The F I D O N E W S Volume 19, Number 05 04 Feb 2002 +--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+ | |The newsletter of the | | Fido, Fidonet and dog-with-diskette are | | | FidoNet community. | | US Registered Trademarks of Tom Jennings| | | | | San Francisco, California, USA | | | ____________| | | | | / __ | Crash netmail articles to: | | | / / \ | Editor @ 2:2/2 (+46-31-944907) | | | WOOF! ( /|oo \ | Routed netmail articles to: | | \_______\(_| /_) | Bjorn Felten @ 2:203/0 | | _ @/_ \ _ | Email attach to: | | | | \ \\ | bfelten@telia.com | | | (*) | \ ))| | | |__U__| / \// | Editor: Bj”rn Felten | | ______ _//|| _\ / | | | / Fido \ (_/(_|(____/ | Newspapers should have no friends. | | (________) (jm) | -- JOSEPH PULITZER | +--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+ Copyright 2002 by Fidonews Editor for Fidonews Globally. Table of Contents 1. FOOD FOR THOUGHT ......................................... 1 2. INSIDE ................................................... 2 The Fidonews at a Glance ................................. 2 3. EDITORIAL ................................................ 3 Astrid Lindgren, R12 and catcalls ........................ 3 4. GENERAL ARTICLES ......................................... 4 A Day in Japan ........................................... 4 Catcalls from the Cheap Seats ............................ 5 Fidonet TODAY and... TOMORROW ............................ 7 5. OL'WDB'S COLUMN - WARREN BONNER .......................... 9 From a dear friend: 1,000 Saturdays ...................... 9 6. FRANK'S COLUMN - FRANK VEST .............................. 11 A (early) Fidonet Christmas Wish List .................... 11 7. FIDONET'S INTERNATIONAL KITCHEN .......................... 14 Japanese Ramen Noodles ................................... 14 Russian Yozhiki .......................................... 14 8. CLEAN HUMOR & JOKES ...................................... 16 BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #3 ............................ 16 The sneeze ............................................... 17 9. FIDONET CLASSIFIED ADS ................................... 19 Infomail is back on 1:124/6308 ........................... 19 10. TODD COCHRANE'S FIDONET SOFTWARE LISTING ................ 21 Fidonet Software List .................................... 21 11. JOE JARED'S FIDONET BY INTERNET ......................... 25 12. SPECIAL INTEREST ........................................ 31 Nodelist Stats ........................................... 31 13. FIDONEWS INFORMATION .................................... 33 How to Submit an Article ................................. 33 Credits, Legal Infomation, Availability .................. 34 FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 1 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FOOD FOR THOUGHT ================================================================= Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give a man religion and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. - chopper's sig (kuro5hin) ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 2 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= INSIDE ================================================================= The Fidonews at a Glance The "Editorial" this week is about "Astrid Lindgren, R12 and catcalls". The "General Articles" section has three submissions. Carol Shenkenberger writes about another day in the Far East in "A Day in Japan", Luke Kolin sends us more "Catcalls from the Cheap Seats" and there's a very disappointing report from Kamal Barshevich from Russia in "Fidonet TODAY and... TOMORROW". Frank Vest writes an early letter to Santa in his (i.e. Frank's, not Santa's) column. Read it in "A (early) Fidonet Christmas Wish List". Warren Bonner sends us some thoughts about Saturday mornings, from a friend of his, in his column, "From a dear friend: 1,000 Saturdays". In our "International Kitchen" section, Carol makes "Japanese Ramen Noodles", and from Aleksej Serdyukov we get "Russian Yozhiki". The third episode from "BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL" in the "Clean Jokes..." plus "The sneeze" by Warren -- is it clean or not, well I guess it's up to you to judge. In the "Classified Ads" section the turn has come to "Infomail". You do remember that this section is a rotating section? We don't have that many ads yet, so those posted will occur rather frequently. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 3 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= EDITORIAL ================================================================= Astrid Lindgren, R12 and catcalls The most important thing, to me, and I think to many people all over the world, that happend this week, was that Astrid Lindgren died. She was 93 years old, so it was of course no real surprise, but never the less she leaves a really big hole somewhere. I guess most fidonet users have some relationship with her works. Be it as kids or as parents reading "Mio and I" for your own kids, watching a movie with Pippi Longstockings or a TV show with the mischievous Emil. Unlike e.g. the author of Harry Potter, Astrid never made a fortune out of her writings. Her 88 works was translated to some 80 languages and sold in most countries of the world, in more than 100 