Good news! There's no need for a new car [1]! Bunny had the car towed to her preferred mechanic, he took one look at the problem, said it was simply “the harmonic balancing stabalizer disintegrated due to prolonged exposure to entropic forces, thus causing the drive belt pully to slide laterally away from the internal combustion containment chambers, setting up wild oscillations in the drive belt which stressed the recharging subsystem causing it to improperly function. Shouldn't take more than two, three hours to fix” (or something like that).
“Make it so,” said Bunny (or something like that).
And thus, three hours later, I was there, picking up my car. It also cost less than I expected, given the seriousness of the situation my friends thought the car experienced.
Woot!