"The Cricket on the Hearth",
by Charles Dickens.

[obi/Charles.Dickens/cricket.on.hearth.txt]


           THE CRICKET ON THE HEARTH


                CHIRP THE FIRST

  The kettle began it! Don't tell me what Mrs.
Peerybingle said. I know better. Mrs. Peery-
bingle may leave it on record to the end of time
that she couldn't say which of them began it; but,
I say the kettle did. I ought to know, I hope! The
kettle began it, full five minutes by the little waxy-
faced Dutch clock in the corner, before the Cricket
uttered a chirp.
  As if the clock hadn't finished striking, and the
convulsive little Haymaker at the top of it, jerking
away right and left with a scythe in front of a
Moorish Palace, hadn't mowed down half an acre of
imaginary grass before the Cricket joined in at all!
  Why, I am not naturally positive. Every one
knows that. I wouldn't set my own opinion against
the opinion of Mrs. Peerybingle, unless I were quite
sure, on any account whatever. Nothing should in-
duce me. But, this is a question of fact. And the
fact is, that the kettle began it, at least five minutes
before the Cricket gave any sign of being in exist-
ence. Contradict me, and I'll say ten.
  Let me narrate exactly how it happened. I should
have proceeded to do so in my very first word, but
for this plain consideration -- if I am to tell a story
I must begin at the beginning; and how is it pos-
sible to begin at the beginning, without beginning
at the kettle?
  It appeared as if there were a sort of match, or
trial of skill, you must understand, between the kettle
and the Cricket. And this is what led to it, and
how it came about.
  Mrs. Peerybingle, going out into the raw twilight,
and clicking over the wet stones in a pair of pattens
that worked innumerable rough impressions of the
first proposition in Euclid all about the yard -- Mrs,
Peerybingle filled the kettle at the water-butt. Pres-
ently returning, less the pattens (and a good deal
less, for they were tall and Mrs. Peerybingle was
but short), she set the kettle on the fire. In doing
which she lost her temper, or mislaid it for an instant;
for, the water being uncomfortably cold, and in that
slippy, slushy, sleety sort of state wherein it seems
to penetrate through every kind of substance, pat-
ten rings included -- had laid hold of Mrs. Peery-
bingle's toes, and even splashed her legs. And when
we rather plume ourselves (with reason too) upon
oue legs, and keep ourselves particularly neat in point
of stockings, we find this for the moment, hard to
bear.
  Besides, the kettle was aggravating and obstinate.
It wouldn't allow itself to be adjusted on the top
bar; it wouldn't hear of accommodating itself kindly
to the knobs of coal; it would lean forward with a
drunken air, and dribble, a very Idiot of a kettle,
on the hearth. It was quarrelsome, and hissed and
spluttered morosely at the fire. To sum up all, the
lid, resisting Mrs. Peerybingle's fingers, first of all
turned topsy-turvy, and then, with an ingenious per-
tinacity deserving of a better cause, dived sideways
in -- down to the very bottom of the kettle. And
the hull of the Royal George has never made half the
monstrous resistance to coming out of the water,
which the lid of that kettle employed against Mrs.
Peerybingle, before she got it up again.
  It looked sullen and pig-headed enough; even then;
carrying its handle with an air of defiance. and cock-
ing its spout pertly and mockingly at Mrs. Peery-
bingle, as if it said, 'I won't boil. Nothing shall
induce me!'
  But Mrs. Peerybingle, with restored good humour,
dusted her chubby little hands aginst each other,
and sat down before the kettle, laughing. Mean-
time, the jolly blaze uprose and fell, flashing and
gleaming on the little Haymaker at the top of the
Dutch clock, until one might have thought he stood
stock still before the Moorish Palace, and nothing
was in motion but the flame.
   He was on the move, however; and had his spasms,
two to the second, all right and regular. But, his
sufferings when the clock was going to strike, were
frightful to behold; and, when a Cuckoo looked out
of a trap-door in the Palace, and gave note six times,
it shook him, each time, like a spectral voice or like
a something wiry, plucking at his legs.
  It was not until a violent commotion and a whir-
ing noise among the weights and ropes below him
had quite subsided, that this terrified Haymaker be-
came himself again. Nor was he startled without
reason; for these rattling, bony skeletons of clocks
are very disconcerting in their operation, and I won-
der very much how any set of men, but most of all
how Dutchmen, can have had a liking to invent them.
There is a popular belief that Dutchmen love broad
cases and much clothing for their own lower selves;
and they might know better than to leave their clocks
so very lank and unprotected, surely.
   Now.it was, you observe, that the kettle began to
spend the evening. Now it was, that the kettle, grow-
ing mellow and musical, began to have irrepressible
gurglings in its throat, and to indulge in short vocal
snorts, which it checked in the bud, as if it hadn't
quite made up its mind yet, to be good company.
Now it was, that after two or three such vain at-
tempts to stifle its convivial sentiments, it threw off
all moroseness, all reserve, and burst into a stream of
song so cosy and hilarious, as never maudlin night-
ingale yet formed the least idea of.