million copies. But she only had some $500,000 (less than the Nobel prize she so well deserved, but never was awarded) on the bank when she left. Out of the estimated 40 million books sold in the former Soviet Union, she never got a single kopek, and the same goes for many other countries, but she never complained. The most important thing for her, was that she could bring some happiness to children all over the world. And indeed she did! I hope we'll meet again in Nangijala, Astrid! As for the R12 affair, I really goofed up last week, didn't I. Placing Sakas... Saskach... Scakas... Alberta and all the other territories north and west of Ontario in R12, when really they belong to the region of Alaska, Washington, Idaho and some other US states in the north west. Sorry for that mistake. Catcalls from the cheap seats keep interrupting our show, that's been playing for so many years now (is it the 18th season, or what?). Maybe we should start taking those catcalls seriously? From the posh seats up front, we cannot expect anything such barbaric and ill mannered, that could cause the spectators there to be kicked out of their country club, golf club or even the local PTA. And most of the artists on stage seem to be smug about the performance they've perfected over the years, and are not likely to call for a change to the show that finally runs so smoothly. ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 4 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= GENERAL ARTICLES ================================================================= A Day in Japan Sasebo, Japan, 21 January 2002 Today we got the last of the phone bill pieces we were looking for so we could pay for the connections we have been using. It was something very Asian and confusing so let me tell you all how to get a phone in Japan, should you need one. To start, it is easier if you are military or your company has a set of purchased phone numbers for lease to employees. If that is not the case when you arrive, it costs 800$ USA roughly, to 'buy phone rights'. Yes, the Japan system requires the customer 'purchase' the use of the number. Don't argue, that's merely how things work here and the Japanese find this a good system. I was able to get mine as a military person, via a leased line set aside for such. I pay 800 yen a month, plus normal monthly bills (about 3500 yen). To this bill is added all local calls made (10 yen for 3 minutes). The application was very confusing as it's all in Japanese but we got it figured out with some help. The next step was to pay for service. This is done in advance and at any bank. 10 days or so later, your phone starts working. About a week after that, they tell you what your phone number is (grin). This is all automated as long as your apartment has phone jacks (they all do if even remotely modernized). After that, and hopefully you selected the option to have the LD phone bill go to a credit card to make things easier, you settle back and hope for the best. Your first bills won't arrive for a month or so after and if you are not careful, they can be a shock. Japan bills tend to come in several parts and you often cant pay until the last 'part' arrives. Our electric, gas, and phone all work the same way. It's like they premail you how much it will be (looks like a bill to us) and later send the one you can actually pay. Once you get used to it, it's kinda nice as you can set that amount off to the side and get close to 4 weeks warning before it's due. Now how to pay? Well, simple. All Japanese bills are paid in Yen. Japanese do not use checkbooks much and credit cards are also rare so it's cash. This is actually easier than it sounds. All bills can be paid at the local convenience stores (Family Mart is a local one and yes it has some Japanese name too that means the same. Think 7-11 and you got it). For military, gas and electric get paid at the base and they take care of the required filing of receipts but for phone, you are on your own. Sounds awkward? It turned out to be terribly easy! We took our bills (came in 5 parts) to the local Family Mart and in 2 minutes they had it all handled, despite us having no common language. We FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 5 4 Feb 2002 can also pay electric and gas there but have to then take the receipts back to the base (so why not pay there with a check? Easier on us). They gave us back the parts that are not bills (hard to tell here) with a smile and a happy 'Domo Arrigato'. So, should you move to Japan, you now have a little bit more info on how to ease your way. Komban Wa Y'all! xxcarol Carol Shenkenberger 6:730/275 ----------------------------------------------------------------- Catcalls from the Cheap Seats By Luke Kolin Bjorn referred to me as an apostate that other week. I'm really starting to love this guy - that's the nicest thing any FidoNet sysop has called me in several years. I understand that sunlight is somewhat lacking in that part of the world this time of year - make it through another two months until the equinox, please! Let me correct our Editor before he gets howls of protest from the alienated Westerners, who most certainly are not part of Region 12 - Region 12 only comprises the former parts of Region 11 that split off back in 1988 or so; everything east of the