Torn between bf and family

https://www.reddit.com/r/OVER30REDDIT/comments/1f18ns2/torn_between_bf_and_family/

created by chiapt0402 on 25/08/2024 at 22:23 UTC

0 upvotes, 4 top-level comments (showing 4)

30F. So I have been with my bf for 1.5 years. Everything is great, he is kind and genuinely one of the nicest people I have been with. He checks off a lot of boxes that I had for a partner. We have obviously had our ups and downs. But certain things are taking some time for me to get over with:

• His rant on reddit which I happened to come across where he called me a bitch. When confronted, he mentioned he was just salty (read insecure) that day and was extremely embarrassed and ashamed for what he did. He meant to get it off his chest and delete the post. He has never really disrespected me before, but just thinking about that makes me nauseous.
• That very same day, I found some other comments (on other women’s pictures/ porn) that I was really disappointed about. He said he just treated it as porn so it wasn’t like he was trying to reach out etc.

He says he has never done these things since. He is a man of his words, so I believe him.

• He is an avoidant, so he shuts down during arguments or discussions. He hates confrontations, being questioned, fighting etc. So when I confronted about him about his habit of deleting texts. He says he doesn’t want any arguments due to misunderstandings. I know everyone that he is in contact with knows and is fully aware of my existence. But this doesn’t sit well somehow. If there is nothing to hide, why delete..

Now on the other hand, my mom has some hesitations about him due to him being from a completely different culture. We argue about this almost every day and I feel so guilty. Sometimes I wonder what am I doing with my life.. I wanted to be settled, married and happy at this age.. but.. everything seems so uncertain and I feel so torn..

Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated..

Comments

Comment by MainlyParanoia at 25/08/2024 at 23:21 UTC

16 upvotes, 0 direct replies

Those three points don’t sound like things nice people do. I’d rethink your idea of “the nicest person I’ve ever met” because none of that sounds nice at all. Sounds down right nasty.

Comment by Runnergirl411 at 26/08/2024 at 01:43 UTC

8 upvotes, 1 direct replies

This guy is not the one.

Comment by SurlyNurly at 26/08/2024 at 00:38 UTC

7 upvotes, 0 direct replies

When you find someone who is alllll green lights, your family will be over the moon for you. A great partner to you is nothing but a benefit to them. Their reaction to him is nothing to ignore. If they are typically supportive and loving, they want what’s best for you and this ain’t it.

Comment by [deleted] at 26/08/2024 at 05:24 UTC

6 upvotes, 0 direct replies

It seems you're lying to yourself or your standards are really low. I would trust your mother's feelings on this one. Maybe the fact you want to get married soon is making you a bit blindsided.