https://www.reddit.com/r/minimalism/comments/1iahxtt/relationship_minimalism/
created by rationalunicornhunt on 26/01/2025 at 15:52 UTC
62 upvotes, 16 top-level comments (showing 16)
I haven't heard much about relationship and friendship minimalism and I'm curious if anyone else extends their minimalist values to include how they conduct themselves socially...
I have found that having less friends deliberately and being extremely selective socially has helped me filter out people who wanted to use me for money, favours, or to turn me into their 24/7 on-call therapist.
I have 3 friends right now and one of them lives far away, and this feels right to me, because I have more time for myself.
I also only really talk to family members with whom I want a genuine and deep connection, except for when it's a holiday or something and then I just send a "happy holidays" and good wishes message.
Not comparing my social life to others' social lives and not being on social media except for Reddit and YouTube has helped a lot with maintaining and enjoying this lifestyle.
I am wondering if anyone else has extended the concept of minimalism to encompass personal relationships and how its affected the quality of your relationships...
and if you haven't...why do you feel it wouldn't work for you or what do you find challenging about it?
I am very curious about this aspect of minimalism!
Comment by Electrical_Paint5568 at 26/01/2025 at 16:00 UTC
39 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This happened naturally when I quit social media a few years ago. Most of those "friends" disappeared from my life when I stopped participating in social media and I stopped reaching out to them first.
Life is more peaceful now.
Comment by xo0scribe0ox at 26/01/2025 at 16:08 UTC
29 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I’m more or less introverted by nature as it is. I’m single, no children and foresee it staying that way. I realize my life has way fewer complications and moving parts than most others in their 40’s and I’m grateful for that.
Comment by Larson_234 at 26/01/2025 at 16:31 UTC
17 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Absolutely. I do believe this also comes with age and wisdom. To answer your question - yes. It also affects my diet. I love and appreciate good food but I keep it very simple. I don’t create complicated meals with loads of different ingredients. I eat healthy, delicious, nourishing and simple foods. I keep life simple in all ways. What I own, what I eat and who I give my time to. ♥️
Comment by dietmatters at 26/01/2025 at 16:50 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Same..4 good genuine friends, 1 local and the other 3 live elsewhere but we stay in touch. No drama. Everyone else is more of a superficial casual relationship (except family). I like this aspect of minimalism and hadn't actually thought of it this way until you pointed it out. In the past when I was involved in groups the drama would often amp up one way or another. I do play a sport as a hobby but that is also a casual social thing and so far, no drama. I've also never done the FB thing so that might factor in to keeping "crazy" on the low side.
Comment by Grace_Alcock at 26/01/2025 at 17:32 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
That seems unhealthily obsessive about minimalism. Humans are social animals who do best when they have a network of relationships with people around them: family, close friends, acquaintances, etc.
Comment by orange_sherbet_ at 26/01/2025 at 18:22 UTC*
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Less is almost always more, in my opinion.
I still consider myself highly social and receptive to building relationships; but I manage my investments a lot more carefully in this season of life as I approach my late 30’s. I’m happier in solitude and a small circle of deeper, richer bonds that can only be cultivated through minimalism.
What makes it difficult in American culture is our all-consuming obsession with glamour, celebrity, and conformity; and the socio-economic consequences of rejecting those notions. Not everyone can stomach that walk.
Comment by FortheloveofNYC at 26/01/2025 at 17:22 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I am exactly like this! My life has been better ever since I've taken on this mindset. I'm much more at peace and my boundaries are becoming easier to acknowledge. I agree with it
Comment by Makosjourney at 26/01/2025 at 17:07 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I am that kind.
Low drama tolerance.
I usually take five friends maximum. I now have three. Two left, one moved to another country and the other just drifted apart (her own messy life is too much she’s got no time for friendship).