Manitoba/Ontario border. Western Canada has always been part of Region 17. Unlike Zone 2, Zone 1 has never broken its Regions down across purely nationalistic lines. The debate that is going on is not a Canada vs. US battle, and I think it is inaccurate and wrong-headed to see this as a nationalistic battle. It is instead the manifestation of two dramatically different views of FidoNet organisation. As a broader question relevant to the entire network, to what extent can regional differences be tolerated in the network as a whole? The cantankerous sysops of Region 12 have never had much time for two aspects of FidoNet policy that some other *Cs seem to hold as sacred: appointed *Cs and network boundaries dictated by geography. We were electing our RCs and NCs back in 1989, and the principle has never been seriously questioned. We've had networks that overlapped each other since 163 and 243 existed in 1991. I think it's instructive to note that despite the howls of protest from outside the Region, the system by and large has worked very well. Networks got the *Cs they want, and if a network started getting too polarised, splitting it down the middle usually lowered the level from all-out jihad to occasional sniping in the region-wide sysop conference. Far from promoting chaos, the system that Region 12 worked out did much to lessen friction and sysop disputes. Far more chaos was induced by the odd ZC or RC who attempted to roll back this system. A blind eye was turned to the letter of Policy from time to time when it FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 6 4 Feb 2002 served the greater good. Bjorn's call for mediation is a good one. As I pointed out last week, the rhetoric in this dispute has grown to the level where we're calling for silly things in order to defend the sanctity of policy. If both sides can agree to someone whose stated goal is to solve problems, no matter what Policy says, something good may come out of all this. After all, the network is about people, not Policy, right? Turning my attention to ancient history, the former Editor continues his painful detailing of the FidoNet vs. Internet worlds, circa 1994. In case Frank hasn't noticed, there are hundreds of thousands of online communities sprouting up all across the Internet, and they've been doing so for several years now. I participate in no fewer than four communities based on the discussion of immigration into the United States. I participate in several online message areas related to flight simulation. And they're just as polite, well-moderated (if not better) and valuable as the echo areas that were in FidoNet during its 'golden age' in the early to mid 1990s. Sites like yahoo groups allow anyone to build their own little moderated community with a few mouse clicks. And I interact with the same real people that Frank talks about, from all over the world. We have Canadians, Indians, Pakistanis, Americans, Italians, Scotsmen, Germans and Australians. Frank, where have you been? The notion that all Internet games are a shoot-em-up is equally inaccurate. We host a number of 'online flying' events using the Internet and Microsoft Flight Simulator each year, with full online dispatch and ATC. There's no character-based equivalent for a landing a 727 with a 200 foot ceiling, completely blind, and then hearing the ATC folks scrambling and reorganising the pattern when you decide that discretion is the better part of valour and go around. Yes, it may not teach you typing in the same fashion, but the richness of the experience both sensually and intellectually is light years beyond. And it's real-time collaboration with potentially dozens of people! How does your single-line ASCII-based door compete with that? It doesn't. Apart from the sensory differences, the Internet allows you to aggregate much larger groups of people together, to get more people, more learning and more FUN. You're not dependent on a BBS at all, with its limitations on simultaneous connections. You're not limited by content replication all across the world. You're all online, anywhere, anytime. Finally, the notion that only commercial sites have professional-grade graphics, software back-ends and ergonomics is ludicrous. The Open Source movement (which, I suspect, BinkleyTerm was a rough precursor) has allowed professional grade SQL databases, web scripting (JSP or PHP) and graphics programs to be available for FREE. Even an out-of-the-box package like UBB or phpBB has a professional quality interface. There's a lot of crummy web sites out there. Unfortunately, even the crummy web sites have just as good (or bad) an interface as the best dial-up BBS. Essentially, the recipe for saving the ol' pooch involve doing nothing FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 7 4 Feb 2002 new or exciting. They involve pretending that the last ten years of technological progress in the online world didn't exist, and to go back to the world of 1992. Play ASCII hangman instead of the Flash-based games my wife plays online with our neice and nephew. Post to an online message board where you might get a response from across the world in several days, instead of several minutes. Pretend that none of this is available on the Internet. (ha!) If the folks in FidoNet persist with this kind of an attitude, get out the