https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1iipm3d/how_do_men_just_not_cum_during_sex/
created by sawedsondheim on 06/02/2025 at 00:31 UTC
1325 upvotes, 228 top-level comments (showing 25)
Not trying to be derogatory, I genuinely don't know the answer. I have seen this trope a lot in porn and have always wondered about it. How does it actually work physically to not cum when you are very close? I assume this is different for penises and clitorises, and I can't say that I have ever tried to stop an orgasm from happening, but I don't feel personally like I could. Can you penis-having folk actually stop yourselves from cumming during sex? Is it a feat of mental fortitude or do you just have to dial the stimulation back? Is the orgasm better or worse after making yourself wait?
Comment by EternityofBoredom at 06/02/2025 at 00:37 UTC
1356 upvotes, 5 direct replies
Edging is a thing - you can have a stronger orgasm if you...bring yourself to that point, then stop stimulation to let that subside just enough to stay ready for more action a couple of times.
At the same time it might also be a mental thing - wanting to stay in the mood - versus having that release. It's not something you magically do on the first time - it takes some dedication, too.
Comment by GreyKMN at 06/02/2025 at 00:36 UTC
3767 upvotes, 26 direct replies
If you're not really really close, you can stop.
If you're closer, you can stop by stopping the stimulation.
If you're really really close, a raging grizzly in your burning house during an earthquake wouldn't even be able to stop you.
Comment by No_Nectarine6942 at 06/02/2025 at 00:38 UTC
260 upvotes, 3 direct replies
Many factors like stress, not in the mood, too tired, alcohol or medication.......
Comment by TheOtherOgre at 06/02/2025 at 00:34 UTC
856 upvotes, 7 direct replies
I don't know how much help I'm going to be. I spend the entire sex trying not to come right away š¬
Comment by MarredCheese at 06/02/2025 at 01:39 UTC
336 upvotes, 9 direct replies
MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY
MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY
MARGARET THATCHER NAKED ON A COLD DAY
Comment by AerHolder at 06/02/2025 at 00:53 UTC
79 upvotes, 2 direct replies
There's a "point of no return" after which, nothing can be done to stop it from happening. It's not terribly long, at least not for me. I'd say that moment occurs maybe 5 or so seconds prior to actually cumming. But it's impossible to stop at that point. Prior to it, I could slow down, stop, change positions, and other things to ease away from the orgasm and make the session longer before cumming.
That said, I'm much older now and more often have the issue of not reaching orgasm during sex. It doesn't stop me from enjoying sex because the it's always been about the whole experience for me, not just the orgasm at the end. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the days of energetically charging into that point of no return and orgasming one or more times a session.
Comment by Dphippo at 06/02/2025 at 01:37 UTC
167 upvotes, 1 direct replies
One hour of hot sex for me is 45 minutes of begging and 14 minutes of apologizing
Comment by No-Signature7982 at 06/02/2025 at 00:40 UTC
37 upvotes, 2 direct replies
I have found out that there is a point if I can get past it by holding back then it is easier not to come. I have had multiple times where I didnāt come during sex and she had to finish me off with a bj in the end. Everyone is just different
Comment by RickKassidy at 06/02/2025 at 00:35 UTC
272 upvotes, 1 direct replies
First, porn isnāt real. Nothing about porn is real. Look in the mirror and say that three times every morning for the next week.
Second, you can feel yourself ramping up to orgasm and back off.
Comment by mickeys_stepdad at 06/02/2025 at 00:58 UTC
71 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Some of us are on SSRIās
Comment by Eh-Eh-Ronn at 06/02/2025 at 02:01 UTC
25 upvotes, 1 direct replies
In porn? Editing.
In real life? Pay attention to your body, pull out, and eat that š± for a couple minutes
Comment by barnibusvonkreeps at 06/02/2025 at 01:28 UTC
19 upvotes, 3 direct replies
I started using a silicone cock ring. Shit is unreal. I have wayyy more control over when I pop off. Plus those lulls when you're doing it for a long time I sometimes would soften up a bit. Not anymore. Blood is trapped in my speed missile. Trust me it's gold.
Comment by mattyplant at 06/02/2025 at 01:30 UTC
14 upvotes, 0 direct replies
As someone who takes ssri (anti depression medicine) I can literally go for hours, but I switch it up a lot, because its all about her.
Comment by DisembodiedOats at 06/02/2025 at 03:25 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
ah yes. the sex. something i am very well versed in as a redditor
Comment by FossilAdrift at 06/02/2025 at 01:16 UTC
24 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If we even get a wiff you're faking it or just going along with it...the desire to nut dissipates like a fart in the wind.
Comment by Banandawg at 06/02/2025 at 00:35 UTC
12 upvotes, 0 direct replies
If you have a lot of sex, or masterbate a lot, it makes it hard to cum quickly. The same is true for watching porn.
