Comment by [deleted] on 23/12/2018 at 17:58 UTC*

14986 upvotes, 35 direct replies (showing 25)

I remember when I went to prom we had to get patted down. My mom had made me bring condoms and she put it in my suit jacket. The security guy seemed suspicious when he felt my pocket because the soft container easily could feel like a weed bag. So I have to go "it's a condom"

This fucking guy decides to go "OH GOOD FOR YOU MAN" loudly and slap me on the shoulder.

To make matters worse I went stag.

Edit - thank you to the individual who gave me silver. Appreciate it. I'll keep you anonymous unless you want otherwise

Replies

Comment by DOugdimmadab1337 at 23/12/2018 at 20:07 UTC

1926 upvotes, 3 direct replies

That guy was cool with it. My guess is him saying that super loud didn't help though

Comment by throwing-away-party at 23/12/2018 at 19:27 UTC

2809 upvotes, 1 direct replies

RIP

Comment by TRichard3814 at 23/12/2018 at 23:08 UTC

797 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Thanks for telling me how to get weed into prom

Comment by HI_Handbasket at 24/12/2018 at 02:38 UTC

381 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I went to a convenience store to buy condoms and looked for a box of a dozen. All they had was packs of three. I held up up a three pack and and asked the Korean proprietor (who spoke so so English) "Do you have a box of twelve?" He opened his eyes in surprise, glancing at my crotch and held his hands about a foot apart exclaiming "Twelrve?!"

Me laughing, "No, not 12 inches, 12 condoms."

He seemed disappointed, "No 12, only 3."

When I told my wife the story when I got home she laughed WAY louder and longer that was strictly necessary.

So whenever the word "twelve" comes up in the wild, we look at each other, and in a Korean accent exclaim "Twelve!"

Comment by Carrvey-ish at 24/12/2018 at 03:10 UTC

70 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Man, my mom found the first condom I bought.

To make matters worse she wanted to have a talk and she kept saying she found my “safe”. I had no f^¢£ing clue what she was talking about. Then she started talking about sex, I was still hung up on what safe I had, was it full of money, drugs, what?

Eventually got around to figuring it out - apparently back in their day they called condoms “safes”.

Also apparently a “roadie” is a drink while driving not road head. Different story for a different day.

Comment by Red-deddit at 23/12/2018 at 22:49 UTC

72 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Stag?

Comment by livefreeofdie at 24/12/2018 at 02:40 UTC

26 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I went stag.

Everyone at the party was fair game.

And your mom trusted you with finding a mate to mate.

Comment by jayywal at 23/12/2018 at 21:23 UTC

44 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Lol that fuckin' security guy. I'm sure it was all well-intended.

Comment by Kurigohan-Kamehameha at 26/12/2018 at 03:07 UTC

16 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Man I had a whole goddamn strip of condoms up my sleeve at prom, and the guy found it when he frisked me. He pulled, and the strip kept going. Dude was laughing his ass off. Then he took my gum because no food in the banquet hall for some reason.

Comment by JoeM25 at 23/12/2018 at 23:38 UTC

15 upvotes, 0 direct replies

“OH GOOD FOR YOU MAN”

Why did I read that in Scary Terry’s voice?...

Comment by Reaching2Hard at 24/12/2018 at 03:24 UTC

21 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Duuuude. My sister gave me a card for my senior prom with some spending money for the night. And some condoms. My girlfriend was so fucking embarrassed - and demanded I return them to her and to let her know that we weren’t having sex (we were). And of course used them that night. Then I had to go buy the exact same kind she gave us to “return” them to her. My sister didn’t buy that shit. And it was actually more embarrassing for me to be giving them back to her.

Comment by [deleted] at 26/12/2018 at 08:45 UTC

11 upvotes, 1 direct replies