https://i.redd.it/2uj71q0itone1.jpeg
created by nyaasora on 09/03/2025 at 16:05 UTC
13141 upvotes, 111 top-level comments (showing 25)
Comment by kymiller17 at 09/03/2025 at 17:35 UTC
1180 upvotes, 11 direct replies
Im a cis man who gets misgendered on occasion because my voice is high enough pitch and I often have medium length hair. It happens the most on phone calls or when they can’t see me but its frustrating regardless.
Comment by Samus388 at 09/03/2025 at 17:07 UTC
2104 upvotes, 8 direct replies
I have been blessed with a fairly feminine face and voice.
There have been multiple people who have misgendered me (correctly gendered me? Idk, I wasn't presenting as female at the time) while I was at work doing retail.
There was one guy who came up to me and said something along the lines of "Hey dearie, how have you been?" That was, frankly, pretty creepy, but it was hilarious when I responded in a fairly masculine voice saying "fine" and got to watch him rethink everything in dread realizing he hit on a guy.
On the bright side, I noticed that when I would screw something up on accident, people had a lot more patience with me when they thought I was female.
Comment by NoobLoner at 09/03/2025 at 16:25 UTC
1783 upvotes, 5 direct replies
I have a friend who is a cis woman with a deep voice and is also pretty tall, and I have seen this happen to her before. It has less to do with if you pass or not and more to do with these fucking freaks who care so much about what you do with your own body and life.
Comment by dantealec at 09/03/2025 at 17:04 UTC
286 upvotes, 8 direct replies
Playing the devil's advocate here, not all the persons will immediately assume someone is trans or know right away, had a friend who was really thin and like to have long hair and before he talk most people assume he was a girl.
Comment by nyaasora at 09/03/2025 at 16:05 UTC
489 upvotes, 9 direct replies
the staring is more annoying than the misgendering ngl
Comment by fallingfrog at 09/03/2025 at 17:09 UTC
18 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Ah yeah I hate it when I have to speak and out myself. I am trying to learn a good woman voice but it’s really hard and if you don’t do it right it sounds worse than not trying at all.
Of course sometimes you do pass, the other day at Burger King the clerk called me “young lady” and at least two guys were surreptitiously checking me out which was very amusing.
Comment by CrazyLi825 at 09/03/2025 at 17:32 UTC
41 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I used to work in retail and I absolutely would never had said any sort of gender designator when answering the question. It's unnecessary, and the chance of upsetting the person is too high. It would have been easy enough to just say "Sorry, we don't carry AA batteries" or whatever.
The only cases where I've ever said "sir" or "ma'am" to a customer is if they were being irrate and I was trying to calm them down. I don't default to one of those.
Comment by AriGryphon at 09/03/2025 at 17:53 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm a cis woman, and unless my kid is with me, it's a real toss up if I'll get sir or ma'am. Performing femininity is expensive and unreliable anyway.
Be you, and I hope it helps that this is also a cis experience so you're still getting the "real" woman treatment from them?
People are assholes and having to guess a person's gender and apply the correct honorific was always stupid.
Comment by LilChloGlo at 09/03/2025 at 19:35 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've been a voice teacher for over four years now so I could help with situations just like this. The biggest discovery that I've really opened through my years of research and experience are that it's stupid how much stock people put into describing whole sections of people based on their voice.
There is so much variance out there in what is possible in our voices and that's something worth celebrating. I hope you find reasons to love your voice soon 💚
Comment by DJPL-75 at 09/03/2025 at 18:51 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm pretty sure that stare was a look of panic thinking she'd misgendered you the first time.
Comment by StragglingShadow at 09/03/2025 at 19:21 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If it helps, the stare is likely them trying to figure out if they were wrong with your pronouns before and now need to switch, or if they were right the first time and need to keep using that pronoun set. I was born a girl but have had people call me "sir" from behind so often, even when I had long hair, because my voice is deep for a girl's. Just....naturally. yaaaaaay *swirl finger in air*. They likely aren't trying to be a dickwad. If they ARE, lmk where they're at and I'll tell em what's what.
