It's not even in the “It's so bad it was well worth the price” category …

M. Night Shyamalan's latest movie, The Happening, is not merely bad. It is an astonishment, so idiotic in conception and inept in execution that, after seeing it, one almost wonders whether it was real or imagined. It's the kind of movie you want to laugh about with friends, swapping favorite moments of inanity: “Do you remember the part when Mark Wahlberg … ?” “God, yes. And what about that scene where the wind … ?”
The problem, of course, is that to have such a conversation, you'd normally have to see the movie, which I believe is an unreasonably high price to pay just to make fun of it. So rather than write a conventional review explaining why you should or shouldn't see The Happening (trust me, you shouldn't), I'm offering an alternative: A dozen and a half of the most mind-bendingly ridiculous elements of the film, which will enable you to marvel at its anti-genius without sacrificing (and I don't use that term lightly) 90 minutes of your life. As this is intended to be an alternative to seeing the actual film it is, of course, overflowing with spoilers. Those who still intend to see the film despite my warnings should probably stop reading now; those looking for a more typical review should stop by www.rottentomatoes.com [1] and take their pick. For the rest, onward:

Via Instapundit [2], “The Movie Review: ‘The Happening’ [3]”

And now a movie I really don't want to see—“The Happening [4]”. After reading the spoiler-laden review [5] (because I'm like that—I don't mind spoilers) I have a few comments about the film, but because someone out there might want to see this sans spoilers, I'm putting my comments about The Happening [6] on a separate page.

Update on Monday, June 16^th, 2008

In fact, it's worse than I thought [7] (link via Columbina [8]).

[1] http://www.rottentomatoes.com/

[2] http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/archives2/020479.php

[3] http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=75893f9a-3391-4ab5-88c8-cf7e74bcd835

[4] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0949731/

[5] http://www.tnr.com/politics/story.html?id=75893f9a-3391-4ab5-88c8-cf7e74bcd835

[6] /boston/2008/06/14/happening.x-html

[7] http://io9.com/5016361/the-happening-is

[8] http://columbina.livejournal.com/185562.html

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