Article 18353 of rec.humor: Path: ucdavis!ucbvax!decwrl!labrea!rutgers!njin!princeton!phoenix!pucc!EWTILENI From: EWTILENI@pucc.Princeton.EDU (Eric William Tilenius) Newsgroups: rec.humor Subject: COWS -- THE LATEST COLLECTION! Message-ID: <6465@pucc.Princeton.EDU> Date: 5 Nov 88 05:06:11 GMT Reply-To: EWTILENI@pucc.Princeton.EDU Organization: Princeton University, NJ Lines: 660 Disclaimer: Author bears full responsibility for contents of this article THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS -- AS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE! ===> Distribute this file widely... it's a classic no one should miss! Compiled (NOT drawn) by: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU (Eric W. Tilenius) -- or -- ewtileni@pucc.BITNET LAST UPDATED: NOV. 04, 1988 -- SEND ANY CONTRIBUTIONS ABOVE ADDRESS. (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Cow Cow laden Same cow Betty Ford-type with milk after milking cow with milk (___) (___) * (___) (___) (o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o) /-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ / / | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O * ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American Bull seeing above cow seeing other bull shooting the Rotc bull (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | || * ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\ Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble on grass on cow (__) (__) * (__) * (__) (oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo) /--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/ * o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / || ||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----|| ooo~~ ~~ ooooooooooooooooo ~~ ~~ ~~ Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the shit shit shit kicked out of her (__) (oo) U /-------\/ /---V / | || * |--| . * ||----|| ~~ ~~ Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters. (__) )__( vv vv (oo) (oo) ||----|| * /-------\/ *-------\/ || | / / | || / | || /\-------/ * ||----|| / ||----|| (oo) ~~ ~~ vv vv (~~) American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow (__) (__) (__) (oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo) /-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/ / | || / | || /| || * ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Arriving at Rit After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20" (__) (__) (__) (OO) (@@) (xx) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to wash psychadelic mushrooms down psychadelic mushrooms ________________________ (__) / \ (oo) ( Meet our great leader! ) /-------\/ --'\________________________/ / | || * ||----|| ~~ ~~ # # ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ### ### M M OOOO OOOO ### ###### ### MM MM O O O O ####### ####### M M M M O O O O # # M M M O O O O # ### ### # M M O O O O # # # # # # M M OOOO OOOO # # ### # ### # \\ # ### ### # \\ # # \\________ # ######## # \-------- # # ## ## # # # # # # ######### # # #### # # ###### ###### #### ########################### ### ## ## ## # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### # # # # ##### # # ### # # # # # # # ##################### ######### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### ### #### #### ###### ### ###### ###### /\ __ / \ || (__) (__) \ / (_||_) SooS (oo) \/ (oo) /------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/ / | || / | || / S / | || * ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's to George Washington this cow cow (__) * (__) (oo) \ (oo) /------\/ \-------\/ /| |/ | | ==$ || / | [) || ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday (___) (__) (__) ( O ) (oo) (oo) /-------\ / \/--------\/ / | ||V | | * ||----|| ||------|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle (__) (__) [##] (@o) /-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__) / | || / | || / | || (oo) * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman The following three cows were supposed to be appearing with the Celebrity Cows pictured above... However, I found out that they were sitting around a bar getting drunk discussing what exactly is art. The cows' conclusion: Art is a bunch of Bull(s). Sorry, but I