barbituates and euthanise the whole network. It's done. Online community exists on the Internet, in a far better and bigger form than FidoNet ever achieved. They are real people, they have real fun, and they're just as passionate about their hobbies on the Internet as they were back in the BBS days. At the levels of learning, people and fun, let's be generous and say that the two are tied. In terms of the overall capabilities of the platform like UI, content aggregation and scalability, there's no comparison. I know Frank means well, but FidoNet's future doesn't depend on people making a virtue out of necessity when it comes to the shortcomings of the pooch. Michael Grant is on the right track when he talks about leveraging Internet capabilities to the fullest. Maybe the Fidonet of the future is a group of discrete web sites each hosting a different area of interest? ----------------------------------------------------------------- Fidonet TODAY and... TOMORROW. Let us observe the situation in Russia. "Fidonet makes the World smaller", it helps us the feel ourselfs together, cause EVERY continent, every civilized (or half-civilized) country has Fidonet supporting nodes. It was yesterday, it is today. But lets have a look on what could happen in very near future. As a legacy of exUSSR, Russia recieved pay-FREE telephone lines. This fact gave FidoNet GREAT priority against Internet, Relcom and other commercial based nets. Really, even when we speak about Fido, as a non-commercial net, we must remember, that you have to pay for connection, for your telephone line. And that is one of the cases because in Europe Fidonet was successfully vanished by InterNet: you pay just the same (maybe a bit more) but you get on-line vision of all the World around. Here is directly another situation in Russia. Everyone pay 50 rubbles (~2.5$) per month and uses telephone as much as he wants. That is real heaven for FidoNet. He is some stats: Russia: ~~~~~~~ Petersburg => ~900 nodes Moscow => ~1500 nodes others => ~5000 nodes ==================== FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 8 4 Feb 2002 ~7000 nodes That is ~50% of all Fido-nodes in the World (~14000 nodes). xUSSR got a lot of money from selling wartechs, food etc, and could afford such telephone network. But today situation has changed. 2002 or 2003 year can be the last year with such telephone-taxes in Russia. Minute-by-minute payment means one: with current people's economic level, 99% of all nodes will be closed. Why? Cause average age of Russian Fidonet SysOps is 20-22 years (from 17 to 30). They are students. And students have NOTHING in Russia today! So, looking in the nearest future, we see rather sad picture. FidoNet will lost 50% of it's members. I must admit, that we observed situation in Russia, not touching Ukraine and other exUSSR countries. By the way Russia naturally will lost ~30-50% InterNet users. And that is on the stage of building "democracy" here... Citizens already lost all independent TV-channells, in process of loosing independent from government radio stations, and in two years without Fidonet and Internet, Russia will become silent and quiet country. Is that the goal? What we have in the end: more than a half of non-commercial Network FIDO, could be killed by commercial aspect... Irony of the fate..!? specially for Fidonews Kamal Barshevich ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 9 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= OL'WDB'S COLUMN - WARREN BONNER ================================================================= From a dear friend: 1,000 Saturdays wdbonner@pacbell.net The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the basement shack with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning, turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it. I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say. "Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. Too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital. He continued, "Let me tell you something Tom, something that has helped me keep a good perspective on my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles." "You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. "Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part." "It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail"; he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 10 4 Feb 2002 twenty-eight undred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. "So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside of a large, clear plastic container right here in the sack next to my gear. Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away." "I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focus more on the really important things in life. There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight." "Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time." "It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. 