One boyfriend.. can’t take more. 😁
I now feel three friends are plenty. Maybe I can only take another one 🤔
I think my limit is probably 5 friends maximum including boyfriend.. my boyfriend has to be my friend too
Comment by Tuscarora63 at 26/01/2025 at 20:40 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I like it this way am a introvert Just a text once a month even from my son is enough
People I know we have nothing in common anyway
Comment by SweetLeaf_420530 at 26/01/2025 at 16:09 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yep. Recently befriended someone and I’m inundated with texts and requests for rides. Bummer.
Comment by not-hoppity at 26/01/2025 at 18:39 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
No, this would make me miserable in the long run. I’ve seen people older than me who chose to live this way and they are so lonely now. Your social skills can actually deteriorate if you do not use it. These people have a very hard time making new friends now, because they spent so much of their time in an echo chamber filled with selective people that never challenged their views and opinions in anything. They become such unlikeable people that the situation flips. Everyone starts avoiding them!
Comment by minsimply at 26/01/2025 at 21:40 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
this is amazing.
I always thought it interesting how minimalism will seep its way into different parts of life.
Having three close friends is a gift.
I've noticed myself investing into friendships with people who I can be myself around and they are openly themselves too. There is no pretense. It just seems easier.
Naturally friends that feel like they're on an incessant wheel of keeping up with trends, gossip, always out for the next thing - become exhausting, and I find a hard time connecting.
We only have so many days in a week, and time. Using it to build strong mutually respectful relationships seems like the best thing to do. Rather than spread my calendar thin trying to people please or because of fear of missing out.
Having margin on a calendar and in my day is so life giving, and theres so much peace, and ease.
Comment by sphisch at 27/01/2025 at 03:15 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is essentially what I do but I don't call it relationship minimalism as it takes me out of the mindset I need for improvement.
My social needs for me to be mentally healthy are fairly low, but I still struggle to meet those needs due to anxiety. I'd rather say I am more mindful and intentional of my relationships and social participation.
Comment by Affectionate-Cut1481 at 27/01/2025 at 06:14 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I totally get what you mean. I’ve been trying to keep my social life simple too. I realized I don’t want to spend my time scrolling through social media or watching endless reels. I’ve made it a habit to use my phone less, especially in the mornings, and it’s been great. I focus more on things that actually matter, and having fewer but meaningful relationships has really helped me feel more at peace. Minimalism in relationships just makes life easier and less stressful.
Comment by zmsend at 27/01/2025 at 09:07 UTC*
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
so happy to read this, i can check off a few too. this all sounds wonderful, got your priorities in place for a peaceful, fulfilling life. in place of "friends", i volunteer at pet shelters which gives me joy, makes me feel useful with purpose. i still struggle with getting attached to things, not like expensive stuff, but just home comforts, clothes, i try really really hard not to buy anymore clothes. no more fast fashion. i declutter vvv regularly, physically, mental and even digital stuff, but i still visit thrift stores for that rare find as a treat lol. Mindful about how much meat i eat, more greens. On days I go full veggie, i feel like my body feels light and cleansed
Comment by Tornado_Of_Benjamins at 26/01/2025 at 20:21 UTC
0 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Minimalism is about minimizing what doesn't matter, so you can maximize what does. That is different than "have the fewest number of [thing] possible". Social connection and strong communities are not only critical components of our species, but are invaluable tools to fight against hardships and injustices, no matter where you live or how you identify. In most philosophies, genuine high-quality relationships should be maximized.
Your previous struggles with "friends" using you for money etc. was not a consequence of being non-minimalist. Minimalism is *one framework* through which you can view the act of cutting ties with shitty people, but most non-minimalist also understand that shitty friends are not worth keeping around, so invoking minimalism as the solution is unnecessarily dogmatic in my opinion.
Personally, I am generous with my kindness and maintain friendships with whoever is a genuine friend to me. If this leads to me having 3 friends, then how lucky and grateful I would be. If this leads to to me having 100 friends, then how lucky and grateful I would be.