The F I D O N E W S Volume 19, Number 08 25 Feb 2002 +--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+ | |The newsletter of the | | Fido, Fidonet and dog-with-diskette are | | | FidoNet community. | | US Registered Trademarks of Tom Jennings| | | | | San Francisco, California, USA | | | ____________| | | | | / __ | Crash netmail articles to: | | | / / \ | Editor @ 2:2/2 (+46-31-944907) | | | WOOF! ( /|oo \ | Routed netmail articles to: | | \_______\(_| /_) | Bjorn Felten @ 2:203/0 | | _ @/_ \ _ | Email attach to: | | | | \ \\ | bfelten@telia.com | | | (*) | \ ))| | | |__U__| / \// | Editor: Bj”rn Felten | | ______ _//|| _\ / | | | / Fido \ (_/(_|(____/ | Newspapers should have no friends. | | (________) (jm) | -- JOSEPH PULITZER | +--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+ Copyright 2002 by Fidonews Editor for Fidonews Globally. Table of Contents 1. FOOD FOR THOUGHT ......................................... 1 2. INSIDE ................................................... 2 The Fidonews at a Glance ................................. 2 3. EDITORIAL ................................................ 3 Echo terrorists .......................................... 3 4. GENERAL ARTICLES ......................................... 4 What is a law? ........................................... 4 5. REBUTTALS TO PREVIOUS ARTICLES ........................... 6 Cheap Catcalls (or How to bring down a High) ............. 6 Computer Nazi Bulletin Board Systems ..................... 6 6. OL'WDB'S COLUMN - WARREN BONNER .......................... 8 The Olympics ............................................. 8 7. GETTING FIDONET TECHNICAL ................................ 10 Virus Worm Alert ......................................... 10 8. HUMOR IN A FIDO VEIN ..................................... 11 Fidonet Prayer ........................................... 11 9. FIDONET'S INTERNATIONAL KITCHEN .......................... 13 Japanese Special Udon Nabe ............................... 13 10. POET'S CORNER ........................................... 15 Choices .................................................. 15 11. CLEAN HUMOR & JOKES ..................................... 17 BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #6 ............................ 17 Set It Free .............................................. 18 4 jokes .................................................. 19 12. FIDONET CLASSIFIED ADS .................................. 22 No 23 Female with new website ............................ 22 13. TODD COCHRANE'S FIDONET SOFTWARE LISTING ................ 23 Fidonet Software List .................................... 23 14. FIDONET BY INTERNET ..................................... 27 Fidonet-related sites .................................... 27 15. SPECIAL INTEREST ........................................ 32 Nodelist Stats ........................................... 32 16. FIDONEWS INFORMATION .................................... 34 And more! FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 1 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FOOD FOR THOUGHT ================================================================= NEVER try to upgrade your system when you are looking at a deadline. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 2 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= INSIDE ================================================================= The Fidonews at a Glance In the "Editorial" this week I vent some thoughts about those persons, that may be one of the major reasons we no longer can keep the writers, that once made Fidonet so great, in "Echo terrorists". In the "General Articles" section Henk den Adel ask the question if P4 really is a law, like some people seem to think our beloved policy is, in "What is a law?". In "Rebuttals" Bob Short has a rebut on, I guess, Luke's Catcalls, in "Cheap Catcalls (or How to bring down a High)". The second rebut, "Computer Nazi Bulletin Board Systems" is the kind of article I think I promised last week I wouldn't publish, but since it's written in exactly the same sentiment as my motivation not to publish any more Nazi articles, I think it has a place in the Snooze. In "The Olympics" Warren Bonner, among other things, compares the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City with the situation in R12. And later on, in "Getting technical", he gives us a tip on how to avoid those dreaded email worms in "Virus Worm Alert", plus in "Humor in a Fido Vein" we recieve a "Fidonet Prayer". Also, for the section "Poet's Corner", our productive Editor Emiritus sent us "Choices". In our "International Kitchen" section, Carol makes "Japanese Special Udon Nabe". The sixth episode of "BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL" (published with the expressed permission from the author) in the "Clean Jokes..." plus "Set It Free", an, well, I'm not quite sure how to describe it, you'd better figure it out for yourself. Henk den Adel sent in a compilation of four jokes, that may give you an idea about what the Dutch think is funny. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 3 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= EDITORIAL ================================================================= Echo terrorists The theories about why Fidonet is going down the drains have been numerous. Most of them take aim at Policy 4 and FTS, but can we really blaim everything on the policy and the outdated techology? No, of course not! This editor thinks that the main reason for the demise is a handful of echo terrorists effectivly scaring off all the good writers, that we once had, from our echoes. We are all too familiar with them. Some of the good remaining writers spend lots of time producing a good posting, that some other good writers can continue upon, but all of a sudden one of those echo terrorists shows up, together with his friends (without whom he would be nothing) and picks up some small part of the great posting, to which he starts picking on and starts bashing about. Soon he have his handful of terrorist friends he brings along, spinning away on this minor detail, sometimes a stupid thing like a misspelt word, sometimes just a small part of a sentence, that really meant nothing to the total picture. Since they do not spend a single moment on research or anything even similar to afterthoughts, they can produce dozens of comments in just a couple of minutes, spamming the echo with their nonproductive trash, which of course in itself is an insult to the writers, that may be spending an hour or so on just one posting. The persons that originally looked forward to the ongoing debate, naturally get tired of spending all this effort on postings, while the terrorists, who's mental capacity is far beyond any constructive thoughts, and only are capable of negativisms, bad quoting and bashings, take over the echo, effectivly lowering the signal-to-noice ratio to a level where all serious writers decide to leave the echo for any remaining one, where the terrorists still have not found their way - yet. The only way to get Fidonet on it's feet once again, is, IMHO, to spot the terrorists and ban them from Fidonet. How this is best achieved is of course not an easy task to solve. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 4 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= GENERAL ARTICLES ================================================================= What is a law? by Henk den Adel, 2:280/6415 Let's get philosophical. The renowned Policy 4 is seen by the FIDO bosses as an eternal law. Nothing is more besides the truth than that. What is commonly seen as a law, is nothing more than an agreement. There are huge differences between an agreement and a law: - Agreements can be broken, laws can not. - Agreements are local, laws are universal. - Agreements can be modernised, laws can not. As an example lets consider the 'law' which regulates speeding. First of all it can be broken, so it isn't an law. Each Sunday morning around three o'clock a motorcycle, apparently without a muffler, comes home in an urban environment. There is nobody on the road, so it speeds. Each Sunday morning the driver breaks the agreement not to speed within the city limits. At the split second the driver breaks the agreement, there is nobody to stop him. Furthermore the agreement is local, the same speed outside the city limits is allowed. E.g. consider the Pauli principle. It states that no fermions can have the same quantum numbers. (A fermion is an atomic or subatomic particle with a spin which is an odd multiple of 1/2). Although the concept of subatomic particles is the result of human imagination, this Pauli principle is a real law, since it can not be broken. Furthermore it is universal, independent of ideology. It is not only valid in Sweden, but also in Kuwait, India, Khmer, China and Vanutu. Moreover it is known to be valid at least in our galaxy, neutron stars do not implode due to the Pauli principle. Agreements are called social laws, depending on the social system like ideology and religion in a country. If exported to a country with a different social system, it crashes. Muslim laws forbid the drinking of alcohol. Jewish laws forbid the eating of meat of pigs. Hindu laws forbid the eating of meat of cows. If these laws are exported to e.g. Germany, where the native population eats the meat of pigs and cows and drinks alcohol, these laws will meet a wide spread disagreement. Nobody will abide these laws. The same occurs if a government introduces a social law which does not have its common approval in society. Since social laws are just an agreement, they can be broken and since some of them are wide spread disapproved, they will be broken, not once, but on a regular basis. This may lead to the disintegration of a social system. E.g. the introduction