Comment by androidmids at 06/02/2025 at 01:57 UTC
6 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Part one
Anyone can do this (you don't need a penis). Start peeing (I'm assuming I don't need to clarify, in a toilet???) and stop it on command. You actually use those same muscles during vaginal/penile intercourse. Now get ready to pee, get it to almost start and hold it.
Now, go ahead and pee. But, remember those muscles. When you DONT have to keep, exercising those muscles will build control and allow you greater control when you need it.
Now the second third of this is sensitivity. The more you are used to something, the less it has an immediate effect on you. Or you start to be more familiar with the signs of reaching a moment of no return/stopping. So people who have regular sex with the same partner can often go longer without losing control. The sensations still feel amazing but don't overwhelm them. Being able to recognize that moment can also allow them to slow down or change position or angle. It's also well known that faster/tighter has a different effect from slower/slicker so using lube or generating your own, and controlling the pace has a direct correlation to duration.
And the third part of this is mental. Next time you are personally getting really close, try doing math in your head for a few seconds. Focus on anything except the sex. Don't stop what you are doing, maybe slow down as I mentioned above, you want the other partner to continue experiencing whatever it is that they are experiencing. But by thinking of something else you can pull back from that mental state and take a mental break. I like the 9s tables, or I count the bumps on a wall or something else that's innocuous. Doesnt take much to take you out, and the gold news is, physically your still ON so if you want to get back into it it's not hard to turn yourself on.
Now separately from all that.
There are desensitization creams or even condoms that have that cream already to make you less sensitive.
There are tantric techniques, such as tightening all your abs and pelvic muscles just prior (really tight) and you can stop from cumming while still having an orgasm (allows some people to stay hard or cum again without the refractory period)
Similarly, pressing down with your or your partner's hand in that spot just above the genitals and below the belly button, can stop or slow that feeling. Best to use that approach on the build up, to keep it at bay rather than a second before. Ymmv.
And there are rings and straps that can be used as well.
Another technique that is quite fun, is as soon as you start getting that build up, switching to using a toy or your hands or mouth can give you several minutes if engagement without stopping the excitement while your pressure.goes back down.
What those "tropes" you refer to don't show is that that same scene might be several hours in the making with breaks for snacks and water, to allow for any refractory period to recover, that Viagra is used, and a LOT of those closeups of the receiving partner might not even have a penetrative partner involved. One BTS shot that has circulated quite a bit has a camera person holding the pornstar's legs and shaking her forward and backwards while the camera is zoomed in on her face, eyes closed in orgasmic bliss, while the stud is taking a short break drinking a Gatorade.
But it is in fact possible to have long and fulfilling love sessions.
Comment by NoNotMyRealUsername at 06/02/2025 at 01:42 UTC
10 upvotes, 0 direct replies
For me, unless I'm really trying to finish, I probably won't. Especially if we've been going at it for a whileā¦ you just start to lose sensation, which means you need a whole lot more friction to get there. I attribute much of this longevity to a lifetime of unlubricated masturbation.
Comment by AlpsTraining7841 at 06/02/2025 at 00:45 UTC
10 upvotes, 2 direct replies
Iām a woman, but I have an exboyfriend that wouldnāt cum sometimes.Sometimes we would have lots of sex over a couple days, and he literally would feel that he came, but he didnāt ejaculate. There were other times that he said sex felt really nice and he would think of non-sexy things to delay cumming to have sex for longer. Sometimes he would go soft after trying to last a really long time in bed and couldnāt get hard again for a while. My exboyfriend was a little crazy, he would try to get 40 minute blowjobs and last that long.
Comment by Problematic_Daily at 06/02/2025 at 00:44 UTC
4 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Baseballā¦
Comment by bigalcapone22 at 06/02/2025 at 01:07 UTC
5 upvotes, 1 direct replies
Just close your eyes Tap your toes together 3 times and say
I think i can't I think i can't I think i can't
Comment by Bob-on-me-knob-9 at 06/02/2025 at 00:56 UTC
8 upvotes, 0 direct replies
You clean the pipes 2 or even 3 times before and use viagra if youāre a porn star hahah. That shit isnāt real at all, people really need to stop basing sex on porn. Practice just like anything else is what actually works, and lots of different medications have alot to do with it as well. A lot of widely used antidepressants make it hard to have any sex drive and can make an orgasm very difficult to reach.
Comment by ezmobee_work at 06/02/2025 at 02:39 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Lexapro. Sucks.
Comment by PaleontologistDry183 at 06/02/2025 at 01:01 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
Think of Flava Flave naving relations with Steve Buscemi
Comment by WinterRevolutionary6 at 06/02/2025 at 07:23 UTC
3 upvotes, 0 direct replies
I have no idea but personally as a vagina owner, it takes tremendous concentration *to* orgasm. I have to be thinking really hard and be in the exact right position and be flexing the exact right muscles and have my vibrator angled exactly right while the stars align perfectly andā¦ you get it. I canāt orgasm during sex because, to actually reach a climax, I look like Iām being electrocuted.