https://www.reddit.com/r/minimalism/comments/1i9gb6t/does_anyone_feel_like_their_penchant_for/
created by hibiscuspetals94 on 25/01/2025 at 05:45 UTC
185 upvotes, 58 top-level comments (showing 25)
I've always felt drawn to minimalism as long as I can remember (which is from around 14 on), and I suspect that part of it stems from the fact that as a kid I moved around a lot because my parents couldn't afford our homes, and was frequently homeless (whether in a shelter or crashing with extended family. I own exactly two items from my childhood because each time we would lose everything. Now, any time I collect more stuff than I could feasibly pack in an hour I get extremely anxious. I also can't form emotional attachments to objects the way most can, although I'm working on that. Does anyone elsebexperience that trauma informs their minimalism? Hoarding by your parents, constant loss, natural disasters, being punished excessively by having favorite objects taken, losing your home, etc.?
Comment by LandofMyAncestors at 25/01/2025 at 06:00 UTC
52 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Yep. Mom is a junky person, boarder line hoarder and just terrible in general. 3/10 stars of a mother. I won’t allow myself to have things I don’t use or tchotchkes but I can’t rationalize something that has no function taking space and it stems from growing up with pathways and junk rooms and return to store areas of the house. It’s even hard for me to buy decorations. Though I do love the aesthetic of modern millennial grey I realize I go too far. I’ve deleted pictures and memories I wished I saved and told myself this year I’ll take more pics
Comment by hisnameisjerry at 25/01/2025 at 06:54 UTC
50 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Kinda. But my family actually earned a decent living; the issue was they spent well beyond their means. It was pretty traumatizing watching two adults who made six figures still struggle with bills and live paycheck to paycheck. They bought so much unnecessary stuff. just a lot of overconsumption and irresponsibility. I promised myself I’d never live that way as an adult.
Comment by Unhappy__Jello at 25/01/2025 at 08:08 UTC
44 upvotes, 3 direct replies
My interest in minimalism started while I was in an abusive relationship. The less stuff I had, the easier it was to run.
Comment by locomotolomo at 25/01/2025 at 10:14 UTC
23 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I come from a family of hoarders. Not hard core hoarders but there were really alot of stuff. As a kid, I'd wonder why the adults are grumbling about the lack of space or having the need to clean, when to me, the simplest solution is just not to have all these stuff lying around. We don't even use it or need it. Moreover, my family tends to have really bad tempers.
Home should be a place that calms you and recharges you. I think my family didn't realize that.
I think it was unconscious but when I had my first place, I just felt more comfortable with less items. I felt anxious with visual clutter.
Overtime, it stems from "laziness". Life is really 10x easier with less to clean.
Comment by HourQuality7083 at 25/01/2025 at 09:34 UTC
17 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yep. I admit I don’t like to unpack this. I was shuffled across the country a few times as a child, and have been a renter (and therefore moved a lot) as an adult. I didn’t grow up in a hoarding home, but it was pretty cluttery. My childhood was traumatic and full of instability and chaos. I live comfortably in 400 square feet and am constantly itching to get rid of more things. Anytime I get very, very stressed, my impulse is to list things on FB Marketplace or my Buy Nothing group. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who’s got some underlying… stuff when it comes to minimalism.
Comment by Busy-Beginning-4044 at 25/01/2025 at 06:10 UTC
14 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I moved a lot too as a child (and as an adult) and could very easily be a minimalist. Too much stuff and clutter makes me irritable and anxious. Some things I have an emotional attachment to, especially stuff that has been given to me by someone I love. But I dont necessarily think that emotional attachment to inanimate objects is a good thing… moderation, OP. Rule of thumb- if it makes you happy when you look at it, keep it!
Comment by bland-risotto at 25/01/2025 at 12:49 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes. We didn't move and weren't homeless but we were poor. Everything I had was old. To my mother, everything we had, had greater value than it objectively did because we couldn't afford to replace it. 4 year old shoes still had great value, even if I got bullied at school for wearing them. If I lost a pair of old gloves I got in a world of trouble. Adult me can understand her financial situation, but kid me just didn't understand how that stuff was so important. When I started working and had money I bought so much new stuff, but not good quality (because I'd never learned to invest in quality items since we could never buy any). Being able to buy was amazing. And at first I kept all my old stuff for years, still believing it had value (I was going to sell it at some point, as I still hadn't learned objective value of things and to just let go and donate old things - I learned that when nobody wanted to buy my things at the prices I set, as I had ridiculous ideas about their value).