 So plain too! Bless you, you might have under-
stood it like a book -- better than some books you and
I could name, perhaps. With its warm breath gush-
ing forth in a light cloud which merrily and grace-
fully ascended a few feet, then hung about the chim-
ney-corner as its own domestic Heaven, it trolled its
song with that strong energy of cheerfulness, that its
iron body hummed and stirred upon the fire; and the
lid itself, the recently rebellious lid -- such is the influ-
ence of a bright example -- performed a sort of jig, and
clattered like a deaf and dumb young cymbal that
had never known the use of its twin brother.
  That this song of the kettle's was a song of invita-
tion and welcome to somebody out of doors: to some-
body at that moment coming on, towards the snug
small home and the crisp fire: there is no doubt what-
ever Mrs. Peerybingle knew it, perfectly, as she sat
musing before the hearth. It's a dark night, sang
the kettle, and the rotten leaves are lying by the way;
and above, all is mist and darkness, and below, all
is mire and clay; and there's only one relief in all
the sad and murky air; and I don't know that it is
one, for it's nothing but a glare; of deep and angry
crimson, where the sun and wind together, set a brand
upon the clouds for being guilty of such weather;
and the wildest open country is a long dull streak
of black; and there's hoar-frost on the finger-post
and thaw upon the track; and the ice it isn't water,
and the water isn't free; and you couldn't say that
anything is what it ought to be; but he's coming,
coming, coming! --
  And here, if you like, the Cricket DID chime in!
with a Chirrup, Chirrup, Chirrup of such magnitude,
by way of chorus; with a voice so astoundingly dis-
proportionate to its size, as compared with the kettle;
(size! you couldn't see it!) that if it had then and
there burst itself like an overcharged gun, if it had
fallen a victim on the spot, and chirruped its little
body into fifty pieces, it would have seemed a natural
and inevitable consequence, for which it had ex-
pressly laboured.
  The kettle had had the last of its solo performance.
It persevered with undiminished ardour; but the
Cricket took first fiddle and kept it. Good Heaven,
how it chirped! Its shrill, sharp, piercing voice re-
sounded through the house, and seemed to twinkle in
the outer darkness like a star. There was an inde-
scribable little trill and tremble in it, at its loudest,
which suggested its being carried off its legs, and
made to leap again, by its own intense enthusiasm.
Yet they went very well together, the Cricket and
the kettle. The burden of the song was still the
same; and louder, louder, louder still, they sang it
in their emulation.
  The fair little listener -- for fair she was, and
young: though something of what is called the dump-
ling shape; but I don't myself object to that -- lighted
a candle, glanced at the Haymaker on the top of the
clock, who was getting in a pretty average crop of
minutes; and looked out of the window, where she
saw nothing, owing to the darkness, but her own face
imaged in the glass. And my opinion is (and so
would yours have been), that she might have looked
a long way, and seen nothing half so agreeable.
When she came back, and sat down in her former
seat, the Cricket and the kettle were still keeping it
up, with a perfect fury of competition. The kettle's
weak side clearly being, that he didn't know when
he was beat.
  There was all the excitement of a race about it.
Chirp, chirp, chirp! Cricket a mile ahead. Hum,
hum, hum -- m -- m! Kettle making play in the dis-
tance, like a great top. Chirp, chirp, chirp! Cricket
round the corner. Hum, hum, hum -- m -- m! Ket-
tle sticking to him in his own way; no idea of giv-
ing in. Chirp, chirp, chirp! Cricket fresher than
ever. Hum, hum, hum -- m -- m! Kettle slow and
steady. Chirp, chirp, chirp! Cricket going in to fin-
ish him. Hum, hum, hum -- m -- m! Kettle not to be
finished. Until at last they got so jumbled together,
in the hurry-skurry, helter-skelter, of the match, that
whether the kettle chirped and the Cricket hummed,
or the Cricket chirped and the kettled hummed, or
they both chirped and both hummed, it would have
taken a clearer head than yours or mine to have de-
cided with anything like certainty. But, of this,
there is no doubt: that, the kettle and the Cricket, at
one and the same moment, and by some power of
amalgamation best known to themselves, sent, each,
his fireside song of comfort streaming into a ray of the
candle that shone out through the wondow, and a long
way down the lane. And this light, bursting on a
certain person who, on the instant, approached to-
wards it through the gloom, expressed the whole thing
to him, literally in a twinkling, and cried, 'Welcome
home, old fellow! Welcome home, my boy!'
  This end attained, the kettle, being dead beat,
boiled over, and was taken off the fire. Mrs. Peery-
bingle then went running to the door, where, what
with the wheels of a cart, the tramp of a horse, the
voice of a man, the tearing in and out of an excited
dog, and the surprising and mysterious appearance
of a baby, there was soon the very What's-his-name
to pay.
  Where the baby came from, or how Mrs. Peery-
bingle got hold of it in that flash of time, I don't
know. But a live baby there was, in Mrs. Peery-
bingle's arms; and a pretty tolerable amount of pride
she seemed to have in it, when she was drawn gently
to the fire, by a sturdy figure of a man, much taller
and much older than herself, who had to stoop a long
way down, to kiss her. But she was worth the
trouble. Six foot six, with the lumbago, might have
done it.
