https://www.reddit.com/r/northernireland/comments/1j7jpr1/loneliness/
created by OkMarzipan4061 on 09/03/2025 at 22:35 UTC
48 upvotes, 31 top-level comments (showing 25)
Anyone else struggling badly with loneliness? I’m 19 but god all I do is go to uni , come home sleep, go to work, come home sleep, I have no life and I don’t rlly enjoy going out like I’ve tried it and it just hasn’t been for me. I get on well with lots of people and I can chat away no problem but I just don’t have a friend group I just feel so lost and I’m dreading the summer too like just gonna end up working 24/7 again. Only reason I don’t feel utterly shite is cus I have my dog lol. Sounds so cliche of me but hate the drinking culture over here tried it and hated it so there’s f all else to be at lol. Just feel lost as fuck
Comment by Matt4669 at 09/03/2025 at 22:49 UTC
38 upvotes, 2 direct replies
> go to uni
That’s like the best place to make friends OP, even if it’s very casual with people in your course.
Comment by Fermanagh_Red at 09/03/2025 at 23:01 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Completely random thing but get into surfing
I was living in Fermanagh with no friends after moving from England, started surfing in Donegal and pretty soon met people I reckon will be lifelong friends (it's over 7 years now)
That might not work for you but work out what you are passionate about and go hang with those people
Trying to make friends is very difficult, with like minded people it happens naturally in my experience
Comment by Flat_Wolverine8560 at 09/03/2025 at 22:39 UTC
9 upvotes, 1 direct replies
100% relate. i’m 25 and my dog is my best friend. i can chat away and am a friendly and approachable person but as an introvert find it hard to find and keep a friend group
Comment by cussingfeline at 10/03/2025 at 05:04 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
hey i also do law in belfast! idk if you go to queens or ulster but in my first year i felt the exact same way. i didn’t have anyone i could even talk to on my course, used to skip class and sleep in my car because i felt so alone.
in my second year i joined one of the law societies at queens and never looked back. i used to be super introverted, but im a completely different person now. sounds so stupid but honestly i can’t believe how much it helped my uni experience.
ulster students can also be associate members of the societies at queens so if you go to ulster and aren’t seeing anything you’re interested in you can also branch out a bit. you’re totally not alone, law can be super difficult to connect with people.
Comment by ohmyblahblah at 10/03/2025 at 07:24 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
At uni there will be loads of clubs and societies etc. Have a look at those and try a few out to see what you might like. It's a good chance to try lots of different stuff before you get tied into normal full time employment afterwards.
Comment by Plane_Elderberry_980 at 09/03/2025 at 22:39 UTC
10 upvotes, 1 direct replies
You just described me except i left uni and just sit around doing absolutely nothing
Comment by Low-Plankton4880 at 09/03/2025 at 22:55 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This has broken my heart.
Comment by SkyDance101 at 10/03/2025 at 02:40 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Same boat here, all the friends I’ve made through riding my motorcycle keep doing their own stuff & keeping me out the loop etc
I also have autism & Asperger’s which yet alone makes it incredibly difficult for me to be comfortable.
Comment by Jumpy-Mouse-7629 at 09/03/2025 at 23:04 UTC
8 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I might be going out on a limb here but I think it’s this generation that’s becoming adults now, will have been really affected by the whole Covid thing that was 5 years ago now.
Comment by Organic_Bat_2280 at 09/03/2025 at 22:59 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Get a pet.
Comment by leftofcentre at 10/03/2025 at 10:50 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This tweet was an interesting view. Basically you need to be proactive.
Now the alternative to being lonely is to be weird: to be a proactive friender. This looks like being the one to initiate the first hangout, and also the second and the third. It looks like hosting your own dinners, game nights, etc
https://x.com/TylerAlterman/status/1881743439852720424[1][2]
1: https://x.com/TylerAlterman/status/1881743439852720424
2: https://x.com/TylerAlterman/status/1881743439852720424
Comment by EconomistLow7802 at 09/03/2025 at 23:43 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Do you have any hobbies? Even things that you like the idea of but haven’t done? Unis are full of clubs and societies. I didn’t make any close friends at undergrad because we had so little contact hours, but eventually you’ll meet your people. If Law people are not your people, maybe have a think about changing course too?
Comment by sefrex_ at 09/03/2025 at 23:05 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’m 22 and studying at UUB, and i’m in a similar situation to you - lowkey considering dropping out tho🥴
But yeah going out and drinking is seriously overrated. It’s expensive asf and you feel like shit the next day and you mess up your sleep. I can appreciate a pint of Guinness but I don’t understand the whole drinking culture.