Comment by McWolf7 at 09/03/2025 at 19:38 UTC
6 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I just hope they were an idiot like me who gets really confused when the voice doesn't match the face and have an automatic assumption that whatever the voice is = what the gender is like i used to.
I try not to call anyone gendered terms now if I have a lick of confusion, but even then I still occasionally mess up and accidentally call them whatever their voice sounds like and if I know they identify as something else then I correct myself.
Comment by --sheogorath-- at 09/03/2025 at 20:53 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The customer service stare of "ah shit which option do I pick to not get a corporate complaint"
Comment by Greeny3x3x3 at 09/03/2025 at 17:16 UTC
34 upvotes, 3 direct replies
To play devils advocate:
Maybe they were trying *not* to misgender you but were not sure whether you were MtF or FtM?
Or am i being ignorant to some nuance here? If so please correct me.
Comment by mr-sparkles69 at 09/03/2025 at 17:48 UTC
12 upvotes, 1 direct replies
She’s not transphobic she just fucking hates AA batteries
Comment by PureRushPwneD at 09/03/2025 at 16:35 UTC
34 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I'm confused 😅
is being called ma'am not a good thing here?
Comment by CrimsonFireWolf at 09/03/2025 at 16:59 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Or be a guy with long hair and being misgendered as a female even though you're a cis male. This is the reason why I grow a beard.
Comment by NameLips at 09/03/2025 at 22:37 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I worked with a trans man. Hell of a line cook. He hadn't done any hrt or anything, he just wore a binder. I thought of him as a guy.
He was always crestfallen when people misgendered him. He always forgot he had a woman's voice. There were a few servers who would always say things like "thank you sir" or "ma'am" to the cooks when they picked up food. So he would say "order up" and they'd say "thank you ma'am!" based entirely off the voice. I don't think they meant anything by it, we had several lady cooks and they just assumed he was one of them when they didn't have a visual. I could tell it still stung him though.
Comment by bob21150 at 10/03/2025 at 05:26 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Everyday I am thankful for being Australian because you can't misgender someone if everyone is mate.
Comment by CrazyLemonLover at 10/03/2025 at 09:12 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
To trans people reading this.
Cashiers call people by the incorrect pronouns all the time. I can tell you personally that at least once a shift, id call a fat, bald old man ma'am or miss, or call the mom with a toddler in her hip sir.
Sometimes you fall into a rhythm, or have your brain on another task, or have your manager talking in your ear. Or it's hour 10 of a 16 hour double shift and you are exhausted.
So, you know. Its not always malicious. Or even genuine misgendering. Sometimes you just say the wrong word.
I mean, sometimes it is someone being an ass. But most of the time it's an exhausted minimum wage employee on autopilot and they didn't even actually clock you as trans. Or if they did, they don't give a fuck because rent is due in Thursday but they don't get paid till Friday
Comment by CranberrySchnapps at 09/03/2025 at 17:25 UTC
14 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Sucks when it happens. All I can say is keep practicing! Find some songs to sing along to close to your register.
Found this website a bit ago[1] that is pretty good for practicing too. Just grab a book or news articles and read sections into it, adjust a little, and repeat.
1: https://app.genderfluentapp.com/
Comment by Sky_buyer at 09/03/2025 at 19:09 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Idk you drew your character pretty feminine. At first glance I'd say, yeah that character is a girl.
Comment by Conart557 at 09/03/2025 at 20:10 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The last time I picked up my hrt the pharmacist called me sir multiple times 😐
(The time before that the pharmacist was very nice though)
Comment by Annual-Jump3158 at 09/03/2025 at 20:42 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Without the misgendering, I would have simply assumed the stare was one of disbelief that somebody still buys batteries. I used to buy batteries like every month back in the 90s. People nowadays with their rechargeable devices and power banks don't know the struggle. Back then, a power bank was a fanny pack full of batteries and doubled as a cudgel in bad neighborhoods.
Comment by burningArsenic at 09/03/2025 at 20:53 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This is incredibly relatable but at some point i'm just. Baffled by people's perception of gender. I act like a man, i look like a man, the only thing i dont have is a beard and apparently thats enough to get me misgendered?? Like?? Where in the WORLD did you get ma'am from???
