4 upvotes, 2 direct replies (showing 2)
View submission: Trying to find the reasons.
Your situation is very similar to mine. I am a 35 year old woman and my father had no interest in me throughout my entire life. Without getting too detailed, my parents divorced when I was young and his life just went on without me.
Whatever silly tantrum you had when you were 7 is not the cause of your father's shortcomings as a human being. I hope it brings you some comfort to know another person here on earth recognizes the immense pain of rejection by a parent. It's a feeling that's impossible to know unless you've felt it yourself: the empty, lingering hole of mystery, regret, sorrow, and rage. I'm afraid it still persists in me despite years of therapy and even starting a wonderful family of my own.
I know how badly you want answers, for even a little piece of information that helps it all make sense. But when my dad died last year, I realized the only positive thing I could glean from my experience with him was this lesson - sometimes there are just no answers in life, though tirelessly we may seek them. A reality full of pain, yes - but more importantly, absolute freedom.
I still have days when the pain is bad, and the furious cravings for answers kick in with a vengeance. But I try to imagine myself closing the back cover of a thick book in my head, then turn to my husband and daughter and give them all the love I can fit into the rest of the day.
I'm sending some your way too. I hope it helps carry you through this difficult season.
Comment by Extra_Crispy_Critter at 30/11/2024 at 22:48 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Your reply is so touching and full of compassion--something in you chose a better path for you.
Comment by tgreen610 at 01/12/2024 at 04:09 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment.