created by Any_Try4570 on 25/02/2025 at 21:57 UTC
106 upvotes, 74 top-level comments (showing 25)
I’ve been seeing this going around a lot. And it made me wonder why. It’s one thing to have a select few bad dads in every generation but if an entire generation on average is doing it differently it makes me wonder why.
Do you feel like it was the culture? Maybe overall women took care of kids more and dads just didn’t since less women were in the work force? Economic reasons especially like the dot com bubble and housing market crash where dads worked more (I don’t have data to support that, just a guess)?
I’m legit wondering what a solid reason is for the disparity in childcare between millennial and previous generations.
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1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
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Comment by SuddenSeasons at 25/02/2025 at 22:15 UTC
76 upvotes, 5 direct replies
Both parents work and far more Americans cobble together a living through multiple part time jobs with unpredictable schedules, as well as gig work to fill in the gaps.
The majority of men, as a reality of modern life, must participate much more regularly in childcare.
There isn't a general class of "housewives" to rotate the non-mother childcare, kids play outside less (so the number of hours they need direct minding has increased).
Daycare costs $20-30k per year in many parts of the country. Outside hours childcare is $20-30 an hour.
As much as there has been a drastic culture shift and many men actively want to take part in their kids lives, seeing such a drastic increase across the board just helps illustrate how expensive and difficult the whole thing has gotten.
Comment by Zaphod1620 at 25/02/2025 at 22:13 UTC
100 upvotes, 10 direct replies
I think it started with Gen X. A lot of is Gen X kids were raised as "latchkey kids", meaning we went home after school to no parents at home. I remember using a stove to make ramen noodles when I was 8 (microwaves weren't super common.)
A lot of parents were shit back then. Kids were considered a nuisance and ignored. They literally had public service announcements on network television at 10 pm that said, "It's 10pm, do you know where your children are?" It's because we were kicked out of the house as soon as we woke up and parents would completely forget if their kids had come home or not. We grew up with a lot of emotional and psychological baggage that we could not imagine inflicting on our own kids.
Comment by Ambitious-Care-9937 at 25/02/2025 at 22:26 UTC
23 upvotes, 1 direct replies
For me, as a millennial dad, it was a combination of a few things.
1. My dad largely took a backseat to child rearing as most men in my community (Indian origin). I found I really had to figure out everything on my own and in a country like Canada where things are even more complex. So I can't leave raising the kids to my wife. In my experience, they don't know what to do with boys part a certain age. So I'm taking a very active role.
2. A lot of my parent's generation just took as that is what you do. You get married. You work. Have a few kids. I saw my dad's life and it didn't look like he liked life. He was basically just working while my mother did all the social stuff. So my view was this is a pretty shitty existence. It would be like I'm working to fund her life. That made no sense to me. So I really thought about what I wanted. I wanted kids. For the pleasure of raising them and having a relationship with them. That means I need to be more involved.
3. This one was more of an observation for me. I come the developing world and one thing I saw was it's actually not 'normal' for dads to just work and the mom raise the kids. In farming and other life, dads are basically always around. Dads are active in raising the kids. Think of the Amish or other groups. This idea that men just go work in the city to bring home money for a family seemed like a scam for the industrial revolution. I didn't see it as being 'traditional' as I saw traditional ways of life and BOTH men and women are 'around' the home most of the time. So I didn't buy into that scam as I saw it.
Comment by aFineMoose at 25/02/2025 at 22:18 UTC
10 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Both parents work.
Kids spend more time indoors.
Nowadays more people with children have them because they want them, not because of societal expectations.
Comment by Hadrian_06 at 25/02/2025 at 23:36 UTC
11 upvotes, 1 direct replies
As a millennial dad myself with a 7yo, I can say honestly for me…and all my childhood friends? We didn’t have dads. We’ve all changed that. Kids are worth more time than work, I learned that by seeing the wrong things happen with own dad and time spent together. You gotta be the change and I think a lot of us are doing that. To great effect so far.
Comment by UltimateLifeform at 25/02/2025 at 22:13 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
A variety of factors like more knowledge, what is good for kids, and how much parents play a factor in kid's growth if done right.
If I was to just be guessing, I would say a ton of kids had dads that weren't really there or not as good as he could have been. Makes you consider and think about what a kid needs a lot more when you can see what you didn't have.
I really feel the rise of Andrew Tate is the answer to that suspicion.
Comment by cryptocommie81 at 25/02/2025 at 22:28 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'd be curious to know which socio economic class these dads are. For example I spend a lot of time with my kids, but I have work flexibility and no income stress.
Comment by cantquitreddit at 25/02/2025 at 22:39 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think a big part is there's not as much pressure to have kids you don't want. So people who do have kids actually want to spend time with them. Also more women are in the workforce, and feminism has pushed women to expect more from their husbands than what was given 50 years ago. So men have to do more with th children.
Comment by Sapien0101 at 25/02/2025 at 23:19 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Part of it is cultural: men feel a greater sense of duty in the domestic sphere. But another big part of it that I feel like no one is talking about is that we’ve become more isolated. Men don’t have as many friends, clubs, church groups, etc that they used to competing with their social time.