of a particularly unpopular tax in the 16th century has lead to the independence of the Netherlands. The advantage of agreements is that they can be broken. If there is a common feeling that an old agreement is no long of this time, it can be replaced by a new agreement. Pauli's principle can not be modernised, if we on earth decide that it is no longer valid, we can FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 5 25 Feb 2002 not universally abolish it. Neutron stars all over the universe will not collapse, merely by the fact earth thinks it is a good idea to abolish the Pauli principle. Now back to the Fidonet basics. There is a discussion about Policy 4: to alter or not to alter. P4 is an agreement. In its early days it looked common sense, especially for those who wrote the articles. Since P4 was conceived to be a local agreement, it did not matter that it was a Xerox copy of the society in which the drafters lived: an oligarchy. What went wrong was the fact that due to contact with countries at the other side of the Atlantic and Pacific ocean, the oligarchistic nature of Policy 4 was exported to democratic nations with a negative opinion on oligarchy. The common agreement was missing, just like introducing Muslim, Jewish and Hindu laws in Germany. Common sense says: modernise it, make it democratic, remove archaic articles. Others say: these are the rules, P4 is the law. Changing P4 is really easy: start your favourite word processor and start typing. Finding wide spread acceptance for a new P4 is more difficult. It is feasible, since by changing P4 neutron stars will not collapse, the polar caps will not melt, Saturn will not loose its splendid rings, the earth will not stop rotating. Remember, P4 is just an agreement, written on a scrap of paper. But whatever the contents of P4 will be, it will hardly influence the future of Fidonet. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 6 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= REBUTTALS TO PREVIOUS ARTICLES ================================================================= Cheap Catcalls (or How to bring down a High) By: Bob Short 1:105/38 bsbbser@juno.com Ah, here we go again. Time for another semi-perennial policy parade. Seems the same floats are entered each time, chalk full of proponants and choke full of detractors. What the latter missed this time was the route the procession has taken, and are once again steadfastly self- propelled toward the same old de-staging area: an empty parking lot on the corner of 12th and Itoldyouso. There, their canned clamor can careem calamitously in the contentious chorus' of "change can't be accomplished". But they'll likely be the only ones to hear it, since the actual destination will be over on the other side of town near the intersection of 5th and Wellwhatdoyaknow. You see boys and girls, our effort is being (or hoped to be) approached in a different light, stressing small changes in how policy is amended, instead of the usual "let's delete the *C's" or "scrap the whole thing and write a new one" mentality. Those, and similar concepts have always been doomed to failer, reaching too far too fast, and threatening the whole *C structure with emminent demise. Would *you* be willing to up and vote yourself out of office, even if the threat was only percieved? It is quite possible that a good share of failer previous attempts have suffered is due in no small part by the drone of a very vocal minority who complain, gripe, moan and groan about how unfair or outdated policy is, yet are the same ones that decry how change as impossible. Some of these malcontents (you know who you are) are just as vocal about the demise of Fidonet and BBSing. These are the same ones who propogate their doomday debauchery in the precise echos that their users visit. The bottom line is... if you're not a part of the solution, but are rather one of the naysayers, sit down and shut up and allow those who care do what they can to save your hobby. If your are one of the silent majority, and are interested in what's happening, you are encouraged to link to the FIDOPOLS echo, where changes will be debated at the node level. There are some discussions in the FIDO_SYSOP echo also. Whatever your feelings or involvement, at least netmail your RC's and let them know that you either support amendment(s) to Policy 4.07 or not. Let your voice be heard. You'd be suprised who's willing to listen. ----------------------------------------------------------------- A short comment to "Computer Nazi Bulletin Board Systems" Wulf C. Krueger, 2:2437/209 The title of this article in FidoNews 19-06 made me think of fascist FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 7 25 Feb 2002 groups all over the world that indeed were once misusing FidoNet for their disgusting causes. I read the whole article but even after the first few lines it became evident that the author did not think about those. In