75 year Old Man, this is K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!" You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" she asked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the..."Hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles...." A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend. "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." -Winnie the Pooh Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you. And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS. And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have AT LEAST ONE GOOD FRIEND... And that's worth it! Warmest regards, Ol'wdb ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 11 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FRANK'S COLUMN - FRANK VEST ================================================================= A (early) Fidonet Christmas Wish List By Frank Vest 1:124/6308.1 This may a bit early for Christmas, but what the heck. :-) Fidonet's most basic element is the BBS. The most basic element of the BBS is the User. In a "Guest Editorial" a while back, I made note of the former from Tom Jennings and added the latter. With this in mind, and the desire to help Fidonet, BBSs and the Users that Fidonet and the BBSs depend on, I'm making my Christmas wish list early. :-) Some of these may already be done, but it never hurts to ask. Also, since this is a Christmas wish, it would be nice if they were free. :) -= An Internet Download Door =- One of the things that a BBS used to have is the mass of Files for download. With dozens of Bulletin Boards in almost every area of the world and each one with a different theme, each had a different set of files for the Users to download. A User could call several BBS systems and find just about any new program that was around. When the CD-Rom came out, the file bases of a BBS exploded even more. Today, most of the files that Users found on a BBS are on the Internet. With an Internet connection and such, it's easy to get the files. My thought/wish; A door program for those of us that have a 24/7 connection to the Internet that would allow the Sysop to configure Internet download sites for "online" file download by the Users. It could work something like this; The sysop knows of some download sites with programs that s/he wants to offer. It could be FTP sites or whatever. The Sysop configures the door with the Internet address(es) of these sites and what files are available. When a User logs onto the BBS and does a search or list of files, these files show up the same as any other files on the BBS. When the User tags the file(s) and goes to download them, the door connects to the Internet site and transfers the file(s) to the User via the BBS. It would probably have to be a "dual download" where the file is downloaded to the BBS computer's "temp" directory, then sent to the User via Zmodem or some such and then the file removed from the BBS computer's temp directory, but it could be done?? FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 12 4 Feb 2002 Think of the advantage of this to a BBS. The wealth of files on the Internet at the finger tips of the BBS Sysop and Users. The door could check the Files for a "file-id" or the description of the file could be entered by the Sysop. Much the same thing that is done now. If a link changes, the Sysop can simply change the URL or remove it. I'd think that this would be a big plus for the BBS. :) -= A Telnet Door =- I know that there are doors that do this. At least one BBS program offers a telnet door, but only on the telnet side of the BBS. A free version of this would be great. This would/could be a simple little door that would allow a User on the dial-up or telnet side of a BBS to telnet out to other telnet BBSs. It would be nice if it were to work with Dos based BBS programs as well as Windows and Linux... maybe OS/2 as well. It should be simple to set up. Have any driver(s) needed or whatever. I think it would be a good thing to attract New Users to a BBS. The thought being that a User could have "one stop shopping". Dial into a BBS and reach many other BBSs. Also, for the dial up mainly, a User without an ISP could access many BBSs from other places that would otherwise be "out of reach" due to cost. -= Terminal Program =- One of the things that used to abound in the BBS world were Terminal Programs. You remember, those programs that Users, and some Sysops, use to dial into a BBS? Today, most are history, not supported, unavailable, don't work with the later operating systems or some such. A nice "all around" terminal program for calling a BBS would be nice. After all, if the User doesn't have anything decent to "call" a BBS with, why would they bother? My idea is a program that will handle telnet as well as dial-up. It should be able to display ansi and ascii properly without the use of special fonts and such. It would be nice if the program would/could be a "full screen" display and handle the higher resolution of today's monitors and graphics cards, A real "plus", in my opinion, would be if the program could "overlay" the web browser when used as a telnet client and a link is clicked on, like the Adobe Acrobat Reader does for PDF, instead of launching another program that has to be shut down after use. I'm not sure how all of this would work, but it is an idea. Ok. I guess I'll shut up now and see if Santa will smile on me. :-) FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 13 4 Feb 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 14 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FIDONET'S INTERNATIONAL KITCHEN ================================================================= Japanese