No bamboozles, everyone who comments in this thread will be invited to become a mod of r/WSB.

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/comments/b87viz/no_bamboozles_everyone_who_comments_in_this/

created by OPINION_IS_UNPOPULAR on 01/04/2019 at 19:56 UTC*

46075 upvotes, 375 top-level comments (showing 25)

Just a reminder, invitations will expire 15 minutes after they are sent. Please accept them ASAP.

If you miss your invite, you will eventually be reinvited, but it may take some time.

You can increase your chances of being invited sooner by being active on r/wallstreetbets and remaining subscribed.

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UPDATE, APR 2ND - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 3RD - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 4TH - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 5TH - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 6TH - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 7TH - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

UPDATE, APR 8TH - MODS ARE STILL BEING ADDED

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Make sure you comment and upvote because...

If we reach 5,000 comments, everyone gets some mod privileges.

At 7:04PM we reached #1 on r/all!! Everyone gets full permissions!! HAVOK IS ON THE WAY

Stretch goal:

80,000 COMMENTS

Thread will be locked at 23:59 PM Apr. 2nd, so make sure to comment before then!

THE MODDENING 2019

*EDIT**

You have 15 minutes to accept the invitation or it will be rescinded, as there can be a maximum of 25 pending invites at any one time.

*EDIT 2**

We have hit the rate limit! https://i.imgur.com/b2gBgcL.png

The moderator invites will resume in 1 hour!

Again, **everyone who comments below will be modded eventually**

*EDIT 3**

Currently #400 on r/all...

UPVOTE IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE WORLD BURN

*EDIT 4**

250 now... the modpocalypse is nigh...

If we hit #1 on r/all, we continue adding moderators as fast as we can (considering the ratelimit).

Once everyone has been added as a moderator, we will shut down the subreddit and give everyone full permissions. The subreddit will then open to the public on the following business day at 9:00am

*EDIT 5**

5,000 comments! -- All mods will be given mail privileges, use it wisely!

*EDIT 6**

Fun fact, reddit tab notifications only go up to 9K

https://i.imgur.com/b9TRGx6.png

https://imgur.com/a/EquFIsP

*EDIT 7**

(updated)

moderator reports:

Bacchus_IRL: OP is the kind of faggot to secretly just have vanguard funds and no options

user reports:

104: This is spam

66: MMMFFFPPHHHMMMMM THESE CRAYONS ARE DELICIOUS

39: It's involuntary pornography and i appear in it

35: Fake, Fabricated, Phony, Con, Fraudulent.

32: <no reason>

27: Political Bullshit

19: No Bullshitting

18: It's a transaction for prohibited goods or services

16: It's sexual or suggestive content involving minors

9: It's rude, vulgar or offensive

8: Glorifying Losses

8: Bad Robinhood Screenshot

5: It's targeted harassment at someone else

5: Generic meme detected

5: It's involuntary pornography and i do not appear in it

5: It's targeted harassment at me

3: Spam

3: It's personal and confidential information

3: Personal and confidential information

3: Don't Glorify Losses

*EDIT 8**

This thread was made in conjunction with, and is endorsed by, r/teenagers

Comments

Comment by Green_Meathead at 01/04/2019 at 21:18 UTC

489 upvotes, 4 direct replies

He said r/WSB not r/wallstreetbets

Fucking got em

Comment by [deleted] at 01/04/2019 at 20:03 UTC

110 upvotes, 1 direct replies

If SPY is still at 286 tomorrow I will ban everyone

Comment by Timmichanga1 at 01/04/2019 at 21:18 UTC

110 upvotes, 3 direct replies

Are we all going to get banned tomorrow in another 3000 IQ moderator move?

Also, RIP Harambe.

Comment by legendofnerds at 01/04/2019 at 22:29 UTC

284 upvotes, 6 direct replies

      ___     
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Comment by stormwillpass at 01/04/2019 at 20:15 UTC*

779 upvotes, 19 direct replies

Oh shit, he isn't joking!

https://i.imgur.com/A0i3Sc5.png

edit1:

There is a subreddit rate limit[1] to how many mods can be invited at once in the invitation queue, so if you haven't been invited yet, it's because people have not yet accepted the invitation and OP must go back to manually uninvite them[2] in order to invite someone else.