fact, it was very clear to me that this was another perfect example of an IMHO inacceptable use of the term "Nazi". Dear reader, have a look at the nodelist. I'm a European sysop, I'm a German sysop. Most of you, if not all, know that the rightly so-called Nazis were in power in Germany from 1933 to 1945. Some of you might have suffered losses from them. As a German, 26 years old, I still feel deep bitter shame for the terror that orgininated from my country and that did cost the lives of millions of innocent people. Be them Jews, Sinti and Roma or the the people of Europe which lay in devastation after World War II. It were my ancestors too that let this happen. It is our responsibility, dear readers, to make sure our children won't ever forget about. It is especially our, the German people's responsibility. Back to the article I want to comment on. I read the term "Nazi" all over it. What David Hagar means using that term is clear to me and even clearer is for me that using the term "Nazi" in that context *greatly* and *annoyingly* reduces the true nature of the word. Using it to describe those people David means to reduce mass-murderers to idiots. Self-importance and self-rigtheousness has *nothing* to do with being a Nazi. A *real* Nazi strives to complete what that murderous government of Germany from 1933 to 1945 failed at. A Nazi might be called the person who burned the house of a foreign family in Germany a few years ago. Several people were killed in the fire. Nazis might be called those murderers who chased the foreign father of a family to death in Germany a while later. *Those* might be called Nazis. Please, dear reader, reconsider *very* hard before you ever use the term "Nazi". Think about the millions of victims of the real Nazis in Germany and the whole of Europe. Have a look at the pictures of the German concentration camps when they were freed. Visit them if you ever come to Germany. Think about the pain you might still inflict by misusing the term. And *then*, if you *really* feel it to be true to its terrible, real meaning, *then* and then *only* use the term "Nazi". Wulf Krueger from Germany, Europe of 2:2437/209 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 8 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= OL'WDB'S COLUMN - WARREN BONNER ================================================================= The Olympics wdbonner@pacbell.net Today the Olympic news is full of the athletes in Salt Lake, Utah! There seems to be as much turmoil in the judging, turmoil in the arenas and turmoil among the athletes themselves. Much like the fidonet in region twelve, zone one. The gold in the games has gone to different players then anticipated. Example, the French Judge was dismissed because she traded some votes, the Korean fast skater lost it and took out several other skaters yards before the finish line, and the gold went to someone else, and the ladies performance in the beautiful ice skating gave the gold to the fourth runner up lady, shutting out Miss Kwan who was favored to win. Now the gold is given to two parties in one account, while perused by other countries on events since then. The Olympics sound much like R12 Fidonet!!! Or vise versa. 8^) The SysOps are plowing new ground in the FidoPols echo. Some have dared to put their thoughts on the monitor screen! The object is to make the changes to Policy 4.07 easier to come by. If the changes are accepted by the RCC and ratified by the *C's, we will be in a new area of Fidonet. Communication is the key word in Fidonet. Some old time SysOps see a POTS connection as the only connection. Techniques have promoted that function from 300 baud back in 1985 to 56kbaud in 2000. All were good for those folks. Now from 2000 on we have had cable and ADSL lines to most homes. These put the speed up to real time and make old POTS look like a slow older man. The Internet also came on strong for the past few years. In fact it became the transportation for the echo communications and dashed CRP out of sight in less then five years. Where it used to take thirty minutes to an hour to download some files, it is done in seconds and a minute or two now. And all free of CRP! So many things have advanced, that some things in Policy 4.07 are left in the dust. Is there a real need for a ZMH any more? Many of the older systems say `yes' loudly. So, we have flags don't we? Always plan so the sock will fit any situation with proper software. Never the less time moves on, and we must keep up with the new changes or lose our Fidonet. If changes are made to Policy, and they protect the POTS and also take care of the new DSL and Cable modems, that would be a blessing for everyone. There is much work to do, and all must have a open mind to others point of view. That said, once others points of view are examined, found to be built on true information, should be accepted; and untrue or partial misinformation should be dropped. That