Ramen Noodles 1 pk Ramen noodles (block type) 1 Hard boiled egg, chopped 2 Sprigs green onion 1 tb Minced green onion bulb Ok, simple as you can get. Fix the noodles to the directions on the package. Add the green onion while cooking. Chop the egg up. Once cooked, add to the noodles. Optional additions: You can add a few left over green peas, mushrooms, salmon bits (goes best with the shrimp type), tofu (firm, chuncked, cooked with the broth). If out of green onion bulbs, use 1/2 the amount of a hotter onion or the same amount of a leek. Charlotte (my 5YO) loves these, and all her friends seem to love them just as much. Much less expensive than spagettios and the baked noodle types are better for her too. Variation: Use Dashi (see Dashi recipe) for the water, or at least 1/2 the water. From the kitchen of: xxcarol From: Carol Shenkenberger Date: 19 Dec 98 ----------------------------------------------------------------- --Russian Yozhiki-- by Aleksej R. Serdyukov AKA Deleter 2:5020/1973.20@FidoNet Yeah, got it! ;) Yozhiki (hedgehogs ;-) recipe for you: 0.5 kg beef-force-meat (can be mixed with pork one) 1/3 glass rice 1 carrot 1-2 onion some salt & pepper Mix all, add water, manually give them shape of ball (4-5 cm of diameter). Put to boiling salted water in a frying pan. Strew them by vegetables (greens), and put a bay leaf and boil approximately for 30 minutes. Enjoy! :) bye [26.01.02 17:10 MSK] FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 15 4 Feb 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 16 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= CLEAN HUMOR & JOKES ================================================================= BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #3 So I'm working so hard I barely have time to drive into town and watch a movie before I told people their printing will be ready. The queue's WAAAAY too long to have everything printed (and sorted) by the time I told them, so I kill all the small jobs so there's only 2 left and I can sort them in no time. Then, after the movie, (which was one of those slack Bertolucci ones that takes about 3 hours till the main character is killed off in a visionary experience) I get back and clear the printouts. There's about 50 people waiting outside and I've got two printouts. That's about average for me. I thought I'd killed more tho. Anyway, I put out the printouts and walk slooowly inside, fingering the clipboard with "ACCOUNTS TO REMOVE" in big letters on the back. No-one says anything. As usual. . . . I'm sitting back in the Operations Armchair, watching the computer room closed circuit TV, which just happens to be connected to the frame-grabber's Video player (sent off for repair, due back sometime in '94) when the phone rings. That must be the 2nd time today, and it's really starting to get to me! "Yes?" I say, pausing the picture. "I've accidentally deleted my C.V!" the voice at the other end of the line says. "You have? What was your username?" He tells me. What the hell, I AM bored. "Ah no, you didn't delete it - I did." "What?" "I deleted it. It was full of shit! You didn't ever get more than a B- in any of your subjects!" "Huh?" "And that crap about being a foreign exchange student, that was your girlfriend and we both know it." "Huh?!!" "Your academic records. I checked them, you were lying.." "How did y.." He clicks. "It's you isn't it? THE BASTARD OPERATOR FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 17 4 Feb 2002 FROM HELL!" "In the flesh, on the phone and in your account.... You shouldn't have called you know. You especially shouldn't have given me your username.." >clickety< >click< "Neither should you have sent that mail to the System Manager telling him what you think of him in graphic terms..." "I didn't send any.." >clickety< >click<...... "No, you didn't did you? But who can tell these days. Not to worry though, It'll all be over VERY soon.." >clickety click< "..change my username back, and..." "b-b-b.." he blubs, like a stood-up date "Goodbye now" I say pleasantly, "you've got bags to pack and a life to start over..." I hang up. Two seconds later the red phone goes. I pick it up, it's the boss. He mumbles the username of the person I was just talking to, mentions something about a nasty mail message, and utters the words "You know what to do...", with the dots and everything. Later, inside the Municipal Energy Authority Computer, as I'm modifying the poor pleb's Energy Bill by several zeros, I can't help but think about what lapse of judgement - what act of heinous stupidity causes them to call. Then, even later, when I'm adding the poor pleb's photo image over the top of the FBI's online "MOST Wanted Armed and Dangerous, SHOOT ON SIGHT" offenders list, I realise, I'll probably never know; but life goes on. A couple of hours later, as I see the SWAT vehicle roll up outside the poor pleb's apartment I realise that for some, it just doesn't. But tommorrow is another day. ----------------------------------------------------------------- The sneeze A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 18 4 Feb 2002 The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?" The woman replies, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?" The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper." Warm