https://www.reddit.com/r/OVER30REDDIT/comments/1du4ycl/33f_and_feeling_my_age/
created by [deleted] on 03/07/2024 at 03:46 UTC
23 upvotes, 5 top-level comments (showing 5)
Hi all.
I turned 33 last month and I feel like I’ve had an extended birthday blues. For context, about a year ago I decided to quit my job, sell my house, and move across the country to finish my PhD in person. I had been working full-time and completing the degree in a hybrid format for 3 years and I just couldn’t do both anymore.
I have about one more year left in my program and I guess I am starting to “feel” my age. I fully acknowledge this is not the time to start a relationship as I’m working on my dissertation and planning on moving back near family after I graduate in May. I just worry that I’ve missed my time to meet someone and potentially start a family. I was in a very long relationship in my 20’s (22-29) and have only had a couple relationships since then. The last one ended mainly due to circumstance (long distance and time management).
Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t think there is anything wrong with being unmarried and childfree at 33, I just pictured life much differently. Any advice and encouragement is welcome.
Comment by [deleted] at 03/07/2024 at 03:55 UTC
15 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I'm in late 30s and unmarried without kids. Everyone is different. Work wisely now so you won't feel this way in another 5 years when your body undergoes physical changes outside of your control. I'm in that stage now personally as are my friends circle. Sounds like you got a lot of good stuff going for you. I hope it continues and don't worry about others.
A friend of mine told me a quote once that I pass onto my patients at work as well as others sometimes:
Other people's opinions about you are none of your business.
Aka don't worry about others when comparing yourself to them.
Comment by EBeewtf at 03/07/2024 at 04:27 UTC
13 upvotes, 1 direct replies
35 and also single + childless not really of my own choice.
I think an important thing to understand is that everyone really is on their own timeline. You’re not the only early to mid thirty something that is in this position and feels like they’ve missed the boat on a family life. I’m very much the same. And I’ve read plenty of other posts in here that are similar enough to know that many of us in this age bracket are in a similar spot for one reason or another. You because you had a LTR that didn’t work out + you’re still getting your career set up. Me because I got sick for a period of time and was disabled/not in actual life. Someone else because they got married to the wrong person and now they’re single and wanting a child but about to be 40.
Something I have been trying to remind myself, and work to practice, is to stop the: I’m getting so old, bullshit. Because it’s bullshit. I’ve been doing it to myself since I’m in my twenties. I guess I’ve gotten old enough and aware enough to know that if I am lucky to make it to my 40s, I’ll look back at how young I was at 35. And likely feel just as young and dumb at 40. If I’m lucky to make it to 50, I’ll feel the same way about my 40s.
I think it’s just important to be strategic. At any age, but more so when you’ve got a clock ticking a bit. I look at the people who are in a decent career and married and have kids and wonder (aside from my years of being sick) why that wasn’t me. But I see that most of these people actually wanted a partner and knew it and went out and got it. On dating apps. On whatever. And they’ve made their lives work for them.
Just gotta pick the life you want and work everyday to create it, which will always be an ongoing process. I think and hope.
Comment by Possible_Implement86 at 03/07/2024 at 22:41 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I am staring down the barrel of 40 and I can tell you 33 is so young! Even if you "feel" old, you're young. Please really hear this: You have so much time to do and have anything you want in life. Kids, career, partner, all of it. The worst thing you can do is spend the best part of your 30s telling yourself things are winding down for you, things have barely even meaningfully started!
My best friend is currently pregnant with her first baby at 41 and my SIL is having twins in a month at age 43! Went for a checkup today and all is healthy with babies and mom. I'm actually looking forward to being a later in life mom, I'll have so much more wisdom and maturity to share than I would have had if I'd done it in my 20s.
Comment by veganmeatpole at 05/07/2024 at 02:39 UTC
1 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I think you’re doing fine, you have a lot on your plate and you’re feeling the stress that comes along with that.
I’m turning 35 next week and yes I feel this way. I don’t even want kids but I feel the pressure of meeting a partner. Like, if I don’t find one soon I never will.
It sounds like you’re crushing it with your career goals and I like to remind myself that everyone is in the same boat. Our generation has a lag with how long it takes to become financially independent.
I’m not saying things will be easy, but I hope you can relax a bit knowing that there are so many people feeling the same way you are.
Comment by abearaman at 03/07/2024 at 20:48 UTC
0 upvotes, 0 direct replies
A big hug