https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipsOver35/comments/1hxtcfu/are_some_people_too_jaded_to_love/
created by Wonderful_College_48 on 10/01/2025 at 01:47 UTC
14 upvotes, 8 top-level comments (showing 8)
I'm in such new territory right now. My past relationships were marked by love bombing and rushing into things, so being in a healthy, steady relationship feels like a major shift. I’ve done a lot of healing to get to this point, but here’s the thing—I’m not sure if I’m comparing this to past experiences or if this is how healthy relationships can navigate. Is it normal for one person to be more invested while the other takes things slower? In the past, I thought if you were really into someone, you'd be all in, but maybe it’s more like slowly easing into cool water—starting with a toe dip and gradually getting more comfortable.
In the seven months we've been together (we’re exclusive), everything has been wonderful. No fights, just working through tough conversations, and we align in both chemistry and compatibility. Still, I can’t help but worry—what if I remain more invested? I’d hate to look back a year from now and realize we’re on different paths when it comes to how deeply we feel for each other. I know he has past trauma from relationships and a guard up but this makes it challenging for me to not put a wall up in return.
Comment by pennedit at 10/01/2025 at 01:57 UTC
13 upvotes, 0 direct replies
All love is a risk. Take it.
Comment by Own_Thought902 at 10/01/2025 at 03:04 UTC
9 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Simple question: Are you happy. If you are , stay. If not, decide whether it is worth further investment.
If you are happy, don't pick it apart. Don't borrow trouble. Don't make perfect the enemy of good. Idealism is fine. You want the best life you can have. But how good is that? Life is a risk, both on the up and down sides. Figure the odds and place your bet.
The joy of life, from this 70M's perspective, is looking back and seeing that, no matter how it turned out, you made your own choices and did things the way you wanted to.
Comment by Dalearev at 10/01/2025 at 02:29 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Never too jaded just down the rabbit hole and confused, maybe discouraged, but never too jaded
Comment by Particular_Sale5675 at 10/01/2025 at 15:50 UTC*
3 upvotes, 1 direct replies
This all seems fine. Arguing isn't bad by itself either. It is a skill to learn how to have healthy disagreements.
The idea that someone HAS to be "all in" is flawed. You're learning new skills of relationship development. Good job.
Whether you get invested; and whether things work out are 2 separate things. You're comparing staying in a relationship of abuse too long, to a relationship just not working out. But in the past, you saw your emotional investment as a reason to not be allowed to exit a relationship. (See learning new skills).
You're on the right path basically. It takes time to find a healthy balance of attachment, boundaries, consent, respect for self, respect for other's boundaries etc. (EDIT: you're both learning new skills. So good job to both of you. It's a lot of work.)
And I think it's natural for 2 people to have different amounts of attraction and investment. You both have different lives, opinions, thoughts and experiences. Relationships are complicated to navigate.
So, both of you keep trying to improve yourselves and finding healthy balance in life. Whether or not things work out is a problem for future you and future him. Today you has other things to focus on 😊
Comment by BubbleRose at 10/01/2025 at 02:48 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I’d hate to look back a year from now and realize we’re on different paths when it comes to how deeply we feel for each other. I know he has past trauma from relationships and a guard up but this makes it challenging for me to not put a wall up in return.
I'd say, don't ignore it. Keep talking to each other and checking in with how you're both feeling about the state of your relationship, but just keep an eye on how much you invest of yourself and if it matches his investment. If it ends up that he's unwilling or unable to meet you in the middle, then you'll have to make some decisions on what you'll accept or not.
Make sure you're not all of the driving force in the relationship progressing as things continue, and if it stagnates then you know you have a bigger issue to work out. He may be content with keeping things slow, or getting to a certain point and just chilling there, who knows.
Comment by zombieqatz at 10/01/2025 at 02:31 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
There's a disconnect happening here where you're assuming your partner feels less than you just because they're more stable.
Comment by BeautifulAd5801 at 10/01/2025 at 02:43 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I suggest couples' counseling or premarital counseling to ensure your values, desires, and timelines are compatible. Above all, don't expect him to change AFTER you're married if that's where you think you're headed.
Comment by Imaginary-Rip7438 at 11/01/2025 at 02:48 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have adopted “I match energy so you tell me how we’re going to act.”
Relationships should be her 100% / him 100% if he doesn’t intend to put in the work neither will I.
It’s not that I’m necessarily jaded, I do believe in love., but the days of being the “girlfriend” but giving “wife energy” are no more.