remember to bring back your halo and harp?" "Oh God!" exclaimed Tony, "I left my harp in Sam Frog's disco!" ------------------- A businessman sent his two daughters to UCLA in the hope that they would find something unusual to study that would stir them out of their apathy. He was chagrined, however, when they wrote home to tell him that they both intented to specialize in Egyptian plumbing. He replied immediately, "Under no circumstances will I support a couple of pharoah faucet majors." -------------------- One of the hearses owned by a New York funeral director had grown so old that it wasn't worth much even as a trade-in. After puzzling over how to make it profitable, the undertaker hit on the idea of offering it for rent to prostitutes. Some time later, a friend asked how the plan was working. "Well," said the undertaker, "it isn't profitable by itself, but at the end of each year it becomes the best little whore hearse in taxes." -- DJ Molny (ihnss!ihuxn!djmolny) ----------------------------------------------------------------- gopher://quux.org/ conversion by John Goerzen of http://communication.ucsd.edu/A-News/ This Usenet Oldnews Archive article may be copied and distributed freely, provided: 1. There is no money collected for the text(s) of the articles. 2. The following notice remains appended to each copy: The Usenet Oldnews Archive: Compilation Copyright (C) 1981, 1996 Bruce Jones, Henry Spencer, David Wiseman.