created by Substantial_Lie8336 on 02/12/2024 at 22:21 UTC
1 upvotes, 4 top-level comments (showing 4)
I feel that the reason for the argument isn’t really relevant for the question. If anyone feels different I can spill the contents to some extent, but there are many factors and I wouldn’t be able to cover all of them, especially the view points that aren’t mine.
I think to not confuse anyone I will call the person I’m arguing with A and the person that is the “link” C
Anyway to get to it. I do not like to include my parents in any arguments with my friends. They don’t know my friends characters, and I wouldn’t want an argument that will pass change their view on my friend. I strongly believe that you should never put a friend in the position where they are in between as a kind of negotiator between the arguing party. I believe the two should talk directly. Circumstances led to the argument not really being talked about first and I ended up talking with a common friend of ours C. I did say that I didn’t want C to “pick a side” like I wanted them to know this is all from my point of view and therefore they shouldn’t decide they’re feelings on the situation unless they got the entire story. Which they later did. And also is the reason I realised I went against my own beliefs.
A here also took to C to get their perspective. And that’s what made this into exactly what I didn’t want it to become, cause now C of course told A my perspective and after that told me what C’s perspective was on the situation. Just what goes against my beliefs. The thing is that I don’t want stuff to go between someone. I believe that is both wrong to do to the link in between and also towards the one you’re arguing with.
It seems neither of the parts sees this as wrong and that makes me unsure. That’s why I’m taking to asking someone else.
I would really appreciate any reflecting answers both pros and cons of this if possible.
Comment by AutoModerator at 02/12/2024 at 22:21 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
This post has been flaired as “Serious Conversation”. Use this opportunity to open a venue of polite and serious discussion, instead of seeking help or venting.
1: /message/compose/?to=/r/SeriousConversation
Comment by Haunting-Custard-380 at 02/12/2024 at 22:40 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
So you went to C first and you think it’s wrong that A consulted C’s position?
Maybe the correct way is that both you and A agree to talk to C together to try and get a different judgement.
Comment by Time-Improvement6653 at 02/12/2024 at 23:25 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You don't need a middleman to validate your opinions. You feel a certain way? You get to feel that way. Someone disagrees? They get to feel that way too. If you disagree on things that are deeply important to you, you don't have to continue a relationship with that person.
There's NOTHING to be gained from having your words "interpreted" (i.e. changed and/or twisted) by someone else before they reach the ears of another person... that's just insane.
Comment by Terrible_Painter8540 at 03/12/2024 at 22:42 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
People rarely do what someone else wants, nor should they be expected to do such a thing. If a person spoke the truth to anyone, and they repeat it verbatim, then there can be no harm to that person. Since, it's exactly what should have been said from the source.