https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/owxp1c/coffee_culture_sucks/
created by [deleted] on 03/08/2021 at 06:35 UTC
52398 upvotes, 48 top-level comments (showing 25)
I hate, hate, hate coffee culture. I can't stand people saying, "Oh, I can't do anything until I get a warm cup of coffee in me." Shut up. Being a former smoker, I recognize the addiction and subsequent irritability of coffee drinkers and it bugs me to no end that caffeine gets glossed over as an addictive substance, or even fucking celebrated to some extent. Those people who brag about needing 5 expresso shots (sorry, esssspresso) a day need an intervention, not a nod of approval. Seriously, all you coffee drinkers are the biggest group of fucking enablers I've ever seen.
When doing group activities, like camping, I loathe waiting for others to start their day after a morning ritual that hogs counter space, or propane, or dirties good clean water. I hate the sleepy look in peoples' eyes as they grasp their cup of stimulant that they wouldn't need had they never started drinking it in the first place.
There's an entire fucking cupboard in my kitchen dedicated to stupid coffee mugs and their dumb sayings staring back at me despite living in a household where only one person drinks coffee. Why? And the dishes. Since nearly every person drinks coffee, inevitably us non-coffee drinkers are going to have to clean up after your morning fix. Seriously, I've done so many goddamned cleanings of coffee mugs if I had a dime for every one, I'd probably have enough for a Starbucks franchise.
And don't even get me started on Starbucks. Godamned devil business slanging legal crack for decades, hogging good real estate so addicts have a place to slurp up and get their morning shit in before work.
Lastly, I despise the amalgam of ways people cook up their black powder and then talk up the flavor as though it tastes like something other than a dirty sock. That's your addiction speaking. You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup? It's because cream is fucking delicious and when combined with your filthy water, makes it somewhat bearable.
And your stupid machines that creak and groan through the quietude of my morning can go fuck themselves. Talk about a waste of counter-space. And the spent black stimulant granules that spill over onto the counter, staining the grout drives me nuts.
And lastly, the goddamned keurig cups or whatever they're called are one of humanity's worst inventions, sandwiched between Glyphosate and Joe Rogan. At least the meth addicts don't deposit a plastic remnant that will persist in landfills for hundreds of years spreading micro-plastics into our environment every time they need to get high.
Comment by jmcstar at 03/08/2021 at 07:42 UTC
9172 upvotes, 7 direct replies
I snort the ground coffee through a paper straw (technically a rolled up $20), better for the environment.
Comment by JugOrNotIPreferMugs at 03/08/2021 at 09:57 UTC
2393 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I snort ground coffee beans and then gargle boiling water. That’s the best way to experience coffee and if you think otherwise you’re just not a coffee purist like me.
Comment by Helpful-Eagle8779 at 03/08/2021 at 10:51 UTC
7522 upvotes, 10 direct replies
this guy really hates coffee
Comment by bigmikey69er at 03/08/2021 at 08:00 UTC
3706 upvotes, 9 direct replies
There’s nothing worse than lack of counter space when camping.
Comment by carlonseider at 03/08/2021 at 10:58 UTC
1966 upvotes, 7 direct replies
I disagree but I thrive on your wrathful energy.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/08/2021 at 07:32 UTC
1493 upvotes, 5 direct replies
You missed coffee breath. But you definitely get an upvote from me.
Comment by DippingGrizzly at 03/08/2021 at 06:39 UTC
1311 upvotes, 3 direct replies
This was a good read
Comment by MountainManWithMojo at 03/08/2021 at 07:11 UTC
5094 upvotes, 7 direct replies
I hate your opinion.
I love your post.
Certified Unpopular.
Comment by ELKEBAB02 at 03/08/2021 at 09:19 UTC
2422 upvotes, 6 direct replies
İ mean being addicted to coffee is bad but its not "ruins your life" kind of bad so people dont care.
Comment by Toastie91 at 03/08/2021 at 08:07 UTC
589 upvotes, 8 direct replies
Coffee makes me poop
Comment by dubc4 at 03/08/2021 at 07:12 UTC
2025 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Sounds like someone needs a hot cup of cof... never mind.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/08/2021 at 14:00 UTC
288 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Don’t mince words. Tell us how you really feel.
Comment by Ghostfacekiller4 at 03/08/2021 at 07:39 UTC
721 upvotes, 6 direct replies
People go overboard with coffee. Get a nice coffee when you get up in the morning thats all you should need. Not 13 cups to drag you through the day.
Comment by FriegusTheBoss at 03/08/2021 at 07:52 UTC
644 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Couldn’t disagree more but am impressed with level of hatred. Take this upvote.
Comment by readeetr at 03/08/2021 at 11:08 UTC
117 upvotes, 5 direct replies
I drink tea.
Comment by Helpful-Eagle8779 at 03/08/2021 at 10:53 UTC
291 upvotes, 3 direct replies
was any childhood trauma involved in the formation of this hatred?
Comment by MadAristides at 03/08/2021 at 11:11 UTC
127 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I completely disagree with you, but man, that was a fun read
Comment by Moonchildbeast at 03/08/2021 at 11:11 UTC
56 upvotes, 1 direct replies
My ex would always change his coffee cup daily, or multiple times a day, yet he NEVER washed them. We had two cupboards full of mugs and by the end of the week, they’d all be on the counter waiting to be washed.
Oddly enough, it’s lockdown that got me out of my coffee habit. I was constantly getting up for more coffee when we were at the office. And I wondered why I got heart palpitations.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/08/2021 at 12:05 UTC
111 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Show me on the doll where the coffee touched you.
Comment by PerkyCake at 03/08/2021 at 12:35 UTC
65 upvotes, 4 direct replies
As a fellow coffee hater, this isn't unpopular with me at all: I love this post!!! Finally someone on the same page about this.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/08/2021 at 08:57 UTC
257 upvotes, 4 direct replies
You know mugs aren’t just used for coffee right?
Comment by Kolo_ToureHH at 03/08/2021 at 07:44 UTC
302 upvotes, 2 direct replies
You want to know why you need to dump half an udder of cream in your cup?
It's a good thing I like my coffee black then eh?
Comment by sympathytaste at 03/08/2021 at 09:55 UTC
194 upvotes, 4 direct replies
Upvoted. Coffee culture > alcohol culture.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/08/2021 at 12:06 UTC
144 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Wouldn't bring a friend camping with me if they're going to pout that I have coffee with breakfast because they want to get going quicker. You want to skip breakfast and hike? By all means, the rest of us will catch up.
Comment by SomethingNeatnClever at 03/08/2021 at 08:22 UTC
253 upvotes, 5 direct replies
Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.