couldn't resist, Hawk, Sesquipedalianite and Head of Heffer Control. (____) (____) (____) (oo ) (o o) ( O O) /-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ / / || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/ / || |||| \ | | | | | / || |||| * ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----|||| /\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ~~~~ ~~~~ This cow belonged This was Salvatore No one was sure whether to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four legs or eight Seeing as how it is Spring Break Season, I thought I would share with you some Vacation Ideas for any of you Cows out there on the Net who don't know where to go for some fun. - Steve "Hawk" Schultz Head of Heifer Control Well, first of all, there are theme parks and historic sites: O__O \_|_/ (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty There's the fun and warmth of the southwest: (__) ~~ (oo) ~~~~ /-------\/ ~~~~~ / | || ~~~~~ * ||----|| ~~~~~~~~ ====~~====~~==== ~~~~~~~~~~~~~/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu And on the other coast, while the water might be a little chilly up north, it is still exciting: )\ (__) / \ (oo) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow swimming at Amityville (Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated) For those who believe in Winter Wonderland's, the Rockies present excitement galore: * \ \ |\ \ | \ (__) \\|| \(oo) \||\ \\/ ~~ \|| \\ || \\|| \|| ~~ \\_ \_ Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen And of course, the traditional Spring Break spot, where you can go for expensive beer and cheap sex: (__) (--) /-\/-\ /| |\ ~ | | ~ (__) | | (DD) /----\ /-------\/ / \ \ / | ||_\_/ ~ * ~ * ||----| Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale ~~ ~ (What a bod, huh guys?) Cow chugging brews and staring at sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale Or, for those who have trouble picking up members of the opposite sex: O O O O \ \ / / \ \ (__) / (__) \ \ (xx)/ (DD) \ +--------+\// /-------\/ \| | / / | || +--------+ * ||----|| ~~ ~~ Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull" at Gillies in Texas From: BBOYD at USCVM here are my own cows: it's a 'bovines of screen and stage motif' o o |__| (__) (__) (oo) (oo) =(oo)= oo /-------\/ /-------vv /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ bill bixby bela lugosi boris karloff claude rains male relative cow cow cow cow **************************************************************************** x xxxx|xxxx xxxxxxx|xxxxxxx | // (__) // (oo)// /-------\// / | |// * ||----| ~~ ~~ julie andrews cow From: dennis@valinor.UUCP (Dennis McCunney) o o (__) ~ \ / (oo) / \ / _____\/___/ (__) \__/ / /\ / / (oo) _______(oo) ~ / * / /---------\/ /| ___ \/ / ___/ / | x=a(b)|| / | { }|| *----/\ * ||------|| * ||{___}|| / \ ~~ ~~ ||-----|| / / ~~ ~~ ~ ~ Mathematical Television This cow does Disco Cow Cow (That's what comes of (developer of (Cow-thode snorting cow-caine) cow-culus) Ray Tube) o | [---] | | | | |------========| /----|---|\ | **** |=======| /___/___\___\ o | **** |=======| | | ___| |==============| | | ___ {(__)} |==============| \-----------/ []( )={(oo)} |==============| \ \ / / /---===--{ \/ } | ----------------- / | NASA |==== | | | * ||------||-----~ ----------------- || | | / / \ \ ~~ ~ | / ---- \ ~~ ~~ This cow jumped over the Moon (__) "I have this recurring dream ([][]) about golden arches.." __\/_--U (__) /\ \__ ~ ("") /\\\ / / //\ ____\_____\/ // /----~/__/\ /\ // \\/ \___ / // \\\____/--\-- // /-/__________/ // /====== \/ =======/==============// *_/ / \ /~ // / \\ / \ ~ // \\ Psycowlogist and patient (___) \~~~~~~~~\ (__) (o o) \~~~~~~~~\\ (oo) \ / *-----\_______\/\/ \--O--/ ~_______/ --- \______~ // -----\ ~--------\ \S/ /\_____~ \\/_~{} /==V===[] \______/ \_____\\// \__/ It's a bird... //\\ The Boss It's a plane... // \\ (Bruce Holstien) // // ~~ ~~ _____________________________ | |-------------| | | ________ | | COWNTY | | (|__|) | | | JAIL | | |oo| | | | | |__|\/|__| | | | o | | | ~ | | | ] | | | | |_____________|_____________| Some cows get in trouble... \ (__) (__) \\(oo) (\/) /-----\\\/ /-------\/ / | (##) / | || * ||----||" * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ This cow plays