Help me out, I have really toxic relatives

https://www.reddit.com/r/delhi/comments/1j7o8fc/help_me_out_i_have_really_toxic_relatives/

created by Equal-Ad-6795 on 10/03/2025 at 02:17 UTC

280 upvotes, 60 top-level comments (showing 25)

My cousin brother recently got a job which pays around 17 lpa, its not even a month and his mother has started to insult me saying what i have ever achieved in my life 🤷🏻‍♀️ (I am a research fellow with a qualification of a professor and I love my research work)

My aunt wasn't doing well untill now, and our family always supported her, in her health, family issues, education of her son and daughter and what not......and as her son got this job she got all rebellious of me existing.

this happened yesterday, when we were casually talking abd I said I am not interested in cricket and I would rather study or read something, and she got all rebellious and told me I don't stand anywhere around them and I am a total failure, she said nobody will ever notice my research articles and they have no value. She was soo rude and all of this behaviour from her was completely unexpected. I cried for hours because other people of my family were also listening silently but gave no reaction, like they agreed with her! My grandma and grandpa and the other aunt were sitting and listening to that shit.

I came home and told everything to my mom and sister and they felt really bad about this situation, We are being thoughtful for my aunt's family at every point and she has these thoughts about us......kya yeh unki 17 lakh ki akkad bol rahi h? How and Why people change when they suddenly have money?

Comments

Comment by Adventurous-Dog5560 at 10/03/2025 at 02:27 UTC

142 upvotes, 2 direct replies

Money really brings out the worst in people.. don't let her words affect you, you are doing what you love which isn't less than any achievement!

Comment by Straight_Trade_1762 at 10/03/2025 at 02:58 UTC*

57 upvotes, 3 direct replies

37 f here. I have a fair bit of life's experience in dealing with toxic " friends" and relatives like these. Here r my two cents---

1. Pple dont suddenly become a different person overnight, they simply show themselves. First she needed ur family, so, she wore the mask of goodness. However, times changed and they no longer need u so, the mask has come off.

There is a possibility that she + her family resented u fr having it easier as compared to them all these years.

If it is of any comfort, such pple end up alienating almost everyone eventually. They have money but seem to lack self respect.

2. I too, went through quite a few up n downs in career. My advise to u is to immediately distance urself frm pple to cant treat u with basic dignity. If u cant draw strong boundaries, the long - term impact on ur self esteem is going to be brutal. The constant put downs, negations, invalidations r already taking a toll on ur psyche.

If u run into them a firm n blunt ( yet calm) " I dont want to discuss my salary" should shut them down. They will villainize u but u dnt even hv to stay in their company fr long to put up with this. Ur aunt sounds envious--- envious pple r deeply dissatified with life.( fr wotever reason)

Honestly, I would stop engaging with her at all beyond what z absolutely necessary. We r responsible fr how pple treat us fr most part.

3. Sharing a personal anecdote-->, after a long bout of suffering, i collected myself n took all the negations as a challenge.

I read a lot on toxic behaviours-- i detect the patterns frm mile away now. I earn pretty well in an " impossible" fine arts field. My suggestion to u is to collect urself n use this in ur favor. It will help u getting in a better place. But dnt waste ur time in needlessly comparing urself to ur cousin.

Do ur research n apply fr whatever good posts r available. Secure a good job n make a long term plan on how u will get there n how u will grow.

Good luck N again --> pple around u will either build u up or crush u to bits . So, as an adult b very careful who u surround urself with

Comment by InterestingExample98 at 10/03/2025 at 03:17 UTC

26 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Ask her if she will pay the money back whatever you have given her during tough times. If she says yes then ask her to first give money back & then give pravchan. If she says no then ask her to keep quiet. If she ever gives money back then take the money first and then show her the door.

Comment by Ronaldgranger_ at 10/03/2025 at 02:27 UTC

21 upvotes, 0 direct replies

stay away from such relatives. jab tak paisa na ho ye khud ko bahut bechara dikhate hai aur paisa aane ke baad inki reality pata chalti hai. And I am tellling you the day you will earn more than her son, she will again start sugarcoating you, Such people just go wherver they see money

Comment by snadeblade at 10/03/2025 at 02:29 UTC

10 upvotes, 0 direct replies

First thing- mostly relatives are like this only. Second thing- Time never remains the same. Wait till you get into the profession and overpower them in terms of money. Be positive & just have patience. Time will put a tight slap on her face.

Comment by Alive-one-911 at 10/03/2025 at 02:45 UTC

10 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Ask your aunt to give back all the money that you have spent on them/they have borrowed. Should be easy now. No point in maintaining relations with such people now that you have seen their true colors.

Comment by BloodGamer1233 at 10/03/2025 at 03:45 UTC*

10 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I had a relative jinki beti ka 60 lpa ka package h Me 11th me tha or ek family function me unke saath Beth gaya

He asked me konsi class me ho I said 11th Fir pucha 10th me kitne aaye Mene bola 84%

To Bole 84% me tera kuch nahi hoga Mene apne parents ko batai to bole aise logo ko ignore kara kar Itne Pese(Package) pehli baar dekhe hai inhone😂

Comment by Secret-Direction-620 at 10/03/2025 at 02:42 UTC

9 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Dude, this shit happens in families. Just dont let it get into your head and keep doing doing what you like to do. Paise ke mkc

Comment by AbbreviationsLazy788 at 10/03/2025 at 03:00 UTC

6 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Hey, it's out of topic, but what kind of research work are you in?

