Comment by Conan3121 on 06/07/2015 at 20:18 UTC

3430 upvotes, 28 direct replies (showing 25)

Days after damage control interviews in mainstream media that stockholders and investment advisors read, the CEO of a beleaguered internet based company issues an official statement.

Boilerplate text bland statement, written by HR and vetted for plausible deniability by Legal.

Waits a day or two to post so the furore settles and the announcement has some clear air to reach investors.

Blames the episode on the Three Pillars Of Corporate Apology (hereafter TTPOCA) :

1. mistakes by the prior administrations

2. poor communication methods that we will now fix using trusted company insiders, and

3. slower than we hoped for IT development.

Added 2 bits of seasoning to the recipe with a folksy "we screwed up", and a followup hit back at personal attacks by a vocal minority of users.

As part of the product, I recognise a clear case of Big Company Behaving Badly Syndrome (BCBBS, abbreviation BS, variant type: quick profit and exit strategy).

Replies

Comment by FloatingMoat at 07/07/2015 at 01:35 UTC

794 upvotes, 27 direct replies

Its sad that I now recognize corporate apologies so easily now. They are basically just a drag and drop template of "We messed up", "We're listening", "We will do better".

Comment by LeftStep22 at 07/07/2015 at 08:38 UTC

26 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Mixing "I" and "me" with "we" in the way this post does really makes it seem fake and impersonal. I only cared a little, but now I care a lot.

Comment by turbozed at 07/07/2015 at 05:08 UTC

274 upvotes, 8 direct replies

My favorite folksy apology was Obama's "we tortured some folks" comment. Still makes me think wtf

Comment by EzDi at 07/07/2015 at 07:21 UTC

11 upvotes, 0 direct replies

As product, I feel you are failing to leverage our core competency in bearing pitchforks in favor of reutilizing the industry standard lols process. While the shareholders seem to agree, the board will stay on, for great justice.

Comment by boobookittyfuck69696 at 07/07/2015 at 23:05 UTC

5 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Boilerplate text bland statement, written by HR and vetted for plausible deniability by Legal.

'We apologize' & not 'I am sorry' should be dead giveaway.

We - as in, not her's or any individual's fault
Apologize - as in, I accept no legal responsibility for this, I'm just going to go ahead and apologize for it anyway though because that makes people feel better.

I worked for a company once where we were explicitly told that when dealing with the public you do not say "I am sorry" because you open the company up to litigation, as that is seen as an admission of guilt under US law.

Comment by [deleted] at 07/07/2015 at 03:21 UTC

12 upvotes, 0 direct replies

With any luck very few subs will be duped this time and the July 10 blackout will hurt when it comes time to talk to VCs.

Comment by roadrunnermeepbeep3 at 06/07/2015 at 22:38 UTC

26 upvotes, 2 direct replies

What an absolute clusterfuck of bad PR this apology is.

Ellen Pao does not understand Reddit. She doesn't understand the value Reddit has to advertisers, and she has zero concept of how to market or monetize this kind of a website.

If you are a VC, please PM me. I understand that recently some of you ponied up $50 million to buy a part of this website that is literally crashing and burning because of a bad CEO decision you've made.

I can explain this website to you in a way that Pao cannot. I can show you how you can profit by your investment. And I can do that by showing you how to value both the employees and the people who visit Reddit.

PM me. Or eat your investment.

Comment by nicholas34silva at 07/07/2015 at 06:08 UTC

5 upvotes, 2 direct replies

You need more upvotes. Someone else read through the bullshit as well it seems.

Comment by nevus_bock at 07/07/2015 at 06:34 UTC

12 upvotes, 2 direct replies

I see you speak corporate

Comment by Murkuree at 06/07/2015 at 22:55 UTC

19 upvotes, 5 direct replies

Spot-on, Conan

Comment by Cane_TFL at 07/07/2015 at 14:32 UTC

3 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I'm fairly good at analysis, but this is beyond my scope. I want to be like you. Teach me, Professor.

Comment by cynikalAhole99 at 07/07/2015 at 15:40 UTC

2 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Days after damage control interviews in mainstream media that stockholders and investment advisors read, the CEO of a beleaguered internet based company issues an official statement.

The CEO should do an AMA...oh...wait...yeah nevermind.

Comment by [deleted] at 07/07/2015 at 13:26 UTC

3 upvotes, 2 direct replies

[removed]

Comment by Muffinut at 07/07/2015 at 15:39 UTC

2 upvotes, 1 direct replies

I agree that corporate apologies tend to seem like total BCBBS, but what else could they say? Is there an example of any apology that does it better, and which could not be appended the characteristics of your entire comment?

Comment by MyNameIsNotBrenda at 07/07/2015 at 15:55 UTC

2 upvotes, 1 direct replies

It's pretty much a non-pology. I read that she has a reputation of blaming anyone but herself and....... indeed, she has blamed everyone else again but herself.

Comment by [deleted] at 07/07/2015 at 15:55 UTC

2 upvotes, 1 direct replies

They should restore the display of up votes and down votes--so we can see how many down votes this post has. 20,000 comments and a score of 500?

Comment by kilgoretrout71 at 07/07/2015 at 13:58 UTC

1 upvotes, 1 direct replies

Three pillars of a movement that thrives on scapegoating and perpetual victimhood (a.k.a. TPOAMTTOSAPV for short):

1. Behave as if you are owed something, even though you are not.

2. Make lack of communication a central theme of your victimhood narrative.

3. Dismiss communication when it is received because doing anything else would undermine pillars #1 and #2.

4. Make new pillars, even when a specific number of pillars is given in the heading and you have satisfied that number of pillars.

5. Be cynical and skeptical ad absurdum.

6. Co-opt an esoteric issue between mods and admins to push your personal narrative of victimhood.

7. Behave as if you know certain things to be true, whether or not you actually do.

Comment by came_on_my_own_face at 07/07/2015 at 12:27 UTC

2 upvotes, 0 direct replies

lol. You're good.

Comment by internet-arbiter at 07/07/2015 at 21:43 UTC

1 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Im just waiting for Voat to upgrade their servers and infrastructure before ditching reddit.