12 upvotes, 4 direct replies (showing 4)
View submission: What motivates you to practice?
August of 2022 I lost my mother to suicide. I was lost. I turned to philosophy to try and help myself work through the pain. I started with stoicism, which honestly was a great starting point for me. It helped me get a handle on how I was approaching my emotions. Stoicism led me to absurdism, and absurdism led me to the teachings of the Buddha; here is where it started for me. In April of 2024 I survived a widow maker heart attack. This radically changed my general outlook on life. Suddenly the world was more vibrant, the sound of laughter became music, I was beyond grateful to have survived, to be able to come home to my 4 beautiful daughters and my wonderful wife. I was riding high on life, almost intoxicated with it; I continued to study. In may of 2024 my thirteen year old daughter committed suicide… my world shattered.
To lose a child is.. well it’s honestly indescribable, at least to the point of being able to aptly describe the actual experience of it. It is a pain that will never truly go away, a wound that will never heal. I reached a point where… either I made peace with the world and myself, or I began the process of regressing to my days of absolute self destruction. I had three surviving children that needed their father/step father. So the choice was simple and the teaching of the Buddha helped me find some comfort in the chaos and sorrow, and peace as the storms raged within me. It’s still not easy. There are days that I struggle. But it is as it is, and how it is is exactly how it should be.
Namo Buddhaya
Comment by Zealousideal-Cry-790 at 19/01/2025 at 22:53 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I relate to this in my own way. I had a divorce and subsequent suicidal thoughts. Zen meditation likely saved my life.
Comment by KokemushitaShourin at 17/01/2025 at 07:11 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Stay strong man. You have the heart of lion ❤️ I hope you find peace and tranquility 🙏
Comment by chintokkong at 16/01/2025 at 01:05 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Horrible and painful what's happened. May there be strength and love for you and your children and family.
Comment by Qweniden at 15/01/2025 at 23:39 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Peace and love to you and your family. I am so terribly sorry for you loss.