Comment by Glum_Response_4269 at 10/03/2025 at 03:03 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Relatives se door raho yaar, these people are leeches, ungrateful and soul-sucking. She had no right to tell you anything , no one should have that right. This is why people stay away from family and rarely visits them.

Comment by CowAdministrative245 at 10/03/2025 at 04:30 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

You should have just said Fuck off budhia

These relatives are snakes always ready to bite as soon as they get a chance.. and how much is 17lpa package? ~1L/month (removing other components) OP when you finish your research you can easily make more than him for sure... And now that you know how good these people are start making some distance

Same happened to me a few years back, a cousin brother of mine(2 yrs senior) and I went to kota at the same time I went for my +2 he was a dropper. He got selected in one of the NITs(not the top one) suddenly his parents started bragging in front of me, my parents and always saying my parents *agar iska nhi hua selection toh kya krega* untill I cleared exam and got in one of the top IITs. They stopped calling me or my parents if they ever did call my parents they won't talk about us. Until the placement season started but now my parents also know what they are so they also don't give a f about them

Comment by Powerful-Ticket9729 at 10/03/2025 at 08:11 UTC

6 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I understand your pain. I had been in your shoes. I was a research scholar once. Qualified almost all major exams you expect. A PhD Now, been a professor. in industry now I now have that 17 L+ package as well. Really it doesn't change much. Your happiness is within you. Your aunt is a pathological being. Stay away. Well your PhD will get you money in time, One career suggestion Start learning data science and AI if you are not doing it.

Comment by LendiLone at 10/03/2025 at 02:21 UTC

23 upvotes, 4 direct replies

17lpa is considered luxury huh

Comment by biscuits_n_wafers at 10/03/2025 at 04:34 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Even some educated people don't really understand what research is about. They measure everything with Money.

Turn a deaf ear to them and be thankful they showed you their true colours

Comment by Bright-Newspaper3534 at 10/03/2025 at 04:49 UTC

4 upvotes, 1 direct replies

[Outro: Calm] Aur ye rap-wap se hat ke bata raha hu bhai tumhe Jebe jaise badi hoti rehti hai Dil chote ho jate hai logon ke Aur bahuto ke dil unke jeb se bhi chote hai To mehnat se paise banao, paise se waqt banao Waqt apne chahne waalo ke saath bitao Pehle khud upar jao Fir dusro ko liye raah banao Bas aage badte jao Dhanyawaad

Comment by p2002d at 10/03/2025 at 03:14 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

https://preview.redd.it/j80h2oqz4sne1.jpeg?width=466&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=002e8d7f17d31505438716fe9388d1fa1cbd02cb

Comment by General_-_-_Specific at 10/03/2025 at 04:25 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Keep your mental balance intact. Aise to bohot aayenge. People forget their own bad times, however, are swift to remind others of their bad times.

You know what your worth is and no tom dick and harry can come and wring your self confidence.

Comment by Artyom_forReal at 10/03/2025 at 04:54 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

😶17 lpa is good ,like below 1 lakh rupees(75-85 k) but being an IT person myself,we get sacked any day randomly and salary fluctuates up and even down over years,its not much fun in this economy.

and...focus on yourself,relatives arent worth fighting,i myself have seen true colors of people during arguments etc and its same in every family.Got to rise above it,ignore and have peace of mind,youre doing just fine.Really

Comment by Legal-Application749 at 10/03/2025 at 06:11 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

I'm sorry you really went through this. But believe me, mostly not even relatives, but friends and acquaintances, all can change with different circumstances. You need to believe yourself first, that whatever you're doing, it makes you satisfied, happy and obviously, will be better in long term, will provide you good amount of opportunities and money. People are weird, you can't predict anything about them. You should stop assuming good and bad about people. Sometimes, it'll hurt but if you believe yourself, hurt won't last long. Infact, you don't have to prove anything to people who talk sh*t about you. Just do it for yourself. Wishing you luck.

Comment by chengannur at 10/03/2025 at 07:14 UTC

3 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Abuse her.. Tell her that she was a parasite till now and be grateful that she had a support system.

Comment by Budget_Plum_2214 at 10/03/2025 at 03:01 UTC

2 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Chaddo yaar. Hugs. And please implement to avoid those who don't value you. If it weren't for research then industrialization, green revolution, Ai-revolution, 5 and 12 yr plans kabhi aate hi ni. But think ye sab tumhari aunty and grandparents ko kon batayega. Aur koi batayega bhi toh they won't get it because they never invested in studies as much as we do today. Cry if you want to let it out, and how their silence failed you, but maybe they were silent then because they know ye aunty kesi hai and her nature so maybe fire me fuel add kyu karna, etc but stay away from toxic people even if it's family.

Comment by eequalstomcsqaure at 10/03/2025 at 03:15 UTC

2 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Money brings out people's true character. Stay gold

Comment by Soft_Information_704 at 10/03/2025 at 03:23 UTC

2 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Good friends are better than relatives, no matter how close they are, they will only be good with us when everything will work fine, just for their own benefit, In reality, they will always want to see our downfall. Don't take your aunt's words seriously, maybe she already wants you to be depressed, take her words as motivation and live your life to the fullest, excel in every aspect in your life, live a wealthy life not a rich one.