Then somewhere along the line I discovered minimalism and got rid of everything. I got rid of things like diaries and memories too and I regret that. But now I have a really nice balance where I keep what means something to me (memories, just a few) and live without clutter. I have decorations but it's mostly plants and mood lightning. I keep it cozy but simple. But yes, I'm allergic to keeping stuff I don't like or use, I'm allergic to trying to sell off things unless they are actually high value - in my mind I "punish" myself for buying unnecessary stuff by just donating it even if it's new and nice (but not high value), I'm allergic to receiving gifts I didn't ask for. I hate caring for stuff. I want to be able to grab like one box if there's a fire and calmly let the rest burn.
I didn't realize it might be trauma related, that was interesting!
Comment by ariariariarii at 25/01/2025 at 06:37 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
100%. My mom was a hoarder and made us live in squalor as kids. My brother and I are both minimalist now, and he has pretty severe OCD.
Comment by Think_of_anything at 25/01/2025 at 07:18 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I still hide favorite possessions from my dad. I haven’t lived with my parents in twenty years. 😞
Comment by AbsoluteBeginner1970 at 25/01/2025 at 06:34 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In my case yes. I could start with a clean slate after losing my job, getting a divorce and landing in a depression. I embraced simplicity when I found my way up. And was very happy that I had the chance to start from scratch. That was 18 years ago. Never went back to my old lifestyle.
Comment by elyssia at 25/01/2025 at 10:56 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Definitely, for me it was the Great Recession in 2008-2009. My parents were not great with money, they worked a lot but they wanted to show others that they moved up in the world (mostly my father) so they bought a house that was too large and out of budget. And it was fine for some time, but eventually when housing bubble burst and the company my mom worked for filed for bankruptcy, we almost lost the house.
During that time, my father was constantly telling us to be prepared in case we lost the house and that we would have to move in with our aunts, uncles, be homeless etc. I guess I just internalized the fear of homelessness and never wanted to put myself in the same situation.
Comment by Proof_Goal_2836 at 25/01/2025 at 11:28 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For my husband, no, he just likes life to be simple, tho he did once have a very stressful experience of moving to another continent and basically having to give away his entire apartments worth of stuff cause he didn’t realise how long it would take to sell, so since then he’s especially been conscious of it.
For me, YES, my parents were hoarders and emotionally immature and I was the scapegoat always blamed for things being messy/dirty but I was never allowed to throw things out so it was always just a stressful/impossible situation. Hence why now I’d consider myself minimal-ish but I have way less crap everywhere than where I grew up.
Comment by Izzybeff at 25/01/2025 at 15:48 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think mine comes from two different areas. I am highly claustrophobic and I stuffer from anxiety. Having too much stuff gives me major amounts of anxiety because it has to be taken care of, managed, cleaned, etc. The other part is my mother is one of those people who grew up with NOTHING and once she was an adult slowly started to accumulate. She is not a hoarder. Her apartment is beautiful, it's just that every surface, wall space, etc is covered with pictures and knick knacks, decorations, throw pillows, etc. etc. Even being in her apartment makes me anxious because it just feels like there is no where to turn without there being more stuff. I also have a husband who keeps everything, so I try to over compensate and keep my own stuff to a minimum. I can't feel when the house is getting too out of control because it's like the anxiety starts building from my feet up until I start purging stuff.
Comment by Fit_Peanut3241 at 25/01/2025 at 13:18 UTC*
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yup. Very narcissistic father / enabler mother
We were moved around a lot. Usually it was out of the blue; a surprise to us kids. Made it hard to get comfortable in one place, be it home, school, with friends.
My father rendered me homeless (I talk about this in another sub)--I had to quickly grab what I could and lived in my car for 4 months.
I've learned to not get attached to things, and to have only the minimum.
