created by Firstaidfury on 25/01/2025 at 16:58 UTC
37 upvotes, 13 top-level comments (showing 13)
“The more you focus on meeting new friends, the more it will hurt. You will feel even more lonely thinking that you could have something but you didn’t. You will have to mourn the loss of someone you never had in the first place.”
Comment by AutoModerator at 25/01/2025 at 16:58 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This post has been flaired as “Opinion”. Do not use this flair to vent, but to open up a venue for polite discussions.
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Comment by tewnchee at 25/01/2025 at 17:05 UTC
9 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I guess I could see it making sense. Sort of like when you're not looking for it, you end up attracting attention.
I think that it is trying to sway one from trying too hard without sacrificing your open mindedness.
Comment by andythepirate at 25/01/2025 at 17:17 UTC
7 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Idk, there's elements I agree with and elements I don't. I think the issue is if you fall into desperation, which isn't guaranteed just by focusing on meeting new friends. It's definitely a mindset thing, and while this quote may apply to some, I don't think you'll necessarily feel more lonely or hurt when you're trying to find new friends. It's more about the relationship you have with your overall goal -- are you being myopic and obsessive, or are you being reasonable and taking actionable courses in order to achieve what you're seeking.
Comment by HumansMustBeCrazy at 25/01/2025 at 19:22 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
How much are thing hurts is not universal between all humans.
Your personal experience will vary.
Comment by Remarkable_Peach_374 at 25/01/2025 at 21:29 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Absolutely, I was miserable until I understood how nice lonely was, a couple crappy friends later, I was loving loneliness! I have like, 2 friends I enjoy hanging out with, both older people. People just like drama too much, I ain't for that man
Comment by Objective-Eye-2828 at 25/01/2025 at 23:40 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Makes sense to me. Keep yourself open to new relationships, bit don’t focus on it or force it.
Comment by Fanky_Spamble at 26/01/2025 at 12:44 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It really depends on the person. Some people enjoy making a large "collection" of friends and they don't really value any of them highly.
I've never felt desperate to be friends with someone, if you don't like me I don't like you. I'm not a fan of non reciprocative feelings in any kind of relationship. I prefer to keep only a few people close and I value them very highly.
Likewise, I wouldn't even consider being the "friend" of a "friend collector" because I value myself higher than that. If I call someone my friend it means I believe that they value me as much as I value them
Comment by HerculesJones123 at 25/01/2025 at 20:36 UTC*
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think it’s probably correct. One reason is that if someone focuses on something that they don’t have, they create a mindset of lacking. Now that’s not always wrong. There are certain things that all creatures need, like food, water, shelter, etc. If they don’t focus on attaining these things, they probably won’t live long enough to reproduce and pass on their genes. However, if we constantly focus on getting more and more “stuff”, we live our lives in misery. In regards to the friends question, I don’t have many. I would like to have more, but it’s quality over quantity, so I’ve got to be happy with the friends I do have.
Comment by RecklessRails at 25/01/2025 at 21:17 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Yes. I can speak from experience after moving to a city where I knew NO ONE. When you’re in a very mentally taxing situation like that, the first person you speak to in person (tbh it would mostly be a cashier) you��re so desperate for human interaction. People will overlook you in bars and other social settings because you’re eager to converse and connect.
Hell, this even happened to me recently when I tried to connect with one of my boyfriend’s friend groups at a birthday party after hanging out with them for 2 hours.
For anyone saying this isn’t accurate or it’s convoluted, be thankful for your rich friendships.
Comment by SketchyDeepThinker at 25/01/2025 at 22:01 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I've always said to become the friend you want , as well as show up for what you want.
so I would agree to this.
Comment by Amphernee at 25/01/2025 at 22:39 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
The more you focus on anything the more unhealthy of an obsession it becomes. But then it leaves out a huge piece of the puzzle which is if you focus on meeting new friends and are successful it’s likely that your needs are met and you become less focused on meeting new people and more so on all the benefits and activities that come with having new friends.
Comment by CivilSouldier at 26/01/2025 at 13:28 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
More avoidance culture talk.
A full life has ups and downs.
I know full well bringing a puppy in my family will eventually lead to also all of us experiencing her passing in the years to come.
Should I avoid the enjoyment of our day to days having a puppy around, because I can’t handle the hurt of seeing her go?
Life is to be appreciated-not choked into submission in the name of safety and protection.
Taking chances and living with the results.
Will make you a more interesting human later in life.
We all grow through what we go through.
Unless we live a life dedicated to trying not to go through anything
Because adversity is hard.
Comment by thatgirlnamedolivia at 27/01/2025 at 06:18 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Homo Prospectus This is the idea that the human race is capable of looking into the future. Being able to predict the outcome by looking at what-ifs and what-thens. This creates the idea that people are able to predict the loss of something they never had.
In conjunction, they are able to look at the past and determine points in which they could have done something different, which in turn creates the mourning over something they could have had.
This act is only known to be done by humans, and this is also what they call "Mental Time Travel" (MTT). Being able to think about the past, present, and future. - they are more likely to think (or ruminate) over how events in their life might have gone differently (the “mutability” of events).This also poses the question,
Is depression caused by traumas in the past or a realistic appraisal of the future?
The ability to mourn friends that you never had may come from this entire ideology. Being able to imagine your future with what-ifs and what-thens creates expectations and when those expectations aren't met it is likely that we create feelings of unhappiness, contention, agitation, due to an outcome not being what you thought.
Dr. Mark Hatala, who is a cognitive scientist, studies time travel and retrocausality. He made a video explaining all of this. There is also a book that I am reading on this exact topic called "Homo Prospectus," and it goes over the same theories and concepts. It's really something interesting to think about.