  'Oh goodness, John!' said' Mrs. P. 'What a state
you are in with the weather!'
  He was something the worse for it, undeniably.
The thick mist hung in clots upon his eyelashes like
candied thaw; and between the fog and fire together,
there were rainbows in his very whiskers.
  'Why, you see, Dot,' John made answer, slowly,
as he unrolled a shawl from about his throat; and
warmed his hands; 'It -- it an't exactly summer
weather. So, no wonder.'
  'I wish you wouldn't call me Dot, John. I don't
like it,' said Mrs. Peerybingle: pouting in a way that
clearly showed she did like it, very much.
  'Why what else are you?' returned John, looking
down upon her with a smile, and giving her waist as
light a squeeze as his huge hand and arm could give.
'A dot and' -- here he glanced at the baby -- 'a dot and
carry -- I won't say it, for fear I should spoil it; but
I was very near a joke. I don't know as ever I was
nearer.'
  He was often near to something or other very
clever, by his own account: this lumbering, slow hon-
est John; this John so heavy, but so light of spirit;
so rough upon the surface, but so gentle at the core;
so dull without, so quick within, so stolid, but so good!
Oh Mother Nature, give thy children the true poetry
of heart that hid itself in this poor Carrier's breast --
he was but a Carrier by the way -- and we can bear
to have them talking prose, and leading lives of prose;
and bear to bless thee for their company!
  It was pleasant to see Dot, with her little figure,
and her baby in her arms: a very doll of a baby:
glancing with a coquettish thoughtfulness at the fire,
and inclining her delicate little head just enough on
one side to let it rest in an odd, half-natural, half-
affected, wholly nestling and agreeable manner, on
the great rugged figure of the Carrier. It was pleas-
ant to see him, with his tender awkwardness, endeav-
ouring to adapt his rude support to her slight need,
and make his burly middle-age a leaning-staff not
inappropriate to her blooming youth. It was pleasant
to observe how Tilly Slowboy, waiting in the back-
ground for the baby, took especial cognizance (though
in her earliest teens) of this grouping; and stood with
her mouth and eyes wide open, and her head thrust
forward, taking it in as if it were air. Nor was it
less agreeable to observe how John the Carrier, refer-
ence being made by Dot to the aforesaid baby, checked
his hand when on the point of touching the infant,
as if he thought he might crack it; and bending down,
surveyed it from a safe distance, with a kind of
puzzled pride, such as an amiable mastiff might be
supposed to show, if he found himself, one day, the
father of a young canary.
  'An't he beautiful, John? Don't he look precious
in his sleep?'
  'Very precious,' said John. 'Very much so. He
generally is asleep, an't he?'
  'Lor, John! Good gracious no!'
  'Oh,' said John, pondering. 'I thought his eyes was
generally shut. Halloa!'
  'Goodness, John, how you startle one!'
  'It an't right for him to turn 'em up in that way!'
said the astonished Carrier, 'is it? See how he's wink-
ing with both of 'em at once! And look at his mouth!
Why he's gasping like a gold and silver fish!'
  'You don't deserve to be a father, you don't,' said
Dot, with all the dignity of an experienced matron.
'But how should you know what little complaints
children are troubled with, John! You wouldn't so
much as know their names, you stupid fellow.' And
when she had turned the baby over on her left arm,
and had slapped its back as a restorative, she pinched
her husband's ear, laughing.
  'No,' said John, pulling off his outer coat. 'It's
very true, Dot. I don't know much about it. I only
know that I've been fighting pretty stiffly with the
wind to-night. It's been blowing north-east, straight
into the cart, the whole way home.'
  'Poor old man, so it has!' cried Mrs. Peerybingle,
instantly becoming very active. 'Here! Take the
precious darling, Tilly, while I make myself of some
use. Bless it, I could smother it with kissing it, I
could! Hie then, good dog! Hie Boxer, boy! Only
let me make the tea first, John; and then I'll help
you with the parcels, like a busy bee. "How doth
the little" -- and all the rest of it, you know, John.
Did you ever learn "how doth the little," when you
went to school, John?'
  'Not to quite know it,' John returned. 'I was very
near it once. But I should only have spoilt it, I
dare say.'
  'Ha ha,' laughed Dot. She had the blithest little
laugh you ever heard. 'What a dear old darling of
a dunce you are, John, to be sure!'
  Not at all disputing this position, John went out
to see that the boy with the lantern, which had been
dancing to and fro before the door and window,
like a Will of the Wisp, took due care of the horse;
who was fatter than you would quite believe, if I
gave you his measure, and so old that his birthday
was lost in the mists of antiquity. Boxer, feeling
that his attentions were due to the family in general,
and must be impartially distributed, dashed in and
out with bewildering inconstancy; now, describing a
circle of short barks round the horse, where he was
being rubbed down at the stable-door; now, feigning
to make savage rushes at his mistress, and facetiously
bringing himself to sudden stop