Sigh
Comment by Happy_Mrs at 25/01/2025 at 17:19 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes, my mom was a borderline hoarder. Always buying junk and putting it in totes saying she was ‘going to sell it on eBay’. She never did. The totes just stacked up everywhere. She also was made to do chores as a child so she hated cleaning. 🙄 So our home was small, full and dirty. My childhood also lends to my frugality. My mom loved to spend every dollar and saved none so we were always broke. I am the opposite of all these things now. I hate extra clutter, I love cleanliness and I prefer to save money.
Comment by Equal-Astronomer-203 at 25/01/2025 at 17:39 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My mom and dad are pack rats. As it goes I find joy in having as few belongings as possible. I kind of had to do it because someone's got to do something, it's either me or them. Even though I'm making some progress it's still hard to actually convert since, take a guess, I'm also a hoarder at heart. I don't hoard anymore, but it's a struggle to move on from the guilt of ruining the many things I thought I would cherish.
Comment by GoDawgs954 at 25/01/2025 at 06:11 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Right
Comment by diente_de_leon at 25/01/2025 at 13:12 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I wouldn't consider mine to be a trauma thing. My childhood was decent and I didn't suffer abuse or homelessness. However I have acquired a desire for minimalism after having one ex who was a maximalist and another ex who was a full-on hoarder. I get anxious if there's too much stuff.
Comment by OpenStill8273 at 25/01/2025 at 13:21 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Wow. I am going to have to think about this today. I have never thought about it this way, but I think that is correct in my case.
Moved frequently ✔️ Messy house growing up✔️
Comment by nice_dumpling at 25/01/2025 at 13:45 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’m in the “hoarding parents” squad
Comment by Geaniebeanie at 25/01/2025 at 14:38 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My best friend died unexpectedly in a single vehicle accident. We were 21 years old. I shared everything with them; artwork, journals, etc.
When they died I got upset and destroyed all of my journals because of the connection… and it just spiraled from there and I was never quite the same. That was over 25 years ago.
Years later, I had to move and get rid of 90% of everything I owned. I was never quite the same after that, either.
These two traumatic experiences have pretty much done it for me. I kind of slide in and out of minimalism; I notice I gravitate toward it more if my mental health is getting bad. It gives me a sense of control.
Comment by chartreuse_avocado at 25/01/2025 at 15:26 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I grew up in a low level hoarded house. It was always stuffed with normal things, just too much of everything and really messy. This was mostly the result of my mom’s childhood trauma.
I was always embarrassed to have friends over and I knew our house was messy and different.
As an adult I have a few categories of “too much” that I know why I can’t be more minimalistic about and those items are clean, organized, and used by me but my house is perfectly presentable and minimalistic in presentation to anyone who walks in the door. Orderly and a lot of blank space.
I know why I’m me.
It feels wonderful.
Comment by Bananasme1 at 25/01/2025 at 15:42 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You might be right. You story could very well explain your attraction to minimalism.
As for me, I'm not sure. I'm very anti-consumerism and eco conscious, so it simply might be that minimalism aligns with my values.
Comment by CatchMelodic8249 at 25/01/2025 at 19:09 UTC*
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Absolutely.
In early adulthood I had 11 addresses in 7 years, and in that time there was a stretch with no address where I had to do under-the-table work to make ends meet. As a kid, anything I had was liable to be thrown into the dumpster if I pissed my parents off or didn't live up to their standards of cleanliness. Favorite shirt hung in the closet improperly? It's trash now. And there was always violence for failing to follow the rules, be that from a parent in my teens or a partner in my 20s.
I'm in my mid 30s now and have only in the last two years surpassed what I can fit into a single car-load in case an emergency escape is needed. Incidentally, I always kept a PO Box and a basic gym membership in case I suddenly became homeless again, but I finally cancelled both (too expensive ironically). Even now, although I am finally making my small place feel like my own home, I NEVER have anyone over. Even though it is meticulously clean, I am terrified that I will be punished by anyone who might visit, and I may once again be at risk of losing everything I can't take with me immediately.
Comment by PortableIncrements at 26/01/2025 at 22:22 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
My moms a hoarder so yes