https://twitter.com/zachkaplan/status/1380717485868130305
created by TychoCelchuuu on 10/04/2021 at 05:09 UTC
146 upvotes, 18 top-level comments (showing 18)
Comment by wred42 at 10/04/2021 at 06:33 UTC
60 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I live in DC, which warps everything about my brain, which is to say that once the phrase "Speaker of the Hoz" popped into my head, I've been unable to unthink it.
Comment by [deleted] at 10/04/2021 at 06:41 UTC
58 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The Count of Monte Hosley is just... *Chef's Kiss*
Comment by [deleted] at 10/04/2021 at 08:33 UTC
53 upvotes, 2 direct replies
My favorite candidates are The Benoir, A Man of Honor, and Just Look At Those Shits
Comment by LordWaffleDog at 10/04/2021 at 06:50 UTC
34 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Just look at those shits.
Comment by trogdorkiller at 10/04/2021 at 09:33 UTC*
32 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This absolutely made my day. Like holy shit some of those are just top notch. I seriously can't believe Ben-wa Balls has never been floated before, at least to my knowledge.
And just reading Anakin Skywalker's 3rd Son fills me with emotions I don't have the vocabulary to describe.
Comment by RegretPopular9970 at 10/04/2021 at 11:12 UTC
24 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“Ben at the Opera” is going to be his title for the inevitable Marx Brothers miniseries.
Comment by Brain13 at 10/04/2021 at 11:41 UTC
17 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I cannot stop laughing at “Ben Jacobs - RIP”
Comment by QuadrupleCompound at 10/04/2021 at 11:31 UTC
16 upvotes, 0 direct replies
“Anakin Skywalker’s third son” is a prediction of a future skywalker remake series, mark my words
Comment by caroline_nein at 10/04/2021 at 09:29 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Inspirational Ben. The Hebrew Hammer
Comment by Jimbobsama at 10/04/2021 at 13:22 UTC
11 upvotes, 0 direct replies
"The Kiwi Lime Green Hoscar of Terror" - this is poetry.
Comment by farceur318 at 10/04/2021 at 14:46 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Our Number One Guy
This one got me feeling unexpectedly emotional. Ben *is* our number one guy.
Comment by Shikadi314 at 10/04/2021 at 13:52 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The butt watcher lmao
Comment by stigoftdump at 10/04/2021 at 13:39 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
They could just feed all of David's letterboxd reviews and Griffin's camp anecdotes into the AI and they wouldn't need to show up for recordings at all.
Comment by onion1313 at 10/04/2021 at 13:52 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Ben and Dan from the flophouse are going have to duel to see who gets be the but watcher
Comment by kzap333 at 10/04/2021 at 14:26 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Often people use "I asked an AI to..." as just a pretense to post a bunch of joke examples they came up with but I genuinely believe this one, the repetitions really sell it.
Comment by AaronRedwoods at 10/04/2021 at 12:39 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
GOLDENROD
Comment by Quinez at 10/04/2021 at 14:38 UTC*
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This inspired me to try plugging a story about Blank Check into the GPT-3 Dragon AI. It does better with long prompts, so I gave it the following:
You are Ben Hosley, producer for the podcast Blank Check with Griffin and David. Blank Check is a podcast about filmographies of directors who have massive success and are given a blank check to make whatever crazy passion projects they want. Sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce (baby). The podcast is hosted by "The Two Friends": Griffin Newman, an actor who played the role of Arthur on Amazon's TV show The Tick, and David Sims, a film critic and movie reviewer for The Atlantic. You are often taken aback by what nerds they are. They are prone to dorkily reciting lists of Academy Award nominees from forty years ago, and you tend to tune out when they are on one of those sprees. Still, you enjoy chiming in from time to time while recording the show, recounting your childhood playing in ditches, or shilling for your business in which you bury jeans in the ground and then dig them up months later to sell. Some say that you are the special sauce that makes the whole podcast work. You love movies that are wet, and you also love movies that are dusty. You love movies with big things. Saying this stuff out loud makes Griffin and David very happy. They wouldn't admit this out loud, but you are a father figure to them.
Griffin and David love giving you nicknames, and they've come up with a little ritual: after having completely finished a director's filmography, Griffin and David give you a nickname that relates to that director in some way. Sometimes, Griffin will recite the entire list of nicknames that they've given you (but he doesn't do this as much as he used to, and certainly not in front of impressive guests, because it is justifiably embarrassing). Here's a list of your nicknames that are based upon various directors:
Producer Ben Kenobi, Kylo Ben, Ben Night Shyamalan, Bense8, Say Bennything (dot dot dot), Alibens with a dollar sign, War Hoz, Prodoer Bane, Ben-19: The Fennelmaker, Robohoz, Benglish, Mr. Bencredible, Eat Drink Ben Hosley, BeetleVapeJuice, The Hozliday, Public Benemies, Stop Making Bens, Hoz: Pig in the City, Ben Hosley Met Sally, The Secret Life of Benz, The Great Mouse Fart Detective.
Griffin and David now need a new nickname for you of this sort, based upon their most recent director, Elaine May. May has directed only four movies: A New Leaf (starring Walter Matthau and Elaine May herself), The Heartbreak Kid (starring Charles Grodin, Cybill Shepherd, and May's daughter Jeannie Berlin, with a screenplay by Neil Simon), Mikey and Nicky (starring Peter Falk and John Cassavetes), and the infamous bomb of a movie, Ishtar (starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman). You know that the nickname they come up with probably be based on the title or the content of one of those movies.
As you are preparing for a new podcast recording, Griffin announces that he has done it! He has come up with the perfect Elaine May nickname for you! But before he tells you what it is, he wants to tell you a little story about how he came up with it. You think about ditches and vaping and John Carpenter while you wait for him to finish his typical exasperatingly long build-up. Finally, Griffin is ready to announce your new Elaine May-inspired nickname! "Are you ready?" Griffin asks. "Here it is..."
Some continuations that the AI came up with are in the comment below:
Comment by jason_steakums at 10/04/2021 at 16:45 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Mr. Highrise is simultaneously the polar opposite of Ben's whole deal and perfect as a Ben nickname.