is a hard thing for some to comprehend and stay friends. But it is the right thing to no matter who you are. Warm regards, Ol'wdb FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 9 25 Feb 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 10 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= GETTING FIDONET TECHNICAL ================================================================= Virus Worm Alert Ingenious I learned a computer trick today that's really ingenious in its simplicity. As you may know, when/if a worm virus gets into your computer it heads straight for your email address book and sends itself to everyone in there, thus infecting all your friends and associates. This trick won't keep the virus from getting into your computer, but it will stop it from using your address book to spread further, and it will alert you to the fact that the worm has gotten into your system. Here's what you do: Open your address book and click on "new contact" or "new person" just as you would do if you were adding a new friend to your list of email addresses. In the window where you would type your friend's FIRST name, type in !000 (an exclamation mark followed by 3 zeros). In the window below where it prompts you to enter the new email address, type in Worm Alert. Then complete everything by clicking add, enter, OK, etc. Now, here's what you've done and why it works: The "name" !000 will be placed at the top of your address book as entry #1. This will be where the worm will start in an effort to send itself to all your friends. But when it tries to send itself to !000, it will be 'undeliverable' because of the phony email address you entered (Worm Alert). If the first attempt fails (which it will because of the phony address), the worm goes no further and your friends will not be infected. The second great advantage of this method: If an email cannot be delivered, you will be notified of this in your 'Inbox' almost immediately. Hence, if you ever get an email telling you that an email addressed to 'Worm Alert' could not be delivered, you know right away that you have the worm virus in your system. You can then take steps to get rid of it! Pretty slick huh? If everybody we know does this, then we needn't ever worry about opening mail from our friends. Let's pass this on to all about whom we care. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 11 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= HUMOR IN A FIDO VEIN ================================================================= Fidonet Prayer wdbonner@pacbell.net Dear Lord: Every single evening As I'm lying here in bed, This tiny little prayer Keeps running through my head. God bless my mom and dad, And Fidonet family too. Keep them warm and safe from harm For they're so close to me. And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do. Hope you don't mind me asking, Bless my good old computer too. Now I know that it's not normal To bless a mother board, But listen just a second While I explain to you 'My Lord.' You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds & ends. Inside those small compartments, Rest so many of my FIDO-FRIENDS. I know so much about them By the kindness that they give, And this little scrap of metal Takes me in to where they live. By faith is how I know them, Much the same as you. We share in what life brings us, And from that our friendship grew. Please, take an extra minute From your duties up above, To bless those in my address book That's filled with so much love! Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every Fido-friend, Bless each Net-mail inbox And the Sysop who hits "send". When you update your heavenly nodelist, On your own CD-Rom burner, Remember each who've said this prayer, FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 12 25 Feb 2002 From a node sent up to God.com. Amen. Please send this poem to all of your Fidonet friends, to show how much you care! ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 13 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FIDONET'S INTERNATIONAL KITCHEN ================================================================= Japanese Special Udon Nabe 8 c Dashi or chicken stock 6 tb Soy sauce (shoyu) 1/4 c Sake 2 tb Mirin 12 oz Fresh udon noodles 6 ea Clams, small, cleaned 1 ea Chicken breast, deboned/cut 1/3 lb Scallops (about 8) 3 oz Kamaboko (fish paste/cake) 6 ea Scallions(green onions) 4 ea Large mushrooms, halved 6 ea Medium shrimp Ok, I'm in Japan! I havent had a chance as of this typing to get the phone lines installed just yet, but here's a goodie that's easier to make than the longish ingredient list looks like. I live right next to 'Tonoo Market Street' which is just like it sounds. A street lined with itty bitty fresh produce stores where 1/2 the produce is along the sidewalk. Kinda like an open-air market. Very neato! Along that street where I walk my way home, are all these fixings. Yoki, my