1: https://i.imgur.com/lIS9Ksa.png

2: https://i.imgur.com/rWoAcia.png

It's a tedious process, but as you can see, dozens of people have accepted the invitation[3], so thank you for not being idle and for making the process easier.

3: https://i.imgur.com/mtHInys.png

*Note that OP has a bedtime, so he will get back to invitations as soon as he can. It is 11:33pm ET. At approximately 54,000 comments, and assuming it takes about 10 seconds to add each moderator manually, it will take 540,000 seconds to add everyone, or 9,000 minutes, or 150 hours, or 6 days 6 hours. And this is if each person accepts right away so that the next person can be invited.**

Comment by CFPBRegulator at 01/04/2019 at 20:00 UTC

68 upvotes, 2 direct replies

I'm not falling for this!

Comment by [deleted] at 01/04/2019 at 20:59 UTC

62 upvotes, 1 direct replies

[deleted]

Comment by [deleted] at 01/04/2019 at 20:02 UTC

42 upvotes, 3 direct replies

ITS A TARP

Comment by KankleMister at 01/04/2019 at 23:34 UTC

38 upvotes, 1 direct replies

because my STUPID INSENSITIVE BIGOT OF A SCIENCE TEACHER WON'T COVER THE SKELETON IN OUR CLASSROOM!!!!ive told him THOUSANDS of TIMES that i have severe anxiety from sans and ive actually developed ptsd from the sans fight and i have to carry around an inhaler everywhere i go now because when i see bones or the color blue i start hyperventilating because of panic then if i don't take my inhaler it turns into a ptsd episode and i already had to be sent home 3 TIMES BECAUSE THE SKELETON IN MY SCIENCE CLASS TRIGGERED ME!!!!! AND HE WON'T COVER IT!!!!!!!!!like?????? i don't know what to do ive tried talking about it to the councilors but they said my condition isnt real???? like um YEAH IT IS??? i would know????????? cause i wake up screaming and in tears each night because i have a reaccuring nightmare where SANS TELLS ME I'M GOING TO HAVE A BAD TIME THEN HAS THE FUCKING DECENCY TO TELL ME I'VE DIED TEN TIMES, AND THAT I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING TRIGGERS ME???????? and it just PISSES ME OFF how the school doesn't even CARE THAT I AM ON THE BRINK OF ODING BECAUSE OF THIS!!!

Comment by [deleted] at 01/04/2019 at 19:59 UTC

136 upvotes, 4 direct replies

Is this one of those paper-trading shakeouts?

Comment by LookingSkywards at 02/04/2019 at 00:50 UTC

121 upvotes, 4 direct replies

Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life. Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals. Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.

Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.

Comment by [deleted] at 01/04/2019 at 20:50 UTC

31 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Can’t wait to be modded or banned by the end of the day!

Comment by The_White_Light at 06/04/2019 at 02:33 UTC

1 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Hey guys, still not joking. I'm the one sending all the invites now using a bot written with PRAW. /u/stormwillpass has mentioned an estimate of "150 hours" to get everyone added. Unfortunately, on top of a maximum number of open invitations, there's a secondary rate limit capping the number of invitations that can be sent out per hour, regardless of how many people accept or if they're rescinded.

Going by the past 24 hours that the bot has been running, projections estimate **over 250 days remain** before all users (~82k of you!) who have commented here will be added.

You should only receive an invitation if you've posted or commented recently, and the invitation will be removed after 15 minutes, so try to accept it as soon as possible to open a spot for someone else.

Comment by AnoK760 at 01/04/2019 at 21:00 UTC

57 upvotes, 1 direct replies

if you mod me im unsubbing and reporting you all to the SEC

Comment by Visspui at 01/04/2019 at 19:57 UTC

80 upvotes, 2 direct replies

ITS A TRAP

Comment by HelpfulErection57 at 03/04/2019 at 03:26 UTC

22 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Make me a mod or I'll buy so much EA stock that they can buy nintendo

Comment by [deleted] at 02/04/2019 at 00:49 UTC

58 upvotes, 2 direct replies

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Comment by FiveMeatyMeats at 01/04/2019 at 21:29 UTC

71 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Listen very closely: George Bush is a war criminal and if I’m modded, I will do everything in my power to bring him to justice.