https://www.reddit.com/r/OVER30REDDIT/comments/1ijbhov/just_hit_31_30s_has_been_incredibly_lonely/
created by dafckingman on 06/02/2025 at 19:47 UTC
30 upvotes, 8 top-level comments (showing 8)
My 20s was full of life. Joy and friends best describe my everyday.
Ever since hitting 30 my life suddenly became very lonely and bland. I go through my days lifeless, without a purpose or motivation to even move. Lost my biggest friend of the past decade last year.
I motion through the day just because it’s rational to not throw my life away and become a vegetable.
Is this common?
Comment by horeyshetbarrs at 06/02/2025 at 20:07 UTC
32 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I’ll give my two cents. Once you hit your 30’s you learn either slowly or quickly that whatever you want in life now needs you to work for it. That includes health, good relationships, fun, hobbies, etc.
The return is that those things you work to have in your life are if higher quality than they are in your 20’s by far. That also includes any work you do on yourself. 30’s friends can be so much better than 20’s friends. 30’s self confidence can be so much better than 20’s self confidence. Hope that helps, coming from a 40 year old.
Comment by Unlucky_Response169 at 06/02/2025 at 21:08 UTC
5 upvotes, 0 direct replies
SAME!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of my friends I’ve fallen out with/grown out of. my going out buddy had a baby and is married now. My best friend is introverted and lives kind of far. And I came out as a lesbian lost a friend because she couldn’t relate to me anymore. So yes I am very lonely 😭dating is also trash. I’ve made new acquaintances but I wouldn’t call them friends just people I see every 6 months. I did meet a lesbian in her 30s that I liked (both romantically and platonically) but we got into a stupid argument about nothing. Still think about her and miss her but idk. It’s just a shitty time to be 30 something
Comment by despisedicon689 at 06/02/2025 at 20:12 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
It's hard to speak for everyone, but once I hit my 30s my life started to become more of a routine. I'm not like everyone, but I find it comforting and I am 33, turning 34 this year. It is just my wife and I with our dog. Not planning on kids, so it feels very freeing to have the money and time to do whatever we want, when we want.
May I ask what is making you feel this way? Do you have any life goals or things you want to accomplish? If not, it is the perfect time to start thinking about that.
Comment by Jemeloo at 06/02/2025 at 20:24 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Did your friends all have kids? This killed my social life.
That being said, sounds like you’re depressed! If you can find the motivation, maybe try setting up an appt with a doc or therapist or both.
Hope things look up for you soon OP.
Comment by AggravatingCupcake0 at 06/02/2025 at 21:44 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
It's not uncommon. The older you get, the more of your friends get married and have children, take on increasingly demanding roles at work, etc.
I used to be like you. I remember being in my 20s and having 3 parties to go to in one night. I remember many group dinners. Those were the days.
I'm in my late 30s now, and I'm married but don't have (and don't want) children. So it puts me in a bit of a tough spot. I can't do all the singles adventures with my single girlfriends, but my married-with-children friends sometimes just don't want to deal with my childfree lifestyle either.
BUT. I have cultivated a small but quality group of friends, and I have to say - I love it! The older you are, the faster you get at cutting out people from your life who don't improve it. In my 20s, I would have held on and on, gotten my feelings hurt continuously, wasted time and energy. My motto used to be "I want everyone to like me." I'm not *so bad* with that anymore.
I'm also more content with my own company than I used to be. I used to be devastated if my night wasn't filled with plans. Now I'm more at peace with myself and am not as disappointed when I'm home relaxing.
Comment by Heymax123 at 07/02/2025 at 08:25 UTC
4 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm 37 it gets more difficult every year that goes by. More of my social circles have started their own families and unfortunately don't have the time to fit me in for social engagements, the one luxury you will have over people with families is time so invest it into something you truly enjoy and interested in developing skill in, I'm learning to play golf and it's renewed my lease on life and the best part about it is I can play as much as I want. My one big regret is I wish I started earlier. Good luck.
Comment by this_shit at 06/02/2025 at 21:14 UTC
2 upvotes, 1 direct replies
I go through my days lifeless, without a purpose or motivation to even move.
These are classic symptoms of depression. There may be other causes, but a lot of folks hit a depression wall in their 30s because 1) the more you experience, the less of life is fun and new, and 2) life isn't really what they were led to believe it would be.
If you've never talked to a therapist, now would be a great time. It's a PITA to find a good one, but always worth it. Helps you focus on what really matters to you in life and prioritize the things that give you joy and love and belonging while giving you permission to dispense with the things that don't.
In my personal experience I had to embrace my chosen community and leave my family. But it took a long time to really accept that.
Comment by butnobodycame123 at 07/02/2025 at 18:14 UTC
2 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Happened to me!
Even though I wasn't a wild child by any definition (my idea of a fun time is going to a thrift store, grabbing coffee, or going to the library), I still had things going on in my life in my 20s.
When I turned 30, *everyone* and I mean everyone, started acting ruder and opportunities just disappeared. Everything became an argument or insult and it jacked up my social anxiety to the max. I could say "hi how are you?" and I would be berated about my tone or something, even though it was fine or neutral. I'd get ghosted and when I gave the same energy back, I'd be berated for not keeping in contact. Honestly, my 30s are lonely but quiet/peaceful. No one asks me for money or babysitting, so that's a blessing. This doesn't bother me much because I'm an introvert, so every lost relationship was like "Cool, I can put my energy towards something that's not a black hole".