Comment by jittery_raccoon at 26/02/2025 at 00:14 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Probably because partners are more equal now and tend to like each other and spend time together. So the dad is home with his wife and kids and talking to them instead of at the neighborhood bar or in the garage fixing his car. Turns out if you actually like your wife you might like your family
Comment by serene_brutality at 26/02/2025 at 01:17 UTC
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I think it goes in waves, the pendulum swings. One generation grew up struggling so they worked more to make sure their kids didn’t know that struggle, but their kids grow up missing their dads so those kids sacrifice money so they can have quality time with their kids. Rinse and repeat.
Comment by Wooden-Many-8509 at 26/02/2025 at 15:32 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We all grew up with fathers that were there physically but mentally checked out. They spent very little time with us, never checked in on us, and did very little for us outside of a paycheck for the family.
We grew up in an era where culture specifically told us to celebrate our mothers and informed us of the struggles of being a mother. So we all grew up appreciating our mothers way more than we otherwise would've.
The two combined made us not want to repeat the mistakes of our fathers while appreciating the hardships of motherhood.
Awareness+gratitude+responsibility.
Comment by Spallanzani333 at 26/02/2025 at 04:58 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Divorce peaked in the 80s, and a whole lot of divorces happened because women were better able to support themselves and did not want to be married to somebody who did no chores or child care. So many kids my age had divorced parents, even in my well-off suburb. I think that's why millennials have a lower divorce rate and much more gender balanced relationships. Men and women both saw how much it sucked to grow up without a dad or split between houses and wanted to do better by their kids.
That and TV shows with awesome hands-on dads.
Comment by ZenythhtyneZ at 26/02/2025 at 09:04 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Millennials are statistically the most left leaning generation to exist, Gen Z is significantly more conservative than millennials. I would argue it likely has something to do with belief structure
Comment by MelissaRose95 at 26/02/2025 at 13:21 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it partly has to do with the fact that more people are getting married and having kids because they want to, and not because they feel like they have to
Comment by Chemical_Estate6488 at 26/02/2025 at 16:42 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Millennials were raised into an American middle class that was fairly newly affluent and had time. Any number of large social movements at the end of the 20th century involved cultivating empathy and understanding. Even the large evangelical movements of the late 90s and early 2000s earnestly encouraged men to be faithful to their wives and present in their children’s lives. All that seems quaint now. The older generations revealed they cared less about any of that and more about power in the decades since, and the zoomers have been raised to be little nihilist monsters. Really the only good generation might turn out to be the period from late Gen x to early Gen z
Comment by Appropriate-Topic618 at 27/02/2025 at 15:02 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
1. Economics — If your job gives you any wiggle room, you can save money on daycare etc. My job is very flexible and I view it as a hidden perk. Saves us at least $10k a year in LCOL area (per kid).
2. Culture — Millennial women now expect some child care from men and will leave you if you don’t chip in.
3. Normative belief — Believe it or not, many millennial men have internalized the idea that they should be contributing to child care. They actually want to do it, and have come to appreciate the intrinsic rewards.
Comment by isaactheunknown at 27/02/2025 at 18:04 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
In the 70s. Father worked mother took care of the house. Cost of living was low. Only one person needed to work. If the child needed assitance, the father would call the wife to take care of it.
Now cost of living is high. Both parents work and tbe wife needs the husbands help to take care of the house and child. Now the father bonds more with the child now.
Comment by AshTheGoddamnRobot at 27/02/2025 at 18:17 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I think Millennial men are simply better men than Boomers, Gen X and Gen Z men. We are less likely to be sexist. More likely to be in touch with our feelings
Comment by phtcmp at 27/02/2025 at 21:17 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Do you mean millennial’s dads, or millennial dads? I’m assuming millennial dads, because their dads (boomers) sure as hell never raised a finger to get involved. But I don’t think the trend began with millennial dads, it began with Gen X fathers being involved in our kids lives because of the distinct absence of our silent/boomer fathers in ours. I’m early Gen X and have been very involved with my three zoomers since they were born.
Comment by bassjam1 at 25/02/2025 at 22:57 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Up until the recent return to office demands, people like me had an additional 7 hours a week to eat breakfast with my kids and hang out with them as soon as I logged out for the day.
Now I leave before they get up and I'm irritable from traffic when I get home.
Comment by dashingThroughSnow12 at 26/02/2025 at 00:14 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
We make a lot more money.
My stepdad was a good dad. But he had to wake up early and work long hours. If we go back another generation, ten or twelve hour days were even more common.
Society is richer nowadays and people are working less and less.
Comment by CaptainONaps at 26/02/2025 at 02:44 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Millennials are the least likely generation to get married. The guys that are getting married are… how do I say this? Very likely to do what their spouse tells them to do.
Comment by WithDisGuyTravel at 26/02/2025 at 00:17 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
We were so used to having dogshit dads that only cared about themselves and were mostly emotionally absent, they only cared how you reflected on them that some of us saw the bad example and now enjoy breaking the shitty cycle.