local 'mama-san' who speaks no english (that's ok, I speak no usable Japanese yet), has taken on this local 'gaijin' (foreigner) and is slowly with pantomine, showing me something new at her stall each day. I think most of my Japanese to date, is cooking/food related (grin, suprised? Naww). Nabe BTW, means a thickish soup/stew. Udon is a thick noodle, slightly fatter than linguini and softer with a touch of rubbery consistancy. It's also called 'alimentary paste' when labeled in english. Normally sold fresh or vacumn packed. Occasionally dried. Kamaboko, or 'fishcake' is a product made from mildish fish scraped from the bones (paste-like) and formed to a roll (when formed to a roll, it's Kamaboko and may have added colors and seasonings). Cook the udon according to directions, and in second pot, simmer stock and add the meats (shrimp only in last 5 minutes). Add veggies in the last 5 mins or so with the shrimps. Ruth, Hawaii variation. That scraped 'bonefish' made to a pale tan paste? Form it into 'fishballs' like you would make small meatballs. Tuck into soup in last 5 mins. Total cooking time once both are boiling: 5 mins for Udon, 10 for 'other pot'. Strain udon from water and add to stock pot then serve. Goes lovely with toasted pretzel bits (try tossing them with a FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 14 25 Feb 2002 little butter and hot chili-pepper then nuking for 60 secs) and also with a sliced fresh peach (fill center with a drizzle of honey and cinnimon, nuke 1 minute then add a dollup of whipped cream or try japanese style, with 'miricle whip' salad dressing). From the kitchen of: xxcarol in japan ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 15 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= POET'S CORNER ================================================================= Choices Email from a dear friend wdbonner@pacbell.net "If you are like me this will make you cry or maybe you will just laugh at me and delete it, but at least it will make you happy in some way". We have a choice to make today. I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose. The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 5 year-old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became even more upset when the child pasted the gold paper so as to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her father the Christmas morning and said, "This is for you, Daddy." The father was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He spoke to her in a harsh manner, "Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was full." The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger. An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and it is told that the father kept that gold box by his bed for all the years of his life. And whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems he would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense, each of us as human beings have been given a golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold. You now have two choices ... you can: 1. Pass this on to your friends, or 2. Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice No.1. Friends are like angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 16 25 Feb 2002 Email from Frank Vest... flv@sbcglobal.net ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 17 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= CLEAN HUMOR & JOKES ================================================================= BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #6 It's friday, so I get into work early, before lunch even. The phone rings. Shit! I turn the page on the excuse sheet. "SOLAR FLARES" stares out at me. I'd better read up on that. Two minutes later I'm ready to answer the phone. "Hello?" I say. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU ALL MORNING?!" I hate it when they shout at me early in the morning. It always puts me in a bad mood. You know what I mean. "Ah, yes. Well, there's been some solar activity this morning, it always disrupts electronics..." I say, sweet as a sugar pie. "Huh? But I could get through to my friends?!" "Yes, that's entirely possible, solar activity is very unpredictable in it's effects. Why last week, we had some files just dissappear from a guys account while he was working on it!" "Really?" "Straight Up! Hey, do you want me to check your account?" "Yes please, I've got some important stuff in there!" "Ok, what's your username..." He tells me. Honestly, it's like shooting a fish in a barrel. Twice. With an Elephant Gun. At point blank range. In the head. (Do I really need to tell you the clicky clicky bit? I think not) "How many files are in your account?" I ask "Um, well there should be about 20 in my thesis writeup, 10 or so with the data for it, and another 20 or so in a book that I'm writing" "Hmmm. Well, I think we caught it just in time. You've still got 2 files