You should try going to a concert by yourself. I seen My Chemical Romance in Dublin by myself and loved it. & i met some people.
What type of dog do you have?
Comment by Accomplished_Cell_51 at 10/03/2025 at 00:30 UTC
1 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I’m in the same boat:/ but I’m 22, struggle so much to make friends and even meet people, where about in Northern Ireland are you from if you don’t mind me asking?
Comment by nornitus at 10/03/2025 at 04:51 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Part of getting older unfortunately, wait til 30 hits and the friends you do have get married and have kids
Comment by punkerster101 at 10/03/2025 at 04:57 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Oh boy I hate to tell you this but life as it evolves becomes this, go to work come home cook and clean bed then work again rinse and repeat till your dead
Comment by ohmyblahblah at 10/03/2025 at 07:28 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Can i ask what your part time job is?
I can remember being quite lonely at times when i was in first year at university. By second year i had a job in a shop close to uni and ended up getting to know people through that after a while. Just by being a face people recognise out and about.
Comment by cmcilroy931 at 10/03/2025 at 08:53 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Uni was awful especially as an older student, thought I'd meet new friends etc but wasn't to be I guess, haven't had any real friends for over 4 years at this point myself, mostly accepted it but I'd love my own dog too for a bit of company and an excuse to get out more, and at this point I actually don't think I could hold down a proper friendship it's been so long, it's tough tho when you barely had a social text or message from anyone in a few years
Comment by Alternative_Sun_8784 at 10/03/2025 at 09:22 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You’re in a good position being at university as there will be lots of clubs and societies you can join. You’ll find people with similar likes and hobbies there. You’ve got to put yourself out there. You might not make friends immediately, but give it time. Good luck!
Comment by Agr3ss1vePanda at 10/03/2025 at 10:26 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Both Ulster Uni and Queens have Brazilian jui jitsu schools in their campuses, a great way to make friends is through a hobby. There'll be maybe 5-10 different groups though I recommend BJJ, try them all, you'll find one you like and will make friends that way.
Comment by ParagonPaladin at 10/03/2025 at 10:28 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Actionable Solutions:
- Find a hobby or Club through the university for some interest. You don't even need to be incredibly interested in the topic or sport. Get yourself out of the house to do something new/learning a skill, and you'll make friends as you go. In my case, I joined something like 20 clubs/teams to try them out, but only stuck through and stayed with the 3 that I actually enjoyed.
- (these ones mainly for Belfast dwellers) I never went to QUB/UU, but when I came home for the summer I usually went to Dragonslayers just to have something to do. I joined one of the DnD tables and hung out there. Also you could try volunteering at Qcon / Belfast Pride / another city event. The ones that I did were also good and very social. You can make a lot of friends outside your usual circles that way.
- Make casual plans with your uni acquaintances. Things like pub quizes /sip and sketches etc. where the focus is on the task and not drinking. (Or it can be, and you simply don't drink.)
tl;dr if you're not finding friendships inside your comfort zone, you're going to need to get outside of it.
Comment by Bigfsi at 10/03/2025 at 11:18 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
U need to join all of the clubs at uni, even just to try them out, you'll get the chance to meet different people and see if you vibe with them. You're not really going to get another chance like it that is so convenient however if ur living with parents it can retract from the local 'party' style uni can potentially be set up for.
If you have a good friend at uni, consider not being dependent on them to force yourself to speak to others, ask what they're doing at uni, have they any plans, see if there's quizzes there'll be plenty of people at bars from different students not just ur course why settle for just 1 group?
Comment by FollowingRare6247 at 10/03/2025 at 11:40 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It’s like this everywhere, I think, and the answer is always the same; got to put yourself out there if you want to change things. I’m not sure how online friends would be, but that’s another option.
Comment by bountyboat at 10/03/2025 at 14:48 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Learn to ride a motorbike and join a club or group. Magic crack.
Comment by Motor_Ad_5886 at 10/03/2025 at 15:36 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Find something you're interested in other than people and invest into that. Don't hang out with others just because you're lonely, rather because you actually want to get to know them and have a good time. I'd recommend university societies, social places, networking with people you already know or even a new job to meet new people (if thats even possible for you). People know your intentions and will run if they srnse you're looking social validation. Get comfortable with the idea of being alone, and soon you won't be