https://www.reddit.com/r/ROCD/comments/1ii6zht/i_didnt_have_strong_attraction_and_sparks_from/
created by shrmtrgn on 05/02/2025 at 10:19 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 top-level comments (showing 1)
Im (20f) met a boy (22m) through online dating app. We met for two times and he is really sweet, ambitious, kind, funny and handsome. We share the same beliefs and he is really mature. I had a toxic long term relationship for two years and my ex left me out of nowhere. I had a horrible six months after my breakup. But now im healed and learned from my mistakes and how incompatible and toxic he was for me. My rocd started with my ex after one year in our relationship. I have some anxiety now. With my ex İ had really strong attraction infatuation and feelings in the beginning. It was like a fairytale. But now with this guy i didnt experience strong feelings but i feel content, peaceful with him. He is attractive to me too. People say you need to have strong feelings and chemistry and attraction, romantic things and stuff. They say love must be strong feelings and not a choice and this scares me because he is so perfect İ actually cant believe him. Do i need to have those strong attraction, chemicals and lovey dovey feelings? What is love? Isnt this enough? Do İ need to have strong feelings?
Comment by Ok_Success9217 at 05/02/2025 at 10:58 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Love does not come in 2 dates. Even sometimes needs months or even a year (there are people that first are friends and then become a couple). Don't pressure yourself, I did the same with my two relationships from the beginning. For me love is wanting the best for your partner, having ilusion to have details toward him/her, having future projects together, seeing achievements of your partner as your ahievements aswell, and most important, choosing her/him even having obsessions sometimes, and even if you can see more people atractive. A relationship needs to feel like home, you can talk about everything without fear, you have a lot of intimicy together, even if you are in the toilet and your partner opens the door and enters is like "anyway, I don't mind" because there's that intimacy shared (not necessary to do that but if you have good connection can happen hahahaha)
I feel guilty sometimes for being doubting from the beginning, but pression to yourself will not lead to anything. Just discover him, his inner world, which life projects he have... let time decide. Time can grow connection. My bests moments of "sparks" and feeling a lot of love that even I need to do a "cute agression" were without overthinking things, a moment when you just feel. Analyzing and comparing does'nt lead nothing good. Easy said than done.
Have a good day.