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View submission: I don’t want to live anymore
Honestly? I have no idea. I adopted two cats. I'd feel bad if I didn't get up and take care of them every day.
That and fear of the unknown I guess. No take-backsies once you're dead, you know?
... And I'm married. But the reality is... he doesn't need me, I know that. He'd be sad for a little bit, and then he'd get right back up and moving on with his life. And that's a great thing, but knowing that also means it doesn't really incentivize me to stay alive, you know?
I'm just trying to ride things out. I don't really know what the purpose of life is, and at 38, I figure there isn't really one.
But yesterday I was off work so I ran 5 miles and played video games for 4 hours. That was nice.
Side note, but I used to self-harm as a teen and I've just learned to channel that into more... "socially appropriate" forms of self-harm. Long-distance running and other forms of intense exercise, tattoos, piercings, BDSM on occassion, etc. You should give those a try. Scratches that itch for me at least.
There's nothing here!