left... .cshrc and .login" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhh!" He sobs into the receiver a bit - it really turns my stomach. "What can I do?" he sniffs FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 18 25 Feb 2002 "Ok, do you have any of your stuff backed up on floppy?" "Some, but it's weeks old!" I fire up the bulk eraser. "Ok" I say "How about I come out and load all that data onto your account pronto so you can get some work done?" "That'd be great, but it's all at home" he wimpers. "I spose I'll just load it all in myself tonight" "Sure. But remember what I said, solar flares are bad for disks and machines. Protect your disks from solar activity to prevent them losing their data" "How do I do that? Wrap them in tin-foil?" "NO! TIN FOIL'S THE WORST THING! YOU KNOW WHAT TIN FOIL DOES IN A MICROWAVE DON'T YOU?!" "Yes.." "Then don't use it. There's only one thing that protects disks from solar activity.." "What's that?" "MAGNETS. Wrap your disks up in a pillow case with lots of magnets - Solar Flares hate that" "Wow! Thanks" "No worries at all..." Shit I'm good! ----------------------------------------------------------------- Set It Free Found in my E-Mail :) If you LOVE something... Set it free! If it comes back... It will always be yours! If it doesn't come back... It was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, watches your TV, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you set it free... ...THEN YOU EITHER MARRIED IT OR GAVE BIRTH TO IT!!! FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 19 25 Feb 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------- 4 jokes compiled, altered, updated, translated by Henk den Adel, 2:280/6415 "You can't take it with you" This is an European joke adapted for the mainly Z1 audience of Fidonews. An american citizen is on route in the vast forests of Quebec. He has shot an elk and he is busy tying the elk on the bonnet of his car. A hitchhiker is passing by and he warns the american by: "Vous ne pouver pas emmener cet' elan. Quelques kilometers en ouest vous recontrerez une poste contre braconnage". The american tells the hitchhiker that he does not speak nor understand French. The hitchhiker simply replies by: "You can't take it with you". The american starts arguing that he is the one that shot the elk, not the hitchhiker and so he will take the trophy. The hitchhiker keeps on repeating "you can't take it with you". Finally the american is getting bored about arguing and suggests that they will have a physical conclusion of the debate about the elk. "You kick me and i'll kick you. The one who cries or gives a sound of pain, looses, the other one can take the elk." The hitchhiker agrees, the american bends over and the hitchhiker kicks the american. Unfortunately the hitchhikers his sense for direction is not very accurate and he hits the american straight in the family jewels. The american, a member of a proud nation, bites the excruciating pain, falls on the ground and curls up into an embryonic posture. Five minutes later he is recovered in so far that he mumbles to the hitchhiker: "Now you bend over, if you want to have the elk". The hitchhiker replies: "i don't want to have the elk, i'm a vegetarian, i just tried to warn you that a few kilometers down the road you will encounter a roadblock against poaching." "A cheep microwave" One of the main peculiarities of the modern day western society is to dispose of perfectly functioning domestic utensils, for no other reason that they are no longer of the latest design, just outdated. Some people are less overparticular, especially young couples which do not possess sufficient money to start a family. This is what this story is about, roughly 15 years ago. Once a week a special garbage truck is collecting domestic utensils, like couches, tables, twin beds or food blenders, which can still be used, but were disposed of because of their outdatedness. I focussed the attention of one of the young couples in this house block on that day and a particularly interesting road, when they told me that their newly ordered bed was to arrive in half a year. Next week they thanked me for the suggestion, since they had found a bed, which still was in FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 20 25 Feb 2002 good shape. Since both were working, they don't have much time to prepare food, so a microwave oven would be nice as well. The couple had a very old car and on the particular garbage collection day she drove again along the generous road. She parked her car and strolled along the items on display. After seeing nothing of her interest, she decided to go a few hundred meters further and parked her car next to a seemingly new microwave oven. It was positioned next to an old easy chair without any legs. The microwave looked OK, it even had the electric connections. So she swiftly loaded the microwave into the luggage compartment of her car