bagpipes. Cow from Beijing From: eric@snark.UUCP (Eric S. Raymond) (__) (__) (__) (\/) ($$) (**) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | 666 || / |=====|| / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love From: thomas@leah.Albany.Edu (Thomas Barry) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) /-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/ / |'''''|| / | || * ||''''|| * ||----------------|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Stretch Cow Cow in Argyle * ** ** * ** * * * ** * / / \ * * \ \ / \ / / * / / \ \ (__) \ \ / (00) / / \ /-------\/ \ \ / / | || / / \ \ * ||----|| \ \ / / ~~ ~~ / / Cow in Heat (__) /--------(00) / | |( ) * ||---- ||() || || ~~ ~~ Cow Chewing Marbles From: Anonymous (name withheld upon request) (___) (o o) /------\ / (__) / ____O (oo) | / /----\----\/ "Where did that camera come from!" /\oo===| / || | || *||~-----|| * ~~ ~~ ~~ From: ihnp4!decvax!savax!sii!siia!kgg (Kenneth G. Goutal) Thanks very much for distributing your cow canon. I got a copy via a friend who has access to netnews, which I do not. I ran off a copy to send to some friends who recently moved away, to a suburb of Detroit, and are not on the net at all. I thought they should have some cows appropriate to their locale. Herewith are my apocryphal cows: (__) \__\ (__) (oo) o (oo) (oo) /-------\/ ____\___\/ *+-------\/ / | || / | || ||______|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ||----|| OO OO OO OO OO OO Detroit cow Mustang cow pickup cow (__) (__) \_||_~ (oo) (oo) (*||*) /---------------\/ /----\/ /-------\||/ / | || / || / | || * ||------------|| *-||----|| * ||----|| OO OO OO OO OO }{ li-moo-cow fastback cow teenager's cow From: Mario Barbacci : (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * OO----OO low rider cow ========> MORE, NEW COWS! SEND IN YOURS TODAY! <============= ____ From: chuck@ics-m.UCAR.EDU (____) .xxxx. (__) '(oo)` (oo) /-----'-\/ ` /-------\/ / | |============> / | || * ||----| (~) * ||----|| ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ Moo-ammar Cowdafi holy cow armed and dangerous ---------------------- Our exclusive BULL section ----------------------- (___) (___) (o o) (o o) /-------\ / /-------\ / / | ||O / | O~ ||O * ||,---|| * ||,---|| ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ Bull A-bomb-in-a-bull No-bull (---) ( ) /-----\ (___) | | (o o) | | | (-----) \ / | | | / / \ O | * | * | O | ~~ ~~ ----- Coward Phone Bull ------------------------- BIG COWS FOR BIG FOLKS ------------------------ ______________________ }__{ / From THE Stranger \ (00) ( 315258@uottawa......eh. ) :****** \/ ==='\________________________/' : # ## ##****## "" "" * * * . ## .... ##. . . .. ## ... ... ## .. .' ## ## '. . ## ## . ' . ### ### . ' '. . .### .. #### .. ### .' " . .. . . . . . . .. .. ' / +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ / \ / ` { '@' '@' } / { @@@ @@@ } ' H O L Y C O W { \ } + ! { \ } ++: : : \ \ / ++: : : { () () } ++ : : : \____________/ ++ : : : ! VW JIMMY WV ! + : : : \------------/ : :<<+++++++++++++++++++ : :/ ---\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ------ : : \ : :________: : ________m__ : :_____m____: * * * ** ** ** ** ** ** *** *** **** **** .*** .. **** .. *** / / \\ / ############################+ {=====} {=====} \ / # ` { : $$$ :=: $$$ : } / # { \___/ \___/ } ## H U M A N C O W { / \ } * ! { / \ } **: : : \ : : / **: : : { () VV () } ** : : : \____________/ ** : : : === 666 === * : : : P : :<<################### : :/ ---\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ------ : : \ : :________: : ________m__ : :_____m____: . . .. . . . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .*. .*. . . Beauty Cow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . . . .... ..... They never die! Send in your contribution today, and give this file to many a friend. (People all over the world can enjoy Cows, folks!) Eric W. Tilenius | ColorVenture Software | ewtileni@pucc.BITNET Princeton University | 11 Prospect Drive South | ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU 332 Walker Hall | Huntington Sta, NY 11746 | rutgers!pucc.bitnet!ewtileni Princeton, NJ 08544 | 516-424-2298 | princeton!pucc!ewtileni 609-734-4911 | * Sft. for the CoCo 3 * | CIS: 70346,16