Regards, Ol'wdb ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 19 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= FIDONET CLASSIFIED ADS ================================================================= Infomail is back on 1:124/6308 By Frank Vest 1:124/6308 With the current Fidonet via BinkP, I'm trying to put this service back up. Some may remember it from times past. :) I'm not sure how this will work with BinkP, but my tests seemed to work well. :) Of course, it should also work with the any Netmail. Welcome to "InfoMail" Infomail is a program that provides a "document" service via Fidonet Netmail. I have some text files on my system that might be of interest to Sysops, or even Users, in Fidonet. The process of Freq'ing the files takes time and, if done via dial up, money in LD costs. To log onto the BBS, search and DL the files also takes time and money. Infomail makes this a little easier in that the text of the documents can be requested with a simple Netmail and the contents of the text file sent to the requester in a Netmail reply. In other words, this is a "robot" that when asked for the information in a text file, writes that text into a Netmail and sends it to you. :-) Ok, here's how it works. Using this program/service is very simple. 1. Enter a Netmail message to "InfoMail" without the quotes. (capitalization isn't important). Fidonet address, 1:124/6308 via regular routed Netmail, crash Netmail or BinkP. The Internet address for BinkP is "web-idiot.d2g.com". 2. For a subject, put the document that you want to receive. If you don't know, or just want to search for a word in the list, send the Netmail to "InfoMail Search" and put the word you are looking for in the Subject area. 3. In the text area, put anything you like. This is ignored but required for many mailers to handle the message. Upon receiving the message, my system will search the document list for a match and send the response back to you via a Netmail message. The reply will most likely be "routed" Netmail. FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 20 4 Feb 2002 Please let me know if there are errors. I'm only human and make mistakes like anyone else. :-) As with all things Fidonet and hobby, there are no guarantees. I "hope" it works. :) Here's a list of what I hope is currently available; Document Name Description ================||================================================= ? List of documents available ARTSPEC FidoNews Article Submission Guidelines BackBone North America BackBone Echolist Backbone1 List of active echos, Zone 1 Backbone Backboneww List of Echos carried on the World Wide Backbone BackStat North American Backbone - Status and Changes Backstat1 Change Status, Zone 1 Backbone Backstatww World Wide Backbone Status and Changes BBS_Basics BBS Basics (kind of dated, but still good) Big_Dummy ** THE BIG DUMMY'S GUIDE TO FIDONET ** BROI.10 ZONE 1 ECHOMAIL BACKBONE ROUTINE OPERATING INFORMATION 8/27/ DFWLIST The DFW BBs List Echopol.V62 General Echomail Policy September 6, 1988, Echopol.v62 Echopol3.0 ZONE 1 BACKBONE ECHOMAIL POLICY Version 3.0 14 August 1993 Echopol3.1 ZONE 1 BACKBONE ECHOMAIL POLICY Version 3.1 08 October 1993 Ep-Intro ZONE 1 ECHOPOL - INTRODUCTION TO THE NEW DRAFT Epolicy1 Echomail Policy Document - Version 1.04 (Proposed) Fido_Ben_Baker Fidonet History according to Ben Baker Fido_History_Pt1 FidoNet History and Operation (8 Feb 85) Tom Jennings Fido_History_Pt2 FidoNet History and Operation Part 2 (Tom Jennings) FidoInfo So you want to join FidoNet? Fidonet? What is Fidonet FTS-0001 A Basic FidoNet(r) Technical Standard FTS-0004 FTS-0004 EchoMail Specification FTS-0005 FTS-0005 The Distribution Nodelist FTS-0009 A standard for unique message identifiers and reply chain li HUBGUIDE Net 124 HUB GUIDELINES Internet_Point How to use your Point System with the Internet Internet_to_Fido How to gate E-Mail to and from Fidonet Net_info Net 124 Node Information File Netstats Statistics from the Fidonet Nodelist Satti Decisions made by Bob Satti as Z1C StartBBs So you want to start a BBS? What_is What is Fidonet?? ----------------------------------------------------------------- FIDONEWS 19-05 Page 21 4 Feb 2002 ================================================================= TODD COCHRANE'S FIDONET SOFTWARE LISTING ================================================================= Fidonet Software List By Todd Cochrane Type: B=BBS D=Door M=Mailer T=Tosser C=Communication (terminal) U=Utility P=Point Software I=Internet (telnet, BinkP...) <+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+=-=+=-=-+-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+> ( Software Name ) |Type| ( Author/Contact ) <+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+=-=|=-=-|-=-=+=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+> |BBBS Home Page |B | b@bbbs.net | | | | www.bbbs.net/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |ELEBBS The Elevator |B | elebbs@elebbs.com | |Software Production | | www.elebbs.com | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Hermes II Project |B | info@HermesII.org | | | | http://www.hermesii.org/ | |-----------------------|----|---------------------------------------| |Maximus BBS Support |B | sales@lainus.com | |Page (Non Official) | | http://www.vector11.com/maximus/ | |-----