and drove away. Soon thereafter the sound of a whaling siren increased, as did the size of a police car in her rear mirror. So she gave way for the police car to continue its urgent dispatch. The car overtook her, however it slowed down and forced her to stop. Two officers jumped out of the car: "Where do you think you are going ma'am?", the elder officer snapped to her. "Home" she replied. "Rather to prison, you just stole our brand new equipment to detect, measure and photograph speeding cars". "Genie" A middle aged couple were browsing an antique shop. The woman found an old lamp. "What do you think", she asked, passing it to her husband. Since it was rather dirty, the man cleaned it with the sleeve of his shirt. Suddenly a genie popped out of the lamb: "I grant you one wish". The man thought and thought. Finally he said: "Since i have only one wish, it must be good. So i wish that there will be a recount of the Florida presidential votes". The genie was frightened by this request. "Oh no, i can't do that, that's way to difficult for me, what on earth is a florida, i was in this lamp for nine centuries". "OK", the man replied, "if that is too complicated, maybe you can transform my wife into a beautiful woman". After hearing this wish the contours of sheer panic were showing in the face of the genie. The genie addressed himself to the shop keeper: "Pass me the globe please. Does it show where this florida can be found?" "Sheep" A biologist, a mathematician and an IT worker are sitting in the Flying Scotsman to Edinburgh. When the train crosses the Scottish border, the biologist notices a black sheep. "Ah, this is Scotland, there are black sheep over here". "No" the mathematician replies, "the existence of just one black sheep is proven". The biologist starts arguing that, from a biological point of view, to create a black sheep one needs at least two black sheep. "Wait a minute", the IT worker intervenes, "what we see is an animal which resembles a sheep, with one black side confirmed". FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 21 25 Feb 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 22 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FIDONET CLASSIFIED ADS ================================================================= !!! That's right. No 23 Female with new website !!!! Just a little BBS in McKinney, Texas You can dial into "Collin County Station" and do the following; Read and reply to messages Play the 50+ door games that we have Get into the Bre League 70 game that's in progress Play the Inter-BBS games of "Word War" and "Triple Yachtzee" Add to the on going chatter in our "One Liners" screen Look over our file base for some old files that are probably not anywhere else !!And, of course, just have fun!! The phone number is: 972-562-8064 We also have limited telnet. Send an e-mail to: "puppy6308 (at) sbcglobal (dot) net" I'll be happy to explain the limits of the telnet to you and tell you the address Oh yeah.... If you really need a "23 Female with new website", try the Internet. Works every time. :) ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-08 Page 23 25 Feb 2002 ================================================================= TODD COCHRANE'S FIDONET SOFTWARE LISTING ================================================================= Fidonet Software List By Todd Cochrane Type: B=BBS D=Door M=Mailer T=Tosser C=Communication (terminal) U=Utility P=Point Software I=Internet (telnet, BinkP...) <+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+=-=+=-=-+-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+> ( Software Name ) |Type| ( Author/Contact ) <+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+=-=|=-=-|-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+> |BBBS Home Page |B | b@bbbs.net | | | | www.bbbs.net/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |ELEBBS The Elevator |B | elebbs@elebbs.com | |Software Production | | www.elebbs.com | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Hermes II Project |B | info@HermesII.org | | | | http://www.hermesii.org/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Maximus BBS Support |B | sales@lainus.com | |Page (Non Official) | | http://www.vector11.com/maximus/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |MBSE BBS |B | Michiel Broek | | | | mbroek@users.sourceforge.net | | | | http://mbse.sourceforge.net | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Mystic BBS |B | http://www.mysticbbs.com/mystic/ | | | | | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Nexus Bulletin |B | groberts@nexusbbs.net | |Board System | | http://www.nexusbbs.net/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Proboard, Searchlight, |BC | info@telegrafix.com | |Telegrafix | | http://www.telegrafix.com | |Communications | | 540-678-4050 | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |RemoteAccess |B | Bruce Morse | |Central | | bfmorse@rapro.com |